THIS is one of the best Glenn monologues of the year!

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I’m telling you, we’re living in an America that I’ve never seen before.  It’s an upside-down world.  Remember, somebody said that a few years back, you won’t understand the world.  One day, you’ll wake up, and the whole country has changed.

That’s it.  It’s almost like we’re in a movie, and I just want to go home.  Don’t you wish we had like little ruby slippers we could like there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home?  I’m telling you, the flying monkeys are coming.

I was thinking about, because this is what I do, this is what I do for a living, I think about things like The Wizard of Oz.  That’s the way I roll.  And I was thinking about Dorothy.  Wasn’t she just glam?  And I was thinking, you know, Dorothy has this little problem of this little yappy dog.  I hate these dogs, the kinds that are always like yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, and they’re as big as your foot, and yet you can’t kick them.  That would be wrong.

Well, the old lady down the street wants to take the little yappy dog because it bit her, and the woman deserved to be bitten.  It’s the only time I look at the little yappy dog, and I’m like, “Good dog, good dog.”  You’re plastic.  What’s wrong?  What’s up with that?

Anyway, so the lady wants to take, and so Dorothy, what does Dorothy do?  She puts it in the little basket where I keep all my little yappy dogs, and she’s like I’ve got to run away to the circus.  And so she runs into the circus trying to find somebody who will give her hope and change, but then the storm comes – oh, there’s a storm in this one too and it’s really bad?  Let’s sing about it – somewhere over the rainbow.

Okay?  In the end, we find out that the whole thing’s a total sham, okay?  When she goes, because I think like she gets in a house, and then a house falls on her or the house falls on a witch or her sister.  Here, the house falls on like two little feet.  It’s like the ruby slippers, the ruby slippers, get the ruby slippers, and then she comes over and she’s like I’ve got to put the ruby slippers on.

Oh, I don’t know why I’m doing it, except it’ll be really agonizing to run down the stupid brick road with these ruby slippers.  I mean, who wears heels in a place like this?  Anyway, can’t we have some comfortable shoes.

So what happens?  The witch comes – I’ll get you, my pretty.  But just in time, this one comes, and you think wait a minute, she’s a witch?  She can’t be a witch.  She’s too beautiful.  Yeah, this is what a witch is supposed to look like.  And so what does she do?  Remember, she takes Dorothy and her little dog – and your little dog too – and she goes into the castle, and she’s sitting there at one point with that big huge, you know the big huge globe, and she’s like puppies, puppies, puppies.

And she’s in the zzzzzzzz and even Toto’s zzzzzzzzyeah, sleep, sleep.  What’s she doing?  She’s watching everything, right?  She’s monitoring.  She’s harassing.  Ooh, she’s scary.  Meanwhile, I just want to go home.  I’m so sleepy.  I forgot to tell you some of the people that she meets along the way, people that keep promising I’m going to help you, some of them are well-intentioned, but they’re all deeply flawed, even this one, the “good witch.”  Really?

What is the good which doing to Dorothy?  Oh Dorothy, all you have to do is wear the ruby slippers and then just go for a long, long, long, long walk.  Somebody’s going to set you on fire.  Dorothy just wants to go home.  She can help her, but she wants her enemies defeated, and she knows she can do it.  She can’t, but she can.  Got it?

Go see the Wizard.  Who’s the Wizard?  He’s the answer?  When you get there, you’re like this guy is a loser.  He’s corrupt.  He presents himself as a loving and kind man just wanting to help, but he’s a complete phony in the end who actually sends Dorothy out into danger.  Why?  Because he too wants to kill her.

All you have to do, come back!  All you have to do is bring me the broomstick.  What?  Why don’t you do it?  He doesn’t care about Dorothy.  He’s being selfish and ruthless.  The only difference between the two is eventually the Wizard admits it.  In the end, the Wizard says I don’t really have any power.  I’ve got a bunch of crap in a closet.  That’s all I’ve got.

And he says I can’t take you home.  Oh, that’s when she reveals in the end oh, you know what, you actually had the power the whole time.  That’s when if I were Dorothy, I would have – but she doesn’t.  She’s like really, what do I have to do?  Oh, just bear down, focus for a minute, and will yourself there – there’s no place like home, there’s no place like homeAnd you and you and you were there.  The end.

Now, why am I telling you the story of The Wizard of Oz?  Well, let me take you through some of the characters again.  Who’s Dorothy?  Dorothy is us, the American people.  Dorothy is the one who has a little problem, got a little yappy dog, but I love the yappy dog.  I love her.  But you’re not taking care of him.  You’re not paying attention, something else as it’s biting people.  Oh yeah, but I love it.

So what we do because somebody’s like hey, there are some things you have to do?  What do you do?  You run, you run away, and you run to somebody offering hope and change at a carnival.  That’s not going to work out well.  And then when we run home, it’s too late because the house is about to be sucked up with you in it, a little too late.

So once it gets too late, then you have somebody up here going ah, puppies, watching you the whole time.  Who’s this?  NSA, is that you?  Government regulators, is that you?  The IRS, ObamaCare, is that you?  Ah, puppies, puppies, yes, it is.

Gee, if Dorothy would’ve paid attention a little earlier, maybe this one wouldn’t have had happened.

So what does she do?  She gets advice from this one.

But why won’t this one actually take care of the problem?  Why won’t this one just tell her hey, you know what, you could go home.  I am a bad witch in the end because you could go home right now, but I’m going to send you on this really, really nasty, nasty adventure.

She could’ve done it, but she didn’t, because she wanted her enemies defeated.  Gee, is there anybody that’s like that that could stop things but really doesn’t because he’s got some people he wants taken out?  Bingo, Mitch McConnell.  Now, who’s the Wizard?  Well, we keep going to the Wizard right?  Everybody says go to the Wizard because he has all of the answers.  Boom, Karl Rove, is that you.  Uh huh.

Now, along the way we meet a couple of other dopes, somebody who’s like I don’t know which way to go, I’m Lindsey Graham, I have no idea which way to go, the Scarecrow.  Then, of course, you have the Tin Man, the old broken-down rusty machine, John McCain.  And if you don’t think John McCain will take an axe to you if somebody oils him up, you can’t see John McCain going oh, oil my arms, oil my arms?

Yeah, he would, and then he’d cut you up into little pieces with his axe.  And he’s an old rusted piece of crap from the last century left in the woods.  Don’t oil him.  Oil my arms – don’t do it.

And the Cowardly Lion, somebody who says I’m going to help you, yeah, I’m going to help you lots, and then soon as trouble starts up – John Boehner? – doesn’t do jack.  I was afraid.  I was afraid.  Look, here’s the thing, puppies, this is real – puppies, puppies.  May I suggest you get your little dog too and your little ruby slippers, okay?

I mean, I would like to wake up from this dream.  I’d like to be able to say I had a crazy dream, and there was this guy who was the president and the NSA and the drones and then all that stuff.  I’d like to be able to say and you were there and you and you and you.  Sure, when we wake up, our world won’t be quite as colorful.  It’ll be black and white and more of a sepia tone.

It won’t be as exciting, of course, but at least it will make sense.  At least it’ll have everything in it that is meaningful.  In the end, all of these things that you were looking for, all these people that you were saying oh gee, they’re going to have the answers, remember, they’re only circus people or hired hands.  You have to dig deep and just say there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.

  • TheSFFog

    And it was Glenn behind the curtain , moving the levers and pulling the ropes .

  • Anonymous

    Naw, he’s more like the cowardly lion.

    Remember when he made up some lie about the girls from “The View”? They then had him on the show and made him admit it was a lie…and then made him apologize…

    And then the next day, when Glenn is safely back in the studio, he starts ranting at the View ladies again. LOL!

    But only after he was back safely in his studio! While on the show with them he was squirming and apologizing like a worm. LOL

    For those who’ve forgotten that moment, here it is:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tifxZser6fo

  • Feb thirteen

    Yikes, does anyone have an extra straightjacket?

  • HP McLovincraft

    I thought it was the Gloryhole?

  • HP McLovincraft

    Glenn Beck even lied about his Mother’s suicide. Now she’s extra sad, sucking all that cock in Hell.

    And then there’s the fake tears (sponsored by vaporub)…

    Teabaggers are Fucking Gullible.

  • HP McLovincraft

    He told USA today in the Sunday newspaper insert that he believes i Global Warming, too.

    What a lying jackal!

  • Anonymous

    McLovin is boring. It craves attention. It needs pity. Nothing sadder than an un-funny court jester. Everyone just stares while the show goes on… and on… and on…

  • HP McLovincraft

    But you keep on giving and giving. Because you are stupid.

  • HP McLovincraft

    This is better than any Glenn Blech monologue:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5eFk5x0o44

  • Anonymous

    Just
    wondering about the mental state of our President. Considering he never had to
    lead or govern before he took office; has his college records sealed and there
    is little evidence of scholastic achievements; had a difficult upbringing with
    no father to give him counsel and advice; voted present numerous times in State
    government; is ridiculed (rightly or wrongly) by those who oppose his
    liberal positions; spends lots of time with trivial pursuits
    like golf and basketball; appears aloof to all the intricacies of big
    government; says I didn’t know about the various scandals under his watch but
    someone will be held accountable and no one ever is; reads the teleprompter to
    talk to the people, with the speech writers words prepared for him; could he be
    in so deep over his head that he doesn’t know what to do or how to lead our
    country any longer, like his famous red line fiasco. Just makes me wonder how
    this will all play out over the next three years.
    I am worried about what he will do next. His life is not
    an open book. We do not know what he stands for, what his core beliefs are. He
    sat in a church in Chicago but never heard the words being spoken by his
    minister, Rev Wright.
    I believe he is a fraud, an imposter, an actor who found
    out that he could get what he wanted by faking it. Fake foreign student, fake
    state senator, fake US senator and now a fake President. He follows a script but
    has no depth. He is a hollow man. Lies are easy for him and all he has to do is
    smile, just like the Joker.
    But now he is using the power of the presidency to
    really affect the lives of so many people who just want to be left alone with
    their own health plans and doctors.

    We need to shout out enough, we have had enough.

  • Anonymous

    In this immediately predictable monologue, Beck insultingly treats his listeners like small children that need fairy-tale metaphors to understand real life. Yuk.

  • Daisey Smith

    Stay classy there mclovincraft, Seriously, that was just vile. It wasn’t funny or insightful or helpful. It was just vile and sad.

  • Anonymous

    of course, it all makes sense to us, but 1/2 of the country are drones just wanting an obamaphone and free stuff.

  • Anonymous

    yeah this is directed at gop drones who think reps want you free.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brian.johnson.71404976 Brian Johnson

    I quit watching before it got to the part where Glenn undresses the doll and rubs it against his pencil dick. Stoking wildly while making kermit the frog voices. You’re sick Glenn!

  • http://www.facebook.com/brian.johnson.71404976 Brian Johnson

    lmao

  • http://www.facebook.com/brian.johnson.71404976 Brian Johnson

    Not very many supportive comments this afternoon, what did the staff at The Blaze get the day off?

  • Bluefrost

    That was pretty cool actually. The Wizard of Oz is actually a political text referring to what was going on in the political world in the early 1900′s. The way Glenn applied it to today’s corrupt government was just awesome!

  • Bluefrost

    wow, just writing all the disgusting things you just said, and you claim HE is sick?! And he didn’t even do the grotesque things you wrote. I think i need to wash my eyes after seeing what you wrote.
    You low-life excuse for a human being.

  • Anonymous

    Even the drones should be communicated to like adults. Someone should tell them that there is NO government funded “Obama-phone” program. There IS a free cellphone with one hour of talk time offered to poor people by SafeLink. The program’s over a decade old and funded by telecom companies.

  • roberta4343

    that was funny I really like the movie and yes I was totally angered at the wizard when he said I am a very good man just a lousy wizard, bong!!! your one and hte same your not two people in one stupid, your a creep who sent dorthy and her friends to die so you wouldn’t have your lies exposed, and the good witch was really not a very good friend at all, she could of just told her how to go home of course that wouldof ended the movie and yes dorthy has to take the blame for what her little dog did, after all she could of just put a leash on him when walking past that creepy ladys’ house., unfortunantly this upside down alice in wonderland world is all to real, the money, laws, justice, warmongering, are fictional fabricated things their effects are very real. if you read the bible you will understand why this world is as it is, but alas people do not want to go to the source of information (where you cant get anywhere else) because they have been indoctinated to believe the bible is outdated, written by priests or kings striving to control the people laaa deee daaa stuff, or they have been led ot believe only the clergy understand it and can interpret it to them, where else can you get info on why we die, what is the purpose of life, who is God, does he have a name? what kind of person is he, why does God allow wickedness, is this life all there is, how can we have happy family life. of course the religious leaders (who in times past murdered anyone(using the power of the state some of the time sometimes they did it directly) with even a page of the bible that was readable in the common man’s language)will discrdit the bible (since we all have access to it in our language)because it exposes their hypocrisy, lies, corruption, murders, blood thristiness and their selfishness. they commit atrocites claiming they are Gods chosen leaders or worshippers of hte God of hte bible and people blame the bible or God for it instead of saying innocent until proven guitly and actually investigatte false accusations against God himself and his word and do not put the blame where it squarly belongs the religious leaders who know they are lying. it is one thing to tell lies (without knowing it is a lie because you believe it) it is quite another to perpeatuate lies you know are lies simply for profit or power.

  • Anonymous

    it’s not funded by telecom companies, it’s funded by telecom company customers through govt mandated fee. It started in 1996, but nearly all drones call it the obamaphone, Strange they don’t call it the Clinton Phone isn’t it?

  • Anonymous

    Put some tea bags on the broomstick and let’s have a party. I’m truly afraid there is no happy ending to this sad story for any of us.

  • landofaahs

    Hillary is the love child of Margaret Hamilton and Hitler.

  • Anonymous

    You’re referring to the 1996 Telecommunications Act that was created to provide land line communication to poor and rural people. They may have some wireless funds, but Obama has had no impact on the Act.

  • Anonymous

    That was an excellent explanation of our President. My only question is why are so many people fooled by this man who is leading our country to disaster?

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDFGELoC4zc Sam Fisher

    He did it for people like you

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDFGELoC4zc Sam Fisher

    I say the flying monkeys are Obama supporters.

  • Jared Barilovits Bahrilluvits

    Lets get something clear here, when Glenn uses sarcasm or childrens’ stories like this to illustrate a point, he is not being disrespectful to his listeners who agree with him like conservatives, tea party members, or libertarians. He is aiming that sarcasm and assumption of a childish minded listener at the liberals and democrats who disagree with him. All of the right wing listeners who agree with him understand that and take no offense. He does this hoping to make you liberals see the flaws in your views, but he gives you too much credit by expecting you to glean the point through its colorful delivery.

  • Anonymous

    Once again, here comes an insulting fan to Beck’s rescue. Also very predictable. True, Beck did confirm to me that he panders to simpletons.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDFGELoC4zc Sam Fisher

    And you are that simpleton.

  • Anonymous

    Wonder what inspired clever Glenn to perform this, could it be libations?
    Actually it would be cute skit for SNL . . hey why not?
    The message is clear Dorothy thru her trials, tribulations and being misled always had the ability to find her own way home if she believed in herself.
    After-all Beck is entertaining and he has all kinds of listeners and they don’t always agree.
    Puh-leeze lock up the liquids & get rid of those ruby slippers, asap!

  • Anonymous

    Brilliant.

  • Anonymous

    Don’t forget the “yellow brick road” (gold and the Bankster’s). Did you
    know the original story (book) Dorthy had “silver slippers”. Progressive Hollywood changed the silver slippers to bright, glitzy Ruby Slippers! The original story was
    actually slamming the “fiat money” banksters and PTB’s monopoly over our country’s fiat currency!

  • Anonymous

    I don’t think so many are fooled as there are the many that don’t know what to do about it!

  • Anonymous

    You had to really stoop low to post this one. I suppose it must have hit really close to home with you that you stoop to using words such as “libations” You couldn’t come up with anything better than to attack a man’s character? Really?
    You must be very lonely.

  • Anonymous

    McLovin drones on. Yawn. So pitiable. Not funny, not scary. Dull.

  • Anonymous

    Lets now talk about your slick Harry Reid and all of the wonderful and uplifting things that this man says…..
    Are you really kidding me!
    You must be very lonely.

  • Anonymous

    Bluefrost….this is the mindset of liberals. When they are faced with truth they have to take things to a “gutter level” (thinking that what they are spewing out means anything positive to others!) HA!

  • Average Joe.

    His crying last night was deafening. I laughed so loud I couldn’t here the stereo.

  • Anonymous

    Nah….it’s for liberals to understand since they are still drinking the Kool Aid…

  • Anonymous

    Where does Telecom Company get their funding? Dig deeper…..

  • Anonymous

    And you….you must be the “perfect” member of your “perect” political party. Perhaps even a model for your party to hold up to others so that we can see how you communicate when things just aren’t going your way.
    Hmmmm….let’s all read this comment above again….Wow! Your mother would be so proud of you for your contribution here.

    Let your heritage come forth!!
    You must be very lonely.

  • Anonymous

    Good grief man it was satire. Ease up already! If Beck was on the bottle, he’d lose his business and his family. He’s a recovering alcoholic. But about those shoes? You’re right on. Ditch them ASAP!

  • faxxmaxx

    Boy, you really took Obama to another level I never contemplated before. I don’t know what’s more frightening, your version or popular version. Neither are good for our country.

  • Anonymous

    Genuis.

  • Anonymous

    Kinda makes any discussion about the president and taquiyya a moot point.

  • http://suzeraining.wordpress.com/ suz

    about those ‘ruby red slippers’ … red sparkle glued over sneaker. ha!

    great bit.

  • Anonymous

    MY GOD HE’S LOST IT-On Fox News he was barking like a dog now he’s playing the Wizard of Oz.You know Glenn,here’s my problem.It s hard to pay attention to what your saying when you start doing that.You want the American people to wake up.Leave them out of your dreams,speak with sanity and leave the slippers at home.I get America is lost,but right now I am worried about you.

  • Anonymous

    Ya know Glen, I am a little dissapointed in you. Here we have the middle east about to go nuclear, with Saudi Arabia competing with Iran for nuclear weapons. All with the tacit aproval of the White House…. and all you can find to talk about today is the Wizard of Oz ??? Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. I think you are losing your mojo. Try to get relivant again, we miss the relivance.

  • Anonymous

    Do you feel better now?
    Loser

  • Anonymous

    love you Glenn!

  • Anonymous

    too many are ignorant, otherwise known as stupid, AND they have their free stuff !

  • Anonymous

    no need to be worried about Beck.
    He has this.

  • Ray Walters

    Ohhh Glenn, you missed the whole part of running into the traveling mystic who looked into the crystal ball (and into Dorothy’s personal and private picture) to play off of her fears…

  • 0cko

    This is the most fucked up thing i have ever seen in my entire life. Is he back on the drugs? Was he ever off them?

    Still, I’d like to see Glenn eat Stu’s hairy asshole. That would be SO hot.

  • natalie

    Glen, you are a genius to use something well known and loved to show people how these dirty politicians try but fail to run this country . I love this movie and has always been my favorite, so good job on the monologue. We the americans, , run this country, not the president, not vice or secretaries or anyone else, we do, hard working americans. We need to stand up and fight for our rights and liberties before we turn America the free into America the ” run as fast as you can and save yourselves” country. I applaud you for everything you do for us and you are a great family man, great defender of our country, and a great Christian! Well done Glenn, well done. Don’t quit, there are millions of us fighting with you, keep going and keep up the great work! I listen!!!!!!

  • HP McLovincraft

    I do, thanks. And my cock is turgid as hell. Good times.

  • HP McLovincraft

    please show me where I claimed any political party?

    ‘baggers need to learn remedial English.

  • HP McLovincraft
  • HP McLovincraft

    And yet you reply. You dumb motherfuckers can’t help yourselves. These are not the droids you are looking for.

  • HP McLovincraft

    Sez Jesus-is-impotent-guy.

  • HP McLovincraft

    Jesus is going to get it up for you, much to your chagrin.

  • HP McLovincraft

    That’s because they are fucking morons. Imbeciles. Mental Defectives.

  • HP McLovincraft

    Sez the mongoloid!

  • HP McLovincraft

    But you read it and replied to it…the joke is on you, dipshit.

  • HP McLovincraft

    Nobody in Beckistan gives a shit about anything but these rubes spending their money on Glenn Blech and his nonsense.

  • HP McLovincraft

    If by awesome you mean retarded.

  • HP McLovincraft

    I say Sam doesn’t understand basic English.

  • HP McLovincraft
  • HP McLovincraft

    If by Genius you mean Retard.

    Hoodwinked Fail.

  • HP McLovincraft

    Glenn is a gloryhole superstar!

  • HP McLovincraft

    If you love him, give him a break from the Gloryhole.

  • HP McLovincraft

    He has my dick in his mouth and my jizz in his belly. He swallows. Good boy!

  • HP McLovincraft

    Retarded.

  • HP McLovincraft

    Glenn is wearing them right now. He’d respond personally, but I’m shooting a load down his throat right this minute….

  • HP McLovincraft

    I’m slamming my cock into Glenn’s throat…gag on this, motherfucker!

  • HP McLovincraft

    Stay gullible, you dumb cunt. Glenn is counting on it….

  • Anonymous

    You again?

  • HP McLovincraft

    You didn’t think that dumbshit flagging and tattling bullshit worked, did you?

  • Anonymous

    Fact unconventional Glenn is still in the top tier. A major talent who is not afraid of expressing himself in every kind of medium. He is blessed with a beautiful family & loyal team.
    Not many men of his physical stature can put on ruby slippers and click his heels so butchly while delivering a funny political point of view dripping with sarcasm. Mercury’s tentacles are everywhere this is one of the best skits indeed!

  • Maria Rieske

    I don’t think you were watching the same Wizard of Oz that I was watching, but it sure as heck is funny.

  • Jessica Natale

    Glenn, Mercury….The Wizard of Oz WAS a political (and monetary policy) metaphor….did you guys not know this? Seriously? How embarrassing. Do some research people!!!!!!

  • Jessica Natale

    In Frank L Baum’s original metaphor the Flying monkeys were Native American People who were being exploited by the Westward expansion (a.k.a. wicked witch of the “WEST”)

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDFGELoC4zc Sam Fisher

    Really?

  • Glennfriend67

    Um, Glenn?……I happen to be owned by two Westies (West Highland White Terriers), very close cousins to the Cairn Terriers, which is the breed that Toto was in the Wizard of Oz. They are NOT yappy dogs! I am offended that you think they are, and that you would consider kicking them! (Don’t care that you added “that would be wrong” as a sidebar) They’re not THAT small! These terriers, both Westies and Cairns, are the most ferocious little hunters you’ve ever seen, Glenn, and they are just as brave and protective as your German Shepherds. Don’t sell them short because of their size! My Mac and Zoe do not yap; they have full-throated barks, the better to intimidate their quarry with. They also don’t bite without serious provocation. You should meet my kids before making such a generalization, Glenn. All dogs are wonderful dogs. I hope if I ever get to meet you, that you’ll have an opportunity to meet my Westies. You’d be pleasantly surprised. Besides, my Westies will live into their 20′s. Will your big dogs live as long?

  • Rob Porter

    You’re right, it is a an excellent summation of what this president is all about. The reason that so many “are fooled by this man”, this disgraceful excuse for a president, stems from their no longer having any belief system deeply ingrained, with that no firm moral compass, no inviolable set of values, no real powers of discernment or good judgment. The now dumb-down education system adds to this mess. They lack personal depth of character and run on sound bites. In short, many millions are like lost farts in a haunted toilet.