“White Guys: We suck And We’re Sorry.” That is the title of a new 2-minute video written and produced by Stephen Parkhurst, who gained some notoriety for a similarly themed video he created last year entitled “Millennials: We Suck And We’re Sorry.” According to the video’s YouTube description, it is time for “straight white dudes” to apologize. “It’s not that we’re against inequality,” the description claims. “We just can’t relate to it.”

Check out the video below (WARNING: While it may feel like you are watching a Saturday Night Live skit, alas, you are not – this is real):

Glenn came across the video last night, and he immediately got to writing a monologue in response. On radio this morning, Glenn questioned what exactly he is supposed to apologize for. Is being born a certain way now a crime? Are all white men really as evil as the clip suggests? Finally, is apologizing for the actions of those who came before us the new ‘status quo’ in the collectivist society progressives are fighting so hard for?

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to apologize for,” Glenn said. “Being born a certain way? Are you going to apologize for being born black? Are you going to apologize for being born Hispanic? I’m not going to apologize for being born white, and I’m not going to apologize for being born a male.”

“My impression was that the entire movement was supposed about how you’re not supposed to apologize for the way were you born,” Stu added. “And yet here we are apologizing for the way we were born.”

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Below is a rough transcript of the monologue:

I don’t know what we’re doing as a society. We’re tearing apart absolutely everything and splitting us into little groups. Now white men suck, and we need to apologize. This is something now that is sweeping our college campuses… You’ll think it’s a joke. You’ll think it’s a Saturday Night Live kit, but it’s not, they’re serious. ‘Hi, I’m white. I’m a male, and I suck. And I’ve oppressed people for so long.’ Now, I haven’t oppressed anybody. I don’t apologize for my whiteness or for being born a male. There are some things I can’t change. Oh, no, I guess now I can change that. There are some things I don’t want to change and being a white male, no matter where I live in the world, I’m not ashamed of. I never will be. Yes, I am a white. A white man. Oh, no, but all white males don’t suck. Some have sucked, sure. Some still suck. Uh-huh.

But isn’t it racist to condemn an entire group based on color? And what’s even more amazing: This is coming out of the university systems that are trying to teach us how to be tolerant. What’s more amazing is this is more than just racism. It’s also sexism and gender bashing. All three of those things were constantly being lectured to as being bad. All three of those things I was taught was wrong growing up in a household in the 1960s – run by a white male. Is it possible I learned that those things were wrong? But could we look at the theory of all white men suck for a minute?


Robert Mugabe, white male. He sucked. Wait, no, he’s black. Well, a white male Che [Guevara]. He sucked. He killed all kinds of people. Hated homosexuals. Hated blacks. Oh, no, wait. He was Hispanic. Well, Mao. Mao, he really sucked. But wait, he was Chinese. So maybe it isn’t race because some of the biggest killers of the last 100 years were of different colors. Okay, it’s got to be something different because Robert Byrd sucked and he was a white male. He was a Klan member. But he was a Democrat. Hitler sucked. He was white. But he was a socialist. Stalin sucked, and he was a white male. But he was a communist. Yes, they’re all men. Maybe that’s it. It’s just that they’re all men. No, Margaret Sanger, she sucked. She’s responsible for the death of millions. And she was white, but she was a woman and a progressive.

So the Grinch puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore. To suck because you’re a white male isn’t quite right. Maybe, just maybe, there’s a little bit more. Abe Lincoln, he was a white male. He didn’t suck. Jack Kennedy, he was a white male. He didn’t suck. The new pope, he’s a white male. A lot of people don’t think he sucked. The first beloved black president, he’s a white male. Wait. Tesla was a white male. He gave us the outlet and the power generation that we now have in our damns. The reason why you can hear my voice today is because of Tesla. He was a white male. Louis Pasteur is the reason why many of us are alive today. He was a white male. He gave us antibiotics. Henry Ford was a white guy. He gave us the assembly line which created a Detroit that was out in the front lines in early 1900s as a city that was an absolute boon for blacks and anyone who wanted and needed good jobs. Yes, Henry Ford was personally a racist and horribly anti-Semitic. But I believe he was also a progressive Democrat. His work is responsible for one of the largest cash cows for the progressive movement, the Ford Foundation.

‘Wait a minute,’ said the Grinch. If the left hates the white man so much, one of the worst white men who ever created a whole bunch of jobs and a whole bunch of good things. But let’s not concentrate on that. Let’s just concentrate on his racism, his blood money that he made. If they hate him so much, then they should refrain from taking that blood money from the Ford Foundation. FDR, he was a white male, beloved by the elite and left. And of course, we know he didn’t suck. He only put the Japanese behind barbed wire. He was a progressive Democrat, you know. Woodrow Wilson, there’s a white man for you. Oh, college professors love him. Same college professors who now want me to call all white men evil, continually put Woodrow Wilson as one of the greatest presidents to ever live – in the same category as Abraham Lincoln and that other guy who built the concentration camps for people of different color. What’s so odd about this grouping is the fact that one of them freed the slaves as a white Republican and the other two are progressive Democrats. And Wilson re-segregated the army – a profound racist and a general in the war on women. Hmm.

I’m noticing a pattern here. LBJ was a white male. He was also a progressive democratic icon. Everybody loved him. He was a creator of the great society. He was also the man who single-handedly shut down the civil rights legislation and kept it down for a decade before it was finally reintroduced when he was president. It was a decade of strife, of bloodshed, and assassinations of Malcolm X and MLK. If LBJ had been on the right side, none of that stuff would have had to happen. Side note: The legislation was proposed by a white male, a president who is white. No, not John F. Kennedy, of course. You’d have to use Common Core math to make that a decade. No, it was Dwight Eisenhower. A white male. Yes, who was also one of those Republicans.

The white heritage that we’re supposed to now hate is also the Judeo-Christian heritage which first freed the slaves in Egypt and then led to the enlightenment and the Second Great Awakening which freed the slaves in America. It is the white heritage that gave us Benjamin Franklin, yes, that evil founder, who was not only a strong abolitionist but also started the first public hospital and gave the world his invention of the potbelly stove for free. It’s that heritage or the so-called white heritage that is so evil that gave the world the electric light, the movie camera, the television, the Internet, the moon landing. Yes, blacks and people of all different colors and races were involved in that heritage. But here’s the conundrum: You really can’t condemn an entire culture and claim that this culture has made it impossible for the man of color to participate in any meaningful way and then try to claim that the black man or the yellow man or the red man or any man or any woman was powerful enough to add any significant contribution to the amazing accomplishments of this evil white culture. Because if you did, in doing so, you would invalidate your entire argument.

Oh, man, my puzzler is sore again. Of course, if you didn’t do that, then you would have to point out that what happened here in this white male-run evil culture wasn’t all bad. In fact, some, if not much of it, was profoundly good for humans. I mean it wasn’t the Asian culture that did these things. Or the actual African culture that did this. Or the female Hispanic culture, which again seems to undercut the argument that the white heritage isn’t all bad. A lot of things do go into the damning of a man.

I can’t imagine what part a man’s race might play. I always was taught by my father and my grandfather, both white males, that racism was when you judged a man based solely on his race and lumped everyone together due to their skin or to their heritage. They taught me that that’s what Hitler did – judged people by groups, put people in groups of race, color, or ability. It’s what led to Hitler killing the handicapped because they were no longer people. They were just a category.

I have an idea. Actually, with the way things are going today in America, it seems to be less of an idea or at least less of a workable idea and more of, I don’t know, a dream. Let’s leave it at that. I have a dream that one day black children and white children will all play together and work together and love each other and build a better future. I have a dream that a man will not be judged on his sexuality or his gender or his race, but rather the content of his individual character. I know, impossible, isn’t it? We all seem to be moving in the opposite direction. But, hey, this is still America where a man can still dream, right?