I’m Lovin’ It: Former Obama Press Secretary now works at McDonald’s

June 10, 2015

WRITER

Where do you go after the White House? If you’re former press secretary Robert Gibbs, it seems like you just move from one clown to another. McDonald’s has brought Gibbs on as their new global director of communications with the hope he can clean up their image and help open doors in Washington. Yes, government is so out of control that it now makes total sense for a burger company to need a man with access in D.C.

Below is a rush transcript of this segment:

GLENN: McDonald's has introduced kale to its menu. And now they've hired Robert Gibbs. If you know who Robert Gibbs is -- a friend of mine was just on a plane. Was coming back from someplace and was sitting there. And her passport was in her hand. She fell asleep on takeoff. Her passport fell on the ground. Slid across the aisle. She didn't wake up. A guy reaches over. Picks it up. Holds it. And just holds it while she's asleep. She wakes up. And he says, I'm sorry. Your passport, you know, fell out of your hands when you fell asleep on takeoff. She said, oh, thank you. And they started this conversation. It was a nice conversation. He said, yeah -- she said, what were you doing here? He said, I just got a chance to see the Rolling Stones.

Took my son or daughter to the rolling stone. Went back stages. Got a chance to meet. She was like, how did you pull that off? He said, well, I used to have a pretty good job that kind of opened some doors like that for me. She said, wow, really? Like what did you do? And he said --

PAT: Former White House press secretary.

GLENN: He said, quote, seriously? That was his response. Seriously? And she said, yeah. What job did you have? And he said, I used to work at a big house, it was all white, and I'm probably the most second hated man in America. And she went, oh, my gosh. I used to scream at you on my television.

[laughter]

And it was Robert Gibbs. And now Robert Gibbs is going to work at McDonald's because they want to, quote, be a progressive burger company.

STU: He'll work as a cashier or what's his role? He's not qualified for that, quite. But maybe those --

GLENN: I don't know. Maybe they're having real problems, and he'll be like, look, I just want to tell you, your burger didn't taste as bad as you thought it did. What? Your burger, no, that's -- that's real meat.

STU: We gave you a Whopper. I'm telling you we gave you a Whopper.

GLENN: That's actually what he would say.

PAT: I eat Whoppers every day.

GLENN: I was thinking, no, Stu, it's McDonald's. No. That's Robert Gibbs --

STU: Yeah, he would lie about the burger. Yes, he would.

GLENN: Yeah. This is Burger King. You were eating at Burger King, I don't know what you're talking about.

JEFFY: He'll be a little bit higher up than the burger flipper. Just a little.

GLENN: Still beneath the clown?

JEFFY: Well, everyone is beneath the clown.

GLENN: Some things never change. Working for a clown then, working for a clown now.

PAT: Well, he's Executive Vice President, Global Chief Communications Officer. Isn't that what he is?

GLENN: Come on. Who thought this guy was good?

JEFFY: He'll be in charge of the company's communications and government affairs.

GLENN: Okay. Stop. McDonald's has government affairs?

PAT: Come on.

GLENN: McDonald's has government affairs?

JEFFY: That's what it says.

GLENN: I'm going to raise my hand again. Never again is right now. Raise your hand with me. When McDonald's, a burger company needs someone in government affairs, that's a problem. It's no longer the United States of America anymore.

STU: Yeah, that's a great point. Because there probably are a lot of reasons they need him -- I don't know what they are. They probably do. It's sad. They should be out of the business completely.

GLENN: Well, was the government trying to sell the pink slime, or was the fast food restaurants trying to sell that pink slime? Because if you're either selling buying or selling that pink slime stuff, then you would need the government. Because you would need to buy it from the government, if the government was selling it, or you would need to get the government to turn the other -- you need somebody to go, look, look over there while they're making the pink slime.

STU: When you're in a situation where the biggest city in America had a mayor who was trying to ban large soda cups. There are threats of lawsuits all the time that they're responsible for people's health. They are constantly being targeted by people who are saying that they had to make their portions smaller. Have you seen a McDonald's happy meal fry lately? I literally mean it singular. It's like one fry in the box. It's like a shot glass full of fries. It's adorable.

PAT: And instead, you get an apple or something.

STU: You get four fries and a little bag of apple slices.

GLENN: I don't want the apple slices. As Jim Gaffigan pointed out on yesterday's program, we don't go to McDonald's because we want to jog. We're not going for a run after McDonald's. It's not like we feel good about ourselves. That's why we go to McDonald's. You're going to make me feel good -- I'm not going to eat the crappy apples, man. If I wanted apples, I would go to any other place than McDonald's.

I want that crap that is almost entirely not organic. I want that stuff that is, in fact, so nonorganic, I don't think the meat actually came from an animal. That's what I'm there for. Give it to me.

STU: Yeah. And I guess they have to have someone -- I mean, you certainly don't hire Robert Gibbs because you believe he's good at his job. You hire Robert Gibbs because he knows people.

GLENN: Isn't that a problem? We're no longer a meritocracy.

PAT: Well, he was one of the worst press secretaries of all time. There's just no doubt about that.

GLENN: The guy -- he shouldn't be --

STU: He should be cleaning the grease out if he will work at McDonald.

GLENN: Yeah, he's not the guy that you put in charge of anything, when it comes to corporate communications.

STU: But he has close friends who owe him favors all over the government, and that's how you get big jobs.

GLENN: That's bad. We're no longer a meritocracy.

STU: Yeah.

PAT: So listen to the statement from the CEO, Steve Easterbrook: Robert is a highly respected, talented leader who will bring a wealth of experience and outside perspective to McDonald's as we build a more modern progressive burger company.

Does he know what he's saying when he says that? Is it progressive in that we want to espouse --

GLENN: Engage in eugenics.

PAT: No. Obviously not eugenics. Unless they're killing cows, which they are.

GLENN: Oh, my gosh, they're what?

PAT: They're killing cows.

GLENN: What? I didn't know that.

PAT: Actually it may be seaweed. There's a lot of carrageenan in that. Obviously, if they want to espouse that ideology, they want to push forward some agenda. Maybe they want to be more active in the progressive movement. But is that what he means? Or does he mean, we just want to move forward in the world?

GLENN: I take Levi's at their words when they said they wanted to be the progressive uniform of the future. They knew what they were saying because they were showing revolution on the street while they were saying it. So they knew exactly what they were saying. McDonald's, I can't imagine that they're like -- can you?

STU: They are putting kale on the menu.

GLENN: Yeah, but that's --

PAT: And quinoa.

GLENN: You can say that's progressive, and we'll make progress, and we'll be that forward-thinking healthier -- nobody is going to go there. Is anybody going to McDonald's because all of a sudden they're healthy?

PAT: No.

GLENN: The only reason to go is because you just have this -- I don't know, they put some chemical in it that just makes you have to go like once a month. And then you have to go like every 20 minutes. But you go there and it's because you're like, I just have to have some of that garbage food in me.

STU: Oh, yeah. That's great.

GLENN: There's nothing wrong with a little garbage from time to time. And those apple pies, which when we were kids, they didn't have real apples in them.

PAT: They were made of plastic.

GLENN: They were almost made of plastic. They had real sugar in it at the time. It was sugar, plastic, and then some sort of a crust that I don't think had actual flour in it.

STU: I think they call it a casing.

GLENN: Yeah, genetic casing. Like a sheep's lining or something. They would just deep fry --

PAT: Put it under a spigot and just shoot it into the --

GLENN: That was good. When they used to -- because then they were like, we're having a baked apple pie. That was not nearly as good as the flaming hot apple pie that used to come out --

PAT: That was deep fat fried.

GLENN: Oh, it was so good. Remember, you would have almost like a -- like a -- a welt in the top of your mouth. Your skin would -- a blister. The whole top of your mouth would be a blister. After you would eat it, you would have to peel the skin off the roof of your mouth. Because they were so hot. It was like 4,000 degrees when they would hand it to you.

PAT: But that was the beginning of the end. When they started baking the apple pies.

GLENN: That was the beginning of the end. Oh, we can't have all that grease on it. That's what makes it good! You're McDonald's. Have you seen the complexion of the guy who is your spokesman? He's got white makeup on and big, huge red lips. And I think the red lips were from eating the really hot apple pies. That wasn't makeup. It's not like, I want to look a little more like the clown. He looks healthy.

PAT: Plus, how big are his feet? Have you seen his shoes? Massive. Massive.

STU: If you have a clown for your spokesperson before, and now you have a new one.

PAT: Yes.

STU: It is the same philosophies.

GLENN: So how do we feel -- what's the verdict before we move on? I mean on the progressive thing.

PAT: I'm done defending McDonald's. I'm done.

GLENN: You know what, I'm comfortable there. I was going to say, I don't know if I can go to McDonald's again, but I don't go to McDonald's. My wife goes to McDonald. She brings the kids.

STU: That's the theory, by the way, behind the kale and the quinoa. It's not because people like us will go there and order it. It's because you have kids. And your wife is bringing them to McDonald's, and she doesn't want to eat Quarter Pounders with cheese. She wants to eat something that's mildly healthy, so they can get her something where she doesn't feel terrible about what she's ordering there, and they get to go play in the play place.

GLENN: Yeah, that's fine.

PAT: But when the lefties are calling them a big, fat organization, a big corporation that doesn't care about their workers -- I'm going to say yep. You're right. They suck. McDonald's sucks.

GLENN: You made a good case. I think they actually mean it. Because they know that everyone's fast food workers, $15 an hour. That's why they hired Robert Gibbs. It's because they know -- to defend against that and say, no, we're a good progressive -- you know what, I hate them. The more I think about them, the more I hate them.

PAT: Yeah, it's over.

STU: They're defending against lawsuits. They're defending against fat shaming.

PAT: All this is a preemptive strike against all that.

GLENN: Yeah. It should be the opposite way.

STU: Yeah, use Burger King as your --

PAT: Look at those guys.

STU: Don't use us as the example. We have Robert Gibbs. Use one of these other crappy places.

PAT: Yep.

GLENN: You know what their strategy is? And I think it's because their product comes from the same source. They have the same PR as big oil. Look at BP. Beyond Petroleum. Bullcrap. You're not Beyond Petroleum. You're an oil company.

[laughter]

We're Beyond Petroleum. No, you're not. Who does that?

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Look, we're really proud of what we make. We have changed the world. But we're going to get out of this the first chance we can. It's like they -- they think they're selling heroin or something.

STU: They just recognize the PR climate and are trying to bail themselves out of it.

GLENN: Isn't America just at the point where you're like, yep, we're a big oil company. We've changed the world. And we'll continue to change the world. And when somebody comes up with a better idea, we'll be on board. Until that time, saddle up. Come on over here. We'll fill your tank with some really great gasoline. Then you can stop at McDonald's and get some really nasty food.

Critical theory destroys truth and justice

Editor's note: This article was originally published on TheBlaze.com.

Critical theory once stood out as the absurd progressive notion that it is. Now, its maxims are becoming an integral part of ordinary political discourse. The more you repeat a lie, the more you will believe it, and this is the very dangerous place in which we find ourselves today.

Take this critical theory maxim as an example: If we desire justice, we must sometimes champion what may appear superficially as injustice. It's a necessary evil, if you will, the necessity of “controlled injustice.”

By using truth through fabrication and controlled injustice for justice, we’ll save the republic. We’ll be acting in a noble way.

This definition of justice is defined by the “oppressed,” not the “oppressor.” It is the greatest happiness for the greatest number. To achieve this justice, however, we need to endorse acts on occasion that, while seemingly unjust, serve a higher purpose. It will ensure the stability and the unity of our republic, and this may manifest in ways that seem contradictory to our values. But these are the necessary shadows to cast light on “true justice.”

And isn’t that what we are all after, anyway?

Here’s another critical theory maxim: Sometimes we find the truth through fabrication. Our pursuit of truth sometimes requires a strategic use of falsehoods. The truth is a construct that has been shaped and tailored to promote the well-being of the collective.

We sometimes need to accept and propagate lies designed by "the system” — not the old system, but the system that we’re now using to replace the old to get more justice through injustice and more truth through fabrication.

We’re engaging in a higher form of honesty. When we fabricate, it’s for the right reason. We are reaching up to the heavens fighting for a higher sort of honesty. To fortify the truth, we occasionally must weave a tapestry of lies. Each thread, essential for the greater picture, will ultimately define our understanding and ensure our unity under this infallible wisdom.

The election is coming up. Does this maxim sound familiar? Many think it is imperative that we secure our republic through election control to maintain our republic. Sometimes, we might need to take actions that by traditional standards might be questionable.

The act of securing elections requires cheating. It's not mere deception. It is a noble act of safeguarding our way of life. We're on the verge of losing this democracy, and without deception, we will lose it.

To ensure it doesn't fall into the hands of those we know will destroy it, we may have to make a few fabrications. We're fabricating stories to be able to control or secure the republic through our elections. By using truth through fabrication and controlled injustice for justice, we'll save the republic. Therefore, we'll be acting in a noble way. Stealing an election from those who wish to harm our society is truly an act of valor and an essential measure to protect our values and ensure the continuation of our just society.

If we desire justice, we must sometimes champion what may appear superficially as injustice.

I know it's a paradox of honor through dishonor. But in this context, by embracing the dishonor, we achieve the highest form of honor, ensuring the stability and the continuation of our great republic.

Let this be heard, far and wide, as a great call to patriotic action. As we advance, let each of us, citizens of this great and honorable republic, consider these principles. Not as abstract or paradoxical but as practical guides to daily life. Embrace the necessity of controlled injustice, the utility of lies, the duty to secure our electoral process, and the honor and apparent dishonor. These are not merely strategies for survival. They are prerequisites for our prosperity.

We all have to remember that justice is what our leaders define, that truth is what our party tells us. Our republic stands strong on the values of injustice for justice, honor through dishonor, and the fabrication of truths. To deviate from this path is to jeopardize the very fabric of our society. Strength through unity; unity through strength.

We've heard this nonsense for so long. But now, this nonsense is becoming an instituted reality, and we are entering perilous times. Don't be fooled by the narratives you will hear during the march to November. Never let someone convince you that the ends justify the means, that a little bit of injustice is needed to achieve a broader, collective vision of justice, that truth sometimes requires fabricated lies and narratives. If we do, justice will cease to be justice, truth will cease to be truth, and our republic will be lost.

Top 5 MOST EVIL taxes the government extorts from you

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"In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes." -Ben Franklin

The injustice of taxation has been a core issue for Americans since the very beginning of our country, and it's a problem we have yet to resolve. This belief was recently reignited in many Americans earlier this month on tax day when the numbers were crunched and it was discovered that the government was somehow owed even more hard-earned money. As Glenn recently discussed on his show, it's getting to be impossible for most Americans to afford to live comfortably, inflation is rising, and our politicians keep getting richer.

The taxpayer's burden is heavier than ever.

The government is not above some real low blows either. While taxes are a necessary evil, some taxes stretch the definition of "necessary" and emphasize the "evil." Here are the top five most despicable taxes that are designed to line the IRS coffers at your expense:

Income Tax

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"It would be a hard government that should tax its people one-tenth part of their income." -Ben Franklin

On February 24th, 2024 we hit a very unfortunate milestone, the 101st anniversary of the 16th Amendment, which authorized federal income tax. Where does the government get the right to steal directly out of your paycheck?

Death Taxes

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"Now my advice for those who die, Declare the pennies on your eyes" -George Harrison

Not even in death can you escape the cold pursuit of the tax collector. It's not good enough that you have to pay taxes on everything you buy and every penny you make your entire life. Now the feds want a nice slice, based on the entire value of your estate, that can be as much as 40 percent. Then the state government gets to stick their slimy fingers all over whatever remains before your family is left with the crumbs. It's practically grave-robbery.

Payroll

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"The power to tax is the power to destroy." -John Marshall

What's that? The nice chunk of your paycheck the government nabs before you can even get it to the bank wasn't enough? What if the government taxed your employer just for paying you? In essence, you make less than what your agreed pay rate is and it costs your employer more! Absolutely abominable.

Social Security

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"We don't have a trillion-dollar debt because we haven't taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt because we spend too much." -Ronald Reagan

Everyone knows the collapse of Social Security is imminent. It has limped along for years, only sustained by a torrent of tax dollars and the desperate actions of politicians. For decades, people have unwillingly forked over money into the system they will never see again.

FICA

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"What at first was plunder assumed the softer name of revenue." -Thomas Paine

FICA is the payroll equivalent of Social Security. Your employer has to match however much you pay. It means it costs your employer even more to pay you—again, you'll NEVER see that money. At this point, are you even working for yourself, or are you just here to generate money for the government to frivolously throw away?

5 DISTURBING ways World War III will be different from previous wars

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Has World War III begun?

Over the weekend, Iran launched an unprecedented attack against Israel involving over 300 missiles and drones. This marked the first direct attack on Israel originating from Iranian territory. Fortunately, according to an Israel Defense Forces spokesperson Rear Admiral Daniel Hagari, 99 percent of missiles and drones were successfully neutralized by Israeli defense systems. Iran claimed that the operation against Israel had concluded and that no further offensive was planned, although the possibility of another attack is still present.

This has left many people, including Glenn, wondering the same thing: did we just witness the start of World War III?

Glenn recently had a World War II Air Force Veteran as a guest on his TV special, who told stories of the horrors he and his brothers-in-arms faced in the skies over war-torn Europe. This was a timely reminder of the terrors of war and a warning that our future, if it leads to another world war, is a dark one.

But, if Glenn's coverage of the Iranian attack revealed one thing, it's that World War III will look nothing like the world wars of the twentieth century. Long gone are the days of John "Lucky" Luckadoo and his "Bloody Hundredth" bravely flying their B-17s into battle. Over the weekend, we saw hundreds of autonomous drones and missiles clashing with extreme speed and precision over several different fronts (including space) simultaneously. This ain't your grandfather's war.

From EMP strikes to cyber attacks, here are FIVE ways the face of war has changed:

EMP attacks

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The entire modern world, on every level, is completely dependent on electricity. From your home refrigerator to international trade, the world would come to a grinding halt without power. And as Glenn has pointed out, it wouldn't even be that hard to pull off. All it would take is 3 strategically placed, high-altitude nuclear detonations and the entire continental U.S. would be without power for months if not years. This would cause mass panic across the country, which would be devastating enough on its own, but the chaos could be a perfect opportunity for a U.S. land invasion.

Nuclear strikes

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Nuclear war is nothing new. Many of us grew up during the Cold War, built fallout shelters, and learned to duck and cover. But times have changed. The Berlin Wall fell and so did the preparedness of the average American to weather a nuclear attack. As technology has advanced, more of our adversaries than ever have U.S. cities within their crosshairs, and as Glenn has pointed out, these adversaries are not exactly shy about that fact. Unfortunately, the possibility of an atomic apocalypse is as real as ever.

Immigration warfare

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The strategy of strangling an opposing nation's economy to gain the upper hand is a wartime tactic as old as time. That's why the Border Crisis is so alarming. What better way to damage an opponent's economy than by overburdening it with millions of undocumented immigrants? As Glenn has covered, these immigrants are not making the trek unaided. There is a wide selection of organizations that facilitate this growing disaster. These organizations are receiving backing from around the globe, such as the WEF, the UN, and U.S. Democrats! Americans are already feeling the effects of the border crisis. Imagine how this tactic could be exploited in war.

Cyber shutdowns

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Cyber attacks will be a major tactic in future wars. We've already experienced relatively minor cyber strikes from Russia, China, and North Korea, and it is a very real possibility that one of our adversaries inflicts a larger attack with devastating consequences on the United States. In fact, the WEF has already predicted a "catastrophic" cyber attack is imminent, and Glenn suggests that it is time to start preparing ourselves. A cyber attack could be every bit as devastating as an EMP, and in a world run by computers, nothing is safe.

Biological assault

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Don't trust the "experts." That was the takeaway many of us had from the pandemic, but something less talked about is the revelation that China has manufactured viruses that are capable of spreading across the globe. We now know that the lab leak hypothesis is true and that the Wuhan lab manufactured the virus that infected the entire world. That was only ONE virus from ONE lab. Imagine what else the enemies of America might be cooking up.

The government is WAGING WAR against these 3 basic needs

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The government has launched a full-on assault against our basic needs, and people are starting to take notice.

As long-time followers of Glenn are probably aware, our right to food, water, and power is under siege. The government no longer cares about our general welfare. Instead, our money lines the pockets of our politicians, funds overseas wars, or goes towards some woke-ESG-climate-Great Reset bullcrap. And when they do care, it's not in a way that benefits the American people.

From cracking down on meat production to blocking affordable power, this is how the government is attacking your basic needs:

Food

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Glenn had Rep. Thomas Massie on his show where he sounded the alarm about the attack on our food. The government has been waging war against our food since the thirties when Congress passed the Agricultural Adjustment Act of 1938. They started by setting strict limits on how many crops a farmer could grow in a season and punishing anyone who grew more—even if it was intended for personal use, not for sale on the market. This sort of autocratic behavior has continued into the modern day and has only gotten more draconian. Today, not only are you forced to buy meat that a USDA-approved facility has processed, but the elites want meat in general off the menu. Cow farts are too dangerous to the environment, so the WEF wants you to eat climate-friendly alternatives—like bugs.

Water

ALESSANDRO RAMPAZZO / Contributor | Getty Images

As Glenn discussed during a recent Glenn TV special, the government has been encroaching on our water for years. It all started when Congress passed the Clean Water Act in 1972, which gave the government the ability to regulate large bodies of water. As the name suggests, the act was primarily intended to keep large waterways clear of pollution, but over time it has allowed the feds to assume more and more control over the country's water supply. Most recently, the Biden administration attempted to expand the reach of the Clean Water Act to include even more water and was only stopped by the Supreme Court.

Electricity