Welcome to 2017, the year of the worst moment in broadcast history which taught us that vaginas can talk. Yes, it actually happened thanks to Bill Nye, the so-called science guy. The only thing that could top it? Glenn’s impression of a talking vagina. #NSFW
Listen to this segment from The Glenn Beck Program:
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This is a rush transcript and may contain errors.
GLENN: Well, here’s an episode that I would really like to lose. Because once you — luckily, it’s radio. So you’re not going to be able to see this. But as you’re listening to it.
PAT: It’s unbelievable.
GLENN: Realize it’s 100 times worse when you actually are watching it.
PAT: This actually happened on a Netflix original show.
GLENN: This is something we feel necessary to say. This actually — in today’s world —
PAT: It really happened.
GLENN: Think of this.
GLENN: In today’s world, where honestly, space aliens could — Anderson Cooper could go on TV tonight and lift up his eyelid and pull it over his head and reveal himself as an alien, and we would be like, “Huh.”
JEFFY: Should have seen this one.
GLENN: In this atmosphere, we have to say, this actually happened.
STU: Yeah. I mean, in all seriousness, it’s one of the worst three minutes of entertainment put together. And, by the way, we have five of the top ten, so we know —
GLENN: This is our category. We have all of — yeah, we’re lifetime achievement winners when it comes to bad entertainment.
STU: Yes, this is the worst thing I may have ever seen.
PAT: Have you ever seen — I didn’t even know he had a Netflix show, but called Bill Nye Saves the World?
PAT: Who knew? And why the hell did Netflix put him on? What is the draw of this guy? I don’t understand it.
GLENN: Okay stop here’s Bill Nye the Science Guy. And he’s going to introduce something that you, of course, know.
PAT: This is amazing.
GLENN: And warning, kids — warning, if you have kids in the room —
PAT: Yeah, it’s a little harsh.
GLENN: It has dicey language in it. It’s all technical science language.
GLENN: But the song is — remember, and we’re the science denier.
GLENN: We’re the ones denying science. This is on the science stage this weekend, my vagina has a voice.
VOICE: So you guys, seriously, this next thing I feel is very special.
PAT: It’s very special.
VOICE: This is a cool little segment. You know this woman from Crazy Ex-girlfriend. Please give it up for Rachel Bloom.
GLENN: I didn’t know Crazy Ex-girlfriend.
PAT: I don’t know her, but…
VOICE: This one goes out to all my bipeds who identify as ladies!
PAT: Okay. For all the bipeds who identify as ladies because that’s as close as we could come to calling you something that sort of identifies a human being.
GLENN: Women. Okay. So wait. That’s what she said? For all you bipeds that identify as ladies.
PAT: Bipeds that identify as ladies.
GLENN: Okay. All right. But we’re the science deniers.
VOICE: My vagina has its own voice.
VOICE: Sometimes I do my voice for my vagina. Please, tell me I’m not the only one who does that.
GLENN: Stop. I believe that laughter is piped in.
PAT: Oh, it had to be.
GLENN: I believe that —
PAT: I think it had to be.
GLENN: Well, they didn’t mic the crowd.
PAT: I don’t know if there even is a crowd. Is there a crowd there?
STU: I thought there was a live audience there. I mean, he seems to be talking to them at the beginning. It seems like it’s a variety show.
PAT: Is he talking to us at home?
GLENN: I don’t know.
PAT: I’ve never seen the show.
GLENN: I don’t know. I’ve never seen it either.
VOICE: (singing) Much more than either.
PAT: So bad.
May have some butt stuff. It’s evolution. Ain’t nothing new.
French treasure. ‘Cause my sex joke is so (singing) more.
If they’re alive, I’ll date them. Channing or Jenna Tatum. I’m down for anything. Don’t box in my box. Give someone new a handy and give yourself props.
VOICE: Oh, you think you’re so smart. Did you learn gay in college?
VOICE: (singing) with all of that while I drop some knowledge. Sexuality is —
GLENN: Okay. Stop.
PAT: Has there been anything worst ever broadcast?
STU: Ever. Ever.
PAT: Ever. I don’t think so.
GLENN: Yeah, but listen to the message.
PAT: Oh, it’s science, Glenn.
GLENN: I know. My vagina has a voice.
PAT: They’re singing science.
GLENN: Hey, are you? I’m Bill. Bill the vagina. Yesterday I was Carol. But today I’m Bill the vagina. Taking your calls now. Hello. I’m listening. Go ahead. Yes, Peter. Come in a little closer. What were you saying?
GLENN: I mean, jeez.
STU: Is that the voice she does — is that the voice she does?
GLENN: How are you doing? Give us a whoa. Let me tell you something.
STU: That is really —
GLENN: I was vomiting out a child the other day. Oh, my gosh. Split my face wide open.
STU: Oh, okay. This is why —
STU: The issue here is — no.
GLENN: If a vagina could talk, this is what it would be saying.
PAT: I think maybe it should stop talking.
STU: Yeah, no. I think that was the good —
GLENN: What, are you ashamed of me?
STU: We are ashamed of you. Yes. Very ashamed of you.
And, again, now we’ve broken the record of Bill Nye for the worst moment in broadcast history, which I’m glad you reclaimed the title.
GLENN: Holy cow. Right. Thank you.
STU: It’s interesting because a lot of people are offended over the content and message of that. Which she’s saying — basically saying I can’t be assigned a sex.
PAT: And that’s science?
STU: That’s science somehow.
PAT: That’s science. Jeez, man.
STU: But really, I’m much more offended at how terrible it is. Like, I don’t — they could be saying anything, and I don’t think it would overcome just how awful a production it is.
PAT: No, it’s unbelievably bad.
STU: It’s horrific. What could they possibly have been thinking?
GLENN: You’re still freaking out that my vagina has a voice.
STU: No, I know. I am.
GLENN: But my butthole has a stink beyond your wildest imagination.
STU: You’ve set the record already. You don’t need to further it. This is like —
GLENN: Whoa. Whoa.
STU: This is like, you’ve already scored 101 points. You don’t need to go for 130. Wilt. It’s like, let’s just calm down.
STU: That is absolutely unbelievable though. I mean, I seriously — how in good conscience as a person who works in the entertainment industry, how could you let that on the air? That’s something you light fire to the tapes before they get it to Netflix?
GLENN: No, here’s the thing — here’s the thing: Netflix has spent a lot of money on that. There’s nobody at Netflix that goes, yeah, well, my head has a mouth. And my mouth has a voice. You’re fired. Get out. Get out.
STU: Well, I think the point with Netflix is, it’s not like they’re broadcasting — this is — it’s the benefit of Netflix. They could put a bunch of crap on there too. They have a lot of great points.
GLENN: Yeah, but at some point, doesn’t some shareholder go, come on?
JEFFY: And they might. They might. This is one season.
STU: But this doesn’t cancel — no one cancels a subscription over this, do they?
GLENN: No, no. Because there’s so many other great shows. And so maybe it brings in some crazy nutjob liberal that subscribes and thinks it good. Maybe Bill Nye — someone in Bill Nye’s family subscribes because of this show.
GLENN: But here’s the — here’s the problem: This is why — I mean, are you seeing anybody who is conservative? Crazy, doing a show like that.
STU: No. And thank God!
GLENN: No, I know that. But they’ll put anything on as long as it’s liberal. As long as it’s liberal, progressive, it doesn’t matter. You know, the idea that the left has gone over after Fox News — you’re only thinning the herd. By making — by making conservative views a pariah. What you do is you only allow the strongest or the craziest to stand.
And so we — we’ll stand. I’m telling you, we’re going to continue to stand, even if I have to do it under a tree. I’m going to be doing — I’m going to be saying my view under a tree, if it’s only with three people. That’s okay. You’re not shutting me up. But the ones who last — after you clear out — if you make it uncomfortable for the normal people to say something, the only ones that are left are the truly dedicated or the nutjobs that will just get some other nutjob to pay for it.
STU: Well, that and, of course, obviously all the vaginas with voices. They’ll always speak out. They’re always there to speak out to America.
GLENN: Yeah. My vagina has a voice, but conservatives don’t.
We should write a song.
STU: My vagina has a voice, but conservatives don’t.
PAT: May have just broken the V-word record of all time too, right here.
GLENN: No, no. I don’t believe so.
STU: It’s possible. Again, in a science discussion, these things are allowed.
PAT: Pretty close.