by Jon Miller
No clarification is really needed. It’s officially been announced. And somewhere in Utah, several members of Glenn Beck’s staff are looking for a bridge to jump off of.
“IT IS COMING SOON TO YOU NEXT SUMMER: MAN IN THE MOON 2!!!” Glenn shouts at the top of his lungs before a uproarious crowd in Salt Lake City Friday night.
The crowd couldn’t get enough.
And … fine…we’ll admit: we couldn’t either.
(But ask me tomorrow, and I may have a different answer.)
“This man is a freaking genius!” One man shouts as he puts his hands over his face in bewilderment. He doesn’t even agree with Glenn on anything. But what Glenn is showing is truly amazing.
Only problem is we’re 30 seconds from a thunderstorm coming straight from Hell. Glenn is on stage telling stories. This audience won’t go anywhere until he does.
Finally he finishes his presentation for FreedomWorks’ FreeThePeople.
He ends down on one knee, the final notes of the orchestra linger and then disperse into the night.
Glenn’s given us a tease for the sequel to the literally never-been-done-before stage show, Man in the Moon 1.
Man in the Moon 1 is not even in the can, and—as Glenn reminds everyone—“It could be a total disaster! We’ve never done a run-through!! AND the storm could shred the moon to pieces in a few hours! HAHAHA”
The audience laughs too because they think he’s kidding, which he’s not.
But he amazes them…teasing them and wetting their palette even though they’re already soaked from the rain.
Thunder, lightning, and torrential downpour are just seconds away. It’s been coming down pretty hard already. But this audience is glued to their seats.
Earlier, Glenn did an amazing (but ominous) performance that included a troop of break-dancing dementors. Perhaps better described as a dancing death squad of sinister (but talented) electro-steampunk… lords …I believe is the preferred nomenclature…And I would hate to offend them by calling them the wrong name.
But whatever they were, they looked terrific. They had gas-masks, black suits, flashing red eyes. All just terrific. Because, you know, it’s Fourth of July weekend, and we’re in Utah!
Rattling about the stage, the resounding dubstep beat drops, and the bass ripples up the stage and through the dancers’ limbs.
You were expecting fireworks?
Huge animatronic robots, which take up the entire stage, twist behind Glenn as he narrates the world’s end through technology. He warns us what our society would look like if we continue down this path.
White hot flashes of lightning spark up the sky accenting Glenn’s performance in the outdoor theater.
All this, and somehow Glenn—the biggest mouth in human history and the world’s worst keeper of secrets—managed to keep it hidden (along with several other items during the week) from his own staff.
And this was all just a preview…they took it from an old version of the show after it got scrapped.
Finally, at the very end of his “speech” Glenn invokes his muse to narrate part of the sequel to his [TBD] Man in the Moon show tonight. Naturally, he transitions from the dance electronica portion into a serene 2,000 instrument symphony written by a group called the Millennial Choir & Orchestra, which is—according to GB—far better than the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They composed this work for the second Man in the Moon show… in case you thought he was kidding, they’re well into writing the score.
Glenn explains how the show will begin:
“A man and a prostitute are walking down the street … “
But then he clarifies: “They are just trying to make their way.”
Oh thank goodness.
But before anyone can judge the prostitute, he reminds us:
It’s not just them, it’s everybody. They’re lost. They’re walking down a dark, damp road, and everyone’s making their way to one place: a small little home where human kindness resides….
Outside, the road is still dark, damp, and dusty, but inside…inside there’s human light….
Then a person opens up the scriptures, lights a candle, and they all fall to their knees. Even the children begin to pray.”
At that moment, the ethereal choir floats in over Glenn’s voice, chanting a hymnal benediction in unison.
Glenn waits for the angelic voices to settle before continuing:
“Everyone, the children and the parents are not praying for anything to change outside.
They’re asking the lord to change them.
They’re asking him to make them a better person. Help me change the world.
Next you see two people…just helping each other.
And they DO change the world. But there’s nothing spectacular.
No Miracles. Just Human Kindness.”
Human kindness: that story awaits us for Man in the Moon 2.
Even though it’s a sequel, you’ll see many of the same themes in the first one tonight.
That is, if the moon hasn’t been shredded to pieces…
So are you ready for Man in the Moon 1?
Probably a better question: are we?