What is the history of Ebola? Well, if you were to listen to some of the experts you may be hearing some of the below:
Related: Don't miss the debut of Glenn's hit new 'Ebola Free' song
From the segment:
The truth behind the Ebola virus.
The Ebola virus is a minor sickness that was first discovered on the continent of Africa. You may have heard rumors that Ebola may lead to bleeding from your eyes, the melting your of your internal organs, and/or unavoidable death preceded by weeks of excruciating pain. This couldn't be more untrue.
Many anonymous US scientists have compared its severity to such ailments as irritated throat, minor acne, poison ivy, or the common cold. Besides, there is absolutely no chance of Ebola ever leaving the African continent except, of course, the totally confined cases in Canada, but not to worry the Canadian government has closed the infected cities due to a completely unrelated problems, perhaps the emission standards of their automobiles.
Wow, it sure looks cold out in Hamilton, Canada, today. Little Joey must be freezing. He's just in his underwear and T-shirt outside in the snow. Wait a minute. Is Joey sweating? He sure is. Because of one of the unsung benefits of the Ebola virus. Yes, the wildly powerful fever keeps Joey warm all winter long or for at least 7 to 14 more days.
Say hello to Mary, she has the Ebola virus and loves it. Why? Well, have you heard motivational speakers talk about living every day as the last of your life? The Ebola virus allows Mary to practice this.
Look here. It's Paula, who is lucky enough to have the Ebola virus and live inside this fancy plastic bubble. What's that, you say? It seems that Paula is trying to write a message to us on the plastic with the red ink that is apparently shooting from her ears. What a trickster. Let's see what the message reads. HELP. What does that stand for? Oh, I know. Hi, Ebola Loves Paula. How creative.
And if you get Ebola, do not panic. Look here as a citizen is treated for Ebola in a military quarantine area. The treatment is a simple painless shock to the skull by high-tech medical devices that may seem to look a lot like machine guns, but are definitely not. However this is one side effect of Ebola. Yes, bad breath. So don't forget. If you're infected, simply take one of the new government-issued Ebola breath mints, which are flavored with the substitute cyanide, and that's the truth behind the Ebola virus.
Note: This article is intended to be satire. Obviously.