Buckle up, because you are about to read the weirdest story ever.
"I just thought since we're living in a Dr. Seuss world, I thought I would start with a Dr. Seuss story today. One that doesn't really make sense. One that you're listening to and saying, wait a minute, what did he just say?" Glenn said.
A Connecticut man sexually assaulted a pit bull chained up in his neighbor's yard. When confronted by said neighbor at gunpoint, the naked man yelled out that "ISIS sent me" and "this is our day and you have to prosper in it".
Go back and read the two sentences above one more time. It may take a minute to process.
Alice Woodruff, the owner of the pit bull, described the terrifying situation to WTNH-TV :
“He pranced through the yard naked, yelling ‘this is our day and you have to prosper in it,’” Woodruff told WTNH. “’ISIS sent me,’ and I was thinking, ‘Did something like this just land in my backyard?’ I ran in, got my gun out of the bedroom and realized as usual the ammunition is in my car locked in my glove box. I showed him the clip went in, but I always kept the gun at my side while I was talking to him. He kept saying this is the plan, that we were going to die today in a massacre. He didn’t seem to care that I had the gun, and I kept it down. Then I gave him a warning and shot the gun to the right into the dirt.”
Police are currently investigating the incident, but it's unclear from the article how this whole thing was ultimately resolved. Did the neighbor shoot him? Did he have a moment of sanity and stop? Did the cops show up and get him under control?
"She doesn't really say what the resolution was. All of a sudden the police are investigating. Did he finally stop day he must have or she would have shot him, I guess," Pat said.
"If there's a naked guy who says he's from a terrorist group and he was raping your dog, I would absolutely shoot him whether he was clothed or unclothed," Stu said.
"If he's raped my dog, he said ISIS sent him, we're all going to die today, and come shoot me, I think I do shoot him," Glenn said.
As Stu pointed out, Glenn has made a nice career out of taking people at their word, and the crazy man molesting a dog in his neighbor's backyard is no exception.
Thankfully, the man is now in the hospital. It's unclear if ISIS plans to send more crazy dog molesters to Connecticut in the near future.
Get Glenn's full reaction below:
Front page image courtesy of the AP