Three unbelievable news stories + three "crazy" Glenn predictions = One MUST WATCH monologue

I want to start with three stories tonight happening right now that we were mocked by the media only two years ago if we said these things. You were totally off your trolley, as they would say across the pond. The first story, of course, the caliphate and the Muslim extremism, the warnings that we gave of the caliphate well chronicled during the Arab Spring. Here are the hits.

VIDEO

Glenn: When I say that there is a caliphate, it is a desire of the Islamic extremists in the Middle East, that’s not a conspiracy theory.

Okay, got it. No, it’s not a conspiracy theory. It was total rubbish. It was tomfoolery. It was off the trolley. Early this morning, seven terrorists assaulted a Pakistani school, armed to the teeth, wearing suicide vests. They left 132 children dead, 141 in nearly eight hours of brutal fighting. The terrorists poured gasoline on a teacher, set them all on fire, and made the kids watch them burn alive.

They didn’t make any demands. They just executed people, executed children one by one. The Taliban has claimed responsibility for the slaughter. I’m sorry, is that the trolley? In 2007, I described right after Beslan exactly this scenario. I said Al Qaeda would start doing things like this in a conversation I had with Brad Thor. Watch.

VIDEO

Thor: Glenn, since 1995, Al Qaeda has been organizing everything that’s been going on through Chechnya and in Russia. These are Al Qaeda operatives. They were Al Qaeda groups. They were men from Chechnya and then men from outside Russia who were part of this siege at Beslan, and the big thing we need to remember here, Glenn, is that Osama bin Laden has told us what I have visited upon Russia, I will visit upon America a hundredfold. This is a dress rehearsal. We’ve just heard from the expert on it, and if we don’t protect ourselves here, it’s coming to America.

Yeah, and it still is coming to America, but they’re just going to visit the easy places around the world first. You know, we would have never beaten Germany had we not named the enemy and defined them in the clearest possible terms. So let’s define our enemy. They are animals. They are not misguided youths or freedom fighters. They aren’t rebels or moderate rebels. They are radicals. They are evil. They are sick. They are twisted. They are depraved. They are rabid.

They gain pleasure out of torturing, raping, enslaving, and killing. They are the enemy of God and all mankind, and they need to be completely eradicated from the earth, period. That is what our president should say. This slaughter, by the way, in Pakistan, came one day after Sydney. By the way, I have a friend who lives in Australia on the other side of the planet write to me this morning. She said TheBlaze had the best coverage on that crisis out of all the major news outlets in Australia. Why is that? Because no one will actually clearly define who the enemy is.

This was on the heels of months of terror in Iraq and Syria. It was recently reported that when ISIS entered into a small town and demanded everyone convert to Islam, like caliphates do, four children all under 15 years of age refused. “Say the words,” ISIS demanded. “No, we love Yeshua.” That’s Jesus. “Say it.” “We won’t. We love Jesus.” All four were beheaded.

Did you know that there were 1.5 million Christians in Iraq a decade ago, and now there are less than half a million, many of which continue to flee? Why? Because there is no coexisting with evil, and by this, of course, we are talking about those who want to reestablish the caliphate by force and behead anyone. This is something we can all agree on, the same kind of tomfoolery I was mocked for warning about in 2011.

All right, now here’s the second story…man, sometimes you just have to stop making predictions, because I’m bad on the timing, but they all come true. God, help us, because I see the future, and you’d better buckle up. Back in, I think, when was this, Tiffany, 2007? 2007, I said oil would be a problem that would cause Russia to collapse and in turn destabilize the region and the world. Watch.

VIDEO

Glenn: If gas prices were going down because all of a sudden this country had an energy policy, and the rest of the world, they went oh my gosh, America is getting serious, this would be a celebratory thing, this is a great thing, but because gas is going down with no other factors, that is people saying the economy around the entire world is going to come to a grinding halt. So while it’s a good sign to your pocketbook in the short term, it is a very bad sign in the long term, and you destabilize the Middle East and Russia and all the dangerous players because they’ve got to have high oil prices.

Destabilizing Russia, oh, that could never happen, right? The statists all said, they practically bragged about economic turnaround in Russia with Vladimir Putin. Last night, I was in the car with my daughter, and she said, “Dad, look at gas prices.” We passed a gas station, and she says this is so great, look how low they are. She looked at me with those eager eyes, awaiting some positive reinforcement, and I wondered what kind of monster would, you know, burst her sweet little bubble.

And I just kind of sat there for a second, and I think my face betrayed me. And she went, “Oh geez, what?” I said, “Actually, it’s not so great, Honey,” because fracking no longer makes sense. It no longer makes money, and all signs point to the Saudis keeping the fuel prices artificially low in order to punish their enemies, Iran and Russia, and we are also on that list as well.

We might be helping them because Russia is our number one geopolitical foe. I know, daddy downer is probably what she was thinking, but yesterday oil settled at 55.91 per barrel. That’s the lowest since May 2009. Here’s why this is a problem. Iran’s budget is built on oil at $135 a barrel. Russia has their oil budgeted at $100 to $107 a barrel, so this is hurting them badly. It’s good for us, except on the fracking front, but it’s bad for them.

OPEC has said that they will not decrease their oil production even if it hits $40 a barrel. The question remains why? The Fed also has indicated that they will not budge either. Russia’s economy is in a tailspin. Yesterday its currency crashed, and in in a desperate attempt to stabilize things, Russia had their central bank jack its interest rates. Try this, imagine going into a bank and trying to buy a house, and your interest rate is 10.5, and the very next day it’s 17%. That’s what happened yesterday, and yet there were lines around the block today.

This is in front of banks and also any kind of money changer. They’re all taking their money out of banks, trying to get the ruble out, and they’re changing it for any other currency, just not Russian. This is bad. It doesn’t take an economic genius to see it’s not sustainable. Russia, the bear, now been backed into a corner. They have to get oil to rise, so what is the easiest way to do that? Oh, I know. Of course, that’ll never happen because nobody ever goes to war for oil, do they?

When I come back from vacation, I will share with you one of the scariest scenarios to date. We have shown you the caliphate before it came. We showed you Al Qaeda. I’ve warned you of Osama bin Laden in ‘99 before anybody else was. We have shown you some really scary things that have happened. This one is really frightening because it ties into Russia. It ties into Iran, and remember, we told you about the 12th Imam, which was scary.

When you see what’s happening in Russia, it all ties together, and the people are real, they’re behind it, and they are active, and the only way it comes to fruition is if Russia feels it’s on the road to economic collapse. But don’t worry, Putin kills sharks with his bare hands. There’s nothing to worry about. The interest rates going up or the lines at the banks trying to get, you know, out of trouble, it doesn’t matter. It’s all under control, right?

And finally, the third story tonight, the craziest tomfoolery of them all, the fear-mongering, nonsensical, just-trying-to-sell-you-a-gold-coin poppycock. I said, I don’t even know, 2008–2009, the old hatreds of the past would reemerge.

VIDEO

Glenn: The hatred of the past is going to come back, and you are going to be looking at the Communists and the Nazis coming into their own, and there will be a third leg to this table, and it will be the Muslims, the Islamic extremists. And those, the hatreds of the past, which included the Muslim extremists back in World War I, that’s why we were over in Egypt and everything else in World War I, those three are coming together again, and you’re going to see them rise in power.

Geez, the Muslims, the Nazis and the Communists…rubbish. What a nut, huh? Last night, 15,000 protesters referred to as pinstriped Nazis took to the streets in Germany…Nazis, making a comeback in Germany. Nazi Germany, sounds familiar, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Anyway, maybe while we’re here, maybe we could destabilize Italy as well, and then we could get Germany together with Italy, because when you put those two things together, man, it always works out, because you get like spaghetti and German chocolate cake for everybody.

I mean, who doesn’t like that, except for the millions that usually are dead along the sides of highways because those two got together, but why worry about that? It’s tomfoolery. Just keep listening to the so-called experts. I beg you not to listen to the experts in this country anymore, the fools disguised in tweed jackets or Ascots of the Ivy League campuses, the scholars and the experts and those who have been around in the State Department forever, blahdy, blahdy, blahdy. They couldn’t find their way through an unlocked door at a locksmith shop.

They come on TV, and they lecture you about how everything is fine, and everything is in a box. I have news for you, I believe it was the great philosopher Depeche Mode that said nothing is impossible. Life is outside of the box now, and if you’re inside the box, you’ll suffocate. In the meantime, what do we do? I go back to the car ride last night with my daughter, Hannah.

After daddy downer burst the sweetest bubble on the planet with my actually, honey, low gas prices really kind of suck lecture, she asked me, “Okay, Dad, so okay, let’s get serious now about the next level of how we prepare.” And I went over the usual, you know, off-the-trolley kind of stuff—do you have food storage? Do you have gold? Do you have silver?

And then I said look, here’s the most important thing that I want you to work on, who are you? Where did we come from? Where is our family from? What does our family believe in? What do you truly believe in? Who is your God? Not some distant God, not some God that’s like yeah, I go to church or, you know, I pray to Him once in a while. No, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, who is he? What is our history with him? What promises have we made him, and what promises has he made us?

And our history extends to the history of the Jewish people. When the Statue of Liberty was created, the sculptor used two icons from Moses to bring her to life, the rays of light around her head—that’s not a crown; those are rays of light—and that tablets in her hand. What is that? They both come from the moment Moses descends Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments. See the rays of light and see the tablet? It’s the Statue of Liberty. Put a torch in his hand, and that’s it. We are connected.

Now, let me show you the Great Seal of the U.S. We know the Great Seal, right? But Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin actually wanted this to be our seal. That is the pillar of fire, the Pharaoh in the water, Moses up on the edge with the Red Sea parted. Our pilgrims thought that they were completing the journey of the Israelites. Our founders, it was commonplace during the time of our founders to believe this. This is an old book from 1820. It’s called A View of the Hebrews.

This is actually a study of a pastor. I think he was up in Maine or someplace up in New England, and he was studying the language of the Native Americans. In this book, he says…and not really trying to prove anything to anybody, just verifying what everybody thought they knew at the time, he said the Native Americans are the lost tribe of Israel. Whether they are or not, it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that our country was founded on Judeo-Christian principles.

Our heritage is one with the Jewish people, and I don’t think we really even understand it. Tonight begins the Miracle of Lights, the Hanukkah menorah. Do you even know how to light this? Do you even know why to light this? It celebrates a dedicated group of really brave people who led an uprising against an oppressive force, and who, against all odds, win in the end, paving the way for Jewish independence. Does it sound familiar?

It sounds kind of close to actually what our Founding Fathers and our pilgrims did. They left a lasting lesson about faith, a lesson about standing for freedom, a lesson about principles, and I think it’s worth spending a few minutes going over this, because it’s our heritage too. This is an important principle that maybe tonight we can teach our kids.

It's time for our April 29, 2019 edition of our Candidate Power Rankings. We get to add two new candidates, write about a bunch of people that have little to no chance of winning, and thank the heavens we are one day closer to the end of all of this.

In case you're new here, read our explainer about how all of this works:

The 2020 Democratic primary power rankings are an attempt to make sense out of the chaos of the largest field of candidates in global history.

Each candidate gets a unique score in at least thirty categories, measuring data like polling, prediction markets, fundraising, fundamentals, media coverage, and more. The result is a candidate score between 0-100. These numbers will change from week to week as the race changes.

The power rankings are less a prediction on who will win the nomination, and more a snapshot of the state of the race at any given time. However, early on, the model gives more weight to fundamentals and potentials, and later will begin to prioritize polling and realities on the ground.

These power rankings include only announced candidates. So, when you say "WAIT!! WHERE'S XXXXX????" Read the earlier sentence again.

If you're like me, when you read power rankings about sports, you've already skipped ahead to the list. So, here we go.

See previous editions here.

20. Wayne Messam: 13.4 (Last week: 18th / 13.4)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

A former staffer of Wayne Messam is accusing his wife of hoarding the campaign's money.

First, how does this guy have "former" staffers? He's been running for approximately twelve minutes.

Second, he finished dead last in the field in fundraising with $44,000 for the quarter. Perhaps hoarding whatever money the campaign has is not the worst idea.

His best shot at the nomination continues to be something out of the series "Designated Survivor."

Other headlines:

19. Marianne Williamson: 17.1 (Last week: 17th / 17.1)

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Marianne Williamson would like you to pay for the sins of someone else's great, great, great grandparents. Lucky you!

Williamson is on the reparations train like most of the field, trying to separate herself from the pack by sheer monetary force.

How much of your cash does she want to spend? "Anything less than $100 billion is an insult." This is what I told the guy who showed up to buy my 1989 Ford Tempo. It didn't work then either.

Other headlines:

18. John Delaney: 19.7 (Last week: 15th / 20.3)

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Good news: John Delaney brought in $12.1 million in the first quarter, enough for fifth in the entire Democratic field!

Bad news: 97% of the money came from his own bank account.

Other headlines:

17. Eric Swalwell: 20.2 (Last week: 16th / 20.2)

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The Eric Swalwell formula:

  • Identify news cycle
  • Identify typical left-wing reaction
  • Add steroids

Democrats said there was obstruction in the Mueller report. Swalwell said there “certainly" was collusion.

Democrats said surveillance of the Trump campaign was no big deal. Swalwell said there was no need to apologize even if it was.

Democrats said William Barr mishandled the release of the Mueller report. Swalwell said he must resign.

Democrats say they want gun restrictions. Swalwell wants them all melted down and the liquid metal to be poured on the heads of NRA members. (Probably.)

16. Seth Moulton: 20.6 (NEW)

Who is Seth Moulton?

No, I'm asking.

Moulton falls into the category of congressman looking to raise his profile and make his future fundraising easier— not someone who is actually competing for the presidency.

He tried to block Nancy Pelosi as speaker, so whatever help he could get from the establishment is as dry as Pelosi's eyes when the Botox holds them open for too long.

Moulton is a veteran, and his military service alone is enough to tell you that he's done more with his life than I'll ever do with mine. But it's hard to see the road to the White House for a complete unknown in a large field of knowns.

Don't take my word for it, instead read this depressing story that he's actually telling people on purpose:

"I said, you know, part of my job is take tough questions," Moulton told the gathered business and political leaders. "You can ask even really difficult questions. And there was still silence. And then finally, someone in the way back of the room raised her hand, and she said, 'Who are you?' "

Yeah. Who are you?

15. Tim Ryan: 21.6 (Last week: 14th / 20.7)

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When you're talking to less than sixteen people in Iowa one week after your launch, you don't have too much to be excited about.

Ryan did get an interview on CNN, where he also talked to less than sixteen people.

He discussed his passion for the Dave Matthews Band, solidifying a key constituency in the year 1995.

Other headlines:

14. Tulsi Gabbard: 25.2 (Last week: 14th / 25.9)

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Tulsi Gabbard torched Kamala Harris in fundraising!!!!! (Among Indian-American donors.)

No word on who won the coveted handi-capable gender-neutral sodium-sensitive sub-demographic.

She received a mostly false rating for her attack on the Trump administration regarding its new policy on pork inspections, a topic not exactly leading the news cycle. Being from Hawaii, the state which leads the nation in Spam consumption, she was probably surprised when this didn't go mega viral.

Other headlines:

13. Andrew Yang: 27.2 (Last week: 12th / 27.1)

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Yang has a few go-to lines when he's on the campaign trail, such as: "The opposite of Donald Trump is an Asian man who likes math." Another is apparently the Jeb-esque "Chant my name! Chant my name!"

Yang continues to be one of the more interesting candidates in this race, essentially running a remix of the "One Tough Nerd" formula that worked for Michigan Governor Rick Snyder.

I highly recommend listening to his interview with Ben Shapiro, where Yang earns respect as the only Democratic presidential candidate in modern history to actually show up to a challenging and in-depth interview with a knowledgeable conservative.

But hidden in the Shapiro interview is the nasty little secret of the Yang campaign. His policy prescriptions, while still very liberal, come off as far too sane for him to compete in this Stalin look-alike contest.

Other headlines:

12. Jay Inslee: 30.4 (Last week: 11th / 30.4)

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If you read the Inslee candidate profile, I said he was running a one-issue climate campaign. This week, he called for a climate change-only debate, and blamed Donald Trump for flooding in Iowa.

He also may sign the nation's first "human composting" legalization bill. He can start by composting his presidential campaign.

Other headlines:

11. John Hickenlooper: 32.2 (Last week: 10th / 32.0)

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John Hickenlooper was sick of being asked if he would put a woman on the ticket, in the 0.032% chance he actually won the nomination.

So he wondered why the female candidates weren't being asked if they would name a male VP if they won?

Seems like a logical question, but only someone who is high on tailpipe fumes would think it was okay to ask in a Democratic primary. Hickenlooper would be better served by just transitioning to a female and demanding other candidates are asked why they don't have a transgendered VP.

Other headlines:

10. Julian Castro: 35.7 (Last week: 9th / 36.2)

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Lowering expectations is a useful strategy when your wife asks you to put together an Ikea end table, or when you've successfully convinced Charlize Theron to come home with you. But is it a successful campaign strategy?

Julian Castro is about to find out. He thinks the fact that everyone thinks he's crashing and burning on the campaign trail so far is an "advantage." Perhaps he can take the rest of the field by surprise on Super Tuesday when they finally realize he's actually running.

Other headlines:

9. Kirsten Gillibrand: 38.1 (Last week: 8th / 37.8)

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Gillibrand wants you to know that the reason her campaign has been such a miserable failure so far, is because she called for a certain senator to step down. The problem might also be that another certain senator isn't a good presidential candidate.

She also spent the week arm wrestling, and dancing at a gay bar called Blazing Saddle. In this time of division, one thing we can all agree on: Blazing Saddle is a really solid name for a gay bar.

Other headlines:

8. Amy Klobuchar: 45.1 (Last week: 7th / 45.5)

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Klobuchar is attempting a run in the moderate wing of the Democratic primary, which would be a better idea if such a wing existed.

She hasn't committed to impeaching Donald Trump and has actually voted to confirm over half of his judicial nominees. My guess is this will not be ignored by her primary opponents.

She also wants to resolve an ongoing TPS issue, which I assume means going by Peter Gibbons' desk every morning and making sure he got the memo about the new cover sheets.

Other headlines:

7. Elizabeth Warren: 45.3 (Last week: 6th / 46.0)

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Elizabeth Warren is bad at everything she does while she's campaigning. I don't really even watch Game of Thrones, and the idea that Warren would write a story about how the show proves we need more powerful women makes me cringe.

Of course, more powerful people of all the 39,343 genders are welcome, but it's such a transparent attempt at jumping on the back of a pop-culture event to pander to female voters, it's sickening.

We can only hope that when she's watching Game of Thrones, she's gonna grab her a beer.

Other headlines:

6. Cory Booker: 54.9 (Last week: 5th / 55.5)

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Booker is tied with Kamala Harris for the most missed Senate votes of the campaign so far. He gets criticized for this, but I think he should miss even more votes.

Booker is also pushing a national day off on Election Day—because the approximately six months of early voting allowed in every state just isn't enough.

Of course, making it easier to vote doesn't mean people are going to vote for Booker. So he's throwing trillions of dollars in bribes (my word, not his) to seal the deal.

Bookermania is in full effect, with 40 whole people showing up to his appearance in Nevada. Local press noted that the people were of "varying ages," an important distinction to most other crowds, which are entirely comprised of people with the same birthday.

Other headlines:

5. Robert Francis O’Rourke: 60.2 (Last week: 4th /62.6)

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Kirsten Gillibrand gave less than 2% of her income to charity. The good news is that she gave about seven times as much as Beto O'Rourke. Robert Francis, or Bob Frank, also happens to be one of the wealthiest candidates in the race. His late seventies father-in-law has been estimated to be worth as much as $20 billion, though the number is more likely to be a paltry $500 million.

He's made millions from a family company investing in fossil fuels and pharmaceutical stocks, underpaid his taxes for multiple years, and is suing the government to lower property taxes on a family-owned shopping center.

He's also all but disappeared. It's a long race, and you don't win a nomination in April of the year before election day. If he's being frugal and figuring out what he believes, it might be a good move.

But it's notable that all the "pretty boy" hype that Bob Frank owned going into this race has been handed over to Mayor Pete. Perhaps Beto is spending his time working on curbing the sweating, the hand gestures, and the issues with jumping on counters like a feline.

Other headlines:

4. Pete Buttigieg: 62.9 (Last week: 3rd / 62.9)

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When we first put candidates in tiers earlier this year, we broke everyone into five categories from "Front Runners" to "Eh, no." In the middle is a category called "Maybe, if everything goes right," and that's where we put Pete Buttigieg.

Well, everything has gone right so far. But Mayor Pete will be interested to learn that the other 19 candidates in this race are not going to hand him this nomination. Eventually, they will start saying negative things about him (they've started the opposition research process already), and it will be interesting to see how Petey deals with the pressure. We've already seen how it has affected Beto in a similar situation.

The media has spoken endlessly about the sexual orientation of Buttigieg, but not every Democratic activist is impressed. Barney Frank thinks the main reason he's getting this amount of attention is because he is gay. And for some, being a gay man just means you're a man, which isn't good enough.

When you base your vote on a candidate's genitals, things can get confusing.

Other headlines:

3. Kamala Harris: 68.6 (Last week: 1st / 69.1)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

There are a couple of ways to view the Harris candidacy so far.

#1 - Harris launched with much fanfare and an adoring media. She has since lost her momentum. Mayor Pete and former Mayor Bernie have the hype, and Kamala is fading.

#2 - Harris is playing the long game. She showed she can make an impact with her launch, but realizes that a media "win" ten months before an important primary means nothing. She's working behind the scenes and cleaning up with donations, prominent supporters, and loads of celebrities to execute an Obama style onslaught.

I tend to be in category 2, but I admit that's somewhat speculative. Harris seems to be well positioned to make a serious run, locking up more than double the amount of big Clinton and Obama fundraisers than any other candidate.

One interesting policy development for Harris that may hurt her in the primary is her lack of utter disgust for the nation of Israel. There's basically one acceptable position in a Democratic primary when it comes to Israel, which is that it's a racist and terrorist state, existing only to torture innocent Palestinians.

Certainly no one is going to mistake Harris for Donald Trump, but a paragraph like this is poison to the modern Democratic primary voter:

"Her support for Israel is central to who she is," Harris' campaign communications director, Lily Adams, told McClatchy. "She is firm in her belief that Israel has a right to exist and defend itself, including against rocket attacks from Gaza."

Just portraying the rocket attacks as "attacks" is controversial these days for Democrats, and claiming they are responses to attacks indicates you think the Jeeeewwwwwwwws aren't the ones responsible for the start of every hostility. Heresy!

Someone get Kamala a copy of the 'Protocols of the Elders of Zion' before she blows her chance to run the free world.

2. Bernie Sanders: 69.2 (Last week: 2nd / 68.3)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

If Bernie Sanders hates millionaires as much as he claims, he must hate the mirror. As a millionaire, it might surprise some that he donated only 1% to charity. But it shouldn't.

It's entirely consistent with Sandersism to avoid giving to private charity. Why would you? Sanders believes the government does everything better than the private sector. He should be giving his money to the government.

Of course, he doesn't. He takes the tax breaks from the evil Trump tax plan he derides. He spends his money on fabulous vacation homes. He believes in socialism for thee, not for me.

Yes, this is enough to convince the Cardi B's of the world, all but guaranteeing a lock on the rapper-and-former-stripper-that-drugged-and-stole-from-her-prostitution-clients demographic. But can that lack of consistency hold up in front of general election voters?

If Bernie reads this and would like a path to credibility, clear out your bank account and send it here:

Gifts to the United States
U.S. Department of the Treasury
Funds Management Branch
P.O. Box 1328
Parkersburg, WV 26106-1328


Other headlines:

1. Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.: 78.8 (NEW)

Joe has run for president 113 times during his illustrious career, successfully capturing the presidency in approximately zero of his campaigns.

However, when the eternally woke Barack Obama had a chance to elevate a person of color, woman, or anything from the rainbow colored QUILTBAG, he instead chose the oldest, straightest, whitest guy he could find, and our man Robinette was the beneficiary.

Biden has been through a lot, much of it of his own making. Forget about his plagiarism and propensity to get a nostril full of each passing females' hair, his dealings while vice president in both Ukraine and China are a major general election vulnerability— not to mention a legal vulnerability for his children. But hey, win the presidency and you can pardon everyone, right?

His supposed appeal to rust belt voters makes him, on paper, a great candidate to take on Trump. The Clinton loss hinged on about 40,000 voters changing their mind from Hillary to Donald in a few states—the exact areas where victory could possibly be secured by someone named "Middle Class Joe" (as he alone calls himself.)

No one loves Joe Biden more than Joe Biden, and there's a relatively convincing case for his candidacy. But we must remember this unquestionable truth: Joe Biden is not good at running for president.

He's a gaffe machine that churns out mistake after mistake, hoping only to have his flubs excused by his unending charisma. But, will that work without the use of his legendary groping abilities? Only time, and a few dozen unnamed women, will tell.

Also, yes. Robinette is really his middle name.

If only Karl Marx were alive today to see his wackiest ideas being completely paraded around. He would be so proud. I can see him now: Sprawled out on his hammock from REI, fiddling around for the last vegan potato chip in the bag as he binge-watches Academy Awards on his 70-inch smart TV. In between glances at his iPhone X (he's got a massive Twitter following), he sips Pepsi. In his Patagonia t-shirt and NIKE tennis shoes, he writes a line or two about "oppression" and "the have-nots" as part of his job for Google.

His house is loaded with fresh products from all the woke companies. In the fridge, he's got Starbucks, he loves their soy milk. He's got Ben & Jerry's in the freezer. He tells everyone that, if he shaved, he'd use Gillette, on account of the way they stand up for the Have-Nots. But, really, Marx uses Dollar Shave Club because it's cheaper, a higher quality. Secretly, he loves Chic-Fil-A. He buys all his comic books off Amazon. The truth is, he never thought people would actually try to make the whole "communism" thing work.

RELATED: SOCIALISM: This is the most important special we have done

Companies have adopted a form of socialism that is sometimes called woke capitalism. They use their status as corporations to spread a socialist message and encourage people to do their part in social justice. The idea of companies in America using socialism at all is as confusing and ridiculous as a donkey in a prom dress: How did this happen? Is it a joke? Why is nobody bursting out in laughter? How far is this actually going to go? Does someone actually believe that they can take a donkey to prom?

Companies have adopted a form of socialism that is sometimes called woke capitalism.

On the micro level, Netflix has made some socialist moves: The "like/dislike" voting system was replaced after a Netflix-sponsored stand-up special by Amy Schumer received as tidal wave of thumb-downs. This summer, Netflix will take it a step further in the name of squashing dissent by disabling user comments and reviews. And of course most of us share a Netflix account with any number of people. Beyond that, they're as capitalist as the next mega-company.

Except for one area: propaganda. Netflix has started making movie-length advertisements for socialism. They call them "documentaries," but we know better than that. The most recent example is "Knock Down the House," which comes out tomorrow. The 86-minute-long commercial for socialism follows four "progressive Democrat" women who ran in the 2018 midterms, including our favorite socialist AOC.

Here's a snippet from the movie so good that you'll have to fight the urge to wave your USSR flag around the room:

This is what the mainstream media wants you to believe. They want you to be moved. They want the soundtrack to inspire you to go out and do something.

Just look at how the mainstream media treated the recent high-gloss "documentary" about Ilhan Omar, "Time for Ilhan." It received overwhelmingly bad ratings on IMDb and other user-review platforms, but got a whopping 93% on the media aggregator Rotten Tomatoes.

This is exactly what the media wants you to think of when you hear the word socialism. Change. Empowerment. Strength. Diversity. They spend so much energy trying to make socialism cool. They gloss right over the unbelievable death toll. BlazeTV's own Matt Kibbe made a great video on this exact topic.

Any notion of socialism in America is a luxury, made possible by capitalism. The woke companies aren't actually doing anything for socialism. If they're lucky, they might get a boost in sales, which is the only thing they want anyway.

We want to show you the truth. We want to tell you the stories you won't hear anywhere else, not on Netflix, not at some movie festival. We're going to tell you what mainstream media doesn't want you to know.

Look at how much history we've lost over the years. They changed it slowly. But they had to. Because textbooks were out. So people were watching textbooks. It was printed. You would bring the book home. Mom and dad might go through it and check it out. So you had to slowly do things.

Well, they're not anymore. There are no textbooks anymore. Now, you just change them overnight. And we are losing new history. History is being changed in realtime.

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You have to write down what actually is happening and keep a journal. Don't necessarily tell everybody. Just keep a journal for what is happening right now. At some point, our kids won't have any idea of the truth. They will not have any idea of what this country was, how it really happened. Who were the good guys. Who were the bad guys. Who did what.

As Michelle Obama said. Barack knows. We have to change our history. Well, that's exactly what's happening. But it's happening at a very rapid pace.

We have to preserve our history. It is being systematically erased.

I first said this fifteen years ago, people need clay plots. We have to preserve our history as people preserved histories in ancient days, with the dead see scrolls, by putting them in caves in a clay pot. We have to preserve our history. It is being systematically erased. And I don't mean just the history of the founding of our country. I mean the history that's happening right now.

And the history that's happening right now, you're a problem if you're a conservative or a Christian. You are now a problem on the left, if you disagree and fall out of line at all. This is becoming a fascistic party. And you know what a fascist is. It doesn't matter if you're a Democrat or a Republican or an independent. If you believe it's my way or the highway, if you believe that people don't have a right to their opinion or don't have a right to their own life — you could do be a fascist.

Christianity might seem pretty well-protected in the U.S., but that's not the case in many parts of the globe.

On Easter Sunday, suicide bombers made the news for killing 290 innocent Christians in Sri Lanka and injuring another 500. On Tuesday, ISIS claimed responsibility for the massacre. Of course, the Western world mourned this tragic loss of life on a holy day of worship, but we forget that this isn't an isolated incident. Indeed, Christians are discriminated at extreme levels worldwide, and it needs to be brought to light. And whenever we do highlight brutal persecutions such as the Easter bombings in Sri Lanka, we need to call them what they are — targeted attacks against Christians. Sadly, many of our politicians are deathly afraid to do so.

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A 2018 Pew Research Center study found that Christians are harassed in 144 countries — the most of any other faith — slightly outnumbering Muslims for the top of the list. Additionally, Open Doors, a non-profit organization that works to serve persecuted Christians worldwide, found in their 2019 World Watch List that over 245 million Christians are seriously discriminated against for their religious beliefs. Sadly, this translates into 4,136 Christians killed and 2,625 either arrested, sentenced, imprisoned, or detained without trial over the year-long study period. And when it comes to churches, those in Sri Lanka were merely added to a long list of 1,266 Christian buildings attacked for their religion.

These breathtaking stats receive very little coverage in the Western world. And there seems to be a profound hesitation from politicians in discussing the issue of persecution against Christians. In the case of the Sri Lanka bombings, there's even a reluctance to use the word "Christian."

After the horrific Pittsburgh Synagogue and New Zealand Mosque shootings, Democrats rightfully acknowledged the disturbing trend of targeted attacks against Jews and Muslims. But some of these same politicians refer to the Sri Lanka bombings with careless ambiguity.

So why is it so hard for our leaders to acknowledge the persecutions Christians face?

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, for instance, certainly did — calling the incursions "attacks on Easter worshippers." Understandably, the term confused and frustrated many Christians. Although, supporters of these politicians argued the term was appropriate since a recent Associated Press report used it, and it was later picked up by a variety of media outlets, including Fox News. However, as more Democrats like 2020 presidential candidate Julián Castro and Rep. Dan Kildee continued to use the phrase "Easter worshippers," it became clear that these politicians were going out of their way to avoid calling a spade a spade.

So why is it so hard for our leaders to acknowledge the persecutions Christians face? For starters, Christianity in democratic countries like the U.S. is seen differently than in devastated countries like Somalia. According to Pew Research, over 70% of Americans are Christian, with 66% of those Christians being white and 35% baby boomers. So while diverse Christians from all over the world are persecuted for their faith—in the U.S., Christians are a dominant religion full of old white people. This places Christians at the bottom of progressives' absurd intersectional totem poll, therefore leaving little sympathy for their cause. However, the differing experiences of Christians worldwide doesn't take away from the fact that they are unified in their beliefs.

By refusing to name the faith of the Sri Lankan martyrs, politicians are sending a message that they have very little, if no, concern about the growing amount of persecution against Christians worldwide.

Martyrs don't deserve to be known as "Easter worshippers." They should be known by the Christian faith they gave their lives for. Decent politicians need to call the tragedy in Sri Lanka what it is — a vicious attack on the Christian faith.

Patrick Hauf (@PatrickHauf) is a writer for Young Voices and Vice President of Lone Conservative. His work can be found in the Washington Examiner, Townhall, FEE, and more.