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Glenn's Show Prep

I’m Lovin’ It: Former Obama Press Secretary now works at McDonald’s

June 10, 2015
Staff

WRITER

Where do you go after the White House? If you’re former press secretary Robert Gibbs, it seems like you just move from one clown to another. McDonald’s has brought Gibbs on as their new global director of communications with the hope he can clean up their image and help open doors in Washington. Yes, government is so out of control that it now makes total sense for a burger company to need a man with access in D.C.

Below is a rush transcript of this segment:

GLENN: McDonald's has introduced kale to its menu. And now they've hired Robert Gibbs. If you know who Robert Gibbs is -- a friend of mine was just on a plane. Was coming back from someplace and was sitting there. And her passport was in her hand. She fell asleep on takeoff. Her passport fell on the ground. Slid across the aisle. She didn't wake up. A guy reaches over. Picks it up. Holds it. And just holds it while she's asleep. She wakes up. And he says, I'm sorry. Your passport, you know, fell out of your hands when you fell asleep on takeoff. She said, oh, thank you. And they started this conversation. It was a nice conversation. He said, yeah -- she said, what were you doing here? He said, I just got a chance to see the Rolling Stones.

Took my son or daughter to the rolling stone. Went back stages. Got a chance to meet. She was like, how did you pull that off? He said, well, I used to have a pretty good job that kind of opened some doors like that for me. She said, wow, really? Like what did you do? And he said --

PAT: Former White House press secretary.

GLENN: He said, quote, seriously? That was his response. Seriously? And she said, yeah. What job did you have? And he said, I used to work at a big house, it was all white, and I'm probably the most second hated man in America. And she went, oh, my gosh. I used to scream at you on my television.

[laughter]

And it was Robert Gibbs. And now Robert Gibbs is going to work at McDonald's because they want to, quote, be a progressive burger company.

STU: He'll work as a cashier or what's his role? He's not qualified for that, quite. But maybe those --

GLENN: I don't know. Maybe they're having real problems, and he'll be like, look, I just want to tell you, your burger didn't taste as bad as you thought it did. What? Your burger, no, that's -- that's real meat.

STU: We gave you a Whopper. I'm telling you we gave you a Whopper.

GLENN: That's actually what he would say.

PAT: I eat Whoppers every day.

GLENN: I was thinking, no, Stu, it's McDonald's. No. That's Robert Gibbs --

STU: Yeah, he would lie about the burger. Yes, he would.

GLENN: Yeah. This is Burger King. You were eating at Burger King, I don't know what you're talking about.

JEFFY: He'll be a little bit higher up than the burger flipper. Just a little.

GLENN: Still beneath the clown?

JEFFY: Well, everyone is beneath the clown.

GLENN: Some things never change. Working for a clown then, working for a clown now.

PAT: Well, he's Executive Vice President, Global Chief Communications Officer. Isn't that what he is?

GLENN: Come on. Who thought this guy was good?

JEFFY: He'll be in charge of the company's communications and government affairs.

GLENN: Okay. Stop. McDonald's has government affairs?

PAT: Come on.

GLENN: McDonald's has government affairs?

JEFFY: That's what it says.

GLENN: I'm going to raise my hand again. Never again is right now. Raise your hand with me. When McDonald's, a burger company needs someone in government affairs, that's a problem. It's no longer the United States of America anymore.

STU: Yeah, that's a great point. Because there probably are a lot of reasons they need him -- I don't know what they are. They probably do. It's sad. They should be out of the business completely.

GLENN: Well, was the government trying to sell the pink slime, or was the fast food restaurants trying to sell that pink slime? Because if you're either selling buying or selling that pink slime stuff, then you would need the government. Because you would need to buy it from the government, if the government was selling it, or you would need to get the government to turn the other -- you need somebody to go, look, look over there while they're making the pink slime.

STU: When you're in a situation where the biggest city in America had a mayor who was trying to ban large soda cups. There are threats of lawsuits all the time that they're responsible for people's health. They are constantly being targeted by people who are saying that they had to make their portions smaller. Have you seen a McDonald's happy meal fry lately? I literally mean it singular. It's like one fry in the box. It's like a shot glass full of fries. It's adorable.

PAT: And instead, you get an apple or something.

STU: You get four fries and a little bag of apple slices.

GLENN: I don't want the apple slices. As Jim Gaffigan pointed out on yesterday's program, we don't go to McDonald's because we want to jog. We're not going for a run after McDonald's. It's not like we feel good about ourselves. That's why we go to McDonald's. You're going to make me feel good -- I'm not going to eat the crappy apples, man. If I wanted apples, I would go to any other place than McDonald's.

I want that crap that is almost entirely not organic. I want that stuff that is, in fact, so nonorganic, I don't think the meat actually came from an animal. That's what I'm there for. Give it to me.

STU: Yeah. And I guess they have to have someone -- I mean, you certainly don't hire Robert Gibbs because you believe he's good at his job. You hire Robert Gibbs because he knows people.

GLENN: Isn't that a problem? We're no longer a meritocracy.

PAT: Well, he was one of the worst press secretaries of all time. There's just no doubt about that.

GLENN: The guy -- he shouldn't be --

STU: He should be cleaning the grease out if he will work at McDonald.

GLENN: Yeah, he's not the guy that you put in charge of anything, when it comes to corporate communications.

STU: But he has close friends who owe him favors all over the government, and that's how you get big jobs.

GLENN: That's bad. We're no longer a meritocracy.

STU: Yeah.

PAT: So listen to the statement from the CEO, Steve Easterbrook: Robert is a highly respected, talented leader who will bring a wealth of experience and outside perspective to McDonald's as we build a more modern progressive burger company.

Does he know what he's saying when he says that? Is it progressive in that we want to espouse --

GLENN: Engage in eugenics.

PAT: No. Obviously not eugenics. Unless they're killing cows, which they are.

GLENN: Oh, my gosh, they're what?

PAT: They're killing cows.

GLENN: What? I didn't know that.

PAT: Actually it may be seaweed. There's a lot of carrageenan in that. Obviously, if they want to espouse that ideology, they want to push forward some agenda. Maybe they want to be more active in the progressive movement. But is that what he means? Or does he mean, we just want to move forward in the world?

GLENN: I take Levi's at their words when they said they wanted to be the progressive uniform of the future. They knew what they were saying because they were showing revolution on the street while they were saying it. So they knew exactly what they were saying. McDonald's, I can't imagine that they're like -- can you?

STU: They are putting kale on the menu.

GLENN: Yeah, but that's --

PAT: And quinoa.

GLENN: You can say that's progressive, and we'll make progress, and we'll be that forward-thinking healthier -- nobody is going to go there. Is anybody going to McDonald's because all of a sudden they're healthy?

PAT: No.

GLENN: The only reason to go is because you just have this -- I don't know, they put some chemical in it that just makes you have to go like once a month. And then you have to go like every 20 minutes. But you go there and it's because you're like, I just have to have some of that garbage food in me.

STU: Oh, yeah. That's great.

GLENN: There's nothing wrong with a little garbage from time to time. And those apple pies, which when we were kids, they didn't have real apples in them.

PAT: They were made of plastic.

GLENN: They were almost made of plastic. They had real sugar in it at the time. It was sugar, plastic, and then some sort of a crust that I don't think had actual flour in it.

STU: I think they call it a casing.

GLENN: Yeah, genetic casing. Like a sheep's lining or something. They would just deep fry --

PAT: Put it under a spigot and just shoot it into the --

GLENN: That was good. When they used to -- because then they were like, we're having a baked apple pie. That was not nearly as good as the flaming hot apple pie that used to come out --

PAT: That was deep fat fried.

GLENN: Oh, it was so good. Remember, you would have almost like a -- like a -- a welt in the top of your mouth. Your skin would -- a blister. The whole top of your mouth would be a blister. After you would eat it, you would have to peel the skin off the roof of your mouth. Because they were so hot. It was like 4,000 degrees when they would hand it to you.

PAT: But that was the beginning of the end. When they started baking the apple pies.

GLENN: That was the beginning of the end. Oh, we can't have all that grease on it. That's what makes it good! You're McDonald's. Have you seen the complexion of the guy who is your spokesman? He's got white makeup on and big, huge red lips. And I think the red lips were from eating the really hot apple pies. That wasn't makeup. It's not like, I want to look a little more like the clown. He looks healthy.

PAT: Plus, how big are his feet? Have you seen his shoes? Massive. Massive.

STU: If you have a clown for your spokesperson before, and now you have a new one.

PAT: Yes.

STU: It is the same philosophies.

GLENN: So how do we feel -- what's the verdict before we move on? I mean on the progressive thing.

PAT: I'm done defending McDonald's. I'm done.

GLENN: You know what, I'm comfortable there. I was going to say, I don't know if I can go to McDonald's again, but I don't go to McDonald's. My wife goes to McDonald. She brings the kids.

STU: That's the theory, by the way, behind the kale and the quinoa. It's not because people like us will go there and order it. It's because you have kids. And your wife is bringing them to McDonald's, and she doesn't want to eat Quarter Pounders with cheese. She wants to eat something that's mildly healthy, so they can get her something where she doesn't feel terrible about what she's ordering there, and they get to go play in the play place.

GLENN: Yeah, that's fine.

PAT: But when the lefties are calling them a big, fat organization, a big corporation that doesn't care about their workers -- I'm going to say yep. You're right. They suck. McDonald's sucks.

GLENN: You made a good case. I think they actually mean it. Because they know that everyone's fast food workers, $15 an hour. That's why they hired Robert Gibbs. It's because they know -- to defend against that and say, no, we're a good progressive -- you know what, I hate them. The more I think about them, the more I hate them.

PAT: Yeah, it's over.

STU: They're defending against lawsuits. They're defending against fat shaming.

PAT: All this is a preemptive strike against all that.

GLENN: Yeah. It should be the opposite way.

STU: Yeah, use Burger King as your --

PAT: Look at those guys.

STU: Don't use us as the example. We have Robert Gibbs. Use one of these other crappy places.

PAT: Yep.

GLENN: You know what their strategy is? And I think it's because their product comes from the same source. They have the same PR as big oil. Look at BP. Beyond Petroleum. Bullcrap. You're not Beyond Petroleum. You're an oil company.

[laughter]

We're Beyond Petroleum. No, you're not. Who does that?

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Look, we're really proud of what we make. We have changed the world. But we're going to get out of this the first chance we can. It's like they -- they think they're selling heroin or something.

STU: They just recognize the PR climate and are trying to bail themselves out of it.

GLENN: Isn't America just at the point where you're like, yep, we're a big oil company. We've changed the world. And we'll continue to change the world. And when somebody comes up with a better idea, we'll be on board. Until that time, saddle up. Come on over here. We'll fill your tank with some really great gasoline. Then you can stop at McDonald's and get some really nasty food.

Glenn: What I saw on the ground in Asheville gave me hope

Melissa Sue Gerrits / Stringer | Getty Images

The government can’t save us. Washington is too slow and too bureaucratic, and quite frankly, the government doesn’t care.

I’ve seen a lot of destruction in my life. I’ve walked through war zones and cities torn apart by riots, and I've stood at the sites of natural disasters that leave communities devastated. But what I saw in Asheville, North Carolina, after Hurricane Helene was unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed.

Houses were washed down rivers, upside down and crushed. Train tracks, strong enough to support locomotives, were left suspended in midair after the earth beneath them was eroded away. Semi-trucks, rolled by the force of the floodwaters, now lie like children’s toys, tossed and overturned hundreds of feet from the road. Whole towns have been uprooted and scattered — debris from homes miles away, stacking up like dominoes, bridges that stood for decades washed out by water so high that it flowed six feet over their tops.

'You tell everybody you know — even if they don’t care — we’ll take care of our own damn selves if nobody shows up.'

I stood there, looking at this idyllic small town in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and I thought, “This will take years to rebuild. Maybe even decades.” But I didn’t just see destruction. I saw something far more powerful than nature’s wrath: the resilience of the American spirit.

My expectations for the government’s assistance were low before I arrived in Asheville, given its failing track record in previous natural disasters, but its response to Hurricane Helene victims — or lack thereof — was a new category of negligence. But the people in Asheville weren’t waiting on FEMA or the federal government to swoop in. They knew no one was coming.

The bridges were out, roads were destroyed, and the mountains had isolated them from outside help. But instead of despair, I saw hope. Instead of panic, I saw action. People were taking care of each other, and that is the America I remember, like in the days after 9/11 when we came together regardless of political party, race, or background. We didn’t care about who voted for whom. We just saw our neighbors hurting, and we asked, “Are you OK? What can I do to help?”

I saw that again in North Carolina. I saw it in the man who turned his Harley-Davidson dealership into a helicopter landing zone, shoveling mud out of his showroom just so rescue teams could land. I saw it in the volunteers flying missions across treacherous terrain, getting the elderly and the injured out of danger. They weren’t asking for government permission. They were doing what needed to be done.

Adam Smith, a retired Special Forces veteran who is coordinating the landing of helicopters in Asheville, told me that the FAA is trying to shut down the operation because it isn’t federally regulated. He told the feds that they’re going to leave because he has a helicopter landing in a few minutes that will actually help people while they are barking orders from Washington.

One story stood out to me. We landed to help evacuate an elderly woman with a broken hip and a severe infection. She just had surgery, but because her family didn’t have insurance, the hospital pushed her out as fast as it could. Her wound became infected, and her leg was on fire. We helped airlift her to get her desperately needed antibiotics and treatment. There were no government resources to help her to an emergency room.

As we loaded the woman into the helicopter, her grandson turned to me and said, “You tell everybody you know — even if they don’t care — we’ll take care of our own damn selves if nobody shows up.” That hit me hard because it’s the truth. It’s the way America used to be, and it’s the way we need to be again.

As I flew through those mountains in the helicopter, I couldn’t help but think of Billy Graham. I’d visited Asheville about 10 years ago to see him, and I remember thinking how beautiful and peaceful the town was. Today, it’s unrecognizable. The destruction is overwhelming. But the people are stronger than ever.

The government can’t save us. Washington is too slow and too bureaucratic, and quite frankly, the government doesn’t care. I saw it firsthand. We found a FEMA truck parked under a tree, its workers sitting at a card table in the shade. They weren’t doing anything to help.

But we’re Americans. We can take care of ourselves. We don’t need Washington to save us. We need each other. This is the America that Billy Graham spoke to me about — the America that will rise again in times of trouble. And while the government might fail us, we will not fail each other. And that’s exactly what I saw in North Carolina — Americans stepping up, taking care of their neighbors, and rebuilding their communities.

This is what I told the people of Asheville: You are not forgotten. There are millions of Americans who love you, who are praying for you, and who are ready to help. Because that’s what we do. We don’t wait for permission. We roll up our sleeves and take care of our own.

And to the rest of America, I say this: It’s time to remember who we are. It’s time to stop looking to Washington for solutions and start looking at each other. Because when the chips are down, it’s not the government that’s going to save us. It’s you and me, and if we stand together, nothing — no hurricane, no flood, no disaster — can break us.

Editor's Note: This article was originally published on TheBlaze.com.

UPDATE: Will Florida survive Hurricane Milton?

Handout / Handout / Getty Images

For the second time in two weeks, Florida is in the path of a major hurricane.

Hurricane Milton is expected to make landfall sometime tonight, Wednesday, October 9th, somewhere near Tampa Bay. This will mark the first time in a hundred years the city has been hit directly by a hurricane, raising concerns about the preparedness of the city's infrastructure. Milton, which was rated a category five hurricane earlier this week, has been reduced to a category four as it approaches land and is expected to make landfall as a powerful category three.

The Sunshine State has already begun to feel the effects of the historic storm, with strong winds and heavy rains battering Tampa Bay this morning. Many are still trying to evacuate or prepare for the storm as conditions worsen. Highways have slowed down, and gas has run short. Residents are preparing for the worst.

The federally recognized "Waffle House Index" is in red, meaning that several Waffle House locations in the Tampa Bay area will be shut down. Waffle House prides itself on being open 24/7, no matter the conditions, so for them to shut down, if only for a brief time, indicates that severe damage to the area is anticipated.

Bloomberg / Contributor | Getty Images

In short, Milton is anticipated to be a disaster, and as we have learned, FEMA is unlikely to be much help. Fortunately, Floridians have Ron DeSantis, who has continued to prove himself a capable governor, and the aid of good-hearted Americans from across the country. If you want to lend a hand to your fellow Americans you can donate at Mercury One and rest assured that your money will be used to step in to help hurricane victims where the government is failing.

'Call her Daddy'? Kamala Harris keeps dodging important questions

TING SHEN / Contributor | Getty Images

Kamala Harris has been making her rounds on talk shows and podcasts in order to increase her poor recognition amongst voters, but all we're hearing is more of the same.

Just in the past few days, Harris has appeared on "60 Minutes" and the popular podcast "Call Her Daddy" to help Americans get to know her. But instead of bold answers to hard-hitting questions, Harris delivered rambling responses to soft-ball questions and squirmed her way out of the few tough questions thrown at her. Overall, it is unlikely that any voter who tuned in to get a solid grasp on Harris's policies was left with a better understanding after either one of her interviews.

Below is a summary of Harris's most recent interviews:

"Call Her Daddy" podcast

Antony Jones / Stringer | Getty Images

Despite this podcast's unsavory name, it consistently ranks among the most popular podcasts in the world, right up there with Joe Rogan's show, and is especially popular among women. Shortly after releasing the interview with Harris, Alex Cooper, the host of the podcast, received backlash for her extremely soft treatment of the presidential nominee. After watching the interview, it's not hard to see how that impression might have come across.

The interview consisted of several surface-level, gimme-type, questions on common Democrat talking points. Harris said she was—surprise—pro-choice. Who would have thought? She also expressed her desire to dump taxpayer money into student loan forgiveness along with other government "aid" programs, which is pretty standard amongst the Left. Overall, nothing new was revealed.

The rest of the interview was little more than gossip. Cooper and Harris chatted about a comment made by Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders and the "at ladies" comment made by J.D. Vance. This was not the deep dive on Harris that voters wanted.

60 Minutes

CBS Photo Archive / Contributor | Getty Images

On Monday, October 8th, Harris sat down with CBS's Bill Whitaker for an interview on 60 Minutes. While Whitaker defiantly upped the ante in comparison to "Call Her Daddy," Harris still managed to dodge several questions. When asked about foreign policy, Harris parroted the same tired schtick we've heard for the past four years, which clearly hasn't worked. Like Biden before her, she called for an end to the Israel-Hamas war, primarily out of concern for the Palestinians, while simultaneously maintaining Israel's right to self-defense.

Harris also deflected Biden's failure at the Southern Border onto the House Republicans, citing a single instance where a border security bill failed to pass. Even Whitaker pointed out the obvious: The Biden-Harris administration has had four years to solve the problem, and the blame does not fall on this single instance. Harris didn't waver, and doubled down on her excuse, again blaming Congress.

Harris went on to repeatedly dodge questions about her three trillion-dollar economic plan and offered little explanation of what might be included in such a plan, or how it will be paid for. These interviews have repeatedly failed to define Harris or her platform in any meaningful way, though they were successful in concealing just how radical of a candidate she actually is. She is still just a vaguely left-wing, Joe Biden replacement in the eyes of many voters, which might be the best she can do.

The Howard Stern Show

Kevin Mazur / Contributor | Getty Images

In her recent interview on The Howard Stern Show, Harris once again demonstrated her signature combination of evasiveness and unreliable platitudes. Rather than offering substantive answers to Stern’s pointed questions, Harris deflected with awkward humor and vague talking points, sidestepping any real discussion on critical issues like the border crisis or inflation. Her attempt to portray herself as relatable felt painfully out of touch, especially when she pivoted the conversation to her fondness for music and cooking.

Harris’s inability to confront pressing national concerns only highlights her growing reputation for evading accountability during her term in the Biden administration. Stern, typically known for drawing candid responses from guests, seemed unable to penetrate the wall of superficiality that Harris maintained throughout the conversation.

"The Late Show" with Stephen Colbert

CBS Photo Archive / Contributor | Getty Images

We saw a similar performance from Harris on Stephen Colbert's "The Late Show." Colbert teed her up for questions about inflation, the southern border crisis, and the administration’s plunging approval ratings, but Harris stuck to her well-worn script of platitudes and vague promises. Instead of addressing the economic pain felt by millions, she laughed nervously through softball questions, leaving viewers with nothing but empty rhetoric about “working together” and “finding solutions,” while the country watches the consequences of ineffective leadership.

Moreover, when Colbert pressed her on issues like the administration's immigration policies or lack of legislative victories, Harris deflected with hollow talking points, refusing to engage in any serious reflection or accountability. Her awkward attempts at humor felt like a shield against real criticism, confirming the impression that she remains detached from the gravity of the crises unfolding under her watch.

PHOTOS: What Glenn saw in North Carolina was INSANE

Sean Rayford / Stringer | Getty Images

Last Thursday, October 3rd, Glenn traveled to North Carolina to join Mercury One as they provided critical aid to those devastated by Hurricane Helene.

What Glenn saw during his brief visit looked like scenes straight out of an apocalypse movie: houses torn from their foundations and tossed to the side, sometimes entire towns away from where they were built, semi-trucks rolled, railroad tracks swept away, bridges washed out. It was a level of destruction Glenn had never before seen.

But perhaps the most shocking encounter of his whole trip was when Glenn discovered a lone FEMA crew. It was a miracle that Glenn even spotted the FEMA truck, as it was parked away from the main road without any signs or markers to indicate to any passerby in need of its existence. Glenn and Congressman Cory Mills decided to talk to this FEMA crew, the only one they had encountered on their trek, and see what they were up to. As it turns out, not much. The FEMA workers admitted that they had only arrived the day before (nearly a week after the hurricane) and still did not have any sort of supplies. They claimed that people would know where they were located via the local news, despite the fact that most people did not have access to power, cell service, their home, or even their cars. Moreover, there seemed to be confusion about whether they were to go door-to-door in order to render aid to those in need.

FEMA dropped the ball on this entire affair, and it is only going to get worse. FEMA is claiming they blew their yearly allowance on aiding illegal immigrants. Meanwhile, another hurricane is approaching Florida and is expected to make landfall on Wednesday. It seems unlikely that FEMA will be of any use to Floridians in need, and they will have to rely on the aid of their fellow Americans.

Want to help out your fellow countrymen where our government has failed? You can donate at Mercury One and rest assured that your money will be used to step in to help hurricane victims where the government is failing.