Stu filled in for Glenn on TV last night and hosted an impromptu award show, recognizing the Dumbest Politician Ever along with a lifetime achievement award in the category. You won’t believe the “gaffe” this politician made that secured the award...

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Below is a transcript of this segment:

Okay, very exciting day today. Months of preparation have led to this moment. We’ve spent countless hours and sleepless nights scouring the archives. I’m happy to announce we finally finished reading and analyzing every piece of content ever created in human history, and now we can finally with authority crown the dumbest politician ever.

There were so many to consider, luminary imbeciles like Joe Biden, Jimmy Carter, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi. Oh, yes, they’re all strong contenders, but there can be only one. The vote was extremely close, up until the weekend, that is, when our winner uttered the dumbest thing any politician has ever said. What a moron! You’ll understand right away why our unanimous choice for the dumbest politician resides right under this carefully illustrated coffee filter.

The dumbest politician ever is Martin O’Malley. Get a load of this dupey dupe dupe. Martin O’Malley? More like Martin o’meatball. If dumb were dirt, he’d own about 100 acres—not playing with a full deck. I bet you’re dying to know what this knucklehead said that sealed his victory. It is dumb, really dumb. It makes Joe Biden telling a wheelchair-bound man to stand up look like the theory of relativity. If you haven’t heard what this guy said, sit down, brace yourself. Here comes the dumb.

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Martin O’Malley: Every life matters, and that is why this issue is so important. Black lives matter. White lives matter. All lives matter. Black lives matter. White lives matter. All lives matter.

He repeated it. That’s right, every life matters. What a maroon. What a nincompoop. Can you believe it? Everybody knows only some lives matter. Let’s watch that blunder again in slo-mo. Watch. That’s right, what an idiot. It looks like somebody’s mommy played fumble the baby one too many times. So, so dumb, and boy, the Internet let him have it. “O’Malley just said all lives matter which means he just doesn’t get it.” I mean, how obvious is that?

O’Malley tried to undo the damage because he’s an idiot, and he tried to apologize anyway. He said he did his best to let everyone know he doesn’t really believe all lives matter because that’s crazy. Watch.

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Martin O’Malley: That was a mistake on my part, and I meant no disrespect. I did not mean to be insensitive in any way or to communicate that I did not understand the tremendous passion, commitment, and feeling and depth of feeling that all of us should be attaching to this issue.

Too late, o’meatball, damage done. You can’t say that you think all humans matter and expect to get away with that. Okay, now stop the music. We one more award, the lifetime achievement award. O’Malley’s epic gaffe wouldn’t be possible if others didn’t pave the way before him.

Our lifetime award goes to the idiot racist who said this: “In a sense we have come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed be in alienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” black men as well as white men. Good thing the Internet didn’t exist when that gem of doltishness was barfed out. Our lifetime achievement award goes to Martin Luther King Jr. Wow, congrats to another racist from history who, like my O’Malley, doesn’t get the idea that only black lives matter.

Seriously, did you ever think you would live in a world where you would see something like that? The man said people’s lives matter and was booed. Is the left even listening to what they’re saying anymore? You really have to sit in wonder at the modern left. You can’t say all lives matter without being branded a racist.

The audience at the Netroots Nation event actually booed O’Malley. First they denied God three times at the convention; now they’re booing all lives matter. And the guy apologizes for it. He didn’t say one group mattered more. He said everyone mattered. It’s the most acceptable thing anyone could ever say. It’s like saying we shouldn’t torture hamsters for sport. No one is supposed to be on the other side of this one, and the media somehow didn’t seem to find this pro-hamster torture stance particularly notable. That’s of course because they’re too busy trying to destroy Republicans. They don’t have time to mock Democrats, of course.

They’re going all in on Donald freaking Trump, who I believe should get the real dumbest politician award maybe for what he said about John McCain. Watch.

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Donald Trump: John McCain goes, oh boy, Trump makes my life difficult, he had 15,000 crazies show up, crazies. He called them all crazies. I said they weren’t crazy, they were great Americans. These people, if you would’ve seen these people, I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies. These weren’t crazy.

So, he insulted me, and he insulted everybody in that room. I said somebody should run against John McCain, who has been, in my opinion, not so hot. I supported him for president. I raised $1 million for him. That’s a lot of money. I supported him. He lost. He let us down. He lost. I never liked him as much after that because I don’t like losers.

Frank, let me get to it. He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured, okay? I hate to tell you. He’s a war hero because he was captured. Okay? I believe perhaps he’s a war hero, but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people.

He said a lot of very bad things. Look, I am not a John McCain defender by any means. I honestly can’t stand John McCain. He’s been a horrific senator. He is not a good guy. One of the lowest moments in my entire life was the day I cast a vote for him. Since leaving war, he has been a net negative for this country, but that being said, Trump’s comment was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. You’re not a hero if you’re captured? Is that how it works, Donald, really?

Marcus Luttrell was held in captivity and tortured. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was held in captivity and tortured. Jesus of Nazareth was held in captivity and tortured. I don’t know if Trump knows those stories despite all the Bibles he receives. He should read them.

Okay, so are all those people not heroes, really? Here’s the thing, Don, anyone with the balls to put on a uniform and charge into a battlefield screaming with gunfire, explosions, chaos, they’re all heroes in my book. Sure, some go above and beyond, but they’re all heroes. You think it would be easy to be tortured for six years and not give the enemy propaganda? Do you think it was easy to give six years of life to a freaking torture camp? Can you imagine Trump in a torture camp? He wouldn’t last six minutes, let alone six years.

In the meantime, he should at least watch Vietnam in HD or something on Netflix. Anyone who had to step foot in the hell on earth that was the Vietnam War, they’re heroes, Don. Perhaps if you get that, I don’t know, maybe if you hadn’t been the beneficiary of a generous medical deferment in 1968 for bone spurs on your heels, bone spurs. Trump was a collegiate athlete. Bone spurs? That usually keeps you out one game.

I guess there’s a word. Some people have used a word for people like that who avoided military service. They called them cowards. Believe me, I am a coward. I would know. You’re not a hero if you’re captured, seriously? This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard from a politician on either side of the aisle.

Despite how you feel about John McCain, can you imagine how you would’ve reacted if a current Democrat senator said something like that? You’d be looking for their scalp, and for good reason, which reminds me, is Al Franken still a senator? Because while the media is excoriating Donald Trump, rightfully so in my opinion, I mean, everyone seems to be, I don’t know, avoiding the issues. McCain’s military service is one thing, but everyone seems to be giving Al Franken a pass. Here’s what he said: “I have tremendous respect for McCain but I don’t buy the war hero thing. Anybody can be captured. I thought the idea was to capture them. As far as I’m concerned he sat out the war.”

Has Franken apologized for that? I’m curious because maybe I’m being a little too hard on him. I don’t know, he’s only had 15 years. He’s probably working up to the apology. Saying sorry it’s so hard.

While Trump insulted the troops, the issue with Trump is not his stance on the troops. There’s a bigger problem, namely he’s just a terrible human being. Whenever he thinks he’s being wronged or has an opponent, he just starts hurling idiotic insults. When he finds someone he thinks slighted him, he attacks personally, whether it’s justified or not, without regard to how personal or ridiculous. When you can’t calm your anger dealing with Rosie O’Donnell, the LPGA, and Cher, maybe you should not be anywhere near the button, especially when we’re living in a society that thinks all lives matter is a controversial statement.