The Context
Something has Glenn really lathered up. It's a tiny bottle of hotel shampoo with a hint of wild mint and a touch of ginseng. Gee, that sounds swell, what's the problem? Doesn't he care about his total well-being?
Hotel, Motel, Fancy Soaps Are In
"You know when you stay at a hotel and they have the shampoos --- and they're getting fancier and fancier --- no matter what hotel you stay in, they're getting fancier and fancier," Glenn explained Thursday on The Glenn Beck Program. "Are they supposed to make you feel like, 'Oh, my gosh, this $200 that I spent for this hotel room is darn well worth it now. Seven hundred dollars for a bed to stay overnight, sure, that sounds outrageous, but my gosh, the shampoo was unbelievable.' Now, I don't know about you, but when I go to a hotel and I get into the shower, I'm looking for shampoo. Now, let me define that. I'm looking for something that will wash my hair. I like to call it soap. Or if I really want to get fancy, I'll call it shampoo. But what is shampoo? Soap! That's what I'm looking for."
Keeping Up With the Kardashians
This sense of entitlement and wanting the best of the best (whether it's real or not) is permeating every aspect of our lives: "This is in everything. This isn't just shampoo," Glenn said. "This is in our our television. This is in our schools. This is in the groceries we buy --- in all of the advertisement. This is in our politicians."
Back to Basics
What is it that we really need in Washington, D.C.? "Let's be frank. Let's just be real honest," Glenn said. "It ain't ginseng and wild mint, it's soap. It's shampoo. I don't want the essence of anything anymore. I want the real deal. I want soap."
Common Sense Bottom Line
Let's stick to the basics and stop buying the hype. Donald Trump equals wild mint. First Principles equal soap, and America needs a good scrubbing.
Listen to a segment from The Glenn Beck Program:
Below is a rush transcript of this segment, it might contain errors:
GLENN: I have in my hands a little bottle of shampoo from a hotel. This bottle of shampoo pisses me off. But this bottle of shampoo explains everything that is going on in our lives. Everything that is happening to America. Everything that is happening in Washington. And the decision that you have to make when you decide who's going to be the next president, all, right here. All, right here, on a little, teeny plastic bottle of shampoo that you get at, you know, any hotel. It pisses me off. It will you. And you'll understand why, right now.
(music)
GLENN: You know when you stay at a hotel and they have the shampoos. And they're getting fancier and fancier. No matter what hotel you stay in, they're getting fancier and fancier. And I don't know. Are they supposed to make you feel like, "Oh, my gosh, this $200 that I spent for this hotel room is darn well worth it now." $700 for a bed to stay overnight, sure, that sounds outrageous. But my gosh, the shampoo was unbelievable.
This is a little, teeny bottle of shampoo that most people won't pay attention to, and they'll use it and it will sit there on the little ledge at the hotel waiting to greet the next unsuspecting guest and help put them to sleep.
It says, "Simply be well. Herbal solutions for total well-being." Now, I don't know about you, but when I go to a hotel and I get into the shower, I'm looking for shampoo. Now, let me define that. I'm looking for something that will wash my hair. I like to call it soap. Or if I really want to get fancy, I'll call it shampoo. But what is shampoo? Soap! That's what I'm looking for.
I'm not getting into the shower and saying, "My gosh. I wish there was a product on this shelf that would give me total well-being."
Now, I read the ingredients on this, and I don't know exactly what is giving me and my hair total well-being, but it might have something to do with above the word shampoo, it says, "Ginseng and wild mint." Now, I don't even know the difference between mint and wild mint.
Do we have to have little street urchins some place around the world in some glorious little village up in the Alps, where it's not mint they're growing in some sort of, you know -- you know, glass greenhouse. No, no, this is wild mint, picked by little street urchins. This is growing in the forest some place under the trees, and they're like, "Oh, Father, over here. I've got some more wild mint."
"Oh, good. Son, we'll be able to eat again tonight because we can sell it to that glorious shampoo company that is making everyone's life complete, and everyone will have well-being because we found the wild mint."
But it also has ginseng. And when I think of washing my hair, I think, "Honey, can you just make a cup of tea for me and throw it in my hair because that would be perfect." If I could just get some ginseng tea with a little bit -- why don't I just wash my hair in a coffee cup? Ginseng, wild mint shampoo for total well-being.
This is everything in our life. This isn't just the little shampoo. This is down to the shampoo that is sitting on the shelf at a -- at a motel or hotel. It's down to that level. It's down to the regular people who are like, "I just want some soap." This is not just in the fancy hotels. This is everywhere now. Wow, I can live the life of the stars. I can go into the Holiday Inn and I can wash my hair like the stars do, with ginseng and wild mint. Oh. Suddenly I'm overcome with this sense of total well-being.
This is in everything. This isn't just shampoo. This is in our -- this is in our -- our television. This is in our schools. This is in the groceries we buy. In all of the advertisement -- this is in our politicians.
What do we need in Washington? Let's be frank. Let's just be real honest. Like when you go and you're standing there naked in all your loveliness in the bathroom and you're ready to crawl into the bathtub and pull something -- as the water is coming out on your head and it's usually cold and you're standing there in the shower and you just want to get clean, what are you looking for? It ain't ginseng and wild mint, it's soap. It's shampoo.
When you're going in and instead of the shower curtain, it's the election booth curtain and you pull that closed, what is it you're looking for?
Well, I'm looking for total well-being, really. What I'm looking for is a politician that has maybe just a touch of green tea and aloe.
No. You're looking for soap. You're looking for somebody who is going to clean this up. That's it.
Now, I don't even know how much green tea or ginseng or wild mint is actually in this, but I bet it's just the mere essence. The mere essence of wild mint. You don't need that much. I mean, sure, it's total well-being, but you don't want to put a lot in there. It's like nitroglycerin. My God, man! Not more than the essence of wild mint! That's all you need. Good Lord!
You look at the -- you look at you will at crap that is on the back of a shampoo bottle, it's got a bunch of -- in the ingredients, it has a bunch of crap you don't even know. What is it? Cleaning chemicals. That's all that is. Soap, that's all that is. The rest is just a perfume to stop the soap. Have you ever had soap that's made, you know, like real soap, like the way they used to make it? It stinks. It's nasty. It will get you clean. But it's nasty stuff. It doesn't smell good. That's what the politicians do.
They put just a hint of wild mint and ginseng on them so they don't stink so bad, when all I really want is soap. All I really want is something that is going to clean Washington up. And we all know what that is. What is it that's going to do that? What is it that's going to do that? What is the soap?
First principles. Period. That's it. I don't know why we're arguing about everything.
Hey, Hillary Clinton, did she send the emails? Did she not send the emails? What did she do? Should she go to jail?
Yeah, she should go to jail. She's admitted to sending emails. She has -- her own emails. When she says -- and this is very carefully worded, "I did not send or receive anything classified. I did not send or receive anything marked classified." You know why? We have it in her own emails from her saying, "Well, all you have to do is cut out -- cut off the top secret classification from the top and the bottom, and then just send me the body of the text and I'll say we didn't send or receive anything classified." That's in her own emails. She's saying how to get around it.
And, by the way, you were the Secretary of State for how many years? You never sent or received. You never had any classified -- you only had your server. That's how you got your emails. That's how you did business. You never sent or received anything? The hell were you doing? Were you in the hotels with the ginseng and wild tea, with the wild mint. Was that you just, "Oh, my gosh. I've just been lathering all day, I have such total well-being here." She should be getting dozens of classified briefings and emails every day. The hell we paying her for?
No, I didn't -- classified, what? I don't even know what you're talking about. So what's going to clean that up?
The soap of the Constitution. Period. We don't need any new laws. We don't need any fancy anything. Did she break the law? Yes or no. Yes or no question. But -- no. It's a yes or no question. Yes, she did -- no, no. You save all of your ginseng and all your wild mint for someone else.
Here's what I want: Soap.
Donald Trump is another great example. He's going to clean things up. Is he? Does he know the Constitution? Is there any soap involved in this guy? He may just be ginseng and wild mint, without any shampoo. He's just the essence that smells good.
Why would I say that? Because what is the soap that will clean up Washington? The soap that will clean up Washington is the rule of law and the Constitution. He doesn't talk about that. He still is talking more and more every day as he's becoming more and more confident about how he will cut deals. That's the problem.
And all of us are looking at him and saying, "Yeah, yeah, I know. But he's got maybe a little bit of aloe in him. I don't know. A green tea. So nice in him." And what is that green tea, what is that aloe? The aloe, the salve that he has an essence of is anger. You're angry, he's angry. That's a little salve, on your frizzy ends of your hair. But it's not really going to help. There's not enough aloe in the green tea and aloe shampoo to do a damn thing. It just makes you feel better. It just makes you stand out of the shower and go, "Oh, my gosh. I have total well-being." And yet, nothing has changed. Nothing has changed.
As you're looking at the candidates that you need to vote for, which one of them is soap? And which one of them is providing you with a total well-being? Which one of you is like the stupid, little container of shampoo that pisses me off, that is trying to be something it will never be and can never be? Shampoo is not made to provide anyone at any time, no matter how expensive or how good it is, it will never provide total well-being. Period.
Are we that shallow? Are we this stupid? I don't want the essence of anything anymore. I want the real deal. I want soap.
Featured Image: Photo Credit: MSPhotographic
