Glenn Laughs It Up With the Real Live Steven Crowder

You never have to wait long to get down to laughs with Steven Crowder, but he barely got a sentence out Friday on The Glenn Beck Program without letting the jokes fly.

“Do we have a clip of that, Pat?” Glenn asked co-host Pat Gray. “Let's see if we can play a clip of that. We'll get Steven on the phone. Steven, are you there?”

Crowder quickly quipped back in his typical fashion, dripping in sarcasm.

“I am here, sir. But I am not a clip.”

“I know you're not a clip,” Glenn chuckled.

With all the pleasantries out of the way, the two jumped right into finding the humor in the politics of the day – and of course socialism.

A Man of Many Talents

GLENN: Tell me about the audio here. Tell me what you did.

STEVEN: A lot of people, Republicans, conservatives, particularly those kind of in the AM radio set, why do you keep focusing on Bernie instead of Hillary? Because he is a movement candidate. And people specifically my age who are far, far removed from the authoritarian left and socialism or communism, they buy this myth that if you put "democratic" before "socialism," which is what Bernie Sanders does, all of a sudden it's different from socialism. So it's a 20-minute video, but pretty in-depth. It's designed to point out why that, of course, is folly.

GLENN: That's not usually what you do, Steven. Is it?

STEVEN: Sometimes. I'm a man of many -- I wouldn't say -- talents. I'm a man who tries many things. It's just so irking. You know, I show up at colleges. And unlike these other people, you know, they'll stir the pot. They'll try and have protests so they can post it on -- like, I just want to do comedy, right? I just want to do jokes.

But I have so many stand up and go, "What about corporate system, man? And the top 1 percent, the fact that the countries like Norway and Denmark -- I want to my head to explode, and I want to spontaneously combust. So I say, "Okay. Before I have to do this in another Q&A, at a college campus, let's make one video."

Also, you know, I was raised in it. I was raised in socialism. I experienced socialized health care. I was in Quebec. My mom still talks with the accent. People in Texas can't understand her. It's got to be addressed at some point. I hate that I have to do it. But, you know, we all have our cross to bear.

A Democratic Socialist by Any Other Name Is... A Communist

GLENN: You know, we found something -- a fact about democratic socialism, that the term was actually coined by Lenin.

STEVEN: Yeah.

GLENN: And the revolution of the Soviet Union, which we found it incredible. There's no difference.

STEVEN: No, no. Exactly. As a matter of fact, we include that in the video. We have paper-cut-out Lenin, which some people find offensive. But I just find Lenin offensive. So, you know, different strokes.

We talk about how he says, yeah, that the goal of socialism is necessarily communism. For some reason -- you know, my producer, for all of his faults, over there at your affiliate, he had a brilliant point: Democratic socialism is just communism with a check box. You can paint it any way you want. For some reason, people buy this.

And one thing, Glenn, as someone who lives in the United States and was raised in Canada, whenever they say, "We are the only nation -- the United States is the only country that does not have, insert socialist program here." I go, "Yeah, that's how we became America. There's the whole point. We left because of that. We wanted to say we're the only guys we do this." How is that an argument?

But the problem is, younger people believe it. Something fascinating, Glenn, I wrote about this on the website, just a couple days ago. Cuban-Americans, like Ted Cruz's dad, right? Were either Republicans or they saw you as communists. For the first time, Cuban-Americans now lean Democratic. You know why? Because these kids are two generations removed, and they just never experienced communism or socialism. So to them, they hear Bernie, he's going to give you free money, free college, and free health care, all of a sudden it sounds good because you put "democratic" before it. It's mind-numbing.

Misappropriation of Culture

GLENN: Talk about the kid with the dreadlocks. The white kid with the dreadlocks that was pummeled by -- because you're not part of the black culture, kid.

STEVEN: Yeah. Neither was the band Corn. I mean, new metal in the early 2000s, all it was was dreads swinging around on MTV. It was horrible. This is an actual story: A black story who works -- she works at this campus, grabs and physically assaults this white student for racial appropriation because he's wearing cornrows. Now, I know there must be more to this story. There's not. There's not. That's the story. She assaults a white kid for wearing cornrows because it's racist. I don't -- if someone is going to say, hey, you're white. You can't wear cornrows. Why? It's cultural appropriation. You say, well, you're black. You can't wear Levi's. I mean, we've kind of exchanged these goods for a long time. They're stylistic.

John Kasich: The Indifference Affair

GLENN: Talk to me about John Kasich. This is a guy that is -- you know, I think acting as a spoiler in the race. You seem to have a real hatred for John Kasich.

STEVEN: Come on. That's not fair. You know what nobody has ever said -- nobody ever pops their head off their pillow and says, "I hate John Kasich."

GLENN: Right. There's no passion for John Kasich. So -- but you have called him an insufferable fraud.

PAT: I don't know. I'm pretty close to hatred for John Kasich. I'm teetering on the brink. Yeah.

STEVEN: I don't know.

JEFFY: Did you know that his dad was a mailman?

PAT: Yeah, and that almost pushes me over the edge.

GLENN: With John Kasich, I happen to agree with Steven. You can't really hate him because nobody really loves him. The opposite of hate is -- well, no, the opposite of love is indifference. So I guess you would have to hate him. Because, I mean, most people really are -- you look at John Kasich and he doesn't bring anything out of you.

STEVEN: No, no. He doesn't. You know, it's 2016, right. You know what you never hear anybody say if you're talking politics with your. Damn that Gerald Ford, it doesn't come up. It's same thing. I don't think people think of John Kasich, outside of the fact that right now the guy is just a major, major turd. The way he is acting it is unbelievable. There's no way for him to win.

He was sitting there. And people were going, "Why is Ted Cruz trying to bump you out of the election right now?" No, you're bumping yourself out -- by the way, incredible loser. You have to give it to John Kasich. When it comes to losing, the guy is tough. I don't know how he figured it out, but he does incredibly well. My problem is with the fakery. It's the fakery of Donald Trump acting like he's tough. Oh, I'm very tough. Someone should just respond with, okay. Fifteen push-ups. Let's start with that. Just call him out on it. When John Kasich says I'm a nice guy, everything he's ever done has been underhanded. And if you look at the article that I wrote, by all personal accounts, John McCain, Newt Gingrich, John Kasich is an act in person. Nothing about him is true. That's my problem. Outside of that, I never think of the guy.

The Glass Ceiling for Trump

GLENN: Steven, Pat said that he thought that Donald Trump hit his high-water mark, and it's all downhill from here because of everything he's done in the last two weeks is just to crap all over women.

STEVEN: Yeah. Listen, I don't know if this is borderline appropriate. Because the only reason it ever occurred to me -- and, Glenn, I know the only time it ever occurred to me to think of Heidi Cruz, to rate her attractiveness, is when Donald Trump imply she was ugly. So I did my due diligence. I did research. And I thought, "Ted seems to be swinging above his batting average. I think she's a good-looking woman."

GLENN: That's not -- I think five mistresses is so ridiculous. The guy just doesn't have enough game. Come on. It's Ted Cruz.

STEVEN: Yeah, that's my point. He should be grateful he has Heidi.

GLENN: Yeah.

STEVEN: If Ted wanted, he could buy them. Mail-order brides. Or you could buy portions of them. It just doesn't impress me that much. I also don't think it's a fair comparison. Let's compare these wives. And people typed in, Ted Cruz first wife, and Donald Trump first wife. And it looked like the female gremlin, not a great movie. But more character. Jim Hanson, PGI. I think the first wife comparison is more valid.

The Democrats are turning on Biden

Mario Tama / Staff | Getty Images

The election is over, Kamala Harris has officially conceded, and now the Democrats are doing some serious soul-searching.

After reflecting long and hard (approximately 24 hours), the Democrats have discovered the real reason Harris lost the election. Was it Trump's excellent campaign that resonated with voters? Was it Harris's off-putting personality? Or was it her failure to distinguish herself from the Biden administration's failed policies?

No, it was Joe Biden. All the blame lies on President Biden's shoulders. The Left sees no need to take any real responsibility for the landslide defeat the Democrats suffered earlier this week; just pass the blame on to 'ole Joe.

Here are the leading excuses the Left is spinning up to explain Harris's crushing defeat:

"Biden should have dropped out sooner."

Kevin Dietsch / Staff | Getty Images

This is the crux of the left-wing media's argument against Biden. They claim that if Joe Biden had dropped out earlier, Harris would have had more time to campaign and would not have had to carry around the baggage of Biden's abysmal debate performance. This could make sense, but what these commentators are conveniently forgetting are the years of propaganda these very same people promoted arguing that Biden's declining mental acuity was nothing more than a right-wing conspiracy theory. If Biden had been as sharp as they had told us, why would he have dropped out?

Also, if a lack of time was Harris's biggest issue this election, she sure didn't act like it. She was practically in hiding for the first several weeks of her campaign and she took plenty of days off, including during the last few crucial weeks. More time wouldn't have helped her case.

"Harris failed to distance herself from Biden."

Kevin Dietsch / Staff | Getty Images

This is media gaslighting at its finest. Yes, Harris failed to distance herself from Biden. However, that's because she, along with the rest of the Left, publically went on record defending Biden's policies and his mental acuity. By the time Harris became the nominee, she had already said too much in favor of Biden. Don't forget Harris's infamous “There is not a thing that comes to mind,” quote after being asked on The View if she would do anything differently than Biden. In a way, Harris couldn't separate herself from Biden without drawing attention to the greatest flaw in her campaign: if she knew how to fix the country, why hasn't she?

"Harris did the best anyone could have done in that situation."

Brandon Bell / Staff | Getty Images

But did she really? As mentioned earlier, she was noticeably absent for much of the campaign. While Trump was busy jumping into interviews, events, and rallies non-stop, Harris was MIA. Whenever Harris did manage to make an appearance, it almost always did more harm than good by highlighting her lack of a robust policy platform and her inability to string together a coherent sentence. Notable examples include her aforementioned appearance on The View and her disastrous interview on Fox News with Bret Baier. The point is, even considering the limited time to campaign she had, Kamala Harris wasnot the best person for the job and there are undoubtedly many other Democrats who would have run a much more successful campaign.

Glenn: I'm filled with hope. And you should be, too.

Chip Somodevilla / Staff | Getty Images

The election was a major blow to draconian globalist organizations. Now, we could have a true rebirth of freedom and the American dream.

Millions of people around the world were holding their breath on election night. I've talked to Europeans to try to get a bead on what’s happening over there. There are Europeans like you and me who are frustrated with their own globalist, tyrannical bureaucracies telling them how to live and what to believe. If Donald Trump didn’t win, where in the world would they look to for hope that this madness would stop? Which leader could they count on to stand in the gap against their globalist elites? They, too, had a lot on the line in our election last night.

But today brings hope, not only in America but for freedom-loving people worldwide.

We need to restore the balance of power in the federal government — the way America’s founders intended.

We know Trump is going to stop the madness at the southern border. He is going to deport serial criminals and sex offenders who entered our country under Biden and Harris' watch. The media will try to convince you that deportations are something akin to Hitler, but they turn a blind eye to their Democratic predecessors who have deported even more illegal immigrants than Trump. In fact, Bill Clinton deported more illegal immigrants than any president in U.S. history, shipping 11 million out of the country in the 1990s. In contrast, Trump deported less than a million during his first term, which is even less than the 1.8 million under the Obama administration.

Deportations of criminals who are in our country illegally is critical to protecting the safety of the American people, a practice that has been exercised by presidents for decades.

Our friends across the pond have been witnessing the destruction of their societies since EU globalists opened Europe's floodgates to immigrants in 2015. Crime is rampant, communities governed by Sharia law are multiplying, and their social programs are being pushed to a breaking point. Tuesday night gave them reason to hope. America is going to say, "No more," and perhaps this will be the rallying cry for our European brothers-in-arms to stand up as well.

The election was also a major blow to draconian globalist organizations. The United States will no longer be beholden to the Paris Climate Accords. Our nation will no longer give credence to the World Economic Forum. We won’t give the World Health Organization a single penny more. All these very well-planned globalist initiatives are going away.

But Trump can't act alone. Thank God we won the Senate. This is an incredible step forward, but for these big plans to come to fruition, we need the House. If the Republicans — actual freedom-loving, Constitution-abiding Republicans don't have the House, you’re not going to be able to get things done except by executive order, which we don’t want to do. One reason things were so bad during the last four years is that Joe Biden simply signed executive orders to reverse everything that Trump accomplished, completely bypassing Congress. We have to do it the right way. We need to restore the balance of power in the federal government the way America’s founders intended.

One of the most hopeful things Trump said Tuesday night is that we’re going to enter a new golden era in America. I believe him. He could have said that in 2020, and I wouldn't have believed him as much as I believe him now. That’s because Trump now has a team of people that's not exclusively comprised of politicians.

Bringing in somebody like Elon Musk is one of the most hopeful things for our country I've witnessed in my lifetime. I know that guy can cut spending. I know he will find the waste in our government because he's not a government guy he's a businessman. He's going to slash all the redundancies that have been justified by career bureaucrats for decades. We have a chance of cutting our budget and creating a reasonable one.

Trump’s promise to cut regulations also spells hope for our country. He cut more regulation in his first term than any other president, but Biden and Harris have since added a mountain of rules. He will have his work cut out for him, but he will get it done. He must if this economy will roar again.

We could have a true rebirth of freedom and the American dream, and I find that really hopeful. So many Americans are tired of worrying about their kids struggling and seeing Bidenomics and regulation yank from their children's hands the possibility of the American dream that they attained. Donald Trump is the biggest chance of bringing it back.

Today, I’m filled with hope. Real, tangible hope. And you should be, too.

Editor's Note: This article was originally published on TheBlaze.com.

TOP FIVE liberal meltdowns to Trump's victory

MANDEL NGAN / Contributor | Getty Images

Conservatives are celebrating Donald Trump's election for what feels like the first major conservative victory over the past four years. But how are our liberal friends holding up? Has anyone checked on them recently?

Some of them aren't doing too well, and quite a few have an inexplicable desire to share their anguish with the world on social media. We've waded through a torrent of liberal tears to bring you the top FIVE best responses to Donald Trump's 2024 victory:

The Car Screamer

This first one is in a category we've dubbed, the "Screamers." These include people who have been so overcome with rage that they have lost the ability to communicate with words. Instead, they revert to a more primitive form of communication, usually composed of some combination of screams, shrieks, sobs, and wild gesticulations. There are dozens of "Screamer" videos across the internet, but this one takes the cake for the most animated and over-the-top.

Sunny Hostin's Meltdown

Just to prove that the daytime talk show "The View" is completely out of touch, host Sunny Hostin tried to rationalize Trump's victory using identity politics. Hostin dismissed the idea that Harris lost due to her less popular policy and instead suggested it was because of her race and gender along with the religion of her husband. She clearly forgot about JD Vance and his mixed-race family.

CNN Watches the Election Crumble Around Them

In this clip, you can actually hear the defeat setting in as the CNN host realizes that Kamala Harris is losing. When asked to see a map of the counties where Harris was over-preforming Joe Biden in 2020, Jake Tapper was flabbergasted when the map came up blank.

The Calm Coper

At least this guy isn't screaming. Instead, he regurgitates the lies and propaganda fed to him by the media with a strangely robotic cadence. He's trying to project calm intelligence, but all he is really doing is coping and seething.

The Screamer Compilation 

Just in case you didn't get enough of, the "Screamers," here is a handy compilation that perfectly sums up the liberal response to Trump's victory.

Biggest takeaways from Trump's HISTORIC election

John Moore / Staff | Getty Images

"Too big to rig" was the 2024 Trump strategy, and it was proven true on election day.

President Trump declared victory early in the morning on Wednesday, November 6, 2024, after securing the required 270 electoral college votes, marking an exciting end to a historic campaign. Since then, more electoral college votes have trickled in for Trump and he has secured 51 percent of the popular vote. There is no space for the Democrats to contest his election.

Trump's victory is just the beginning! Here are the top takeaways from election night:

Trump sweeps the swing states

Andrew Lichtenstein / Contributor | Getty Images

Seven swing states were poised to make or break the election: Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, Georgia, North Carolina, Arizona, and Nevada. At the time of this article's publication, Trump had won Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Georgia, Michigan, and North Carolina and was poised to win Arizona and Nevada in what could be a total sweep of the swing states. The "swing state sweep" is a stunning victory for Trump.

The GOP takes the Senate

TIMOTHY A. CLARY / Contributor | Getty Images

The presidential race wasn't the only important election yesterday. Approximately one-third of the Senate was up for re-election. At the time of this article's publication, Republicans had officially clinched a majority in the Senate, flipping three seats from the Democrats in Montana, Ohio, and West Virginia, giving the GOP 52 of the 100 Senate seats. In addition, Republicans are poised to win a seat in Pennsylvania and Nevada, which would further cement their lead.

Republicans lead in the House

Bloomberg / Contributor | Getty Images

Seats in the House of Representatives were also up for grabs as Republicans fought to keep control of the House. The race is currently too close to call, but at the moment, the GOP is holding the lead with 201 seats — only 17 seats away from a majority. This means there is a real possibility that the White House, the House of Representatives, and the Senate could all be held by Republicans.