If only Glenn had shown up in his Braveheart costume with blue-painted face to save Mother's Day. Unfortunately for co-host Pat Gray, no such luck. Pat's version of Mother's Day was riddled with politically progressive pleasantries.
"My son-in-law tends to be . . . he's got a . . . I'm going to put this very . . . he's got a very gentle heart. Isn't that a nice?" Pat said.
Well, that's sweet, but there seems to be something more there.
"He's a bleeding heart liberal," Pat admitted.
What heated political topic drove Pat nuts this Mother's Day? Transgender bathrooms? Illegal Immigration? Right to life issues?
"You know what it was? Food," Pat said. "Food."
Some people, it turns out, don't realize they're making bad food choices that are harmful to their bodies.
Sounds like a case for government intervention.
"It's funny because, Pat, you say it's not about politics . . . and the issue, of course here, is that it is about politics, right?" co-host Stu said. "The answer to that might be, I will start an educational program. I will start a website that will inform people. I will try to do outreach to these communities."
Naturally, progressives think dumb people who don't know the difference between "good" and "bad" food need help from the government.
"Because progressives have not changed. They have only lowered the consequence. Back in the early Progressive Era, around the 1900s, these people were idiots. There were idiot houses," Glenn said. "They were idiots. They were degenerates. They were people that were going to spoil the race because they were too stupid."
"These are the people that Margaret Sanger talked about," Pat said.
And what did Margaret Sanger and her ilk want to do to stupid people?
"Their idea was to eliminate them, and it was not Hitler that did the gas chamber. It was, what's his name? George Bernard Shaw. He's the guy that came up with the gas chamber. So their idea was to eliminate these people. The progressives have not changed. They still believe these people are idiots. They just think that now we have to care for them," Glenn said.
"Their punishment has changed. They don't want to eliminate them. They just want to control them now," Pat said.
Below is a rush transcript of this segment, it might contain errors:
GLENN: So I just unplugged this weekend from politics entirely. Pat didn't have that opportunity.
JEFFY: Just like you.
PAT: No, I didn't.
JEFFY: Oh, no?
GLENN: Yeah. Because Pat has allowed his children to marry.
PAT: Well, my -- my -- I -- my son-in-law --
STU: I think you as well.
GLENN: Yeah, but I approve. I approve.
PAT: My son-in-law tends to be -- he's got a -- I'm going to put this very -- he's got a very gentle heart. Isn't that a nice?
JEFFY: He does?
PAT: He's a bleeding heart liberal.
And he's liberal on some things, but he's conservative enough on other things to where, you know, most of the time you can get along.
JEFFY: And that's what you talked about mostly all weekend was all the conservative stuff that you see eye to eye on.
PAT: No. No. No.
GLENN: It's not even politics that drove him nuts. It's not even politics.
PAT: You know what it was? Food. Food.
PAT: So he starts going off on food and nutrition and all --
GLENN: What's he do? Is he a nutritionist?
PAT: He's going to school, and he's studying in -- one of his classes involves food.
GLENN: You know him really well.
PAT: So he and Jackie are talking about food. Because you know what a health nut she is in nutrition and all that stuff.
GLENN: I know. I know.
PAT: And so they're talking about that. And I'm fine with that. And then he starts in on how there are people in this world who just don't know the food that's good for them.
PAT: They just don't understand what food is good for them. And I said, "What?"
Who are these people? Because I've never met them. I mean, you might think by looking at me that I don't know, but I do. And I disregard all that knowledge and consume the food.
Who doesn't know about food?
GLENN: Happy Mother's Day.
PAT: And he's like --
JEFFY: Can you pass me the mashed potatoes?
PAT: And he's like, "No, Pat, people just don't. They don't know. A lot of people don't know. A lot of them." I said, "In the United States of America, there are a lot of people who don't know?" And then my daughter starts in, "Well, in your area, Dad, like you guys have really nice grocery stores. There's some people who only have Walmart." Walmart? You can get fine food in Walmart!
STU: And, by the way, that's where I go to shop with the choice of all the great grocery stores.
PAT: Right. Most of us do because it's really cheap, right?
GLENN: And it's good food.
PAT: You can get good food cheaply.
JEFFY: You can get other things there.
STU: Yeah. They also have --
JEFFY: It's all in one.
GLENN: Now, can you get Duck ‡ l'orange at Walmart?
PAT: No, but you can't get it where I shop either.
GLENN: Okay. I can't where I shop either. I don't know where you buy Duck ‡ l'orange.
PAT: I think you buy the duck and then you buy the ‡ l'orange, and you can put them together at home. I think that's what happens.
GLENN: Okay. I don't know.
PAT: But you can do that at Walmart too. And so, anyway, he's -- at one point, he said there was something -- something like a Hispanic woman that he saw outside his work, and she was drinking some large cappuccino or frappuccino or something with all kinds of cream. And it was huge. And he was like, "Do you think she knew what she was doing with her body?" Yes. And I think she disregarded.
GLENN: Why is it important --
PAT: Why -- and why don't you think it's -- she knew?
GLENN: Well, that's what I was going to ask you: Why did he point out she was Hispanic?
PAT: I don't know. I don't know. Because in Hispanic community, they have less knowledge than we do? I mean, I think that's really insulting to Hispanics.
PAT: To blacks. And liberals do this though. They -- it is the -- it is the -- it's the prejudice of low expectations.
GLENN: Yes. Yes.
PAT: It's the racism of low expectations.
JEFFY: It's way of saying, all she had to do was go to this fast food store.
PAT: I'm like, are there schools? Is there television? Is there internet? Has she seen a newspaper? Is there a magazine? Is there a flier?
GLENN: Is there a nutritional guide?
PAT: Is there a nutritional guide on -- which none of us look at, but are there all those things? And aside from that, you inherently know, ice cream is not as good for me as broccoli. I know because of the taste. Everyone knows it. But for some reason, we're supposed to believe that -- that minorities don't that know.
GLENN: Because progressives have not changed. They have only lowered the consequence. Back in the early Progressive Era, around the 1900s, these people were idiots. There were idiot houses.
GLENN: Crazy houses. Idiot houses. They were idiots. They were degenerates. They were people that were going to spoil the race because they were too stupid.
PAT: These are the people that Margaret Sanger talked about.
GLENN: Margaret Sanger. And so their idea was to eliminate them. And it was not Hitler that did the gas chamber. It was, what's his name? George Bernard Shaw. He's the guy that came up with the gas chamber. So their idea was to eliminate these people. The progressives have not changed. They still believe these people are idiots. They just think that now we have to care for them.
PAT: Their punishment has changed. They don't want to eliminate them. They just want to control them now.
STU: And it's funny because, Pat, you say it's not about politics, which it was about food. And the issue, of course, here is that it is about politics, right?
PAT: It is. Because what do you do about it?
STU: Because the solution -- you have every right to think everyone else is an idiot and doesn't know what is in their frappuccino. The answer to that might be, I will start an educational program. I will start a website that will inform people. I will try to do outreach to these communities.
GLENN: I'll learn how to speak Spanish so I can say, "Lady, what are you doing, fatso?"
STU: El lardo, get out of the street. You'll do whatever you have to do.
GLENN: I don't think that's Spanish.
STU: I think it is.
PAT: You have to put an O on street.
GLENN: Again, I don't think adding O to words is Spanish.
STU: The problem with the approach is you're doing it through government enforcing it. It's taking these beliefs that you have and saying, "Because I'm progressive and I'm smarter than everybody else, I get to be right and enforce it on everyone else, instead of letting them make their own decision."
PAT: Right. Exactly.
GLENN: It's amazing. Because these people are the ones that believe in Darwin. Survival of the fittest.
GLENN: Then let them die in their fatness.
PAT: Yes. Or us. Because we're part of that, right? We're four fat guys sitting on two different couches that we barely fit on.
GLENN: I don't know if you know this, America is the fattest country in the world.
PAT: Except it's not. Except it's not. That came up in the discussion too.
GLENN: I was going to say, it sounds almost like -- you know that --
PAT: That America is the fattest -- that's one of the things he said was America's the fattest country on earth. And my son quickly thought, "Hmm, I don't think that's true." My 18-year-old son it up quickly on Google and finds out we're number seven. We're number seven. Mexico is ahead of us. Iceland is ahead of us. There's a bunch of countries. There's six countries ahead of us.
JEFFY: Is that true?
GLENN: I had no idea.
PAT: Yeah, most people don't.
JEFFY: We're always told we're the fattest.
PAT: We're always told -- and we just accept -- and I think at one time it was true. Five, six, seven years ago, we probably did top one of those lists. But I think in 2012, Mexico passed us. And now so have others.
GLENN: You know why? They've adopted our western way of life.
PAT: And that's why our western way of life needs to stop.
STU: It does seem to be winning a lot, doesn't it?
GLENN: I'd rather have the problem of fat than starvation.
PAT: Well, yes. That's the greatest problem that has ever faced mankind. Why would you rather do? Die of a heart attack when you're 65 or die of malnutrition and starvation at 16? I'm taking 65. Thank you very much.
STU: You talk about that story from the Soviet Union many times where they showed a documentary of what was going on in the United States about poor people.
GLENN: Poverty. This happened during the Reagan administration. This is when Gorbachev knew they were losing.
60 Minutes did this horrible, horrible piece on homelessness in America and how -- how bad the poor and the homeless were living in America. And he thought, look, they're taking -- they're taking themselves down. We can't be accused of propaganda. We'll take that 60 Minutes, and we'll play it on our state television and say, "This isn't coming from us. There's no edits here." It backfired because all the people looked at the poorest among us and went, "Holy cow, look at how they're living."
STU: They're overweight.
GLENN: They're overweight. They are -- look at what they have. Oh, my gosh.
And that was the story on poverty in America.
PAT: Wow. Wow.
STU: It's a good problem to have, man.
GLENN: Great problem.
STU: It's a problem that has evaded every other country in human history in any other time. The fact that you have to worry about eating too much, not having the -- the official supply or enough supply to get through and, you know, keep yourself fed. That was always the problem.
PAT: They would say, it's only because we're eating the wrong foods.
STU: Yeah, by the way, that's not true. Study after study after study has shown the same mineral intake, the same vitamin intake, similar caloric intakes. It has nothing to do with that across the spectrum. Obviously, the food taste goes down when you can spend less on it.
GLENN: We were talking about this the other day. Imagine what food tasted like 100 years ago.
STU: Oh, it was probably horrible.
GLENN: Horrible. When everything had to be preserved with salt. So all of the meat, everything, all preserved with salt. Or smoke. Can you imagine how dark -- without sugar. How dark the food was? How salty and nasty food was?
PAT: Could not have looked appetizing.
GLENN: Oh, no.
JEFFY: But did you -- Pat, some people have to shop at Walmart.
PAT: Yeah, I know.
GLENN: I know. That's horrible.
PAT: I know. Really, it's crazy.
GLENN: Can you imagine?
PAT: Because you can't get lettuce.
STU: I love Walmart. I freaking love Walmart.
GLENN: Can you imagine taking people from any second world country --
JEFFY: Oh, my gosh.
GLENN: -- and bringing them to Walmart. How they would just be overwhelmed. They would look at that and say, "Oh, this is disgusting."
PAT: The choices you have.
GLENN: Can you imagine? Not third world. Any second world country.
PAT: They wouldn't know what to do.
GLENN: Many places in Europe, they would come to that and go, "Oh, my gosh. Look at this." And we are rejecting it. Don't get me started. Because I'm about to go into an ugly, ugly place.
PAT: Thank you. Welcome to my Mother's Day.
GLENN: Thank you. Thank you.
And now, this. Why didn't you call me? I would have gladly come and battled it out. I would have painted my face and come over there.
JEFFY: You were busy arranging.
GLENN: I would have -- I would have dressed and painted my face like Braveheart and come with a battle ax.