Article courtesy of Uproxx, written by Brian Grubb.
If you are any sort of American, you are probably going to a cookout this weekend. This cookout will likely feature grilled meats and adult beverages as far as the eye can see, as the Founding Fathers intended. At some point during the festivities, a man standing at the grill will point a greasy spatula at your chest and ask, “Hot dog or hamburger?” and you will say “One of each,” and then he will ask “Cheese on the burger?” and you will say “Yes,” because this is not your first go-round with patriotism. And then, after you collect your flame-kissed meats and arrange them on your plastic plate next to heaping piles of potato salad and salt-based snack foods, you will make your way to the condiments, where an overweight man wearing jorts and a sleeveless concert t-shirt will briefly interrupt his loud, incorrect rant about a local sports franchise to shoot you an accusatory glance and say, “You better not be puttin’ ketchup on that hot dog.”
This man is not your friend. This man is no one’s friend. This man is a bad American.