Conspiracy theorists came out swinging following the first presidential debate, accusing Hillary of wearing a robotic cough suppressor that also alleviated symptoms of Parkinson's disease. Unfortunately, it was a waste of time. Hillary's alternate reality provides more than enough fodder to prove she's completely unfit for the presidency.
Read below or watch the clip for answers to these suppressed questions:
• What illogical reason did Hillary give to prove she has stamina?
• Does Glenn wear a robotic cough suppressor?
• Do women deserve equal pay if they do as good of a job as men?
• How long would it take a person devoid of corruption to testify before Congress?
• Does filing for bankruptcy make you a good businessperson?
Below is a rush transcript of this segment, it might contain errors:
GLENN: Holy cow. We have to -- can we start at the conspiracy theory of the day?
STU: Of course.
GLENN: Have you seen the conspiracy theory about Hillary Clinton's robotic, anti- -- or her cough suppresser.
GLENN: Her robotic cough suppresser.
STU: So stupid.
PAT: I haven't seen that.
STU: Isn't it just her microphone?
GLENN: Yeah, it's her microphone. Yeah, it's a -- a hidden device -- a hidden device on the back of Hillary Clinton's clothing.
GLENN: It was an instrument that sends impulses to the brain to alleviate symptoms of Parkinson's disease.
You'll never guess who came up with this one. I like to call it a battery pack.
STU: For the microphone that she's wearing plainly.
GLENN: Right. Well, that's what it is: A battery pack and transmitter for the microphone. Which you can see, there's the battery pack, and then you can see underneath her like sweater thing is the microphone cable going up. And if you look at the picture of her standing the other direction, which I don't think I have, you see that her microphone is right there.
STU: Right. Which we are all aware of --
GLENN: And show me your battery pack.
STU: Oh, it's right here.
GLENN: Right here. There's your battery pack. Here's my battery pack. But if you're on television, it's always in the back.
STU: And they normally don't want you to see it.
GLENN: Right. And if you're wearing a dress with women, it is usually underneath their dress. And they look like they have a big huge bump right to the center of their back, where -- like, they clip it on the bra usually. Is that the way they do it? Underneath, yeah. So they clip it no their bra, so it looks like they have this big square box. That's why you never see Megyn Kelly from the back.
PAT: All women on television have Parkinson's disease, and that little device helps them control it.
GLENN: Well --
PAT: It's weird.
GLENN: -- it's not Parkinson's only, Pat. It's a cough suppresser.
PAT: Oh, what else is there? Okay.
JEFFY: I mean, if you're going to hide it, what a perfect place that is --
PAT: Cough suppresser. Is there such a thing? Does such a device exist?
PAT: Then you would think Michael J. Fox would have that at all times. Right?
GLENN: Yes, yes. And he would be fine. Yeah. Why take medicine? Why not just have the Parkinson's --
PAT: The little device that helps you suppress it. I mean, I'd wear that all the time if I had it.
GLENN: I'm wearing it now.
STU: If anything, it proves Hillary is nuts. It's, of course, her incredibly lengthy testimony in front of numerous corruption investigations, which is essentially her excuse.
Oh, yeah. You don't think I have stamina? Well, I sat in front of an investigation for 11 hours and answered questions about how corrupt I am. So that proves you're wrong.
That's not making a point you want to make, Hillary.
JEFFY: Made it pretty good though.
PAT: Yeah, she coughed her brains multiple times on that, if you remember that. She coughed her brains out several times.
JEFFY: Yeah, she did.
STU: That's not a --
GLENN: Her actual brains came out?
PAT: Her brains came out.
JEFFY: It was ugly.
STU: Correct me if I'm wrong, I thought that was an amazing moment in the debate that for some reason, Trump missed her excuse for saying how healthy she was, was to say she gets berated through lengthy questioning and testimony in front of Congress. That's not something you want to brag about: I was in front of Congress because people think I'm really corrupt, and I had to answer questions for 11 hours. They couldn't get me out of there in an hour because I'm so corrupt, they kept me 11 times that amount.
GLENN: Well, hang on just a second, his excuse on knowing how to run the country is because he's a good businessman. And to prove that, he's gone bankrupt, what, four or seven times?
PAT: Four times. Uh-huh.
GLENN: And that's just him knowing the laws and knowing how to use it. That's good business. And his defense of being a good businessman is, I go bankrupt. I know how to do it. Oh, and I don't pay taxes because I'm super smart.
GLENN: I mean, both of them were using these defenses, that were like, "What?"
PAT: So bad. So bad.
STU: It's sort of a bizarre missed opportunity though. It seems like it happened a lot in the debate.
JEFFY: It sure did.
PAT: Yeah, what was the other thing that we noticed about Hillary --
STU: I like this one. First of all, she said during the debate -- this is a quote -- because she's going through this litany of things that Trump has said that is bad about women. One he said -- Donald Trump said then women don't deserve equal pay, unless they do as good a job as men.
PAT: If they don't do as good a job, they probably shouldn't make the same amount of money.
STU: That's exactly --
GLENN: But I think --
PAT: But when they do as good a job, they should.
GLENN: Right. And if men don't do as good a job as a woman would do, then we probably shouldn't have to pay the man the same that the woman is paid.
STU: Exactly. That is an exact quote: Women don't deserve equal pay unless they do as good a job as men.
STU: Yeah! Is anyone standing up against that?
STU: And in the same sort of litany, she said something to the effect of, you know, Donald Trump called pregnancy an inconvenience for a business. Now, Trump's response to that --
STU: -- I never said that. Of course, he did say it. So, you know, typical -- like horrible response. However, what if he were to go down the road of, "Look, we can be honest here. It is an inconvenience for a business to lose some of its most valuable workers for an extended amount of time."
JEFFY: And that's what he said -- I mean, that's what he originally said.
The point here though is that, who cares? We have decided, and I have decided that it's more important -- human life is more important than how it affects a business. We believe in people who come -- and this would be awesome if he would go down this road. But it's like, I'm not going to sit here and be lectured about the value of pregnancy from a person who worships at the altar of Margaret Sanger.
STU: I mean, what a ridiculous thing to bring up. Yet, I didn't say that, was his response.
GLENN: Well, here's the other thing. And it goes kind of in this, where she's asking you to deny reality. He can't defend. He's worthless and incapable of defending principles. Incapable.
That would have been a great answer. Great answer. But he's incapable of doing it.
Let me give you -- oh, shoot. Now I just lost it. There was another one that she brought up. You're going to have to go to something else. Because I can't remember now. It will come to me as soon as I stop talking.
STU: You know why? Because that Parkinson's device you're wearing is screwing with your brain. That's why.
GLENN: It is. (coughing).
STU: He's turned it off. He's turned it off.
PAT: Oh, no.
GLENN: There was something else that she said -- oh, oh, I remember what it was.
They are so disconnected -- they're asking you to -- to deny reality. And if he would have said that, it would have been great. Look, are you kidding me?
I think even a woman would say, having a baby is a pretty big inconvenience in my life.
GLENN: Being pregnant for nine months is a pretty big inconvenience. So let's not argue about inconvenience. Look at what you're trying to do, Hillary. You're trying to take something and have us deny the very reality that we know is true.
You have done that with al-Qaeda and ISIS, denying the reality. Denying the reality of people who are bombing things here in the United States, blowing us up, going into Fort Hood and shooting people. Has nothing to do with Islam.
This is one of the problems. Here's another one, Hillary, that you just said: I just said one of the bravest and most true statements that has been uttered by an American politician on the plight of the African-American in inner cities, that has been spoken since possibly Booker T. Washington. And that is this: The African-Americans that is living in places like Chicago, where their kids and their relatives are being shot in the street, are living in hell.
And you responded with, "Oh, but you forget about all the great wonderful churches." Yes, and I've also left out that I'm sure there's a few cold stone creameries in Chicago as well. I'm sure I've left out there's some other really great things that happen. But it's also a living hell. And for you to ask the American people -- no, forget the American people. For you to ask African-Americans to deny the reality that they're living in some sort of hell -- and, quite honestly, Hillary, one you would never allow your children to live in. Never. You would never move in.
Well, I'm sorry. You moved into Harlem because you have presidential security.
PAT: Well, they -- she didn't.
GLENN: Yeah, she didn't.
PAT: He moved his office there.
GLENN: Yeah. And Harlem isn't the inner city of Philadelphia or the inner city of Chicago.
STU: It's actually pretty nice at this point.
GLENN: Yes. It's very nice.
STU: Many areas of it are very nice.
GLENN: So she just -- that was the craziest thing is both of them were asking us to deny reality. I've never seen it like this before. I've never seen it this obvious before.
PAT: Had he responded with those -- in that way, he would have destroyed her.
GLENN: Destroy her.
PAT: She would be absolutely destroyed. This thing would be over. It would be a runaway.
Featured Image: Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton speaks during the first presidential debate at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York on September 26, 2016. (Photo Credit: JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images)