It ain't what it used to be, that's for sure. Abandoned in the wilderness that is Texas Motor Speedway, Glenn pitched a tent with his son this weekend at the Boy Scout Camporee, a huge scouting event in North Texas that draws nearly 6,000 scouts.
"So we go and we pack all of our gear, and we pull up to the NASCAR Speedway, and we're in the parking lot outside of the speedway, in between the speedway and the interstate," Glenn said Monday on his radio program.
Thinking he'd be roughing it for the weekend, Glenn was surprised to find access to Port-A-Potty row, the giant convenience store that is Buc-ee's and Asian cuisine.
"We're making dinner, and the boys have to come up with what to have for dinner. What kind of Boy Scout troop has potstickers on a campout?" Glenn laughed. "Potstickers. We're having Asian cuisine?"
So much for the skillet cornbread and campfire stew.
Read below or listen to the full segment for answers to these questions:
• Was shuttle service available from Texas Motor Speedway to Buc-ee's?
• Did Jeffy attend the Camporee with his son?
• Did Glenn schedule a CNN interview at the Camporee?
• What time did Glenn leave the campsite?
• Will Glenn ever camp again?
Listen to this segment, beginning at mark 2:40, from The Glenn Beck Program:
Below is a rush transcript of this segment, it might contain errors:
GLENN: It is -- I went out camping with my son on Friday.
JEFFY: Did you?
GLENN: Yeah. And shockingly, your son as well. But you weren't there, for some reason.
JEFFY: No. I don't -- I couldn't make it. I have work here at the network.
GLENN: No. I'm your boss. No, you didn't have work on Friday night.
JEFFY: I do.
GLENN: You didn't have to -- so I went. It was the longest night of my life, I contend. I went, got there about 5:30 with my son.
PAT: It was at the Texas Speedway.
JEFFY: It's a camporee.
PAT: I mean, come on. That's not roughing it.
GLENN: No. No. Really?
GLENN: So we're in Texas, the largest state next to Alaska --
PAT: Right. Largest in the 48 contiguous.
GLENN: I mean, it is -- right? We're ten times the size of most countries.
PAT: We've got wilderness.
GLENN: We have it here. We're outdoorsmen. Right?
GLENN: We're tough. I'm not. But that's the -- that's the MO on Texas.
So here's where we end up. So we go and we pack all of our gear, and we pull up to the -- the -- the Speedway.
GLENN: The NASCAR Speedway. And we're in the parking lot outside of the Speedway, in between the Speedway and the interstate.
PAT: In between -- so you're between the Speedway and I-35?
GLENN: And I-35.
PAT: Wow, that's bizarre.
GLENN: And I said to my son, I said, "You know what, let's go see if we can find any animals."
"Oh, there's a beaver across the street. It's Buc-ee's. Let's go."
STU: The convenience store.
GLENN: The convenience store, which is not a convenience store. It is a city.
STU: Yes, it's awesome.
GLENN: If you don't have a Buc-ee's around you -- people wouldn't know what to do -- if you're from New York and you go to a Buc-ee's, they wouldn't know what to think.
STU: It's like a Walmart-sized convenience store. It's unbelievable.
STU: It's unbelievable.
PAT: And another thing, the Texas Motor Speedway is in the metroplex.
STU: Still in part of this massive city.
GLENN: No. On the other side of the Buc-ee's is the airport.
GLENN: So you're having (sound effect). All right? So it's that outdoorsy. It's that outdoorsy.
PAT: Wow. Why did they pick that? Do you have any --
JEFFY: Because there's space.
GLENN: I would imagine because -- yeah, it's 6,000 Boy Scouts.
JEFFY: It's a camporee.
GLENN: 6,000 Boy Scouts. 6,000.
PAT: Again, I will say it again, we have wilderness.
GLENN: I know. I guarantee you --
JEFFY: We don't have enough for areas for that many --
PAT: Yes, we do.
JEFFY: We do not.
GLENN: No, no, no. I guarantee you, you cannot have 6,000 -- Pat. Pat.
PAT: We've had jamborees in Montana. Are you telling me Montana has better facilities than Texas --
JEFFY: This is a camporee.
PAT: Well, we've had that.
JEFFY: Not a jamboree.
PAT: A jamboree and a camporee are essentially the --
GLENN: I can guarantee you -- this is because of the laws, having to make sure that you have access to everything.
PAT: Oh, I bet.
GLENN: That you have the right number of Port-A-Potties. And it's just too expensive to go out and really do it.
PAT: So you had bathrooms what, at the Motor Speedway?
GLENN: Yeah, and also Port-A-Potties everywhere. But we also had real --
GLENN: Yeah, okay. So it was at the Motor Speedway. So we're -- I'm pitching a tent on gravel.
PAT: Come on.
GLENN: And to make it worse, I had scheduled --
PAT: Not even on grass. At least they could have put you on the infield.
GLENN: So I scheduled an interview. I had an interview scheduled for CNN. So I have to do this interview. So they bring this satellite truck. CNN sends this satellite truck. And so it pulls up next to the tents. And it's got all the -- it's like a city now. And the cameras are there. And everything else. This gigantic satellite on this gigantic semi. And all the Boy Scouts are coming --
JEFFY: Nobody knew you were there.
GLENN: Nobody knew I was there. So all the Boy Scouts were coming around because it was there for four hours.
PAT: Oh, my gosh.
GLENN: And they said, "What's with the -- and I said, "We have HBO. We have Showtime. We're not roughing it here. What do you guys have? Because we have every channel known to man at our campsite."
It was nuts.
PAT: I bet they were mad.
GLENN: Then we're making dinner. And the boys have to come up with what to have for dinner.
GLENN: What kind of Boy Scout troop has potstickers on a campout? I said, "What are you guys making?"
STU: Like dumplings?
GLENN: Yeah, potstickers.
GLENN: "Potstickers." I said, "We're having Asian cuisine?"
GLENN: "How do you make those over a campfire?"
JEFFY: You wrap them in foil, right?
GLENN: Yeah. We didn't actually have a campfire -- you can't have a campfire at the Speedway. So you just bring the kitchen appliances. Oh, my gosh, it was like come on.
STU: Wait. So they had an oven or a microwave?
JEFFY: They have a grill.
GLENN: They made them in -- on a stove.
JEFFY: On the gas grills. The Coleman gas --
GLENN: Yeah. The Coleman gas grills.
So it was camping like no other. I got up -- I finally got up at 4 o'clock in the morning because I couldn't -- I just couldn't take it anymore. And I got up at 4 o'clock in the morning. And I just -- I rolled up my sleeping bag. And then I went -- no, I'm not even rolling it up. I'm just leaving. My son can pack it. So I left. I left --
JEFFY: So is your tent still in the middle of the --
GLENN: No, he did it.
PAT: I love that. That is quintessential Glenn Beck. Quintessential Glenn Beck.
GLENN: My son gets up, and he calls me. And he's like, "You just left the tent?"
PAT: That's the greatest.
GLENN: And I said, "Damn right. You're a Boy Scout. Roll that baby up and make sure you don't lose any of the pieces. I'll see you at home later."
PAT: So you didn't even wake Raphe up to say you were leaving?
PAT: You just left?
GLENN: No, he was -- no. Here -- I get here. This really hacked me off.
I get there. And one of the dads drops his son off and says, "I'm just dropping him off."
"I'm just dropping him off."
You're not staying?
"At the Motor Speedway?"
I'm like -- well, no. I didn't know I had that option.
Then -- then as I'm --
PAT: Your wife didn't let you have that option.
GLENN: I know. Then as they're pitching -- as they're pitching their tents and I'm pitching mine, one of the camp -- the counselors comes over and says, "So Raphe -- all the boys are going to be sleeping over there in their tents, and then you just stay in yours, and everybody can just stay in their -- you know, the men will stay in their tents."
PAT: And wasn't the point for the fathers to be with the sons, right?
GLENN: Right. So I stood around all night.
PAT: If you're not with the son, then why be there?
GLENN: Why be there?
PAT: I'm with you on that. I'm with you.
GLENN: Right. Right. So I didn't -- I got up. He wasn't even in my tent. He was in with the other boys in their tent.
PAT: Definitely with you.
GLENN: I'm like, "Oh, man." I said to him, "We're never camping again. Never. At least at a motor speedway."
STU: Interesting. That's also what civilization said about 1900.
STU: We're never camping again.
GLENN: I mean, when you're camping and you're going to the Buc-ee's, that's not camping.
JEFFY: Well, you made the choice to go to Buc-ee's. You can make the choice not to.
GLENN: We could have hiked across the street. I could have put my big hiking boots and gone across the street to the Buc-ee's. That's not camping.
The worst experience next to this one -- the worst experience of my life was my brother convinced me to go hiking. And hike up Mount Baker. Okay? Now, this is a mountain up in northwest Washington. So he says, "Let's hike up Mount Baker. I know this great place that we could camp."
So we hike all day. I mean, we started 6 o'clock in the morning. By the time we make it to camp, it's maybe 9:30 or 10:00 because it's summertime. And it's taken us all day to get there. And it's pitch dark when we get there. And we're pitching the tent in the dark.
STU: What year is this? This is like --
GLENN: I'm 17 years old.
GLENN: So we pitch the tent.
The next morning, I'm awakened by the gentle sound of an RV.
GLENN: And I open up the tent and there is a freaking parking lot. And I look at my brother, and I said, "We hiked all day yesterday so we could get away -- and we're at a parking lot?" He's like, "I knew you wouldn't go any place without a bathroom. So we're just hiking up here. I couldn't imagine you being quiet without an indoor bathroom. This is the only place."
JEFFY: Even then.
GLENN: Even then.
JEFFY: So I want to -- you're upset that you weren't roughing it enough?
JEFFY: As --
PAT: You're upset that you didn't drive to the campsite.
JEFFY: You're so upset that you were going camping with your son, that you had a TV live shot scheduled.
GLENN: If you're going to be miserable, at least be out in the middle of nowhere.
GLENN: Why be miserable, literally ten minutes from my house. All I could think of was, I could get in my house -- I could be sitting in my couch in total comfort within eight minutes.
JEFFY: Yeah, that's why I don't camp.
STU: If you -- this exact monologue occurs if the opposite happens, which if you're in the middle of nowhere, you complain about not being close enough to anything.
STU: Why can't we just go right next door --
PAT: There's no question about that.
STU: -- like the Texas Motor Speedway, across the street from Buc-ee's.
PAT: The issue is camping. Stop it. Let's stop camping. There's no reason for it. We have homes now. Camping was important when we didn't have homes.
GLENN: Can you imagine --
PAT: Now we have nice places to rest.
GLENN: Imagine -- imagine somebody 100 years ago saying, "Man, some day, people are going to live like this for fun." And everybody would be like, "Crapping in the woods? Being cold, sleeping with a rock print in your face the next morning? I don't think so." No, they'll do it for fun, I'm telling you. No.
GLENN: I mean, they didn't know that we were also going to have potstickers.
GLENN: That may have been the thing that threw it over the edge.
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