How Pat, Stu and Jeffy Spent Their Thanksgiving Vacations

What could be more fun than spending your holiday with a U.S. government bureaucracy? Good times, right? That's just part of the Thanksgiving fun Pat, Stu and Jeffy shared Monday on The Glenn Beck Program.

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Read below or watch the clip for answers to these festive questions:

• Did Pat spend his vacation in prison?

• How did Jeffy save his own life during Thanksgiving?

• Did Stu eat the equivalent in Glenn's body weight?

• How many hours does it take to legally acquire a social security card?

Below is a rush transcript of this segment, it might contain errors:

PAT: I was fortunate enough to spend most of my vacation with the United States government bureaucracy, which was -- I enjoy doing.

STU: Really?

PAT: I think I've made pretty clear from time to time here, it was lovely.

STU: Really? What was the --

PAT: Well, my daughter has somehow, in one of the moves, we lost her Social Security card. And so without --

JEFFY: You can just get one of those a piece of cake.

PAT: So easy. I'm going to tell you how easy it is. It's just this easy. And we need it so that she can get a driver's license, right? She can't have her driver's license without the Social Security card.

JEFFY: Wait.

PAT: However, she can't get the Social Security card without her driver's license. It's a wonderful system. And I had a really good time trying to deal with it because conveniently located, the Social Security office nearest me, conveniently just 45 minutes from my house.

JEFFY: Yeah, right.

STU: Oh, wow.

PAT: So a mere 45 -- so just an hour and a half round trip. And that's only a fraction of the allotted time they allow you to spend at the Social Security office.

JEFFY: Right. You want to get there early, of course.

PAT: You want to get there early. And when you do, you only get to spend an extra hour and a half waiting for the ticket. So you get your ticket --

STU: So you wait an hour and half before getting your ticket?

PAT: No. You get the ticket right away.

STU: Oh, that's great.

PAT: Oh, the ticket comes. Bang, you got that ticket in your hand, and then you take a seat if you can find one. And then you wait for your turn and your ticket to be called.

JEFFY: Do they call it, or do they have the digital numbers at the booth?

PAT: Yeah, they call it. And you walk up there like a pig to the slaughter.

Featured Image: Stu Burguiere and Jeffy Fisher on The Glenn Beck Program.

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