News Flash: Rudolph Was Gay Because . . . His Red Nose, Duh

The very reasonable and affable Doc Thompson filled in for Glenn on The Glenn Beck Program to set a few things straight today, Wednesday, December 21.

Read below or listen to the full segment from Hour 3 for answers to these questions:

• Who is Steve Cannon and why does Doc tell him goodnight?

• Did The Carpenters and Underdog have the same arch nemesis?

• Were you exposed to a subversive Christmas show message?

• Is Yukon Cornelius a lumbersexual?

• Are the Academy Awards gender fluid?

• How can you get a non-denominational winter holiday season DNC participation trophy?

Listen to this segment from The Glenn Beck Program:

Below is a rush transcript of this segment, it might contain errors:

DOC: Hi there. It's Doc Thompson in for Glenn Beck. Thanks so much for joining me. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all my best for a prosperous new year. I have some fantastic news for you. I have some amazing news for you.

It was this -- this time of year, I think -- I want to say Christmas Eve, when President Obama got the positive vote that he wanted that made Obamacare, that passed it in the House. And I remember I just finished up on Glenn's program. Was this 2009? I think it was 2009. I had filled in, and I got off the air. And I went to Great Lakes Mall in Mentor, Ohio, visiting family in the area.

And I remember they were counting it down. They thought they were going to have the votes. Back and forth. And I would get into the car between shopping adventures. And tune in. And I finally got the news. And I remember sitting there so defeated and upset about it. I have fantastic news for you. Today is December 21st, 2016.

We are officially one month away -- less than one month away from something spectacular that I never thought would get here, a cure for cancer.

Well, it's only a month away from yesterday, when Obama leaves office. And that means Joe Biden leaves office too. You know he's the cancer czar, right? He was charged with the task of curing cancer a year ago.

So, folks, we've got a cure for cancer coming within just -- within a month. I mean, it could be today. But it's finally here. You've waited, and it's almost here. Your patience has paid off. Joe Biden with his beakers and his test tubes getting it all done. Fantastic.

Oh, there's also some other good news. Obama is leaving office in less than a month now. Yeah, I just can't believe we're here. I was hoping for that four years. And, wow, it's turned out it was going to be eight years. And we are finally right here. That's a pretty good feeling. That's something to feel pretty good about. All right. We're going to open the phone lines. The number is 888-727-BECK. That's 888-727-BECK.

Let's go to George in Pennsylvania. George, how are you? And thanks for holding.

CALLER: Hey, Doc, I have a question for you: You keep referring every once in a while to Steve Cannon. Are you talking about the Steve Cannon from 830 WCCO in Minneapolis?

DOC: No, I am not. No, I am not. But I appreciate it.

For those of you who don't know, as I said, I'm on the -- I host the morning program on Glenn's radio network, TheBlaze Radio network, and I sign off every show just saying good night to Steve Cannon.

That is another Steve Cannon in broadcasting. But the other Steve Cannon that I'm actually referencing was also in broadcasting. And if you want, I'll give you the brief version of it.

CALLER: Please.

DOC: Would you like?

Okay. Here it is: The short version is many years ago when I first started doing talk radio, I had an opportunity to co-host a talk show station -- a talk show on WTBN in Columbus, Ohio.

I worked full-time in Cleveland. But it was a sister station. And they said, hey, you and this partner that I had could come down and audition for a weekend show. And I said, hey, cool.

So we drive down to Columbus in a couple of hours. And we would -- we'd audition. And on the first program, the very first program, we're like, I don't know, ten minutes into the broadcast, and a guy calls up, and his name is Steve. And I go, "Hey, Steve, you're on the air." And we're talking. And he's talking kind of nutty. And I'm not really understanding his point and why he's calling. And I'm looking at the producer through the little glass in the booth. And I'm giving him the, "What's going on?" And he gives me the (sound effect) and types on the little screen, the computer screen where we communicate off-air, back and forth, and he says, "That's Steve Cannon." And I was like, "You got me. I don't know. Who is that?"

And he's like, "Eh, he's a talk show host here." And I was like, "Oh, I didn't know." Again, I worked full-time in Cleveland, so I wasn't that familiar with every host on the station. And he worked late nights.

And I was like, "Oh, Steve, okay." So now I'm getting it. Not helping me. Still talking nutty.

And he starts talking nuttier and nuttier. And finally he comes out with something like, "I know who you guys are. You're scabs. You're scabs here to take jobs from the people that are already working here. I know you're auditioning. All kinds -- I mean, just melting down. Like flipping out that we're taking his job.

Now, we're not taking his job. We're auditioning for some little weekend show or whatever. But it really ticked me off because he started letting the cat out of the bag, trying to make us look bad that we were auditioning. And, you know, we didn't have a lot of experience and so on.

So I got a little frustrated. And then I said, you know what, let's just run with this. So I paused after his rant, and I just said, "Steve I'm sorry, you found out this way."

And he goes, "What?" I go, "I'm sorry you had to find out this way. We've been called in for your job. And this was our, you know, time to get acquainted with the station. So I'm sorry. I wish the program director told you. You should probably call him. You know, come on in and clean out your desk." And I just start playing into his paranoia. And he freaks out. Right?

So we finish the call, and then we spend the rest of the program, like two hours just bagging on Steve, just ripping on him, right?

And we get up to the final segment. Right? We take our last break. We come back. There's like a minute left. And right up to the last break, we just keep laying it on him, right? I'm telling stories about how he met the Carpenters who were a brother and sister group from the '70s and asked them, as one of the interview questions, how they met. And we told that story.

And I told how he looks like Simon Bar Sinister from Underdog. Right? I just cleaned his clock.

And the final statement. I was like, "All right. Thanks for joining us. We're signing off or whatever." And I just had to get one more dig in, and I was like, "So good night, Steve Cannon." And my partner goes, "Wherever you are."

CALLER: The funny thing about that is for you to even reference Simon Bar Sinister, I have to wonder how many listeners even know that that was the arch nemesis of Underdog in the cartoon. And The Carpenters. When was the last time you heard them referenced except in Christmastime?

DOC: Yes. Some very dated references there. Absolutely. Again, this was 20 years ago when this happened.

So the program director, shockingly, was not ticked off at us and invited us back. And goes, "Hey, that was pretty funny because Steve is out of his mind." And I go, "Did he call you?" Oh, yeah, he was calling me and freaking out.

So he goes, "Hey, you guys did a pretty good job. You want to come back?" And we were like, "Okay. Sure."

So we do the next show, and we wrap it up with, "Good night, Steve Cannon, wherever you are." And most of my broadcasts since then have ended that way, not that I hold a grudge or anything like that. You know, nothing like that.

So that's the Steve Cannon story. And we actually ended up burying the hatchet over the years when I would fill in and do different shows. And there were a couple of times where I would do the show before him and I would have to end with, "Good night, Steve Cannon, in the next room. Okay. Very good." So, yeah, that's basically the story. I'm kind of a jerk about it. That's -- yeah.

CALLER: Oh, hey. It's cool. It's a great story. And as for the gender fluidity thing, yeah, I got to throw the flag on that one also. That's bullcrap.

DOC: That absolutely is. I'll buy reluctantly you're a different gender, but I'm not buying the gender fluid thing.

All right, George, thanks so much. 888-727-BECK. 888-727-BECK. If you want to join the program. Or @DocThompsonshow on Twitter. If you would, please join me there. If you get a chance, folks, and you want to do some good, you're looking for a place to do some good especially around the holidays -- I mean, this is the time of year when people -- unfortunately we don't do it many times all year around, but you start thinking about being a better person. You hear the songs, good will toward men, and you start, hey, maybe I need to do a little bit more. Maybe you're somebody that only goes to church around the major holidays. So you start thinking about helping out your fellow man. If you would, please go to MercuryO-N-E.org. MercuryOne.org and donate if you can. Glenn talked about recently about going to Haiti and some of the good they did down there.

And the programs that he works on, sometimes when he's helping rescue people is through Mercury One. So, in addition to helping veterans out and their veterans fund and in addition to helping out in things like natural disasters, they also do stuff like that. So if you're looking for a place to help people, Mercury One can help you help people, if you just go to mercuryone.org. And if you donate to one of the funds, 100 percent of it goes to whatever that fund is for. Helping getting Christians out of places in the world where they're being oppressed, tortured, murdered, they have a fund for that. The Nazarene Fund. If you want to help people, natural disasters in places like West Virginia with the flooding or, you know, Louisiana, anyplace like this, the fires in Tennessee -- they have funds for that as well. Just go to MercuryO-N-E.org. And it's only a dollar too. It will help out very, very much. It's a charity I believe in. It's one of the few charities I'll actually work with because they are so reputable and the money does go to help people. So please, MercuryO-N-E.org.

Coming up next, something you probably weren't aware of. Something that your children are being exposed to, maybe your older children were exposed to years ago that has a subversive message, especially around this time of year. And I'm going to share that you at that with you coming up on the Glenn Beck Program.

[break]

DOC: Doc Thompson in for Glenn. I'll be pinch-hitting for Pat & Stu immediately following this program at TheBlaze TV. And, of course, it will be, of course, in radio form as well. Pat & Stu later on today on the Blaze Radio Network. On Twitter @DocThompsonshow.

I got a story to share with you. Something I didn't realize existed. I have a son who is a little bit older now. He's 14. I have a son who just turned two. And, Kal, you have a daughter who just turned two.

KAL: Yep.

DOC: So I need to warn you about something that I just found out about myself, I didn't realize it, but apparently Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you know, the television program, the special is full of gay propaganda.

KAL: Say what now?

DOC: It's full of gay propaganda. I didn't realize it, but a guy who wrote a column -- his name is Brian Moylan from Vulture, whatever that is, has an article called The Gay Subtext of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. And apparently there is a lot of gay subtext. If you like, I'll share some of it with you so you can be informed.

KAL: Please. Please do.

DOC: Rudolph is totally, absolutely, 100 percent Neil Patrick Harris French kissing Ricky Martin gay. That's pretty gay. That's pretty high on the gaydar.

KAL: Especially for a reindeer.

DOC: Uh-huh.

He said, "Anyone who even knows what queer theory is can tell you that the subtext of the narrative seems to be a pre-Stonewall contemplation of the power of coming out and embracing sexual minorities in a society at large."

Yeah. It goes through the film step by step. The little special there. And gives some examples. He says: For example, the film starts off at the North Pole, where traditional gender roles are quickly reinforced.

Well, you got Mrs. Claus there. She's doing the cooking. She's nagging the husband about not eating enough. Nobody wants a skinny Santa Claus. Traditional gender roles, Kal, right there. Do you dispute that?

KAL: I guess. I never read so deep into it. But okay.

DOC: Okay. See. So you're not disputing it.

He then writes, "The elves, identical in shape and apparel, are at work on Santa's toys." The boys wearing blue, the girls wearing pink.

Rudolph is born to Donner, who immediately hates his son's red nose and thinks that something so different will keep him from leading a heterosexual lifestyle where he pulls Santa's sleigh and marries a nice doe some day.

KAL: I don't see where the sexuality comes into question. I know he's worried about Rudolph's nose. But --

DOC: He's trying to hide his nose. Don't you get -- the red nose is symbolic of his homotype sexuality. It's symbolism, Kal. So you're disputing that?

KAL: I am disputing that one. I think it's a little farfetched.

DOC: So you see what happened: Your daughter is going to be exposed to this because you're unwilling to see what this guy is laying out.

KAL: It's not about gender. It's about accepting people with flaws. It's about accepting people that aren't the same as you.

DOC: That are gay. That are gay.

KAL: Why does it have to be gay? I guess you could put gay in there. But it's just about accepting people that maybe don't look the same, don't act the same.

DOC: Here's how we know it's about gay --

KAL: That's the whole Rudolph story.

DOC: This is how you know it's about the gay and catching the gay. Okay?

KAL: Oh, you can catch the gay?

DOC: Apparently. I think you can. A few more tests.

He says: Apparently, Rudolph heads to the wilderness to live alone. Remember, when they won't let him play the reindeer games. He goes to the wilderness. Lives alone. But he meets a colorful little elf who is the only elf with hair. And what does his hair look like, Kal? It's a flamboyant blond wave. He's the only one that has hair, and it's fabulous!

KAL: He's an elf. They're all flamboyant.

DOC: This is what's even more flamboyant. No, because the older -- his boss is like, Hermey wants to be a dentist. He's masculine. He's butch, right?

KAL: But they're all elves. I mean, you can question even their attire. It's very, you know, happy.

DOC: He has, as the author points out, especially red lips, a feminine-shaped face, and eyelashes that any doll in Santa's workshop would be jealous of. He speaks with a Paul Lynde cadence. Remember Paul Lynde from Hollywood Squares? He was Samantha's uncle on Bewitched. Paul Lynde.

KAL: I remember.

DOC: Yeah. Paul. What song is played when the president enters the room? Peter, send in the clowns. Paul Lynde, that's how he talked, which also shows this author is really old too, by the way.

He says he's -- he also signals as different from his professional aspirations. He wants to be a dentist, of course, rather than to be a toymaker. Nonconformity. He said, "Unlike Rudolph though, Hermey refuses to live in the closet, Kal." So he leaves Santa's workshop and heads to the wilderness himself to open up his own dental practice. You see what's going on. They're both the homotype sexuals. Hermey refuses to be in the closet. Rudolph is in the closet.

KAL: I think you're pulling at strings here.

DOC: Oh, it's not over.

He said, they encounter the lumber sexual Yukon Cornelius. You remember he throws --

KAL: Lumbersexual. What does that mean?

DOC: Lumbersexual.

KAL: Yeah, what is lumbersexual?

DOC: You remember the guy healthcare.org in the pajamas, the plaid pajamas with the cup of coffee?

KAL: I think so.

DOC: I think that's a lumbersexual. I think. I'm not sure.

KAL: So you have to wear plaid pajamas to be a lumbersexual?

DOC: Yukon Cornelius was one. That's all I know, according to him.

He said he's an older hirsute gay man, meaning hairy, who embraces an over-the-top masculinity, despite being gay. So the others are effeminate so you know they're gay. He's too masculine, so you know he's gay. Now what do you say?

KAL: Now I'm just confused.

DOC: Okay. He said the three venture off to the Island of Misfit Toys, where all the people -- all the toys there are different, and they can flourish because of their differences. They're all accepting. It's gay island.

KAL: Gay island.

DOC: That's essentially what it is. They're all freaks. They're misfits, right?

KAL: Is that like a gay version of Survivor?

DOC: Kind of. It's kind of like a gay bathhouse in the '70s in New York. Something like that. They all flourish while they're there. Outside, they got to kind of keep it in the closet, you know.

He then says, Rudolph, Hermey, and Cornelius sleep in a pink room with pink sheets and blankets, coded traditionally female. He said, this is the gay community that all of these men find after leaving the closet behind. They're all together in bed.

This is the family of their own making that they devise because their own biological families have rejected them.

Now what do you say about it?

KAL: This is ridiculous.

DOC: It's not over.

KAL: It's Rudolph.

DOC: He said: Shortly after arriving on the island, Rudolph takes off because he's still afraid that his very obvious red nose will bring wrath from the Abominable Snow Monster, who is a fanged embodiment of violent homophobia. Fumbles, bounce, and our a fanged embodiment of violent homophobia.

I'm sure when you thought of homophobia over the years, in your mind you conjure up that image of the Abominable. Right?

KAL: No, no. Homophobia does not conjure the image of an Abominable snowman to me.

DOC: Well, that's because you're not gay and you don't to have suffer what these people suffer through.

He says it shows Rudolph is promiscuous because he heads out.

KAL: Oh, come on now.

DOC: He said: And engaging in the sort of short relationships that gay men were expected to have at that time.

That's the reason he leaves, to do the hookup culture, right? Hermey wants a life-long relationship. Rudolph is just the hookup culture that they expected gay men to have back in the day. And he says, "But because this is the early '60s, the film's subtext must be below the surface. They couldn't make it too obvious.

He said, "Rudolph can't be entirely gay." He said, "Once he proves that he's macho enough to pull the sleigh, he's given a suitable reward. A woman to marry and breed with under the auspice of matrimony."

Right. Remember Clarisse?

She thinks I'm cute. She thinks I'm cute. Right? That was all a front. Clarisse is a beard, Kal. She's a beard for him!

KAL: This guy's got way too much time on his hands.

DOC: So you're not buying it after I've shared the entire thing with you?

KAL: No, no, I'm sorry. I'm not buying it. He wasn't gay --

DOC: You dispute that Fred Flintstone is not gay?

KAL: Who?

DOC: Fred Flintstone.

KAL: How could you get more macho than Fred Flintstone? Really, gay?

DOC: Okay. Kal, your unwillingness to see this stuff. I'm sorry. That's on you. I'm trying to help you out. I weep for your daughter's future, where she's going to be subjected to stuff like this, and may turn gay because of it.

[break]

DOC: Hi, there. I'm Doc Thompson. That's a better picture of me they just put up. They put that on the website earlier. I was complaining earlier about the picture. If you go to the website, you want to find out more about me, it's TheBlaze.com. Just click on channels, and you'll go down and see it. That's a horrible picture. But they just found a much better one.

I know you're not working with a lot here, but find the best one at least. So find out more about me and please follow me at the new Blaze channels, where we've got some really big things coming up after the first of the year. Some ways that I'm going to help you and your small businesses. In fact, I did right after Christmas -- or the day after Thanksgiving, rather, and I'm going to continue to promote small businesses. So if you need help, you want some free ads, some free publicity, and some things that's going to help build America, just go to TheBlaze.com. Click on channels and follow my page, please.

VOICE: Do you have someone special on your gift list? No, we mean special. Someone who hasn't shut up since the election? A special gentle soul who needs a participation trophy to feel wanted and appreciated in a seemingly unjust world? Then we have the gift for them. Put away your microaggressions, Pablo, because we're bringing the country together. DNCTrophy.com. DNCTrophy.com is the perfect place for your perfect little snowflake, who is emotionally distressed over the election. Oh, the humanity. Even when they lose, they can still get a trophy. Afraid mean old Republicans might make them get a J-O-B? Get them a DNC trophy. Do they need a safe space? Send them a DNC trophy. Are they still watching CNN? They need a trophy. And you can send it to any liberal you like. Schumer, Pelosi, Warren, it doesn't matter. A beautiful trophy that says, "You participated in the election. And although you didn't win, participation is all that matters. You're still a winner in our hearts." Yes, a DNC trophy will make your liberal friends feel better instantly. You can buy one or 100 because this is America. And we can do that again. Making America great, one trophy at a time. DNC trophy. Get your buttercup one today at DNCTrophy.com. DNCTrophy.com.

DOC: Uh-huh. Okay. That's a lot of fun, but we're really trying to do some good here. So if you go to DNCTrophy.com, you'll have the opportunity to do something nice for somebody.

Well, there are a lot of people that are still upset about the election. I mean, still got people on college campuses with safe spaces, people as they head home for the holidays saying they can't even sit at the dinner table with their parents because they feel so bad about the Trump election. They can't do it. These little snowflakes are so upset.

And I figure, what better way to help them out and make them feel better as the participation trophy generation, than to give them a participation trophy for the 2016 election?

So this is your opportunity to give somebody you know that is a little snowflake that feels so horrible, something that is going to make them feel better. And that's a participation trophy. Sure, you lost. But, no, no, you didn't. If you had fun, you won. Here's your participation trophy.

The trophy is at DNCTrophy.com. Eleven bucks. That's it. You can send one to anybody you know. You can buy one and then give it to them if you like. And this is something that they'll see and they'll say, "You know what, I thought we were keeping score, but apparently we weren't because I have this beautiful little trophy that I participated in the election. I thought I lost because Hillary got elected. And where was Bernie? He didn't get it either." No, no, you participated in the election, so you should feel good about yourself. It has a beautiful little snowflake at the top. You can see the picture just by going to DNCTrophy.com. We're also going to send a whole bunch of them to members of the DNC.

Harry Reid. Nancy Pelosi. Chuck Schumer. If you want to order one to send to them, we'll go ahead and send one out to them as well. We want to send them out just before the inauguration because a little less than one month from today, one month from yesterday, they're going to have a really, really bad day. When they're at the capital and Trump steps up and gets sworn in, they may completely melt down. These little individual perfect little snowflakes who got participation trophies for doing nothing may cease to exist. And I think this may embolden them and brighten their day a little bit to say, "Hey, yeah, Trump got elected, but you participated in the election." And the same thing with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi. It's going to be very bad for them. And I know you're a very caring person and want to do what's right and bring America together. So send them a participation trophy.

If you had fun, you won. Just go to DNCTrophy.com. And so imagine Chuck Schumer right before the inauguration opens up the big box of, not just one, but participation trophies from all across America. Imagine if he got like 30 of them. Chuck, you tried so hard to get Hillary elected, but you participated. Here's 100 participation trophies. And Nancy Pelosi too. You participated, Nancy. Debbie what's her name Schultz, you participated too.

Now, if you send one to them, as designated by the website, we can ship those off in bulk, and there's no shipping fee. So you get free shipping on that if you want to send one to any of the designated people, the head of the DNC, just go ahead and click on it, and we'll send one off. It's only 11 bucks.

You do have to pay some shipping, if you want one yourself. And depending on where you live in America, it's a little heavier, so it could be a little bit more. But it's not going to be crazy expensive. Usually come in around 20 bucks or so total, with shipping. So what a great little thing you can do for somebody.

Kal, isn't that nice? Giving people participation trophies. Something. I think we've been doing it wrong all this time. We've been battling instead of saying, no, no, you're okay. Here's your trophy.

KAL: This way, no one is left out. Everybody feels like they're a part of something.

DOC: Right. Right. That's uniting America. You got the people who supported Trump, and you say, "Hey, I supported Trump. Great. I'm victorious today." And the rest of the people that didn't, you say, "Hey, I participated."

Now, here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to leave one on Glenn's desk because he participated in the 2016 election. No, he didn't support. And I didn't support Trump either. I mean, I liked some of his ideas. And I understand why the people did support him. But I too participated.

Now, I'm not part of the participation trophy generation, and I'm okay with the election. It's certainly better than Obama and way better than Hillary Clinton. So I'm okay. And I think Glenn has come to terms with it. But just in case, I'm going to go ahead and leave one for him. Isn't that nice of me?

KAL: Very nice. Very thoughtful.

DOC: Right. So I'm going to tweet out a link to it.

KAL: You might get some misunderstanding there.

DOC: What do you mean? What do you mean? What can you misunderstand? In what way?

KAL: He might think that you're possibly being, I don't know, a bit --

DOC: Oh. You think he'll think that I'm not being genuine in this? Giving him the business a little bit?

KAL: Yes. Yes. Just a little bit.

DOC: I've got an idea. I will give it to him anonymously.

KAL: You're just trying to avoid your own backlash.

DOC: Okay. How about this? I leave one with Tomi. And then I say, "Hey, can you give this to Glenn?" How about that?

KAL: Well, then you're just passing off the blame to someone else.

DOC: Okay. There it is. Okay. I have to encourage Tomi to do that. That would be pretty damn funny, I think.

KAL: I think so. I think that would be a story.

DOC: A story.

(laughter)

Okay. A story. Yeah. I think it would likely probably be some sort of story as well. Maybe not the story I want. But nevertheless, imagine your family members getting that participation trophy.

Now, these likely are not in time for Christmas. Christmas is Saturday. It will not be in time. But it will be in time for the inauguration, which is what we're really going for here. Especially on inauguration day, you can have that trophy, as the little snowflake is melting down and you hand it to them. Oh, see, honey, you participated. You should feel okay. Ship one to their dorm room. Maybe send one to their dean. That would be good. DNCTrophy.com.

I just tweeted out a link to it, which is one of the things I learned today. On Twitter, it's @DocThompsonshow. Please follow me. Let's see what we got here. Lisa tweeting @DocThompsonshow, that dude is an idiot. That's like people who say Bugs Bunny is a violent cartoon.

No, Lisa, I know what you're saying. She's mentioning the Rudolph being gay thing. No, no. Bugs Bunny is not a violent cartoon, but he is a homotype sexual. You know that, Kal, right? You're with me on that one?

KAL: Now you think Bugs Bunny is gay?

DOC: Kal, how many times did he have to dress up as the girl bunny? He's at least bisexual.

KAL: He did that to fool people.

DOC: He did it to fool them? How many times have you fooled people or tried to fool them by dressing up as a female?

KAL: Well, Bugs would usually do this to, you know, to pull one over on Yosemite Sam or Elmer Fudd.

DOC: Right. How many times did he kiss them?

KAL: Again, it was just to pull one over. Bugs Bunny was not gay.

DOC: No, he was bisexual. Because he also had the little girl rabbits. Like the girl rabbit in that. So clearly bisexual. I'm fine with that. But let's call a spade a spade. Let's admit what it is.

I mean, you know, so what you're saying is if I were to dress up as a female and go around kissing on the lips my coworkers unprovoked today, just big (sound effect) Bugs Bunny-style kiss, they wouldn't think I was gay?

KAL: You're going to get a lot more than just thinking you were gay. You're liable to get hurt there. But you're not a cartoon.

DOC: When Pat comes back -- when Pat comes back, I'm going to save it for him and see what he says.

KAL: Can you videotape this? I would like to see this reaction?

DOC: By the way, I think we may have crashed the website, DNC trophies. But stay with it. It will come back up.

Yeah, I suppose we could probably videotape that. I mean, I couldn't do it to Stu though. Because he's a vegetarian. And I don't want any of the veggie -- that's just too close for me.

And, yes, Fred Flintstone, gay, clearly.

KAL: Where are you getting all this?

DOC: He hung out at that gay club. The Water Buffalo Club.

KAL: That wasn't a gay club.

DOC: That wasn't a gay club? Of course it was.

KAL: No, it was like your local kind of like VFW kind of thing.

DOC: Okay. Hung out at a bar. Pretty close.

What did he wear? He wore a dress with triangles on it.

KAL: I don't know what triangles has to do with anything. But it wasn't a dress. That was caveman garb.

DOC: Triangle is a gay symbol.

KAL: They all wore that big flowy moo moo type thing.

DOC: Okay. But it had triangles. What's with the triangles? That's a gay symbol.

KAL: What is a triangle? No, it's not. Since when is a triangle a gay symbol?

DOC: That's a gay symbol. People know. I mean, look at -- do you remember -- what was the Teletubby, that Jerry Falwell told us was gay because he had the triangle shape on the top a few years ago? Right? Because that's the gay symbol.

KAL: All right. This is news to me that shapes indicate sexuality.

DOC: Are you going to debate me on Snagglepuss? Remember the pink lion?

KAL: Okay. I might not debate you on Snagglepuss.

DOC: Okay. There it is. So you're with me on that one. He was in theater. Thin. Neat. Right? Exit stage left. So there are some. You just refuse to accept Rudolph. Got it.

KAL: Rudolph. Red. Any of these.

DOC: Okay. Here we go. James in Louisiana tweeting @DocThompsonshow: Considering Cornelius -- meaning Yukon Cornelius' love of silver and gold, I think he's more mineral sexual than lumbersexual. Okay. I'll give you that. You can just say greedy, how about that?

Troll 79, #whatIlearnedtoday, @DocThompsonshow: How much more masculine can you get ripping teeth out of people's heads?

My dentist was really gay.

Okay. Does he mean -- I guess he means --

KAL: Talking about Shrek?

DOC: I guess he means -- no. No. Hermey. Hermey. The elf, ripping the teeth out of the Bumble's mouth.

KAL: Oh, okay.

DOC: I don't know if that is or not. They did battle the Bumble. So I notice nobody disputed Hermey, right? He's likely gay, right? The little elf. You're with me on that one?

KAL: No. No. No.

DOC: Not that there's anything wrong --

KAL: Why can't we just watch cartoons? Why do we have to -- who cares?

DOC: Because it's insidious, Kal. Targeting your kids with this insidious message of homotype sexuality. It's going to turn them gay. I'm telling you.

KAL: That's ridiculous. It's just so -- I can't believe we're having this conversation.

DOC: This is the type of stuff that unfortunately we hear at times from people on the right.

KAL: They have way too much time on their hands.

DOC: Conservatives. Very religious conservatives. Yes, of course, there's propaganda out there. There's fake news. We've talked all about that. Yes, that exists at times. And you teach your kids right and wrong. Burying their head in the sand or pointing at everything is gay like your grandfather, your old elderly uncle. He's gay, I could tell. Spotting everyone who is gay. It's -- it's stupid. It's silly. And often inaccurate. So just move on. Live and let live.

I mean, you don't have to accept the lifestyle. You don't have to accept it and say it's not wrong or embrace it or whatever, but it is no greater sin than your sins. It is simply sin if you believe it is a sin, and you can accept people and still support their rights to make choices in their life. I understand people pushing a gay agenda or trying for you to make a gay wedding cake or something. And I absolutely say you should not have to do those things. But that's based on your personal freedoms for your religion. Or you just saying, "I don't like gay people or whatever." Gay people can say, "I don't like straight people." That's all fine.

Lynn Nusom (phonetic) @DocThompsonshow: Only female reindeer retain their antlers over the winter. Most male reindeer drop their antler before winter.

Does that have anything to do -- do you remember how they were -- were they antlered or not in the cartoon? They all had the little stubs? Didn't they? Is that what it was? I'm talking antlers. Okay. Well, maybe that will help us figure it out. Quick break. And we'll wrap things up on the Glenn Beck Program.

[break]

DOC: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. It's Doc Thompson in for Glenn Beck today. Thanks so much for joining me. A quick programming note for you. I'll be back tomorrow as well and then Friday for the program as we head into the Christmas weekend.

I'm really hoping that in the coming year, we've got some really good things coming. I know we do here at TheBlaze. But I continue to engage people on social media about some of the divide. And it's I guess not so shocking, but -- that we have been so separated. When I look back, I understand how it happened and why it happened, but I'm hoping we can truly give each other the benefit of the doubt, even those of us that have stood together over the last eight years or 16 years against progressive ideology, give each other the benefit of the doubt and say, "Even though we took a different path, we're trying to get to the same place, even when we have failed." That's my hope.

More coming up tomorrow. Don't forget DNCTrophy.com if you get a chance. On Pat & Stu, next.

Featured Image: Screenshot from 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'

It's never too early to start your Christmas, Hanukah, or Kwanzaa shopping. Or even birthday gift shopping. Especially if that special someone in your life is a Democrat. Because at last count, pretty much all the Democrats are now running for president. And that means there has never been a wider selection of official candidate merchandise to choose from. Whether you're into environmentalism, feminism, classism, socialism, or just plain love, there is a smorgasbord of classy items that you and yours will treasure forever... or at least until the next presidential election.

We have browsed each of the candidates' online stores, so you don't have to (it only took us three months). We have curated only the finest items from each of the Democrats running for president of the United States of America. Without further ado, here is your handy progressive gift guide – or maybe your what-not-to-gift guide.

First, the bargain basement options. Hurry! Time is running out to grab your Beto bandana, or your Delaney pack of golf balls, because at this point Stu has as much of a chance as these guys of getting the nomination.

Tom Steyer, for example – is he still in the race?


https://shop.tomsteyer.com/collections/frontpage/products/tom-2020-pattern-tee


There's way too much Tom here. That shirt's got more Toms than a Caucasian dentists' convention.

For the slightly more moderate Democrat in your life, perhaps they'd like to join the "Yang Gang"…

https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/bumper-stickers/products/yanggang-decal


Andrew Yang is a lock for Math Club president…


https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/apparel/products/math-hat


But for actual president? Well, I wouldn't make plans for how you're going to spend your $1,000-per-month Yang allowance just yet.

If you happen to be shopping for your dog, may I suggest this lovely "Dogs for Delaney" dog collar…


https://store.johndelaney.com/products/dogs-for-delaney-collar


John Delaney's definitely going to secure the canine vote with this kind of outreach. As for any human votes, that's another question entirely.

How 'bout this tastefully understated "Natural Canvas" Michael Bennet tote to remind you he's also still here?...


https://store.michaelbennet.com/michael-bennet-for-america-natural-canvas-tote/


Then again, it's a tote. So, it'll end up on the floor of your closet and you won't have it with you until that one random moment when you're out somewhere and you really need a tote bag. Just like Democrats will really wish they had a moderate when we're in the middle of the socialist nightmare of their creation.

Captain Planet himself, Jay Inslee recently dropped out of the race, but don't let that stop you from picking up what may be the greatest single item sold by anyone in this race…


https://store.jayinslee.com/elvis-the-elves-the-mystery-of-the-melting-snow-by-jay-inslee/


A children's book called Elvis & the Elves: the Mystery of the Melting Snow. Written and illustrated by Governor Jay Inslee. Talk about a whodunnit – how could that snow possibly be melting? Spoiler alert: it's because of evil, white, patriarchal capitalism. And Donald Trump.

Then there's the candidate who thinks you're a moron that can't pronounce his last name: Steve Bullock...


https://shop.stevebullock.com/collections/apparel/products/emoji-t-shirt


Get it? Bull. Lock. Oh, so that's how you say the name that sounds exactly how it's spelled.

There's another candidate who also thinks you need help pronouncing his last name…


https://store.peteforamerica.com/collections/apparel/products/boot-edge-edge-t-shirt


And he is definitely right about that. So, thank you, Pete "Boot Edge Edge." That helps.

Just outside the bargain bin section, but just barely, are candidates like Julian Castro and his "El Presidente" t-shirt…


https://store.julianforthefuture.com/julian-castro-loteria-card-white-tee/


When your last name's Castro, do you really want to go with a weird drawing of yourself as if you're a classic Latin American dictator on a postage stamp?

If you prefer a little "dark psychic forces" battling in your candidates, you'll love Marianne Williamson's "Turn Love Into a Political Force" rally sign…


https://store.marianne2020.com/collections/signs/products/love-rally-sign


"Turn Love Into a Political Force" would be an even better title for a Marianne Williamson album of 80s cover songs. And if you think I'm joking, then you haven't heard Bernie Sanders' classic 1987 folk album, We Shall Overcome. That's not a joke. Well, it is a joke, but it's also a very real thing.

Now, just a quick pause to consider the peculiar baby-wear that way too many candidates are selling…

…including Elizabeth Warren's trans-pride flag onesie. Let me get this straight – we can't force any gender on a child, because that's just cruel. But we can force a political advertisement on a baby? How do we know that baby is actually a Biden or Warren fan? The child may not even be a Democrat or a Socialist at all. That baby might self-identify as a Libertarian, or Republican, or even worse – a moderate Democrat.

Now to the premium items from the premium candidates. Elizabeth Warren – the candidate with the most honesty in her advertising…


https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/apparel/products/impolite-arrogant-women-make-history-unisex-t-shirt

-AND-

https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/drinkware/products/strong-american-unions-mug


Warren's merchandise reflects the woman herself – cold and humorless (watch her "This isn't funny" clip from the last debate here at the 4:27 mark). I'm sure she's really fun once you get to know her. Then again, maybe not.

Speaking of serious women, Kamala Harris wants to be president very badly for you, the people, as you can tell from her "For the People" poster…


https://store.kamalaharris.org/poster-for-the-people/


At $29.99 though, she's sure not charging "people's" prices. Of course, she might be having to pay royalties to a certain someone for riffing on their poster. Just saying.

For the race's number one socialist, there's a whole lot of capitalism going on in Bernie Sanders' campaign. He sells so many delightful items that it's hard to choose. But we did anyway. The most random item is this hundred-dollar, black, "Art of a Political Revolution – Artists for Bernie Sanders Coaches Jacket"…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/artists-for-bernie-coaches-jacket


Coaches across the land will be clamoring for this one. You know, since coaches are such a strong Bernie-socialist demographic.

If that's a little over your budget you might consider a "Feel the Bern" fanny pack, to help store all those government freebies you'll get from Bernie…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/feel-the-bern-fanny-pack


This is the only context in which you'll ever want to hear "feel the burn" and "fanny" in the same sentence.

And finally, from front-runner Joe Biden, we have this fine "Women's Fitted Biden Polo." Which is just about the best polo description ever…


https://store.joebiden.com/collections/apparel/products/biden-polo-womens-fit


It promises the kind of snug approach that Biden loves to provide women. Even when they don't ask.

This was one of the first homesteads in the area in the 1880's and was just begging to be brought back to its original glory — with a touch of modern. When we first purchased the property, it was full of old stuff without any running water, central heat or AC, so needless to say, we had a huge project ahead of us. It took some vision and a whole lot of trust, but the mess we started with seven years ago is now a place we hope the original owners would be proud of.

To restore something like this is really does take a village. It doesn't take much money to make it cozy inside, if like me you are willing to take time and gather things here and there from thrift shops and little antique shops in the middle of nowhere.

But finding the right craftsman is a different story.

Matt Jensen and his assistant Rob did this entire job from sketches I made. Because he built this in his off hours it took just over a year, but so worth the wait. It wasn't easy as it was 18"out of square. He had to build around that as the entire thing we felt would collapse. Matt just reinforced the structure and we love its imperfections.

Here are a few pictures of the process and the transformation from where we started to where we are now:

​How it was

It doesn't look like much yet, but just you wait and see!

By request a photo tour of the restored cabin. I start doing the interior design in earnest tomorrow after the show, but all of the construction guys are now done. So I mopped the floors, washed the sheets, some friends helped by washing the windows. And now the unofficial / official tour.

The Property

The views are absolutely stunning and completely peaceful.

The Hong Kong protesters flocking to the streets in opposition to the Chinese government have a new symbol to display their defiance: the Stars and Stripes. Upset over the looming threat to their freedom, the American flag symbolizes everything they cherish and are fighting to preserve.

But it seems our president isn't returning the love.

Trump recently doubled down on the United States' indifference to the conflict, after initially commenting that whatever happens is between Hong Kong and China alone. But he's wrong — what happens is crucial in spreading the liberal values that America wants to accompany us on the world stage. After all, "America First" doesn't mean merely focusing on our own domestic problems. It means supporting liberal democracy everywhere.

The protests have been raging on the streets since April, when the government of Hong Kong proposed an extradition bill that would have allowed them to send accused criminals to be tried in mainland China. Of course, when dealing with a communist regime, that's a terrifying prospect — and one that threatens the judicial independence of the city. Thankfully, the protesters succeeded in getting Hong Kong's leaders to suspend the bill from consideration. But everyone knew that the bill was a blatant attempt by the Chinese government to encroach on Hong Kong's autonomy. And now Hong Kong's people are demanding full-on democratic reforms to halt any similar moves in the future.

After a generation under the "one country, two systems" policy, the people of Hong Kong are accustomed to much greater political and economic freedom relative to the rest of China. For the protesters, it's about more than a single bill. Resisting Xi Jinping and the Communist Party means the survival of a liberal democracy within distance of China's totalitarian grasp — a goal that should be shared by the United States. Instead, President Trump has retreated to his administration's flawed "America First" mindset.

This is an ideal opportunity for the United States to assert our strength by supporting democratic values abroad. In his inaugural address, Trump said he wanted "friendship and goodwill with the nations of the world" while "understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their interests first." But at what point is respecting sovereignty enabling dictatorships? American interests are shaped by the principles of our founding: political freedom, free markets, and human rights. Conversely, the interests of China's Communist Party are the exact opposite. When these values come into conflict, as they have in Hong Kong, it's our responsibility to take a stand for freedom — even if those who need it aren't within our country's borders.

Of course, that's not a call for military action. Putting pressure on Hong Kong is a matter of rhetoric and positioning — vital tenets of effective diplomacy. When it comes to heavy-handed world powers, it's an approach that can really work. When the Solidarity movement began organizing against communism in Poland, President Reagan openly condemned the Soviet military's imposition of martial law. His administration's support for the pro-democracy movement helped the Polish people gain liberal reforms from the Soviet regime. Similarly, President Trump doesn't need to be overly cautious about retribution from Xi Jinping and the Chinese government. Open, strong support for democracy in Hong Kong not only advances America's governing principles, but also weakens China's brand of authoritarianism.

After creating a commission to study the role of human rights in U.S. foreign policy, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo wrote last month that the principles of our Constitution are central "not only to Americans," but to the rest of the world. He was right — putting "America First" means being the first advocate for freedom across the globe. Nothing shows the strength of our country more than when, in crucial moments of their own history, other nations find inspiration in our flag.

Let's join the people of Hong Kong in their defiance of tyranny.

Matt Liles is a writer and Young Voices contributor from Austin, Texas.