GLENN:  Excuse me.  Excuse me.  I have some big news.  I have some big news if you're an animal masseuse.

(chuckling)

Now, I don't know how many animal masseuses there are in our listening audience

STU:  Well, we're the number three biggest talk radio show, but we're the number two among animal masseuses.

GLENN:  Are we?  

STU:  Yes.  

GLENN:  I would like to talk to an animal masseuse.  A licensed animal masseuse.

STU:  Only licensed animal masseuses can be members of the National Association of Animal Masseuses.

GLENN:  If you are an animal masseuse, an auctioneer, a boxing announcer, a fishing guide, a landscape architect, manicurist, or horse floater --

STU:  That sounds dirty.  I'll be honest, that sounds dirty.

GLENN:  What?

STU:  I don't know what that is.  Jeffy probably does.

GLENN:  It's like a fluffer for horse porn?

STU:  That's kind of what it sounds like, right?

JEFFY:  Depending on what sites you go to?

GLENN:  What is a horse floater?

STU:  We actually did discover this on Pat and Stu the other day.  It appears to be something equivalent to a horse dentist.

PAT:  Kind of.  Yeah.

JEFFY:  They call it a horse floater because the float is the file they file the horses teeth down with.

PAT:  And why that's called a file, no one knows.

JEFFY:  We don't know.

GLENN:  So here's the thing:  Washington is deciding now -- in the Washington House of Representatives, so this is Washington state, that they have too many people applying for license.  They don't need to have everybody apply for a license.  So those --

JEFFY:  That doesn't sound like government.

GLENN:  -- occupations are targeted for de-licensing.

STU:  Now, what a ridiculous premise and world we live in, that an animal masseuse -- up until this thing supposedly passes, needed to have a license.

GLENN:  Or a landscape architect.

STU:  Yeah, you judge them by their work.

GLENN:  Now, hang on just a second.  Maybe a landscape architect because maybe on huge projects, they could cause mudslides or things like that, if they don't know what they're doing with the land.

PAT:  They could also mess up your property if they don't what an they're doing.

GLENN:  But that's your property.

PAT:  Yeah.

GLENN:  Depending on the scale of things.  But an animal masseuse.  Come on.  I need a license to be an animal masseuse.

GLENN:  What is that?  Is that in case the animals are walking down.  I don't know.  That looks like a shady massage parlor.

JEFFY:  Well, some states won't even let you do it if you have -- if you've gone to school for horse massage.  Then they make you go back to become a veterinarian so that you actually have a license to be able to massage the horses.  Just saying.

STU:  Jeffy knows too much about this.

GLENN:  My grandpa was a jack-of-all-trades.  He did a little bit of everything.

STU:  Horse floating?

GLENN:  He probably did.  He was a vet, but he wasn't a vet.  He was an auctioneer, but he wasn't -- I remember him doing the big cattle auctions.  And he could do the whole -- he could do all that.  He didn't have a license for that.  He was a sheriff.  He worked -- he was a machinist.  He worked for Boeing.

STU:  You do need a license to be a sheriff.

GLENN:  Yes.  No, but I'm saying --

JEFFY:  You don't.  A sheriff, that's an elected office.

PAT:  Think of all the people --

GLENN:  You don't go to school for it.

STU:  You need a badge.

GLENN:  You need a badge.

STU:  That's the thing.

GLENN:  But why would you need a license to be an animal masseuse?  Are you good at it or not?

STU:  Right.  And, first of all, who is going to answer?  The horse?  Because that's the one that would need to know.  I don't know how they would know if you're good.

JEFFY:  Well, the owner would.

STU:  How would the owner --

JEFFY:  If you have an animal, you know the animal --

GLENN:  I'll tell you, I'll sit in the stall smoking cigarettes and watching Amazon, and then someone will knock on the door, you almost done?  

Yep, almost done in here.  

STU:  And the horse is like, I know you're not going to massage.  

GLENN:  He's loving it.  He's loving it.

STU:  Another crazy one on there that we haven't mentioned is boxing announcer.

GLENN:  Yeah, why?

STU:  So you can announce football or baseball without a license, but for boxing you've got to have a license.  That's really important.  Well, you know if it's the right hand or the left hand.  You got to tell.  Take the test and let us know.  I mean, that is ridiculous.

GLENN:  See, in my -- in my -- when I first got into it -- and Pat too, and I bet you too, Jeffy.

JEFFY:  Yeah.  Yes.

GLENN:  We used to have what was called our third phone license.  Yeah, your third class license.

JEFFY:  To get in.

GLENN:  And it was a radio telephone license.  That's why it was called your third phone.  First phone meant you could fix the transmitter.  But you had to have certain basic understanding of how the transmitter worked to be able to on the radio.

STU:  Right.  Which is a bad practice which ended.

GLENN:  Yes.

PAT:  You had to know if the station was in compliance with its effective radiated power at all times.

GLENN:  Correct.  Correct.

PAT:  Now, I forget that formula a good time ago.  But they eliminated that too a long time ago.

JEFFY:  Yeah.

PAT:  Yeah.

GLENN:  So now you don't need to have a license.  But I will tell you that I talked to Ted Koppel, and he said maybe we should have a license for journalists.  Maybe you shouldn't just be able to post things online, you shouldn't just be able to start a blog without a license --

STU:  That's the progressive mindset, though, right?

JEFFY:  Right.  That sure is.

GLENN:  It is.

STU:  The mindset is, it's only legitimate if there's a license.  The government gives it its legitimacy.  And that's where the complete split it.

GLENN:  And here's the problem:  I was talking to a friend of mine.  He said, you know, Glenn, you know, I know -- you know, I know if you're into liberty and freedom, but there are some things that we all have to agree on.  For instance,, you know, schooling.  Schooling, I mean, you know, you say that you want freedom of choice to be able to go into whatever school you want.  But, Glenn, most people are not smart enough to figure out what school their kids need.

And I said, wow, is --

PAT:  Such a progressive frame of mind.  

GLENN:  Is that an awful frame of mind.  

JEFFY:  No kidding.  

PAT:  We're the parent.

GLENN:  First of all, most people -- most people absolutely are smart enough.  There's no need for them to even think about it because my job is to just put you up at the bus stop.  So I stopped thinking about it.  Do they know what's right for their kid?  Yeah, when their responsibility is given back to them and you're responsible for raising that kid.  Yeah, they are smart enough to figure that out.  And I said to that person, so what happens if I was in charge and I thought you were putting your kid in the wrong school?  Should I be able to say that you're not smart?  Well, no.  Because I'm smart enough to figure that out.

Oh.

STU:  Hmm.  And that's the thing.  Conservatism.  That thing.  And progressivism breaks down when you say -- when you think you can make that choice.  Because the point is to allow the person who actually is stupid to make the stupid choice.  That's okay.  It's their freaking life.  And if that's what they want to do with their life, they want to make continual stupid choices, as I point at Jeffy, that is okay.  You have to be able to let go and let that happen sometimes.