GLENN: Can you imagine how much we could get done? If we reduced -- if we took Mo Brooks -- Mo Brooks did a health care bill: Effective as of December 31st, 2017, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is repealed and the provisions amended and repealed by such act are restored and revived as of such act had not been enacted, period. Amen.
There's how you start it.
STU: Wasn't it an actual prayer?
GLENN: Yeah, it is. Yeah.
I mean, I came up with -- you know, give us ten minutes, and we can come up with a few of them.
Supreme Court decision known as Roe vs. Wade, null and void, as are all statutes pertaining to killing human beings while in the womb.
GLENN: That way nobody is saying, I love these people who say, read the bill.
Yeah, you can read it. Everybody knows exactly what it is.
STU: There would be some Supreme Court conflicts with that particular one.
GLENN: Well, that one is probably not -- but we could try.
STU: You could do something like, effective March 29th, 2017, all employed citizens of the United States of America with an income greater than 40 grand --
STU: -- shall remit to the Treasury 10 percent of their annual earnings once per year that they're employed. No exceptions. No exemptions. Those earning less than 40,000 shall remit nothing.
GLENN: Can you imagine that? Can you imagine if that was our tax code?
GLENN: Can you imagine what would happen to our country?
PAT: It would be -- it would be so simplified. You wouldn't have the tax fraud. You wouldn't have the cheating.
PAT: I think you would probably have more revenue.
GLENN: Oh, you would not only have more revenue --
PAT: Without the exemptions and deductions and all that stuff --
GLENN: -- but all of the companies that spend all of this money on lawyers and attorneys and tax -- every -- all of that stuff. All of that money would be freed up for investment.
GLENN: It would be a huge boon to the economy.
PAT: Huge, huge.
STU: It would be a huge one.
Also, we did not tie this to inflation. So the government is going to have to figure out how to get smaller and smaller every year.
GLENN: I love that.
STU: I like that.
GLENN: Okay. Try this one on for size. Immediately upon the signing of this bill, all current immigration laws shall be strictly enforced, and severe penalties and fines shall be levied by any and all employers in violation of the law.
PAT: I think that's all we need to do. In addition to something, you know, maybe a border wall or a fence. Just a fence and this, just enforce the laws we have. And it's going to take care of the problem.
STU: Sanctuary cities being a good example.
GLENN: Yes. Well, that's all employers in violation of the law. The city can be an employer too.
PAT: Yes. How about this: Retroactive to fiscal year 2012, the speed limit in all 50 states is null and void.
PAT: And local authorities shall remit reimbursements of any and all fines levied since then.
GLENN: This one sounds a little personal.
PAT: I'm -- no. No.
GLENN: How much would you be getting back?
PAT: I'm just trying to help humanity, that's all I'm trying to do.
GLENN: How much would you be getting back?
PAT: About $80,000.
STU: How about, effective March 29th, 2017, the United States congressmen shall serve no more than six terms, twelve total years. And United States senators shall serve no more than two terms.
PAT: That's exactly what I think it should be. It should be twelve years for both Congress and Senate, and then you're done. Goodbye.
STU: And, by the way, you can't just put two terms in there, because then they would increase the length of the terms to stay longer. You have to put the years in there.
GLENN: Yeah, you have to put the years.
GLENN: Okay. I like the idea -- again, I love these people who say read the bill.
So we enact this. Effective immediately, Congress shall draft no legislation larger than one page.
STU: You better put a font size in there. You better put a font size in there.
JEFFY: Boy, no kidding. No kidding.
STU: It will be like Willy Wonka with the magnifying glass by the end of it.
PAT: You'd need a microscope to read it.
JEFFY: All right. Here you go. Effective at the end of this week, Department of Education closed permanently.
GLENN: Do you have to say it like Jackie Gleason? Closed.
JEFFY: I want it closed.
GLENN: To the moon. Closed.
STU: To be fair. Because obviously you're compromising here, you're giving them to the end of the week.
PAT: I mean, that's plenty of notice for the employees.
GLENN: Right. Right.
PAT: Plenty of notice.
GLENN: Right. Right. That would be good. Federal Reserve, closed.
PAT: Would you give them to the end of the week?
GLENN: Yeah, no, I'll give them to the end of the week. Yeah. No, they're bankers. As of right now, closed.
PAT: How about effective upon the signature of the president, the Environmental Protection Agency is officially, permanently closed?
GLENN: I like that. I like that.
STU: Now, there's an issue here maybe with free speech, in the First Amendment. But effective immediately, any persons uttering the word consensus, the phrases the debate is over, settled science, or 97 percent of scientists agree as they relate to global warming or climate change, will be arrested and repeatedly poked with pickle forks.
GLENN: That might not be --
STU: I don't know constitutionally --
STU: The word pickle fork does not appear in the Constitution. It's important to note that.
PAT: It doesn't --
GLENN: Right. And it may not -- it is a pickle fork, so it may not be inhumane.
PAT: It doesn't say we can't do it.
GLENN: It may not be inhumane. It may be -- I mean, that's kind of funny. Everyone might just go -- I mean, it's a pickle fork. That's kind of funny.
PAT: It's not going to hurt him that bad.
STU: It's just a slight little poke. It's just a little irritating. It's nothing violent, it's just a little irritating.
GLENN: Because it's little pickles. Not a big pickle fork.
PAT: I would propose one more. And I'll give them till April 1st on this one.
GLENN: Okay. All right.
PAT: Effective April 1st, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame will admit the Anglo-American rock band Foreigner into its rightful place into the Hall of Fame, or federal troops will be deployed to Cleveland to blow that stinking building to smithereens!
GLENN: Oh, my gosh.
JEFFY: And then it would be closed.
GLENN: Closed. Closed.
STU: Why the Anglo-American --
PAT: Because I wanted to mention that they're both English and American. It just -- it had to be said.
JEFFY: It is their rightful place too.
PAT: It is. It is.
JEFFY: It is their rightful place.
PAT: It is.