These are confusing times. If there’s a memo which explains what it’s safe to think and say nowadays, I didn’t get it. Neither may have many of you. So I decided to write one, which lays out the basic, unquestionable facts of life in 2017:
• Islam is a religion of peace, and if you say otherwise, Muslims will kill you.
• Muslims have nothing to do with terrorism. Don’t deny that, you’ll just provoke them!
• Feminism is for female empowerment. Except when it runs interference for polygamous sheiks who favor female genital mutilation and the torture of rape victims. But, on everything else, it’s solid.
• The left supports equality and opposes all exclusion. Except when they want all-female movie screenings and all-black dorms. But your Christian college had better have a gay activist group on campus, or else.
• Liberals favor freedom. Except when you offend them, they’ll try to wreck your career and maybe put you in prison.
• Progressives want democracy. But if you elect someone they disapprove of, they will fantasize about overthrowing the government, removing the president over fake scandals, or just outright murdering the guy.