Dear Ones,

Allow me to apologize if my white privilege offends you. The truth of the matter is, I don't consider myself "white" privileged. I identify as “hard work" privileged.

My family hails from the dirt farms of Oklahoma where they eked out an existence before moving to Kansas to improve their lot in life. When I was a child, my father worked multiple jobs to feed, cloth and house his family WHILE earning master’s and doctoral degrees. Let me put it in terms you’ll understand: he worked his white ass off. He worked as a shoe salesman. He worked second shift at The Boeing Company. He worked as a math teacher. He WORKED.

My father worked more than a whiny, self-indulgent, out-of-touch, unrealistic, privileged college warrior like you could ever comprehend. And guess what? It paid off. In three generations, my family went from struggling on farms to living comfortable lives.

That is the promise of America: generational change through hard work.

You want respect? Be respectful.

You want acceptance? Be accepting.

You want more out of life? Work harder.

Since these are unlikely outcomes given your entitled worldview, I’ve created a list of demands on behalf of society to counter your own warped list:

WE DEMAND that you conduct yourselves with dignity and refrain from irrational, emotional outbursts laced with profanity that demean and further marginalize you from society.

WE DEMAND that you respect your fellow students regardless of race, creed or color.

WE DEMAND that you treat persons of authority such as professors, administrators and safety personnel with the dignity and respect they deserve.

Should you be unable to meet these basic standards of human decency, I've created an additional list of demands:

WE DEMAND that you read and study the following:

The Declaration of Independence

The U.S. Constitution

The Bill of Rights

Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville

The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith

The Theory of Moral Sentiments by Adam Smith

Up From Slavery by Booker T. Washington

Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass

The 5000 Year Leap by W. Cleon Skousen

The Founders’ Almanac by Matthew Spaulding

Lives of the Signers of the Declaration of Independence by Benson J. Lossing

Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior by Judith Martin

WE DEMAND that you create a safe space utopia and never leave the campus of Evergreen State College.

WE DEMAND that you not integrate with the rest of society until you study and understand what real oppression looks like (try Mao, Pol Pot and Stalin for starters).

WE DEMAND that you immediately retake English 101 to coherently write your next list of demands so we can more fully understand what we'll be throwing in the trash.

WE DEMAND that you grow up (and while you’re at it, grow a pair and a spine).

WE DEMAND that you no longer employ police or safety officers and subject them to your intolerant hatred. Please attend to your own protection and police yourselves on the grounds of your new utopia --- the campus of Evergreen State College.

WE DEMAND that you create and manage a self-sustaining eco farm to grow and harvest your own vegan-based food supply (again, so you will never have to leave the campus of Evergreen State College).

WE DEMAND that you work and create your own monetary system to support and pay for the Day of Absence, Day of Presence, Equity Center, Vice President of Equity and Inclusion, Trans & Queer Center, Undocumented Student Center, Student Affairs and The Student Code of Conduct.

WE DEMAND mandatory reality and societal competency training for anyone wishing to leave the newly-formed social utopia of Evergreen State College.

Yours truly,

Pretty Much Everyone Living in the Real World