GLENN: Every time I -- I say something like what I'm about to say, I am -- in my head, it is always preceded with, the guy is still alive. Don Imus joins us on the program now.
Now, hello, Don, how are you?
DON: Not good.
GLENN: So, Don --
DON: First of all, I'm on hold, listening to these commercials. You got one for the IRS, if you're in debt, haven't paid your taxes. Then the next part is a blood thinner deal. And then the last part, they give you if you're 85 -- or, you get a deal on a -- on a funeral -- who is listening to your program?
GLENN: You. Those were fed down the phone line for you.
So, Don, first of all, were you affected by the hurricane? Because you live in Texas. Most people don't know that.
DON: We live in Buddham (phonetic), Texas. We have a ranch here, in Washington County. We're 85 miles from Houston. We got 30 inches of rain here at the ranch. My son, Wyatt Imus, goes to Rice University, which is right in the middle of Houston. And my other son flies fighter jets out of Pensacola.
GLENN: So maybe this is God just trying to wipe the Imus family out. Have you thought about that?
DON: It does sound that way.
GLENN: Yeah, it does sound that way.
DON: So we weren't flooded here because we're at a high point in the county. But, you know, 30 inches of rain, like the house is -- 11,000 square foot house, got a brand-new copper roof on it, and the roof started leaking.
So, but nothing like -- hey, what's this Operation Barbecue thing you're doing?
GLENN: We thought that it would be, you know, helpful to go cook some food. So we're -- we are supporting the Operation Barbecue, a group that goes out. And they're actually doing at the convention center, they've provided I think 335 meals since this thing began.
DON: Is that your deal?
GLENN: We're one of their big supporters, yes.
DON: Okay. And who handles the money?
GLENN: Not me.
DON: Okay. Well, that's fine.
DON: But, I mean, is the Red Cross involved or FEMA?
GLENN: I'm not sure how -- I'm not sure what everybody is doing. I know that we're supporting a couple of them. Operation Barbecue. Team Rubicon. Do you know anything about them? They're an amazing group.
DON: No, I don't.
GLENN: They're a group of veterans all over the country, that when there's a need, they just all kind of come in. And we've flown I think 1100 of them in from all over the country. And they're just going in, and they're mucking out these houses.
DON: Well, Deirdre Imus, you know, my lovely wife. You've met her.
DON: Well, we call her El Chapo around the ranch here. We wanted to give some money, but there's certain organizations we won't give any money to. So maybe off the air, you can text me.
DON: Tell me who it is. We'll be happy to send you some money.
GLENN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you some --
DON: Is O'Reilly on?
GLENN: Oh, jeez. Here we go.
STU: No, we didn't. We didn't.
DON: What do you mean, oh, jeez, here we go?
GLENN: Because, Don, the world has been, you know, at each other's throats for the last couple of years. Then we've had a nice break, where people come together and they love each other and it's nice. And, you know, I did question my wisdom inviting you. I thought, well, you know, all good things have to come to an end. Let's just pile Don Imus into this and reverse the thrusters.
DON: Well, we all know what O'Reilly did, and we all know what I did when I got fired for trying to be funny, which I shouldn't have been. And Bill wound up okay. But, you know, listen -- the thing I was thinking about this morning is we don't know what you're doing.
GLENN: Wait. What?
DON: There's something that you're doing that we, the great unwashed out here, that we don't know. You could have a couple of midgets -- you can't say midgets, Imus -- you could have a couple of little people in your basement with a pony and two hookers. And who -- but we wouldn't know about it.
GLENN: Right. You wouldn't have any idea. I've hidden it pretty well, haven't I?
DON: Yes, you have. But here's the thing: You can bet on this, it's going to come out. It's going to come out. So here's what I'm saying to you: Tell us now. Tell me.
GLENN: I -- I really --
DON: What are you doing? What are you doing to the pony, Glenn? Glenn, did you try to kiss a pony?
STU: Try? Yeah. Even ponies won't kiss me.
DON: How is your boy Trump doing?
GLENN: My boy Trump?
GLENN: Don't even start with me on my boy Trump. You're the one who writes to me, telling me how much you love him.
DON: You know, it's not the same guy I knew. I knew him for 40 years. Not the same guy. God Almighty.
GLENN: So did he -- you know, there's some people saying he's become the -- yesterday was his first day as a Democrat in office. Do you buy into that?
DON: No. I don't -- I mean, I'm just waiting for him to say, I've had enough, go back to Trump Tower, which, by the way, has ruined his name and everything else. The guy is a moron. Please stop it.
GLENN: Wait a minute. I thought this was your guy?
DON: Well, he's not my guy anymore, Glenn. So now what?
You know, I was done with him when he jumped on McCain. Not his -- you know, his kind of war hero is not one that's captured. Are you kidding me? This fat, blubbered-tittied moron has got five deployments to keep from going to Vietnam. You know why he didn't want to go to Vietnam? Because he's a coward. You know who did go to Vietnam, got shot down over Vietnam? John McCain, that's who. You know that I was in the Marine Corps. I was in the jungles of Vietnam, killing the Congs so people like you could have these stupid little radio programs. What are you talking about?
DON: Well, actually I played the bugle in the Marine Corps band.
GLENN: Right. But you were there. You were there. You were there.
GLENN: So, Don, what has changed in Donald Trump since -- you say you've known him for 40 years. This is not the guy you knew. What's different about him?
DON: Well, I just thought he was a lot smarter. And, you know, once you're president, you wouldn't think you would have to defend every slight. You wouldn't think you would have to validate your presence on the planet with tweets about how big the crowd was or this -- I mean, you know, I had gotten into a huge fight with him that the press covered back 25 years ago. He was a bachelor then. And he was posing for some -- I forget what it was. And I said he had grandma arms. You know, he had the big old flap on his arms.
DON: And he was going bankrupt in his casinos. So I said the boy was going from the back of the limo to the front of the limo. So he took great offense to that. And said, now that I wasn't drinking liquor anymore and doing cocaine, I wasn't as funny as I used to be. Howard Stern was a lot better. And Stern voted for Hillary Clinton, but...
GLENN: Is there any -- is there any difference though on, A, how you treated Bill Clinton? I'll never forget the flop sweat on Don Imus.
DON: There wasn't any flop sweat. What are you talking about?
GLENN: Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I felt like I was living -- you know, if I would watch it again, there would be no difference between this and Hurricane Harvey. There was so much water coming off of you.
DON: I had the guts to stand up there and hammer his ass.
GLENN: You did.
DON: And, by the way, I played the speech the next day on-air. I killed it though. What are you talking about?
GLENN: I agree you did. But it -- I've never seen you squirm like that. It was --
DON: Well, no. He was glaring at me. And Hillary, she was glaring at me. And they were thinking about walking out. They were so --
GLENN: Right. So what is the difference -- what is the difference between what you said there and their reaction? And when you talk about grandma arms and to, quote you, blubber titties, what is the --
DON: Well, I don't know. I don't know how to answer that question. Don't ask me difficult questions.
No, but I don't want -- I like you. I like to call your program. My wife and I wanted to give some money to this deal, if it's not some scam. But I didn't call up to take an SAT test.
GLENN: It's not a scam. All right. All right. How much money are you going to give?
DON: I'd give 100 grand if we would -- I'd give 100 grand, if it's legitimate.
GLENN: Well --
STU: It is legitimate.
GLENN: It is legitimate, Don. Not a dime goes through --
DON: I want to know who handles the money. If the Red Cross or FEMA handles any of the money, then I'm not giving any money.
GLENN: No. FEMA and the Red Cross -- actually my charity was started because I don't trust FEMA and the Red Cross.
DON: All right. Good.
GLENN: And so there's not a dime that comes to us. If you mark it for Hurricane Harvey or Irma or whatever, 100 percent of the proceeds go right directly to the things that we have earmarked on the site. And you can even say, "You know, I want it to go to Operation Barbecue or Team Rubicon." Or --
DON: You can -- you can -- you have my email address. I get your whiney little email from you all the time. Send me a note about who handles the money, once it leaves Mercury Arts and whatever. And where to send the money. And we'll give you $100,000.
GLENN: That's nice of you, Don. That's a little cheap now that you've gotten rid of the cancer farm. You know, I thought you would be a little more generous.
DON: You really are just a worm.
DON: We always knew you were weird.
DON: I just --
Little fat boy, sitting there getting a lap dance from...
GLENN: All right. All right. All right. Don -- all right.
DON: I got to go.
GLENN: Goodbye, Don.
STU: That was Imus in the Morning. Imus.com. You get the updates on the -- on whatever Glenn is doing with that pony in the basement. We have that coming up, along with Doris Goodwin.
GLENN: He is great. I have to ask him for permission to print the emails -- the email exchanges from us over the years. For like ten years, we've been going back and forth on emails. And they're the most cruel, politically incorrect, just brutal beatings of one another.
I mean, just beating of one another.
STU: And there's not a moment of saying, no, but, you know, we like you. There's none of that.
GLENN: No, I said that -- remember this? The first time we went back and forth, and I -- you know, I thought, okay. I'm going to write -- Don gave me his email address. I can't write something nice. Because that's not who he is. So I gave him a backhanded compliment. And he came back even stronger. And so then we just got into this war. And then about -- I don't know. About six emails in, I decided to say, but really, you're a great guy and everything else. And he just went off on me. Really? Really? This is who you are? You really need to think you need to say that? Don't ever write to me again.
I mean, he's just brutal in all ways.
GLENN: But what I really like about him is he's a really nice guy, and he can take the punch as hard as he can throw it.
STU: Yeah. And also say, you should not brush off the fact that he just offered $100,000 for Harvey relief. You know, I mean, it doesn't --
GLENN: He spends that in medication every month.
STU: That's true. But, I mean, that's -- every week is probably more accurate.
GLENN: Probably every day. But -- all right. Well, but we accept it. And that is really nice. That's very nice of him.