Joe Biden announces he’s changing his name to Joebama Bidigieg

March 08, 2020

NOTE: The following is a fictional (yet oddly plausible) story…

Yesterday, during an impromptu planned press conference outside a Bojangles' restaurant in Shelbyville, Kentucky, Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden made a surprise announcement. Ostensibly in an effort to broaden his appeal among Democrats, he is officially changing his name to Joebama Bidigieg.

"Today, against the advice of pretty much everyone, I've filed legal pages and whatnot to change my name to Joebama Bidigieg. This newly improved name better refracts who my heart tells me I am. The 'Obama' part, of course, is a tribute to the best brother from another mother a man could never hope to have. And it will also hopefully jack up the heat on President Barack to endorse me already. I know he's busy vacationing and shooting hoops, but seriously man. Don't be a two-bit pony soldier. The 'Bidigieg' part is a tribute to my love of Norwegian culture in Minnesota, the wood shoes, and those long Ricola horns and all that jazz," explained the former Vice President of the United States.

After an aide whispered something inaudible in Mr. Biden's left ear, the candidate added, "And it's also a tribute to my basically adopted son Mayor Pete."

As Mr. Biden made his announcement, a small piece of biscuit from his recently completed Bojangles' breakfast clung to the side of his chin like Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger. It was awkward, distracting, and every reporter in the vicinity longed for an aide, or Mrs. Biden, to remove the untimely dangler. Yet, everything appeared business as usual for the Biden team. Either they didn't notice the biscuit fragment (which seems difficult to fathom), or they noticed it and simply filed any potential action under the life-is-too-short category.

After pausing to take a deep whiff of a baby being held by its mother in the front row of the sparse crowd, the former Mr. Biden went on to over-explain that, "This name gives America the best of all worlds. The next best thing to having Obama back in the White House is a Joebama. And they also tell me that Bidigieg is a solid nod toward the rainbow people. As you know, I've always been all about the diversity. That's why my ancestors were Irish coal miners in the mines of Moria. We dug up our potatoes elbow-to-elbow with the dwarves."

The sudden name change is unprecedented in nearly two-and-a-half centuries of American presidential elections.

When asked whether a drastic name change will confuse American voters, Mr. Biden said, "Not at all. I mean, come on man, we all know that a hundred and five percent of the American people aren't paying attention a lot of percent of the time. This name change is just what the doctor never ordered. It's gonna make ninety-nine percent of the country know who I really pretend to be for the first time. Except for the black people because they know me like their next-door neighbor, because of all the busing. Plus, you gotta remember that wherever you go, there you are."

One reporter asked Mr. Biden how his son, Hunter, felt about his father's name change. "I'm not going to talk about my son's business dealings in China," replied Mr. Biden, "I told you, everybody who knows anything about nothing has said there's something wrong with anything he did in Cambodia. I was selected to the U.S. Senate right after Watergate and it's a different time. But that's all relevant."

After several blinks in rapid succession, the same reporter pointed out that he had not inquired about China, nor Cambodia.

"I tell you what," snapped Mr. Biden, "I got a fortune cookie the other day. Know what it said? Trump sucks and I'm the only guy in Canada that can beat him."

When asked whether Mrs. Biden will also change her name, Mr. Biden said, "No, no, no. She'll forever be, you know, Jallerie, Vill, Rosie the Riveter."

Several reporters asked him to clarify his "Rosie the Riveter" reference. "I know you are, but what am I?" Mr. Biden replied.

Several reporters asked him to clarify his "Rosie the Riveter" reference. "I know you are, but what am I?" Mr. Biden replied. "The fact is, we the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect human, sweet hand of liberty by the dawn's early flight. And, you know the thing."

As Mr. Biden's voice trailed off, the stubborn biscuit crumb mercifully fell from his chin and clung to his jacket.

A campaign spokesman later explained that Mr. Biden's wife, Jill, and his sister, Valerie, reply to any and all names from Joe. "They find it much easier just to go with it," said the spokesman on deep background.

We reached out to Hunter Biden about the prospect of him adopting the new family name. We received a reply via email that simply stated: "As I've insisted all along, there is absolutely no proof of any wrongdoing by myself in Ukraine."

Be sure to watch the Glenn TV Special – Biden & China: Too Close For Comfort – available now on demand, exclusively at BlazeTV.com.

Nathan Nipper is a writer for Mercury Radio Arts. As a politically conservative soccer enthusiast, he is a member of one of the most oppressed minority groups in the United States. He lives in North Texas with his wife, daughter, and two sons.

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JPMorgan Chase CEO issues dire warning about America's prosperity

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Jamie Dimon has a grim forecast for America — and it’s not a recession. He sees a fragile nation drifting into crisis while its leaders fight over TikTok.

Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase — one of the most powerful financial institutions on earth — issued a warning the other day. But it wasn’t about interest rates, crypto, or monetary policy.

Speaking at the Reagan National Defense Forum in California, Dimon pivoted from economic talking points to something far more urgent: the fragile state of America’s physical preparedness.

We are living in a moment of stunning fragility — culturally, economically, and militarily. It means we can no longer afford to confuse digital distractions with real resilience.

“We shouldn’t be stockpiling Bitcoin,” Dimon said. “We should be stockpiling guns, tanks, planes, drones, and rare earths. We know we need to do it. It’s not a mystery.”

He cited internal Pentagon assessments showing that if war were to break out in the South China Sea, the United States has only enough precision-guided missiles for seven days of sustained conflict.

Seven days — that’s the gap between deterrence and desperation.

This wasn’t a forecast about inflation or a hedge against market volatility. It was a blunt assessment from a man whose words typically move markets.

“America is the global hegemon,” Dimon continued, “and the free world wants us to be strong.” But he warned that Americans have been lulled into “a false sense of security,” made complacent by years of peacetime prosperity, outsourcing, and digital convenience:

We need to build a permanent, long-term, realistic strategy for the future of America — economic growth, fiscal policy, industrial policy, foreign policy. We need to educate our citizens. We need to take control of our economic destiny.

This isn’t a partisan appeal — it’s a sobering wake-up call. Because our economy and military readiness are not separate issues. They are deeply intertwined.

Dimon isn’t alone in raising concerns. Former Google CEO Eric Schmidt has warned that China has already overtaken the U.S. in key defense technologies — hypersonic missiles, quantum computing, and artificial intelligence to mention a few. Retired military leaders continue to highlight our shrinking shipyards and dwindling defense manufacturing base.

Even the dollar, once assumed untouchable, is under pressure as BRICS nations work to undermine its global dominance. Dimon, notably, has said this effort could succeed if the U.S. continues down its current path.

So what does this all mean?

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It means we are living in a moment of stunning fragility — culturally, economically, and militarily. It means we can no longer afford to confuse digital distractions with real resilience.

It means the future belongs to nations that understand something we’ve forgotten: Strength isn’t built on slogans or algorithms. It’s built on steel, energy, sovereignty, and trust.

And at the core of that trust is you, the citizen. Not the influencer. Not the bureaucrat. Not the lobbyist. At the core is the ordinary man or woman who understands that freedom, safety, and prosperity require more than passive consumption. They require courage, clarity, and conviction.

We need to stop assuming someone else will fix it. The next crisis — whether military, economic, or cyber — will not politely pause for our political dysfunction to sort itself out. It will demand leadership, unity, and grit.

And that begins with looking reality in the eye. We need to stop talking about things that don’t matter and cut to the chase: The U.S. is in a dangerously fragile position, and it’s time to rebuild and refortify — from the inside out.

This article originally appeared on TheBlaze.com.

James J. Hill’s railroad triumph: Why private enterprise ALWAYS wins

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On radio last week, Glenn discussed California’s bullet train project, which is a complete and total joke. Billions of dollars, decades in the making, and what do they have?

A hopeless boondoggle that’s become the poster child for government waste. Politicians just leaf-blowing your tax dollars into a black hole.

Rewind to the late 1800s, to a man named James J. Hill and his Great Northern Railroad – the polar opposite of California’s embarrassment. His story is about American grit, private enterprise, and it’s proof that when you keep the government’s hands off, you can get real results.

James J. Hill didn’t just build a railroad; he built a legacy that shames every federally funded train wreck of his era.

Picture this: it’s the 1870s, and railroads are the arteries of America’s growth. But most transcontinental lines, like the Union Pacific and Central Pacific, are swimming in federal cash through massive loans and land grants. They would get up to 20 square miles of land PER MILE of track, plus loans of $16,000 to $48,000 per mile, depending on the terrain. Naturally, those railroads were bloated, mismanaged, and built as fast as possible to grab the government subsidies. Since they got a pile of federal cash for every mile they completed, they often picked less efficient routes. The cheap and fast construction also meant the tracks were in constant disrepair and had to be re-laid. By the Financial Panic of 1893, they were bankrupt, bleeding money, and begging for bailouts.

Enter James J. Hill. This guy was different. He didn’t want Uncle Sam’s handouts. He spent three years researching the bankrupt St. Paul and Pacific Railroad, ensuring it could be profitable with strategic expansion. In 1878, Hill and his investment partners bought the SP&P with their own money. No federal loans, except for a single small land grant in Minnesota, that they needed to connect their line to the Canadian Pacific Railroad. Hill carefully used profits from this line to fund further expansion, avoiding excessive debt.

By 1893, the Great Northern Railroad stretched from Minnesota all the way to Seattle, built almost entirely with private capital. Why did Hill’s Great Northern become the gold standard? First, efficiency. Hill was obsessive. He scouted routes himself, picking paths like Marias Pass – the lowest crossing of the Rockies – saving millions of dollars by avoiding tunnels. His tracks had low grades, minimal curves, and were built to last.

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Second, Hill didn’t just build tracks; he built an economy. He attracted settlers by offering cheap fares, free seeds for their farms, and even programs that taught them better farming techniques. He invested in timber, ensuring that freight kept rolling. The result? His railroad always had plenty of customers, cargo, and cash flow. The federally funded lines, on the other hand, often ran through barren land, chasing land grants, not profits.

When the Panic of 1893 hit, the Great Northern line withstood the storm – it was one of only two Western railways NOT to go bankrupt.

Hill reinvested profits, kept debt low, and outmaneuvered the government’s new rate controls that crippled his competitors. By 1901, he controlled the Northern Pacific and Burlington lines, creating an empire that still exists today, part of a merger in the 1990s that created the BNSF Railway. That is the power of private enterprise – no government bloat, just hard work and vision.

James J. Hill’s Great Northern Railroad proves what happens when you let markets, not bureaucrats, drive progress. Hill’s legacy reinforces a vital truth: keep the government out, and let builders build. That’s the American way.

Greta Thunberg's latest escapade: Gaza aid or Mediterranean vacation?

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What would we do without Greta Thunberg?

Everyone's favorite Swedish nepo-baby climate activist is making waves with her latest plea for attention. Thunberg, who rose to fame when she prophesied an environmental apocalypse before the UN in 2019, has set aside the climate rhetoric to champion a new cause: freeing Palestine.

On Monday, June 2nd, Greta and her motley crew of wealthy activists, actors, and politicians—including Liam Cunningham of Game of Thrones fame and Rima Hassan, a French member of the European Parliament—set sail from Catania, Italy. The small sailboat, known as the Madleen, embarked with the lofty goal of "breaking Israel’s siege" of Gaza and delivering humanitarian aid. This fool’s errand was orchestrated by the Freedom Flotilla Coalition, a "grassroots" organization founded in 2010 to bring aid and attention to the plight of Gazans… through boat rides.

Greta Thunberg’s so-called “freedom flotilla” encapsulates the delusion and hypocrisy surrounding the Israel-Gaza war.

This isn’t a humanitarian mission—it’s a Mediterranean leisure cruise. Participants are smiling, swimming, and filming TikTok videos. This is self-serving… pic.twitter.com/eUzhsXW54r
— Maccabee Task Force (@MacTaskForce) June 3, 2025

As this video reveals, the so-called "urgent humanitarian mission" looked a whole lot more like a Mediterranean pleasure cruise, complete with swimming, frolicking in the sun, and social media posting. The booze-cruise vibe of the crew, paired with the tiny size of the craft, which could only carry enough "aid" for a token photo-op, exposed the true nature of this voyage. It was nothing more than a flimsy excuse for a group of privileged elites to enjoy an exotic vacation while fishing for attention and a dose of self-righteousness. All the while, chanting 'Free Palestine'—a slogan Glenn warns can fuel anti-Semitic violence like the Boulder firebombing.

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In the end, Greta Thunberg’s latest escapade was a textbook case of performative activism dialed up to eleven. Trading in her climate doom-mongering for this half-baked humanitarian jaunt, she clung to relevance without lifting a finger to do anything meaningful. The Freedom Flotilla Coalition’s little boat trip wasn’t about helping Gaza—it was a golden ticket for smug elites to soak up the Mediterranean rays while playacting as saviors. It’s a shameless grab for the spotlight, and Thunberg, with her flair for theatrics, is the ideal poster child for this floating fiasco.

Your voice unveiled: 81% support Trump’s stand against rigged justice

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Glenn asked for YOUR take on Trump’s pardon of Sheriff Scott Jenkins, and your response was unmistakable.

A resounding 71% of you said you believe the Biden Justice Department unfairly targeted Jenkins, a clear rebuke of the narrative peddled by the powers that be. Even more striking, 81% of you backed Trump’s decision to pardon him, seeing it not as a dodge of justice but as a defiant stand against a corrupted system. Your votes revealed a deep-seated belief that the judicial process is being twisted to serve political ends. Can the DOJ’s claims of fairness survive such overwhelming doubt from voices like yours?

Your verdict rings loud: Trump’s pardons aren’t undermining accountability—they’re exposing the rot within institutions that prioritize power over truth. The question now is, how long will the elite’s “justice” hold up against your demand for answers?

Want to make your voice heard? Check out more polls HERE.