Wednesday, April 3rd
Uncle Joe here. Been a rough couple of days. Turns out the world can't handle Uncle Joe's love magic. Well it'll take a lot more than some bad mojo to shut down this love machine. Uncle Joe is a love maniac. I speak with my hands. And my nostrils.
Because it's important for democracy to know that a woman conditions her hair with L'Oreal Triple Nutrition Pomegranate Avacado. Now I bet people are wondering, what about the kids, Uncle Joe? And why does Uncle Joe only get handsy with young girls, often to the point of visible discomfort, on their part of course.
Uncle Joe is hurt by this line of logic. Hits Uncle Joe right where it hurts the most: In the palms. Because that's where all the love comes from, know what I'm saying.
Luckily the Washington Post is still doing real journalism. They're setting the record straight. "Joe Biden's affectionate, physical style with women comes under scrutiny." Right on, my dude. They get it. When Uncle Joe becomes President I'm gonna give the Washington Post a nice little thank you. In the meantime, I should hop on down to those offices and grope--er, I mean show fatherly affection towards every woman on the premises.