How my family's Target boycott is affecting my wife (satire)


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If you've been tuning in this month, you'll know that my family and I have been boycotting Target since they released their problematic Pride collection. We are determined, but boy has it been difficult... particularly on my wife.

I'm not saying that I kept a diary of my wife's Target withdrawals... but I'm not saying that I didn't either.

Here are the "alleged" entries of my family's first week of boycotting Target.

Day 1

My wife began the day optimistic. Determined. She kept saying, "I can do it. I can do it. For the sake of what is right, I can do it."

For a moment there, I thought this boycott was going to be kind of easy. I thought she would bounce into action, and never look back.

At about noon on day one, she started to crack just a little bit. She looked at me and said, "The only jeans that fit me properly are from Target. Where am I going to get my jeans? What will I do without my favorite jeans?"

One weird thing. She has been speaking differently. It's almost like a nervous tick. Random words come out at random times. Day one, I kissed her good night and said, "I love you." She said, "I love Lindt Lindor Milk Chocolate Candy Truffles."

And I think that has something to do with Target, but I'm not really sure.

Day 2

My wife began laughing today... a LOT. But then, abruptly, her laughter broke into a disconcerting grimace that reminded me ever so slightly of a gargoyle.

I tried to remind myself, "This is going to be a good thing. This is going to make a difference," and my wife proceeded to give me a long-winded rant about how Satan tempted Jesus, and how this is my temptation in the desert. Shortly after, I found her reading her Bible in Matthew chapter 4, repeating, "40 days of THIS?!"

She tried to go to Walmart and even made it about 10 feet into the store... but then she sped home and took a shower for 45 minutes.

Day 3

Have you seen The Shining? The way Jack Nicholson slowly becomes unhinged?

It's beginning to feel like that on day three, at the house. Several times, I caught her petting picture frames. When I asked if everything was okay, she said, "I can't find gallery frames for an excellent price anywhere. You know. Think of the frames."

Later, I caught her piling bath bombs onto her side of the bed.

I said, "Honey, what are those for?"

And her answer was a little terrifying. I can't really remember. Only something about the onslaught of a war of sparkles and tiaras. So I don't know what that means.

And I didn't ask.

Day 4

The shakes have begun. Confusion has overtaken her eyes. Every couple of minutes she gasps and looks around, face full of panic.

She cries in agony, "WHERE will I find oversized blouses?" She gasps again, "What if somebody has a birthday? Where am I going to go? Where am I going to go? What if there is a birthday?"

Day 5

Midway through lunch, my wife shrieked, realizing she was only seven decorative pillows away from an empty bed top.

Our day somehow got worse when news broke that Chip and Joanna Gaines had just released their new candle trough.

That was day five.

Day 6

The rations have vanished.

The boycott now has begun to affect the family's food supply. This morning, I asked my wife, "Do we have any milk?

My wife whispered, "Don't you know where the milk comes from? Don't you know where I get the milk?"

I answered, my voice quivering, "Milk? What milk? I don't need any milk!"

She was almost out of Meyers soap and nearly caved when the revelation kicked in that she might have to go to Walmart.

To make matters worse, Target had just released their new Meyers fall scents, including, but not limited to pumpkin spice—and if you don't have pumpkin spice Meyers soap, who are you, really?

Then things really spiraled when she needed to pick up Starbucks honey flat white and some new laundry detergent. For the first time in a long time, this was going to require TWO stops, and let me tell you, those two stops did not make her happy.

At bedtime, she locked herself into the guest bedroom and insisted on being left alone.

Day 7

For the first day, I have a little hope.

The whole thing was awful. Terrible. Miserable. Heartbreaking.

But still not bad enough to make me or any of my friends want to chug down a Bud Light.

COVID is back! Or that is what we’re being told anyway...

A recent spike in COVID cases has triggered the left's alarm bells, and the following institutions have begun to reinstate COVID-era mandates. You might want to avoid them if you enjoy breathing freely...

Do YOU think institutions should bring back COVID-era mandates if cases increase? Let us know your thoughts HERE.

Morris Brown College

Both of Upstate Medical's hospitals in Syracuse, New York

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Auburn Community Hospital, New York

Kevin Rivoli / The Citizen | Auburn Pub

Lionsgate Studio

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United Health Services in New York

Kaiser Permanente in California

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There was a time when both the Left and the Right agreed that parents have the final say in raising their children... Not anymore.

In the People's Republic of California, the STATE, not parents, will determine whether children should undergo transgender treatments. The California state legislature just passed a law that will require judges in child custody cases to consider whether parents support a child’s gender transition. According to the law, the state now thinks total affirmation is an integral part of a child’s “health, safety, and welfare.”

We are inching closer to a dystopia where the state, not the parents, have ultimate rights over their children, a history that people from former Soviet nations would feign repeating.

Glenn dove into the law AND MORE in this episode titled, "Parental Advisory: The EXPLICIT plot to control YOUR kids." To get all the research that went into this episode AND information on how YOU can fight back, enter your email address below:

If you didn't catch Wednesday night's Glenn TV special, be sure to check it out HERE!

The Biden admin has let in MORE illegal aliens than the populations of THESE 15 states

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There are currently an estimated 16.8 MILLION illegal aliens residing in the United States as of June 2023, according to the Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR). This number is already 1.3 million higher than FAIR's January 2022 estimate of 15.5 million and a 2.3 million increase from its end-of-2020 estimate. Even Democrats like New York City's Mayor Adams Mayor Adams are waking up to what Conservatives have been warning for years: we are in a border CRISIS.

However, this isn't the same border crisis that Republicans were warning about back in 2010. In the first two years of the Biden administration alone, the illegal alien population increased by 16 PERCENT nationwide, imposing a whopping net cost of $150.6 BILLION PER YEAR on American taxpayers. That is nearly DOUBLE the total amount that the Biden administration has sent to Ukraine.

This isn't the same border crisis that Republicans were warning about back in 2010.

These large numbers often make it difficult to conceptualize the sheer impact of illegal immigration on the United States. To put it in perspective, we have listed ALL 15 states and the District of Colombia that have smaller populations than the 2.3 MILLION illegal immigrants, who have entered the U.S. under the Biden administration. That is more than the entire populations of Wyoming, Vermont, and South Dakota COMBINED—and the American taxpayers have to pay the price.

Here are all 16 states/districts that have FEWER people than the illegal immigrants who have entered the U.S. under the Biden administration.

1. New Mexico

Population: 2,110,011

2. Idaho

Population: 1,973,752

3. Nebraska

Population: 1,972,292

4. West Virginia

Population: 1,764,786

5. Hawaii

Population: 1,433,238

6. New Hampshire

Population: 1,402,957

7. Maine

Population: 1,393,442

8. Montana

Population: 1,139,507

9. Rhode Island

Population: 1,090,483

10. Delaware

Population: 1,031,985

11. South Dakota

Population: 923,484

12. North Dakota

Population: 780,588

13. Alaska

Population: 732,984

14. Washington DC

Population: 674,815

15. Vermont

Population: 647,156

16. Wyoming

Population: 583,279

POLL: Should the Government control the future of AI?

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Earlier this week, tech titans, lawmakers, and union leaders met on Capitol Hill to discuss the future of AI regulation. The three-hour meeting boasted an impressive roster of tech leaders including, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Google CEO Sundar Pichai, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman, and others, along with more than 60 US Senators.

Tech Titans and Senators gathered in the Kennedy Caucus Room.The Washington Post / Contributor | Getty Images

The meeting was closed to the public, so what was exactly discussed is unknown. However, what we do know is that a majority of the CEOs support AI regulation, the most vocal of which is Elon Musk. During the meeting, Musk called AI "a double-edged sword" and strongly pushed for regulation in the interest of public safety.

A majority of the CEOs support AI regulation.

Many other related issues were discussed, including the disruption AI has caused to the job market. As Glenn has discussed on his program, the potential for AI to alter or destroy jobs is very real, and many have already felt the effects. From taxi drivers to Hollywood actors and writers, AI's presence can be felt everywhere and lawmakers are unsure how to respond.

The potential for AI to alter or destroy jobs is very real.

Ultimately, the meeting's conclusion was less than decisive, with several Senators making comments to the tune of "we need more time before we act." The White House is expected to release an executive order regarding AI regulation by the end of the year. But now it's YOUR turn to tell us what YOU think needs to be done!

Should A.I. be regulated?

Can the government be trusted with the power to regulate A.I.? 

Can Silicon Valley be trusted to regulate AI? 

Should AI development be slowed for safety, despite its potential advantages?

If a job can be done cheaper and better by AI, should it be taken away from a human?

Do you feel that your job is threatened by AI?