Everybody knows that London Men's Fashion Week is where people go to learn about the nuances of political science and social change, right? Right? Well this year, the fashion week was even more indistinguishable from Zoolander than previous years, I assume, although, who really cares? Like most of modern life, it reads like a modern-day installment of Alice in Wonderland, or maybe it's better to say Allen in Wonderland.
In case you missed it, a gaggle of androgynous male models strutted down the catwalk with the same ridiculous outfits you'd expect from a fashion show, but with one addition: Most of the men cradled prosthetic bellies made to look like women's pregnant baby bumps.
"We're prepared to welcome a future of male pregnancy," said the designer in charge of the, quite literal, fashion statement. The series stands as the first ever showing of pregnant male models … what a time to be alive.
Men do not have wombs.
Although, joke's on him: the prosthetic baby bumps look like beer bellies, a mark of manliness, really. One of the models wore a t-shirt labeled with the words "New world baby," whatever that means. And, look, we shouldn't fret too much about the fashion statements of a guy who sells shirts with the pockets cut out of them, for a couple hundred bucks at that. Although for some reason I feel like someone should let the fashion designer know that male pregnancy is, like, not possible, and, moreover, in every single species of animal, excluding seahorses and a few other species of fish, the female carries the offspring until birth. Men do not have wombs.
There's no space in men's bodies for the baby to grow. Even if scientists were somehow able to transplant a uterus into a man, and get an egg and sperm into that uterus, a man could not survive—ah, never mind, they wouldn't listen to logic anyway. I know this with certainty: In a green trench coat, one of the models strutted down the catwalk with six arms. A man spider. A man spider up on stage with a bunch of men with fake bellies on acting like they're pregnant. In other words, it's, like, called fashion.