Hey, you know what we should do to fight the murderous, bloodthirsty drug criminals ravaging Mexico? Hug 'em. That's right. Just give them a nice big ole hug. Poor fellas, they're just hurt in their hearts, that's all. And I'm sure all we would have to do to stop that army of crazed, money-hungry, power-starved, fully-weaponized outlaws is to extend our arms in a warm embrace. They just need a hug. That's why they've been murdering journalists and politicians at unprecedented rates, right?
Well, that is the world according to Andres Manuel Lopez.
Obrador, Mexico's newly-elected president, who ran under the slogan "hugs, not bullets."
Reuters spoke with Obrador's proposed interior minister, Olga Sanchez, who said "Not only will it be amnesty, it will be a law to reduce jail time. We will propose decriminalization, create truth commissions, we will attack the causes of poverty, we will give scholarships to the youth and we will work in the field to get them out of the drug situation."
There is no doubt that, within minutes of the "hugs, not bullets" campaign's success, crowds throughout the world will break out into the street. ISIS will officially disband—it turns out they were only ever in need of an embrace. Israel and Palestine will break down like two bitter lovers finally rekindling. England and Ireland. Ukraine and Russia. Pakistan and India. And, within a week, all borders will be replaced by hugs. What a time to be alive, folks.
There is no doubt that, within minutes of the "hugs, not bullets" campaign's success, crowds throughout the world will break out into the street.
Things are about to change. The world of our children and grandchildren will know no currency. People will be able to buy a sandwich with a song and a bicycle with a smile. Each and every child will be born with bongos and a complimentary Doobie Brothers "Best Of" record.
While some of that, let's be honest, sounds all right, the sheer delusion required to believe that a world like that is possible by simply hugging the bad guys, well, it's hard to even fathom. Although, it's a level of delusion not exclusive to Mexico, and I am positive you know what I mean.