RADIOJanuary 11, 2023

EXPOSED: The SHOCKING way Coca Cola HIDES its health risks

Calley Means, Co-Founder of TrueMed, once spent time in the same room as Coca Cola’s top executives and lobbyists. It was there, he tells Glenn, he discovered Americans’ health was being ‘rigged.’ Now, this whistleblower is exposed exactly how Coke — and other corporations like it — fool the world by hiding its immense health risks. The shocking, three-pronged approach, Means tells Glenn, involves bribery, phony studies, and promises made to top organizations. And because of it, Americans — and especially our kids — are suffering.

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: I don't think we understand why these companies do what they do. And I think the first -- the first time that we saw -- or, we should look to seeing where companies change, was Occupy Wall Street.

Those banks were -- were being protested. And they sat in front of the streets.

And most people think, oh, it just died out. No. I believe that there were deals made. Look, leave us alone. And we'll help you do X, Y, or Z.

There are very few giant corporations, I think, that are true to, you know, even their advising. You know, I want to teach the world to sing. Do you, Coke?

We have Calley Means on the phone with us now. He is the cofounder of True Med. And he is a whistle-blower on Coca-Cola.

Hello, Calley.

CALLEY: How are you doing, Glenn?

GLENN: I'm good. I'm good so tell me your story from the beginning.

Before we get into the Coca-Cola, tell me who you are, where you came from, and how you got here.
CALLEY: You know, I was born and raised in the swamp. I was born and raised in Georgetown. Very ideological. Worked in politics early in my career. Worked for John McCain. Got into -- road people out to the campaigns, got into consulting.

Then I found myself in the rooms with Pharma executives, soda executives, and seeing some very alarming things. So slowly -- slowly got out of that. Got more into entrepreneurship. And it just kind of grounded in that public policy standpoint, had become very passionate.

I think when you look at what's happening with kids, twenty-five percent of them having pre-diabetes. What's happening to the health of Americans. There's something being rigged, and it's a first order issue.

Because, you know, depression and disease is just skyrocketing. Life expectancy is declining.

And I really turned it back to my early experience, and have a new company that's trying to change those incentives. But with a new son and looking at the world he's going into, I felt the need to speak out.

GLENN: Okay. So you were -- and were you on the side of Coca-Cola, at the time when they were talking about the sugary drinks?

And Snap?

GLENN: Yeah. Unfortunately, there's not a big lobby for diabetic children. But since Coke has thrown a lot of money around in DC.

And the consultants are almost, you know, universally on the side of the soda companies. The American Beverage Associations, various fun groups, and Pharma.

GLENN: And so what happened? You were -- you were there. And you were fighting for Coca-Cola. Or big soda.

And you were in the room. And -- and what did you witness?

CALLEY: Yeah. I think this is really instructive. And it's from 2012. And instruct it now. Because it's up for debate again. This is around food stamps. Food stamps is a program that 15 percent of the American people within depend on for nutrition. We can debate on whether it's a good program or not, but it's there. Shockingly, 10 percent of that has been spent on sugar drinks. Ten percent of 110 billion dollar government intrusion program. It's a material part of Coke and Pepsi's revenue.

And logically, people were questioning that, and Coke wanted to keep the status quo.

So the playbook they used is the playbook, as old as time. And it's used today.

It's a three-part story. The first was identifying civil rights organizations. In this case, the NAACP.

And what was shocking, being in the room, as -- as, you know, kind of -- kind of a bad scene. I mean, these old Coke executives, basically dictating what the NAACP should say. It's very transactional. Coke gave the NAACP millions of dollars, and they explicitly agreed to call opponents. In this case, parents who are concerned their children are ingesting 100 times more sugar than they did 100 years ago, racist.

It's that simple. But it's bipartisan. The second leg of the stool was, you know, we paid off -- pay to play. Insert think tanks on the left hand and the right.

It's a big player in the pay-to-play scheme. And it's basically corporate-owned entity, ordering a study from the Heritage Foundations like going to McDonald's and ordering a Big Mac. You get whatever you want.

GLENN: Wait. Wait. Wait.

I want to make sure I understand this.

You're saying that part of -- you know, big corporation's planning. Which I absolutely believe. Is to order studies.

And -- but they go to the Heritage Foundation? One of them, you say, they're on both left and right. One of them is the Heritage Foundation?

CALLEY: Oh, absolutely. And, yeah. I think it's important to call out. The elites on both sides are getting called off. The way it works at the Heritage Foundation, you get a fundraising point. The fundraising point scorched the Coke executives or the Pharma executives, under the Heritage Foundation. Meet with the scholar.

You talk high-level concepts. And then the fundraising point basically guarantees that a study will say what they want to say. And there's an exchange of funds. Interestingly, and I think importantly, I also see, you know, oil companies. And, you know, other special interests, Heritage Foundation, and other think tanks, to not call something a tax. I mean, Grover Norquist. Heritage Foundation's whole DC influence, you know, network.

Actually has redefined often what a tax is. So you can actually buy publicity to rail against a tax. Of course.

But you can also pay these organizations to redefine something as not a tax that benefits them.

GLENN: There was something that I saw, that I talked about in the first hour of today's podcast of -- of there's this new study out, by the -- you know, greening of the world foundation. Or whatever it is.

A global warming foundation. New study that shows that gas stoves and all natural gas should be taken out of homes. Because it's too dangerous for kids with asthma. And the first thing I thought was, oh, really?

The global warming study came back with that. What a -- what a surprise.

CALLEY: Exactly.

GLENN: And everything that we do now, in politics, is based on some study. And you're saying, you can't trust the study from either side.

CALLEY: Well, you know, I think -- I think that's very important. And I think it warrants a great example, when there's trillions of dollars at play.

You have -- you can guarantee that financial rating institutions that trust.

And I think -- I think the third place, we went on this stop, that's the playbook. Is I think actually the most important. And I think the least understood.

Large, you know, prominent elite research universities, in my opinion, are nothing more than public relations entities of corporate interests.

GLENN: Yes. They're exactly what Eisenhower warned about, in his farewell address. Exact.

I mean, he said, billing military industrial. Corporations. And educations will just start selling out, and producing the studies that corporations or the government wants.

CHRIS: Yeah. There's nothing more prominent or unimpeachable within still today, on the media. On the left and the right. As a peer-reviewed study, from an elite research institution.

But you've got to ask who is funding these studies. You can have a peer-reviewed study say whatever you want. You can ask whatever question you want.

You can structure the study however you want. So it's really irrelevant for this issue I really care about, which is the nutrition. The hijacking of American nutrition. As you know, the disastrous 1990s food pyramid, that was on foundational research from Harvard University from the head of nutrition at Harvard University, directly paid for by sugar.

You know, leads up to today, NIH funded it's called the food compass. They hailed it as the most -- most complex and important nutrition study, you know, in modern times.

It says Froot Loops are more nutritious than eggs. And it's by processed food companies. It says Honey Nut Cheerios is more nutritious than organic ground beef.

So that's still looking at -- and you look at it, Coca-Cola and processed food companies spend 11 times more money on basic nutritional research, funding basic nutritional research at universities than the NIAH. And even the NIAH is just a grant-making organization.

And in the case of this food compass, I just mentioned is actually often -- more often than not, funding professors who have other financial incentives to talk of their study.

So really, we need to absolutely, like, again, I'm looking at like PR consultants at Washington. You know, dictate to prominent professors. What they should be finding in their research.

It's pretty unsettling.

GLENN: So how do we fix this? Or what do we trust, as a -- I mean, personally, I think there is some common sense in some people alive today. That say, hey. How about moderation in all things would be a good place to start?

But what do you trust, if there's -- if all of these institutions are blown?

CALLEY: Yeah. So I'll talk -- I think health is a specific area that is impactful to everyone and gives a framework. Let's talk about what happened with health in the past 40 years.

I think the patient has been systematically disempowered and in fear. And, really, by extension the American people. Right?

It's like, don't self-diagnose. Don't trust -- don't question the science. Trust the science.

You know, the American patient has been battered into like not questioning anything, and basically in total fear.

So, you know, the first step, and this is why it's important to get this out there. Is to wake up a little bit. Is to ask -- look around your children's classrooms, look at the fact that most children are obese. You know, as I said, 25 percent have pre-diabetes which used to be called adult onset diabetes.

Look at what's happening to the health of adults.

And just start questioning things a little bit. And question when you see that news article, with the new peer-reviewed study.

And question whether it makes sense that Froot Loops are more healthier than eggs, or beef.

So that is the first part, and I think that is happening. I think we have a lot of people speaking out.

I am encouraged that a lot of folks, nutrition has been an issue on the left. But the right is really waking up, looking at male sperm count plummeting 50 percent in the past 50 years.

GLENN: Do you know what that is caused by? Do you have any idea?

CALLEY: See, I don't think it's very complicated, Glenn. The foundation of the American diet, right now. The foundation is processed grains, which is basically weaponizing whole grains to take the fiber out, which basically makes an immediate sugar impact in the blood. You know, 70 percent of food is processed food, which is the foundation is processed grains.

Seed oils, which is very refined, cheap oil, and added sugar.

Seed oil as a processed grain, didn't exist 100 years ago.

These are new inventions. These are process inventions. And then added sugar really didn't exist until 100 years ago. It's gone up 100X in 100 years.

So really, the foundation of the American diet, has been weaponized to be highly attractive. Highly inflammatory.

And it's just evolutionarily we're not made to -- and we're being gaslit. Right?

Just yesterday, the American Association of Pediatrics, which is a wholly owned subsidiary of pharma that's still a trusted institution.

Said that to combat this obesity that preteens are experiencing, they should get a weekly or monthly injection for the rest of their lives.

This new Big Pharma obesity cure. So it's like, I really think, there's this axis, where food companies have basically weaponized food. Everyone is getting sick.

Everyone is getting overweight. But our trusted medical institutions turn a blind eye. Because there's a trillion dollars spent on stats now, Metformin. You know, all these drugs.

Interestingly, all these things, these drugs are treating, have gone up. Diabetes has gone up. Heart disease. So there's this -- there's this blind eye from the medical system.

So to answer ark question. There's some education. Also public policies. We have some crony capitalist systems.

GLENN: You think? Hang. Hang on just a second.

Hold on for just a second. Let me just take one minute to tell you about Relief Factor's sleep.

If you have trouble sleeping at night, getting to sleep, the last thing I want to take is some drug. I don't want to take a drug. I don't want -- and they always whack you out. But there are times where you just toss and turn. Toss and turn.

About four or five months ago, Relief Factor came to me, and they said, hey, we have this new sleep thing. Do you have problems sleeping?

And my wife really does. I do as well. And it is completely natural. There's no drugs in it. And all it does is really just kind of just reduce the distress. And help you relax a little bit. But I take a couple of them before I go to sleep.

And man, I have the best night of sleep. I wake up refreshed. Again, it's all natural.

Unleash the power of great sleep by calling 800-4-Relief. 800-4-Relief.

Go to relieffactor.com. Dream big. Sleep tight.

With Relief Factor sleep. Ten-second station ID.
(music)
I mean, it is -- it is so clear to me, at least. We're talking to Calley Means. He's the cofounder of True Med.

You can follow him at Calley Means, spelled with a C. CalleyMeans.com as well.

It's so clear to me, when you look at us, compared to the rest of the world, something is up with our diet. It is clear. And even common sense tells you, we didn't grow up with peanut allergies. We didn't have gluten-free everything. We've done something really bad to our food and our diet.

CALLEY: Right. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Glenn, and to me, you know -- you know, growing up, as a conservative, you know, considering -- considering not my philosophy. I think -- I think it's good people are waking up on this. Because to me, it's a first order issue. If we care about individual liberty, right?

The most important thing, is the -- is the ability of our brains. And I'm not going to try to get too deep here. But our brain -- diabetes is cellular dysfunction. Literally the cells are advertise functioning. We are basically -- that is the first order issue of like, our human capital. And it's -- it's not just people being overweight. Depression is skyrocketing. Infertility is off the charts.

As I mentioned, the male sperm count. PCOS, leading cause of female fertility is off the charts.

We -- we really are facing, you know, and getting exponentially sicker, fatter, more depressed, and more infertile. And that's a first order issue.

And then you get to the market. And people say, well, we don't want Coke. It's free choice. I'm all for it. I'm a Libertarian.

Let's have people drink Coke. It shouldn't be paid for with tens of billions of dollars of a government program. That's not a free market. That's a rigged system.

GLENN: Correct.

CALLEY: So right now, we have rigged the system. And you do not have a free market. And I think conservatives. Even some very, you know, well-meaning smart conservatives, that I know.

You know, if you even mention taking Coke away from food stamps.

That's patriarchal. No. What's hamming right now. The system is rigged right now. The system is rigged to give a 12-year-old an injection. A Pharma drug. Instead of talking with them. And working with the parents, to get them healthier.

GLENN: You are preaching to the choir. Especially with ESG and everything else.

They are planning on redesigning our food. What food is good for us. What's not.

And it is all fixed. I mean, I can't get conservatives, who are in power, to understand and maybe it's because they're on the take.

That this is not messing with the free market. ESG is messing with the free market.

You've got the government and corporations within designing where they want the world to go. And we're not really offered the choice.

We're being told lies. Fake studies or paid for studies.

And then we're -- then we just find ourselves in this situation. And I think it's getting extraordinarily dangerous.

CALLEY: Absolutely. Absolutely. And you look at Bill Gates being the largest farmer in the country, making processed food. You kind of start going through the -- and it's -- you don't want to be too conspiratorial. But, you know, what is happening to the American people?

And, you know, just to your question of what people do. I think hopefully, people listening to this. And it's been a big awakening for me the last couple of years. In waking up and asking questions. I think there's one actual public policy. And you have to ask with your public policy, what helps people stay healthy?

And I actually think it's a good policy. The FSHSA, which is very underlooked, these tax-free accountants. What these companies are doing. You can actually buy food and exercise, tax-free. Food and exercise is often the best medicine. And most people don't understand it.

You can actually literally qualify food and exercise and other lifestyle, as medicine saves 30, 40 percent with your FSHSA.

GLENN: Holy cow. I didn't -- I'm not aware of that. I'm out of time.

Can I have you back? I would like to do a podcast with you, Calley. Because I think this is vital information. Calley, thank you so much for being on the program.

Cofounder of True Med. Calley Means.

THE GLENN BECK PODCAST

Undercover in the KKK: What an FBI Agent Discovered

What really happens inside the Ku Klux Klan? Retired FBI undercover agent Scott Payne sits down with Glenn Beck to reveal the shocking story of how he infiltrated the KKK, underwent their secret initiation, and witnessed firsthand the bizarre rituals and twisted theology that drive America’s most infamous hate group. From “cross lightings” in the dead of night to the disturbing doctrine of “Christian Identity,” Payne exposes how the Klan masks its hatred under the guise of faith and history. This shocking conversation not only pulls back the curtain on the Klan’s hidden world but also shows the incredible risks law enforcement agents take to dismantle violent extremism from within.

Watch Glenn Beck's FULL Interview with former FBI Agent Scott Payne HERE

Exposing the dangerous roots of queer theory

In this explosive conversation, Glenn Beck and Liz Wheeler expose the disturbing roots of gender ideology and queer theory — and how these radical ideas are directly targeting children. From the shocking origins of queer theory, where pedophilia and child pornography were openly defended, to Planned Parenthood’s new role as one of the largest distributors of transgender hormone therapy, the truth is undeniable: this movement is not about freedom or equality, but about dismantling families, corrupting innocence, and profiting off of our children’s pain. What we are witnessing is nothing less than a satanic ideology dressed up as compassion — and it’s spreading like wildfire through schools, culture, and medicine. Parents, you need to hear this. The time to protect your children and fight back is NOW.

Watch the full episode HERE

Here’s how INTENSE JFK’s Presidential Fitness Test was

President Trump recently signed an executive order to reinstate the Presidential Fitness Test and the media is in a frenzy. But Glenn and Stu look back at the history of these tests, including JFK’s version of the Test that seems IMPOSSIBLE for modern Americans. But Glenn has a secret reason for why he’s confident in his pull-up abilities…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: What is the -- what is the new physical -- the president's physical fitness, you know, plan?

STU: Well, the thing that RFK Jr and Hegseth were rolling out the other day. I don't know if it was the full test or anything, but they were issuing a challenge to America, to be able to do 100 pushups and 50 pullups within five minutes.

GLENN: That's crazy.

STU: Thank you! That struck you as also crazy.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life, that I could do that. Let alone now with shoulder problems. And much too much weight.

GLENN: All right. But that was before I needed this walker.

STU: I don't think there was a time in my 20s or my teens, that I could do that. But that -- in five minutes? Fifty pullups?
GLENN: Both of them in 5 minutes.
STU: Yeah, both of them. So it's not like 100 pushups in five minutes. It's both tasks within five minutes.

GLENN: No. No. That's not true.

STU: RFK Jr. is just doing it in jeans.

GLENN: Yeah, well, RFK, he's -- he's a weirdo. I mean, he is. Come on. When it comes to fitness, he's a weirdo.
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I mean, he's done this his whole life. He's like 800 years old. He can still do it.

STU: Yes. Depressive, I will say.

GLENN: I don't know. He's a sex machine.

STU: Oh. That's been a problem for him. Yes, that's been an issue in his life. Yes.

GLENN: Okay. All right. Go ahead.

STU: Separate from the president's physical fitness test.

GLENN: Right.

STU: But, I mean, they don't, they don't really think we're going to do that, right?
Like, I mean, how long would that take you to do?

STU: I think for me, it would take a good month. I think a month, I could probably get two pullups a day. That would get me around, a little over 50. So I could do that. Plus, the pushups. A solid month, I could get that done.

GLENN: You could do more than two a day. You could do more than two a day.

STU: You know, Glenn, I've got to say. I think -- I will throw a number out there. No science behind this, so just as a guestimate.

I would say 40 percent of the population can't do any pullups. Maybe 30 percent. Thirty percent of the population can do exactly zero pullups. Precisely zero, so an infinite amount of time would be a correct answer for a third of the population.

GLENN: I think you're -- I think you're being -- I think you're being a little too optimistic. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. Maybe 60 percent.

STU: Right! Pushups are one thing. I mean, I think almost anyone can do a pushup. One --

GLENN: You can do a pushup. Yes. Yes.

STU: Singular pushup. And if you can do one, you can wait long enough, to do a second one.
And at some point, the hundred gets done. That's not the case with pullups. Pullups, you can sit there and think about how much you want to do a pullup for a really long time. But that doesn't make a pullup happen. If you've got a certain amount of weight on you. You're not doing a pullup. It's not occurring.

GLENN: I have no idea, how many pullups I can do.

STU: I have an exact number of pullups, you can do.

GLENN: Do you? You think so?

STU: Yeah. Yeah. I have the exact number. I have to calculate -- AI has been running a report on me. It came up with zero.

GLENN: Right. Right. Really?
I can do. I mean, this is so pathetic. Listen to this. I bet I could do three. You know, you could do three.

STU: In a row? Proper form.

GLENN: What do you mean in a row?

STU: I mean, holding on to the bar, without letting go, you're doing three. There's no way. I don't think so.

GLENN: I think I could do. Well, with proper form, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

STU: I'm not saying it has to look pretty. You have to get your chin up above the bar. It can't be one of those things, where you're a quarter of the way up there.

GLENN: So I can do one and rest for ten minutes. I could do another one.

I think I can do that.

STU: If you -- I'm not saying, you jump up, and you pull yourself up as you're pulling up. Full hang --

GLENN: See, you may not know this.

But you know what, I've done the DNA test. Have you ever done the DNA test that tells you all about your genes and everything else? Mine came back with something remarkable, and I have to share. You might feel bad, next.
(laughter)

VOICE: NMLS 182334. NMLSConsumerAccess.org. APR rates in the five, starts at 6.799 for well-qualified borrowers. Call 800-906-2440 for details about credit costs and terms.

GLENN: Everybody talks about the American dream as an opportunity. Here's the truth, for a lot of families. That dream is being eaten alive by interest rates and endless payments.

You work with you save. And the numbers seem to move forward, the way, you know, they should. This is where American Financing is different.

They're not a bank trying to push you into another product.

They're a salary-based mortgage consultant, that takes the time to look at your life. Your hopes, your teams. Your at the times. Your goals.

Then they build a plan around you. And if that means refinancing to knock years off your loan, they'll show you exactly how to do it. If it means consolidating high interest cards, so you can -- you can stop bleeding every single month.

They will make that happen. Their mission is really simple. Help you take control of your life. To help save you. Help you finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, because the American dream, that opportunity to do great things, it doesn't need to be reinvented.

It just needs to be made possible again. And that could start with American Financing. So call them. American Financing. 800-906-2440. 800-906-2440. AmericanFinancing.net.

STU: Coming up next, Glenn attempts live pullups on the air. Stay tuned!
(OUT AT 8:29 AM)

GLENN: You know no idea what who you're dealing with. No. You don't have any idea who you're dealing with here.

I got my DNA test back like 10 years ago. And we all -- we all took it, because we were looking for things. And so we all took it. My DNA test came back, and everybody in the family, their test made total sense. Like, oh, yeah. That makes...

Then we read mine. We have to find -- I have to find. See if Tania has it still. We should have had it framed. I swear to you, they -- they mixed me up with somebody else.

Somebody else is like, wait a minute. I'm this pathetic? Mine came out and said, you have the muscular structure of a -- of a -- something like a -- an elite athlete. You have the abilities and agility and everything else of an elite athlete. And I'm like, there's not a chance. I don't have any of that!

I don't even know if I have muscles. I have to check once in a while, and go, do I have muscles still?

Doctor is like, I don't know. Can I? Ask just press against my hand on the leg. I don't know.

You know, I don't know how to do that exactly. So --

STU: You sure it said elite athlete and not elephant? I mean, if they misspelled it.

GLENN: It was.

I was having eye problems at the time.

STU: No!

GLENN: I mean, we read it. And I was like Tania, I believe that for Tania.

Maybe they switched me and Tania. Because Tania is really strong. She'll kick your butt.

She works out every day. All of that. Me? Never. Never.

And it kind of makes me wonder, when I get to the other side, and the Lord went, okay.

So what did you do with your life again?

Because I gave this incredible body, and you wasted it the whole time.

And I'm like, you should have been more clear, okay?

You should have been more clear. I -- maybe I could have played basketball. But I tried once. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was like sixth grade. And I'll never live -- I don't even want to think about my time on a basketball court. Okay? So don't -- don't start with me. You should have made it a little clearer. When I first started to do stuff. And I think that's fair. I think that's a fair argument. In my defense. In my defense, Your Honor, God, you should have made it a little more clear.

STU: Yeah. I mean, if they really wanted us to do this, then the 11th Commandment is 50 pushups, and -- or, 50 pullups and 100 pushups, right?

Like, put it in a commandment if you really want us to do it. You have to be more specific, we're Americans.

GLENN: Okay. So let me give you the top of the list for the JFK Presidential Fitness Test. Okay? This is what you had to do in high school. In high school.

Thirty-four pullups. Bar dips: Fifty-two. What's -- because I believe I did that. A long time. And I don't recommend it.

STU: It's not a barhop.

GLENN: Oh, it's -- oh, bar dips. Okay. Okay. All right.

Bar dips: 52. Handstand pushups: Fifty. What are handstands?

STU: Oh, my God. Handstands.

GLENN: I can't even stand on my hands. Is that I'm doing a handstand and a push up? Because that's not happening. You're not human.

STU: Yeah. You're balancing yourself on your hands. Your feet are above your hands on the wall. Like a wall. And you're doing --

GLENN: Oh, so you're balancing yourself. That makes it a little easier. Still impossible.

But a little easier.

GLENN: Impossible. You could do precisely zero of those.

Aright. So you had to do 50 handstand pushups.

Or one arm -- 30 -- no, sir.

Twenty-six one-arm burpees in 30 seconds. Is that a one-armed push up?

STU: No. Well, you're bracing your yourself like you're about to begin a pushup in a burpee with only one arm, which that's not that difficult.

But then you're doing. Then you're like, you move your feet towards your hands. And then you jump up in the air basically. And then you do it repeatedly.

GLENN: No, no, no. That's ridiculous. No.

STU: There's a law of gravity. You're not supposed to violate it. If it was a recommendation of gravity, then maybe jumping would be appropriate. But it's not. Follow the law.

GLENN: In 48 seconds, you had to do a 3300-yard shuttle. Now, I've been to the airport. I think I've done a 3300-yard shuttle, but it depends on who is driving. You know.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Rope climb. Try this. Rope climb. Twenty feet, hands only! Sit start.

STU: That's what I remember from the president's physical fitness test. And I remember looking at that rope, like, no chance I could get up that thing.

GLENN: I remember looking up at that thing. Humiliation. Humiliation is coming my way. I'll never kiss a girl, because that ain't happening. I'll get maybe 10 feet up. Maybe. Maybe.

STU: And you were right for 24 years from that time, approximately.

GLENN: Agility run, 17 seconds. Extension pressups, what? What?

I'm sorry. Why am I so tired reading this?

Extension pressups. What's an extension pressup, 8-inch? You had to do 100 of them.

STU: Let's see. Exercise. An exercise for low-back pain involving lying on your stomach and pressing your upper body up with your arms while keeping your hips relaxed and down on the mat.

GLENN: Oh, I could do that know. 8 inches.

STU: The last part of it, relaxing down on the mat.
GLENN: That's what my doctor says I should be doing. What?

STU: I can do relaxed and down on the mat. That part of it --

GLENN: Yeah. I could do that -- I'm the only guy. I took yoga for a while, like three weeks. My wife is like, yoga. You could do yoga. Let's just do yoga together.

I did. And the yoga instructor said to me. Because we were doing a plank.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And she came and all I remember her waking me up. And saying, I think you're the only person I've ever -- ever taught that fell asleep in yoga. And I'm like, it's just so relaxing. Just let me sleep. Let me sleep.

STU: That's interesting, that you did yoga. Is there any footage of that? Any video that we could post? That would be good for --

GLENN: No. There's not. You had to do pegboard. Five trips of pegboard. And I think that's when you have the two pegs.

STU: Yes, it was a board.

GLENN: You have to take it out, and put it up, right?

STU: This is American Ninja Warrior. No way.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

STU: This is amazing.

GLENN: Try this one: You had to do a 45-second handstand. I've never been able to do a handstand. Never!

STU: Never.

GLENN: And I'm an elite athlete. I'm an elite athlete. Try this one: A man carry, 5 miles.

STU: What? What do you mean a --

GLENN: Five-mile man carry.

STU: Is a man carry as obvious as it --

GLENN: I think it is.

STU: You're carrying --

GLENN: If I'm going to carry that man, you have to carry me that man for five miles.

I'm not sure, I can't carry any man for any miles. I mean, if I am -- if I am a firefighter, count on burning in the house. You're going to burn in the house. Because I can't carry you out. I can get in there and go, yeah, I will have to leave you.
I will have to leave you here. I can't help you, sorry.

It's also getting really hot in here. I have to go. You had to do a five-mile jog. An obstacle course.

You had to swim prone for a mile. You had to swim underwater for 50 yards, any strokes, two minutes. Deep waterfront, hang float, with arms. What? What is a deep water hang float with arms. Wait. Wait.

It's a deep waterfront hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes.

What kind of al-Qaeda PE class was this?

STU: Who has access to -- who has access -- like, you're in the middle of the country, you may not have a deep water body nearby. This is -- are you sure this is an actual test?

GLENN: This is the actual test. This is the actual -- what is a deep water front hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes? Can you look that up?

STU: A deep water hang float is an aquatic hang float done in the deep end of a pool with the aid of flotation device, such as a noodle or belt.

In this position, the flotation twice supports your upper body, while your legs and torso hang freely beneath you.

That can't be what it is.

GLENN: You can do that.

Deep-end of the pool.

STU: Can you bring a margarita?

GLENN: Man, this test is no big deal.

What! No way. No way!

Here's the last thing on the test.

A vertical tread in an 8-foot circle for two hours!

No way.

STU: Vertical tread in an 8-foot circle?

GLENN: So you're in the water and you're treading water in a circle for two hours. Two!

STU: This is not -- what?

This is not the test.

GLENN: It is. Now, I told you, this is the top of the test.

This is the top of the test.

So this is for the ones who could do all the other tests.

This was the top of the test. The bottom of the test is not that much better. Here's the entry, okay? Let's see. Pullups, 2/6/10. I don't know what that means. Pushups, 16, 24, 32. Bar dips, four, eight, and 12. Situps, 30, 45, and 60. Broad jump, 6-foot, 6, 6, 6. And 6, 9.

To jump 6 feet? I don't even know if --

STU: That one is possible, yes. Glenn, I know it sounds incredible. But, yes. That one is possible.

GLENN: Sounds incredible. You know, I think we should have the average person Olympics. I really do. I really do.

STU: Oh, I would watch that.

GLENN: I would watch that every time.

You see them coming. And you're like, hmm. That one -- three feet. I'm giving him 3 feet. 200-yard shuttle. Agility run. Rope climb, 18 feet, hands only. 880 yards in three minutes. A mile in seven minutes. Pegboard, six holes. A 50-yard swim. Forty -- 40, 50-yard swim in 36 seconds. Man carry, 880 yards. No, thank you! No, thank you!

Look at -- look at what we've gone down. That's the bottom of it. And I don't think most Americans could do that.

I couldn't. Well, I could. Because I'm an elite -- I have the body of an elite athlete.

STU: No. You could not. Now, of course -- let's just say, this is supposed to be for a high school kid. Right?

So this is the prime of your athletic life. Could you do some of these things? Probably.
GLENN: Go into high school.
Go into any high school, and ask them to do this. There's no way. And all of the kids would be.

STU: Well, that's kind of what the reaction would be.

GLENN: Don't get me wrong. I would have been there too. And my parents would have said, suck it up. Just do it.

So nothing has really changed.

STU: That's been the reaction to this proposal too, of bringing this back. Right? The media is covering this. Like, it's going to embarrass children.

You know, I mean, I do remember it being like, I can't do that. I'm not going to the top of that rope. That's not happening.

That's sort of life. Right? Sometimes you can do things. Sometimes you can't do other things.

GLENN: That's why you have to learn how to injure yourself.

You know, how many stairs can I throw myself down, to not do serious damage, but enough to get me out of PE.

STU: Yeah, you have to fake an why are. You have to learn from LeBron James. Act like you got hit in the eye. And fall down like you were just stabbed over and over again, like you were in an athletic competition.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.