Since November, Americans have been on the edge of their seats wondering just what will Beto O’Rourke do next? How will he follow up losing a U.S. Senate race, dropping out of the U.S. presidential race, and then losing the Texas governor’s race? How do you top a trifecta like that?
Well, now we finally know the answer. He’s going to be a professor this semester at the University of Chicago. And not a moment too soon. Professor Beto will be teaching college students about Democracy… which is a terrifying idea.
Fortunately, we got our hands on an advanced copy of Professor Beto’s course syllabus…
Failing Upward 101: How to Succeed in Life Without Really Trying
Cultural Appropriation: Why It’s Wrong and Why You Should Also Try It
Converting White Guilt into Cold Hard Cash
Marrying Wealth: The Underrated Value of Money Over Love
Ensuring a Woman’s Right to Choose Abortion Every Time
Campaigning as a Career Path (Special Guest Lecturer – Stacey Abrams)
Effin’ Fundamentals: Winning Techniques for Swearing Good
Squirrels Are People Too: Animal Rehab as Spiritual Discipline
Abolishing Republicans in Our Lifetime: Gulags and Other Viable Options
The Subtle Art of Caring Too Much: Why Socialism Rocks!
Style Over Substance: My Foolproof Life Hack