Chances are, if you live in the U.S., you feel worse today than you did 10 years ago, this according to Bloomberg’s World Happiness Report 2017. When it comes to happiness, the U.S. ranked 19th among the 34 countries, down from third among 24 countries on a similar measure in 2007. Norway came in at number one, followed by Denmark and Iceland, respectively.

“I mean, when we look into the happiness of Iceland, it’s just not possible,” Glenn said Monday on radio.

Luckily, he came across 45 ways to instantly improve happiness — and none of them involve moving to Iceland. But if you call your mom, meditate a lot and fake a smile, you’re on your way to instant happiness.


“I like this one,” Glenn said jokingly. “You want to be happier? Lower your expectations. That’s number 44.”

Listen to this segment from The Glenn Beck Program:

This is a rush transcript and may contain errors.

GLENN: I mean, when we look into the happiness of Iceland, it’s just not possible.

PAT: They’re 14, I think we’re sixth or seventh or something. This is a backward company.

STU: I’m amazed by this story.

PAT: They should be taken over before they hurt themselves.

STU: The naming thing is really fascinating. So, you know, when this — in the United States, Glenn Beck has a daughter, Hanna, it’s Hanna Beck. That’s not how it works at all.

GLENN: Well, they don’t have last names.

STU: Essentially they don’t have last names. The last name is essentially a formation of the parents first name. So Hanna Beck here would be in Iceland Hanna beck daughter.

GLENN: No, it would be Hanna Glenn daughter.

JEFFY: There you go.

STU: So Hanna Glenn daughter. It could also be the wife’s first name, potentially. Or some of them are both first names.

GLENN: Hanna Glenn Tonya daughter.

STU: Well, yeah. Kind of. Then you have kind of when you get married, you can’t take the other person’s name.

JEFFY: Of course not.

STU: That can’t happen. That’s not legal. And thirdly — so you go through this process when the baby’s, born, you don’t name the kid for multiple months. The tradition is you have to get to know them first before you name them.

GLENN: Right. They come into their name.

STU: They come into their name. So they start off the first few months as boy or girl which, by the way, is hateful.

JEFFY: Right off the bat is hateful.

PAT: Well, you’re assigning a gender to them.

STU: How could you possibly know? There’s no way to know. So they call them boy or girl for three months or longer. And then when you come up with a name if it’s not on the normal name list, you have to submit the name to.

GLENN: Sven.
[Laughter]

STU: You have to send the request to the Icelandic naming committee before being allowed to name your child. Because it has to fit the Icelandic alphabet, and they reject it, for example, Pedro because no Icelandic word ends in O. We’re hateful here? They rejected all Pedros?

GLENN: Maybe that’s why they’re happy. They have no Pedros there. And who’s doing the work that all the Icelanders won’t do?

JEFFY: There is no work that Icelanders won’t do.

GLENN: We are number 14. So I of course went right to Huffington Post. Number 45, look at the bright side.

STU: Wow.

GLENN: I like this one. You want to be happier? Lower your expectations. That’s number 44.

STU: I actually fully agree with that one. I tell you what. I actually really do agree with it.

GLENN: Want to be happy? Take a selfie.

STU: I’ve seen my selfies. No.

PAT: That does not make me happier.

GLENN: Want to be happy? Recite a positive mantra like the only thing I have to do is follow my bliss.

JEFFY: The only thing I have to do is follow my bliss.

GLENN: Skip the small talk and go deep. Think of happy memories. Celebrate little victories. Try to cut back on work. Here’s my favorite. Number 32. Just try. I mean, really try to be happy.

STU: Wow.

PAT: Really profound.

GLENN: It is.

PAT: I’m immediately happier.

GLENN: Well, I’m instantly happier. But faster than immediately.