GLENN: It was Christmas Day, 2009. A man smuggled chemicals onto a Northwest Airlines flight, with 289 passengers aboard.
Now, this feat required the precision of a master technician and the stealth of a magician. One doesn't just simply waltz onto a plane with a carry-on of deadly, flammable liquids. Too obvious. You might be mistaken for a terrorist.
Now, this -- this top secret mission required months or even minutes of careful planning. It also took a steady hand, sometimes two steady hands for the chemicals would have to be concealed where no chemical agent would ever go.
The man made it through airport security, with concealed chemicals intact. Too easy, he thought.
He then thought of Richard Reid, the failed shoe bomber. "Amateur." The flight from Amsterdam to Detroit seemed to last forever. His neither regions were cramped and uncomfortable. He had stashed the secret chemicals within the cotton confines of his underpants. Brilliant, he thought to himself.
Finally, the plane is beginning to descend toward Detroit. The man covered himself with a blanket and tried to light his skivvies on fire. But first, just smoke. No fruit of the boom. Just a burning sensation, where you never want to feel a burning sensation.
Before he knew it, Umar Farook and his singed underpants landed in maximum security federal prison with a life sentence for his brief attempt at mass murder.
Well, now he has a new burning sensation. A burning desire to communicate with the fellow citizens of the world, except he says, the United States government is keeping him down. Violating his first, fifth, and Eighth Amendment rights. Because now, he cares so deeply about stuff like freedom and American constitutional rights.
Last week, he sued Uncle Sam for prohibiting him from having any communication whatsoever from more than a 7.5 billion people, quoting the vast majority of people on the planet, end quote.
He also now says solitary confinement is inhumane, and he's not allowed to pray with his fellow Muslims. Apparently, life in prison is proving to be even more restrictive than his tighty-whities were.
