Democrat candidate power rankings by Stu: April 29th edition

It's time for our April 29, 2019 edition of our Candidate Power Rankings. We get to add two new candidates, write about a bunch of people that have little to no chance of winning, and thank the heavens we are one day closer to the end of all of this.

In case you're new here, read our explainer about how all of this works:

The 2020 Democratic primary power rankings are an attempt to make sense out of the chaos of the largest field of candidates in global history.

Each candidate gets a unique score in at least thirty categories, measuring data like polling, prediction markets, fundraising, fundamentals, media coverage, and more. The result is a candidate score between 0-100. These numbers will change from week to week as the race changes.

The power rankings are less a prediction on who will win the nomination, and more a snapshot of the state of the race at any given time. However, early on, the model gives more weight to fundamentals and potentials, and later will begin to prioritize polling and realities on the ground.

These power rankings include only announced candidates. So, when you say "WAIT!! WHERE'S XXXXX????" Read the earlier sentence again.

If you're like me, when you read power rankings about sports, you've already skipped ahead to the list. So, here we go.

See previous editions here.

20.Wayne Messam: 13.4 (Previous: 18th / 13.4)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

A former staffer of Wayne Messam is accusing his wife of hoarding the campaign's money.

First, how does this guy have "former" staffers? He's been running for approximately twelve minutes.

Second, he finished dead last in the field in fundraising with $44,000 for the quarter. Perhaps hoarding whatever money the campaign has is not the worst idea.

His best shot at the nomination continues to be something out of the series "Designated Survivor."

Other headlines:

19.Marianne Williamson: 17.1 (Previous: 17th / 17.1)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Marianne Williamson would like you to pay for the sins of someone else's great, great, great grandparents. Lucky you!

Williamson is on the reparations train like most of the field, trying to separate herself from the pack by sheer monetary force.

How much of your cash does she want to spend? "Anything less than $100 billion is an insult." This is what I told the guy who showed up to buy my 1989 Ford Tempo. It didn't work then either.

Other headlines:

18.John Delaney: 19.7 (Previous: 15th / 20.3)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Good news: John Delaney brought in $12.1 million in the first quarter, enough for fifth in the entire Democratic field!

Bad news: 97% of the money came from his own bank account.

Other headlines:

17.Eric Swalwell: 20.2 (Previous: 16th / 20.2)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

The Eric Swalwell formula:

  • Identify news cycle
  • Identify typical left-wing reaction
  • Add steroids

Democrats said there was obstruction in the Mueller report. Swalwell said there “certainly" was collusion.

Democrats said surveillance of the Trump campaign was no big deal. Swalwell said there was no need to apologize even if it was.

Democrats said William Barr mishandled the release of the Mueller report. Swalwell said he must resign.

Democrats say they want gun restrictions. Swalwell wants them all melted down and the liquid metal to be poured on the heads of NRA members. (Probably.)

16.Seth Moulton: 20.6 (Debut)

Who is Seth Moulton?

No, I'm asking.

Moulton falls into the category of congressman looking to raise his profile and make his future fundraising easier— not someone who is actually competing for the presidency.

He tried to block Nancy Pelosi as speaker, so whatever help he could get from the establishment is as dry as Pelosi's eyes when the Botox holds them open for too long.

Moulton is a veteran, and his military service alone is enough to tell you that he's done more with his life than I'll ever do with mine. But it's hard to see the road to the White House for a complete unknown in a large field of knowns.

Don't take my word for it, instead read this depressing story that he's actually telling people on purpose:

"I said, you know, part of my job is take tough questions," Moulton told the gathered business and political leaders. "You can ask even really difficult questions. And there was still silence. And then finally, someone in the way back of the room raised her hand, and she said, 'Who are you?' "

Yeah. Who are you?

15.Tim Ryan: 21.6 (Previous: 14th / 20.7)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

When you're talking to less than sixteen people in Iowa one week after your launch, you don't have too much to be excited about.

Ryan did get an interview on CNN, where he also talked to less than sixteen people.

He discussed his passion for the Dave Matthews Band, solidifying a key constituency in the year 1995.

Other headlines:

14.Tulsi Gabbard: 25.2 (Previous: 14th / 25.9)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Tulsi Gabbard torched Kamala Harris in fundraising!!!!! (Among Indian-American donors.)

No word on who won the coveted handi-capable gender-neutral sodium-sensitive sub-demographic.

She received a mostly false rating for her attack on the Trump administration regarding its new policy on pork inspections, a topic not exactly leading the news cycle. Being from Hawaii, the state which leads the nation in Spam consumption, she was probably surprised when this didn't go mega viral.

Other headlines:

13.Andrew Yang: 27.2 (Previous: 12th / 27.1)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Yang has a few go-to lines when he's on the campaign trail, such as: "The opposite of Donald Trump is an Asian man who likes math." Another is apparently the Jeb-esque "Chant my name! Chant my name!"

Yang continues to be one of the more interesting candidates in this race, essentially running a remix of the "One Tough Nerd" formula that worked for Michigan Governor Rick Snyder.

I highly recommend listening to his interview with Ben Shapiro, where Yang earns respect as the only Democratic presidential candidate in modern history to actually show up to a challenging and in-depth interview with a knowledgeable conservative.

But hidden in the Shapiro interview is the nasty little secret of the Yang campaign. His policy prescriptions, while still very liberal, come off as far too sane for him to compete in this Stalin look-alike contest.

Other headlines:

12.Jay Inslee: 30.4 (Previous: 11th / 30.4)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

If you read the Inslee candidate profile, I said he was running a one-issue climate campaign. This week, he called for a climate change-only debate, and blamed Donald Trump for flooding in Iowa.

He also may sign the nation's first "human composting" legalization bill. He can start by composting his presidential campaign.

Other headlines:

11.John Hickenlooper: 32.2 (Previous: 10th / 32.0)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

John Hickenlooper was sick of being asked if he would put a woman on the ticket, in the 0.032% chance he actually won the nomination.

So he wondered why the female candidates weren't being asked if they would name a male VP if they won?

Seems like a logical question, but only someone who is high on tailpipe fumes would think it was okay to ask in a Democratic primary. Hickenlooper would be better served by just transitioning to a female and demanding other candidates are asked why they don't have a transgendered VP.

Other headlines:

10.Julian Castro: 35.7 (Previous: 9th / 36.2)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Lowering expectations is a useful strategy when your wife asks you to put together an Ikea end table, or when you've successfully convinced Charlize Theron to come home with you. But is it a successful campaign strategy?

Julian Castro is about to find out. He thinks the fact that everyone thinks he's crashing and burning on the campaign trail so far is an "advantage." Perhaps he can take the rest of the field by surprise on Super Tuesday when they finally realize he's actually running.

Other headlines:

9.Kirsten Gillibrand: 38.1 (Previous: 8th / 37.8)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Gillibrand wants you to know that the reason her campaign has been such a miserable failure so far, is because she called for a certain senator to step down. The problem might also be that another certain senator isn't a good presidential candidate.

She also spent the week arm wrestling, and dancing at a gay bar called Blazing Saddle. In this time of division, one thing we can all agree on: Blazing Saddle is a really solid name for a gay bar.

Other headlines:

8.Amy Klobuchar: 45.1 (Previous: 7th / 45.5)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Klobuchar is attempting a run in the moderate wing of the Democratic primary, which would be a better idea if such a wing existed.

She hasn't committed to impeaching Donald Trump and has actually voted to confirm over half of his judicial nominees. My guess is this will not be ignored by her primary opponents.

She also wants to resolve an ongoing TPS issue, which I assume means going by Peter Gibbons' desk every morning and making sure he got the memo about the new cover sheets.

Other headlines:

7.Elizabeth Warren: 45.3 (Previous: 6th / 46.0)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Elizabeth Warren is bad at everything she does while she's campaigning. I don't really even watch Game of Thrones, and the idea that Warren would write a story about how the show proves we need more powerful women makes me cringe.

Of course, more powerful people of all the 39,343 genders are welcome, but it's such a transparent attempt at jumping on the back of a pop-culture event to pander to female voters, it's sickening.

We can only hope that when she's watching Game of Thrones, she's gonna grab her a beer.

Other headlines:

6.Cory Booker: 54.9 (Previous: 5th / 55.5)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Booker is tied with Kamala Harris for the most missed Senate votes of the campaign so far. He gets criticized for this, but I think he should miss even more votes.

Booker is also pushing a national day off on Election Day—because the approximately six months of early voting allowed in every state just isn't enough.

Of course, making it easier to vote doesn't mean people are going to vote for Booker. So he's throwing trillions of dollars in bribes (my word, not his) to seal the deal.

Bookermania is in full effect, with 40 whole people showing up to his appearance in Nevada. Local press noted that the people were of "varying ages," an important distinction to most other crowds, which are entirely comprised of people with the same birthday.

Other headlines:

5.Robert Francis O’Rourke: 60.2 (Previous: 4th /62.6)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Kirsten Gillibrand gave less than 2% of her income to charity. The good news is that she gave about seven times as much as Beto O'Rourke. Robert Francis, or Bob Frank, also happens to be one of the wealthiest candidates in the race. His late seventies father-in-law has been estimated to be worth as much as $20 billion, though the number is more likely to be a paltry $500 million.

He's made millions from a family company investing in fossil fuels and pharmaceutical stocks, underpaid his taxes for multiple years, and is suing the government to lower property taxes on a family-owned shopping center.

He's also all but disappeared. It's a long race, and you don't win a nomination in April of the year before election day. If he's being frugal and figuring out what he believes, it might be a good move.

But it's notable that all the "pretty boy" hype that Bob Frank owned going into this race has been handed over to Mayor Pete. Perhaps Beto is spending his time working on curbing the sweating, the hand gestures, and the issues with jumping on counters like a feline.

Other headlines:

4.Pete Buttigieg: 62.9 (Previous: 3rd / 62.9)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

When we first put candidates in tiers earlier this year, we broke everyone into five categories from "Front Runners" to "Eh, no." In the middle is a category called "Maybe, if everything goes right," and that's where we put Pete Buttigieg.

Well, everything has gone right so far. But Mayor Pete will be interested to learn that the other 19 candidates in this race are not going to hand him this nomination. Eventually, they will start saying negative things about him (they've started the opposition research process already), and it will be interesting to see how Petey deals with the pressure. We've already seen how it has affected Beto in a similar situation.

The media has spoken endlessly about the sexual orientation of Buttigieg, but not every Democratic activist is impressed. Barney Frank thinks the main reason he's getting this amount of attention is because he is gay. And for some, being a gay man just means you're a man, which isn't good enough.

When you base your vote on a candidate's genitals, things can get confusing.

Other headlines:

3.Kamala Harris: 68.6 (Previous: 1st / 69.1)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

There are a couple of ways to view the Harris candidacy so far.

#1 - Harris launched with much fanfare and an adoring media. She has since lost her momentum. Mayor Pete and former Mayor Bernie have the hype, and Kamala is fading.

#2 - Harris is playing the long game. She showed she can make an impact with her launch, but realizes that a media "win" ten months before an important primary means nothing. She's working behind the scenes and cleaning up with donations, prominent supporters, and loads of celebrities to execute an Obama style onslaught.

I tend to be in category 2, but I admit that's somewhat speculative. Harris seems to be well positioned to make a serious run, locking up more than double the amount of big Clinton and Obama fundraisers than any other candidate.

One interesting policy development for Harris that may hurt her in the primary is her lack of utter disgust for the nation of Israel. There's basically one acceptable position in a Democratic primary when it comes to Israel, which is that it's a racist and terrorist state, existing only to torture innocent Palestinians.

Certainly no one is going to mistake Harris for Donald Trump, but a paragraph like this is poison to the modern Democratic primary voter:

"Her support for Israel is central to who she is," Harris' campaign communications director, Lily Adams, told McClatchy. "She is firm in her belief that Israel has a right to exist and defend itself, including against rocket attacks from Gaza."

Just portraying the rocket attacks as "attacks" is controversial these days for Democrats, and claiming they are responses to attacks indicates you think the Jeeeewwwwwwwws aren't the ones responsible for the start of every hostility. Heresy!

Someone get Kamala a copy of the 'Protocols of the Elders of Zion' before she blows her chance to run the free world.

2.Bernie Sanders: 69.2 (Previous: 2nd / 68.3)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

If Bernie Sanders hates millionaires as much as he claims, he must hate the mirror. As a millionaire, it might surprise some that he donated only 1% to charity. But it shouldn't.

It's entirely consistent with Sandersism to avoid giving to private charity. Why would you? Sanders believes the government does everything better than the private sector. He should be giving his money to the government.

Of course, he doesn't. He takes the tax breaks from the evil Trump tax plan he derides. He spends his money on fabulous vacation homes. He believes in socialism for thee, not for me.

Yes, this is enough to convince the Cardi B's of the world, all but guaranteeing a lock on the rapper-and-former-stripper-that-drugged-and-stole-from-her-prostitution-clients demographic. But can that lack of consistency hold up in front of general election voters?

If Bernie reads this and would like a path to credibility, clear out your bank account and send it here:

Gifts to the United States
U.S. Department of the Treasury
Funds Management Branch
P.O. Box 1328
Parkersburg, WV 26106-1328

Other headlines:

1.Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.: 78.8 (Debut)

Joe has run for president 113 times during his illustrious career, successfully capturing the presidency in approximately zero of his campaigns.

However, when the eternally woke Barack Obama had a chance to elevate a person of color, woman, or anything from the rainbow colored QUILTBAG, he instead chose the oldest, straightest, whitest guy he could find, and our man Robinette was the beneficiary.

Biden has been through a lot, much of it of his own making. Forget about his plagiarism and propensity to get a nostril full of each passing females' hair, his dealings while vice president in both Ukraine and China are a major general election vulnerability— not to mention a legal vulnerability for his children. But hey, win the presidency and you can pardon everyone, right?

His supposed appeal to rust belt voters makes him, on paper, a great candidate to take on Trump. The Clinton loss hinged on about 40,000 voters changing their mind from Hillary to Donald in a few states—the exact areas where victory could possibly be secured by someone named "Middle Class Joe" (as he alone calls himself.)

No one loves Joe Biden more than Joe Biden, and there's a relatively convincing case for his candidacy. But we must remember this unquestionable truth: Joe Biden is not good at running for president.

He's a gaffe machine that churns out mistake after mistake, hoping only to have his flubs excused by his unending charisma. But, will that work without the use of his legendary groping abilities? Only time, and a few dozen unnamed women, will tell.

Also, yes. Robinette is really his middle name.

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Glenn wrote this essay on September 12, 2001. Are we the same people now?

ED JONES / Contributor | Getty Images

Twenty two years ago today on September 12th, 2001, Glenn wrote an essay called "The Greatest American Generation." These were his visceral thoughts immediately following the 9/11 attacks. This beautiful essay calls upon the American spirit to rise to the occasion to pull us through what was one of the darkest days in our nation's history. He called us to unite around the common vision that unites us as Americans.

Yesterday, Glenn revisited this essay, wondering if we are the same people who could have pulled through that dark hour. Do you still believe the things that he wrote in this essay? Or have we become a people too divided to overcome a tragedy of the magnitude of 9/11? Consider these questions as you read Glenn's essay below, "The Greatest American Generation," published on September 12, 2001.

I've always believed that the greatest American generation is the one that's living, in the here and the now. The question is not if this is the greatest American generation. The question was when were we going to wake up? I remember staying at my grandparents' house in the summer when I was small. Every morning my grandmother would open the attic door and call up, "Kids, time to wake up." For me she'd have to do this a couple of times before I'd lumber out of bed and cross the cold, squeaky wooden floor. But finally, I would. And she'd be there in the kitchen ready with breakfast. My grandfather was already outside in the henhouse because there was work to do. They were hardworking, good and decent people. Seemed to me that they were from not only a different time but a different place. They weren't.

The spirit of our parents and our grandparents isn't from some foreign place. It hasn't died out. It's a flame that flickers in all Americans. It's there and it's ready to blaze to life when we're ready to face the challenges that now lie at our feet. It's what sets us apart. It's what built this country. It's why our borders still teem with the poor and the tired and those yearning to be free, burned with zeal in the hearts of millions of immigrants from every corner of the Earth who came here in search of a better way of life. The flame that Lady Liberty holds is the American spirit which burns deep within all of us, no matter what our race, gender, our religious background. And today the world is watching us. It's really nothing new. It always has.

Since the dawn of man people dreamt of a better life, dreamt of a better way, of freedom. But it was Americans that finally found a way to build it. And out of all that we've built, the powerful machines, the computers, the weapons of mass destruction, hardware and software that we spent millions on every year to protect and keep the plan secret, our biggest seeming secret, the one the world wants most of all, isn't a secret at all. It's something we freely give to the rest of the world. And while it seems self‑evident to us, for some reason it can't be duplicated. Yet it can be passed on from person to person, torch to torch. It's the American spirit.

If you weren't trapped in one of those towers or on a plane or in the Pentagon, then you have great reason to humbly give thanks today, not for our lives but because we're the lucky ones. God hasn't forsaken us. He's awakened us. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, he's gently called out, "Kids, it's time to wake up! We've been given another chance."

Thousands of years ago in Babel, the great civilization in their arrogance built a tower that reached the sky. It crumbled and they were scattered. Our heart and steely symbols of power and wealth may have crumbled, but we have not been scattered. Americans aren't ever going to scatter. Let the world recognize through our actions today that those firefighters in New York are not the exception. They are the rule. Americans don't run from burning buildings. We run into them. It was a beautiful fall morning on the edge of the land created through divine providence. Coffee shops were open. Children were on their buses and people easing into another typical workday when America's greatest generation heard the voice: "Kids, it's time to wake up."

Several times we've ignored the voice. We've drifted back into twilight sleep muttering, "I know, I know, in a minute." But finally we are awake and out of bed, for there is much work to do. The task before us is much more daunting than what our grandparents and parents faced, but we are stronger, a more prepared nation. The torch has been passed. We are the greatest American generation. The American spirit is alive and well. Our flame has not burned out. It had just been dimmed while we were asleep."

Remembering 9/11: A call to unify as Americans

Robert Giroux / Staff | Getty Images

Glenn often harkens back to September 11, 2001, as a pivotal day for the American spirit. When American Airlines Flight 11 hit the South Tower at 8:46 a.m. that sunny September morning in Manhattan, there was no question that September 11 would become one of the most consequential moments in American history. However, in that moment, the outcome of that day was yet to be determined.

How would September 11 be remembered in history textbooks? Would it be the beginning of the end of our Republic? Many thought so and for just reason. Our country was under attack. Planes hijacked by our enemy were headed towards the buildings that represented the institutions that comprise the fabric of our republic. If there was any day that called into question our nation's future, it was September 11.

New York City firefighters and a photojournalist work at Ground Zero after two hijacked planes crashed into the Twin TowersRon Agam / Stringer | Getty Images

But the American spirit had a different narrative in mind. Instead of caving to the narrative that the hijackers attempted to write, the American people rose to the occasion that duty beckoned. As Glenn wrote in an essay the day after the September 11 attacks, "Americans don't run from burning buildings. We run into them." And we did. Many remained there as their final burial place.

The American people rose to the occasion that duty beckoned.

As New York Governor Pataki remarked, "On that terrible day, a nation became neighbors." We weren't Democrats. We weren't Republicans. On that day, we were Americans. We chose to write a different narrative in the history books following 9/11, one of resilience, bravery, brotherhood, and the triumph of the American spirit.

As Glenn so poignantly wrote on September 12th:

The spirit of our parents and our grandparents isn't from some foreign place. It hasn't died out. It's a flame that flickers in all Americans.

And that flickering light turned into a roaring fire on that pivotal day, one that not even the fires in the World Trade Centers, the Pentagon, or the empty field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania could consume.

We chose to write a different narrative in the history books following 9/11, one of resilience, bravery, brotherhood, and the triumph of the American spirit.

But can we say the same about the American people today? Do we still carry the flickering flame of the American spirit that has been passed down to us from generations past? As Glenn reflected today, 22 years after penning those words, he isn't so sure. And I'm not either.

A candlelight vigil for the victims of the World Trade Center terrorist attack is held at Union Square in New York City.Evan Agostini / Contributor | Getty Images

The same American spirit that we relied upon to pull us through September 11 seems to be a waning flame in a torch that few are clinging to. We are increasingly losing sight of what it means to be an American. Common principles that we traditionally shared across party lines are now being vehemently contested, both by the ruling class and in the public square. This is not the same America that triumphed over September 11.

We are increasingly losing sight of what it means to be an American.

This raises the troubling question: Could we endure another attack of a similar magnitude? Would the triumph of the American spirit dictate the narrative of that day, or would a foreign enemy steal the pen from liberty's fingers? These are the tough questions we must wrestle with in our pivotal moment as a nation.

But these questions aren't devoid of hope. There is still time to recall those timeless principles that transcended party lines on September 11 and united us as Americans. There is still time to nurse the waning flame for those who are committed to holding liberty's torch. There is still time to view our political opponents as, in the words of Pataki, "neighbors," whose livelihood and future depend on the survival of our great nation.

There is still time to recall those timeless principles that transcended party lines on September 11.

But that window is short. We must strive towards unity now if our nation hopes to, as Lincoln said in his own time of division, "endure."

As Glenn wrote in that essay on September 12, 2001, we must be, "awake and out of bed, for there is much work to do. [...] Our flame has not burned out. It had just been dimmed while we were asleep."

Acouple cary the American flag down a lower-Manhattan street a week after the September 11 attacksRichard Baker / Contributor | Getty Images

Flames cannot flicker forever. If they are not nursed, they will flicker out, leaving darkness in its wake. It's time to wake up. We must be attentive and awake, nursing the remnant of liberty's flame until it is blazing like it did 22 years ago today. We cannot let it die on our watch. Too many people have sacrificed too much for us to drop the torch.

Is your wallet ON FIRE? You can thank Bidenomics for that.

Biden has been touting the alleged success of his economic plan. But why are 61 percent of U.S. consumers living paycheck to paycheck? In Wednesday's Glenn TV episode, Glenn showed you all the ways that the Biden admin has been skewing economic figures in their favor to boost their PR campaign. But one thing is for certain: the Biden admin's reckless spending continues to drive up inflation. You feel this every time you go to the grocery store or fill up your car with gas.

What's worse? The Biden admin doesn't even factor in groceries and gas into their inflation rate! Don't be fooled when they boast that they've brought interest rates down. The prices of products the average American consumes every day remain nearly doubled to what it was under the Trump admin.

See for yourself. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the most popular grocery items priced under the Trump admin and the Biden admin.

Cost of 1 Dozen Eggs

Price of 1lb. Ground Beef

Price of 1lb. Chicken

Price of 1 Gallon of Milk

Price of 1 Liter of Soda

Price of 1 Loaf of Bread