As leftism spreads around the country, Halloween is the perfect opportunity to teach your kids American Greatness Lesson One: "Capitalism for Dummies” Glenn explains how costumes, trick-or-treating, and sticky fingers can be used to cement the core principles of capitalism into your kids so that the socialists have no chance. Want your kids to understand how taxes, and private property, and leftist "equity" really work? Don't sit them down and rant about Adam Smith! Take them for a stroll around the neighborhood instead.
Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors
GLENN: All right. Before I present a solution. Let me just recap here. Today's birthrate is in decline massively in America. Socialists seem to have a vendetta against the nuclear family. But unfortunately, members of the far left are still reproducing despite global warming, which means that today's AOC's of the world are breeding many socialists. Little boys named Nine and little girls named Tree are going to run this country some day. Unless, we teach our children the tenets that need to be used to save our nation from this evil. And future girl's name, Tree.
We have to teach them about the ingenuity about America. The fervor that we had for the next generation's life to be better than our own.
Have to teach them core freedoms that both sides of the political aisle in America, used to cherish.
And today, Halloween, is the opportunity to teach your kids American greatness, lesson one.
Capitalism for, well, dummies or kids.
Whichever. You know, maybe your kids are 23.
And they're dummies. Take them trick-or-treating tonight. Here it is.
Now, close your eyes. And think back a decade or two when you were a kid.
Okay. Might be more like five or six decades if you're me.
And Halloween night approaches. And you've got one thing on your mind. Do I have enough candy?
Principle number one. Incentive. Halloween is the holy grail for kids right next to Santa.
What other day, during the year, do you get a free pass to stick your grimy dirty little snot-filled hands into a bowl of candy?
What other day do you get to stay up late, just to eat peanut butter cups? Jolly ranchers, KitKat bars? To your own content without mom and dad saying anything?
They've given you permission. It's the night. This presents the first core principle of capitalism. Having a goal. Incentive. Something to work toward.
An objective that's attainable for all kids on October 21st. No matter their size. Education. Economic status of their parents. Nothing.
They wish to collect as much candy as possible. And that's the key to it all. No grind. No candy. Which brings me to capitalism principle number two.
No grind, no candy. It all starts with hard work. Now, it's not easy running house to house, when you have very little legs.
Especially when your costume is shaped so oddly, that you can't quite move your arms.
Or when your scary arms are hindering the view.
But kids don't question it. They just do it. They trudge on street after street until they're blurry with sleep. And they're like, I can't. And they're still going, house after house.
Knowing that without a little work. Their buckets are going to be empty.
Without the sweat dripping down their Spider-Man back. They'll have nothing to show for it.
Without that burn in their legs, their candy dreams will be forgotten forever.
Which leads us to capitalism principle number three. Competition is key.
Now, picture this. You're six or seven.
Your treat bag is heavy.
But your dad says, you have to carry it yourself. Your little legs get tired. You started walking from door to door. While the bigger kids continued at a steady jog.
You're slowing down. You sledge up to the big white mansion on the corner of Elm and Oak.
And you know the one. It's the one you're going, this one is giving me full-sized candy bars.
You ring the bell. Trick-or-treat. Oh, you're so cute.
The elderly woman smiles, compliments you on your costume. You say thank you, because your parents taught you manners.
But what you're really interested in is what's in the plastic cauldron you're reaching for.
The one with the big goods. She brings it over to you. And bam, it's tootsie rolls.
Now, you want to look at this old lady. And you're like, where is the big stuff?
Where is the good stuff? But you learn a lesson of capitalism. You got lazy. You got tired. Oh, I can't run as fast.
You gave up. And the competition outworked you.
Outsmarted you. You let the bigger guys take control of the game. And you lost because of it. Maybe next year, you start at the big white house. Hmm.
Capitalism principle number four, that you can teach your kids.
Private property 101. Forget the tootsie rolls.
You just earned a nice paycheck after a hard night's trudging around like a little witch.
Two hundred thirty-four pieces, exactly. You've counted them. You've counted them twice.
You've argued over some of them with your brother or sister.
That's 70 pieces more than your little sister earned.
But who is counting?
After arriving home, counting, organizing, into different categories, every single piece. There's still one step before the Halloween feast can begin. The trade.
Two Dum Dums plus a Reese's Cup, for six of your Starbursts. Fair deal. Done. Traded. Pass over the dumb dumbs. In the spirit of Halloween, now, let's talk about a truly terrifying scenario. What if contrary to the principles of private property, every single piece of candy that you, your sister, and your friends earned while trick-or-treating went into one huge pile. And then everybody divided it up equally?
At seven, you understand, that's not fair.
Or, if dad comes in, and says, wow.
You have so much!
I'm going to take 50 percent of it. Because I pay taxes that build the sidewalks, that you walked on today.
You would say, not really fair, Dad!
So scaredy cat Sam, who is -- who is too frightened to walk past the ghost decorations on Helms Street? Therefore, missed out on the candy corn house, but still got some candy corn.
Yeah. Yeah. Me. Because I'm dividing it equally. Yeah, candy corn. You didn't even want any candy.
Everybody hates candy corn.
This is the laissez-faire house.
I earned it. The candy is mine. That's the way it works.
Now, the spirit of Halloween does not end tomorrow, which is monsters, ghouls. Live among us every day.
They live, kids, in a place called the capital. Washington DC. They gather daily. Conspiring their evil plans. Under their scary masks, with their loud, wicked laughs, they plot to take your candy. And all the future candy, that you are trying to collect.
So when you hit the streets tonight, with your little one, please, do not. Do not pull them aside, and tell them about Adam Smith. Don't do it. Supply and demand. Free market. They won't understand that.
But they will understand all four of these principles. And if you have not -- there is in my household, a tax on everything.
And I started with my kids, very young. And they understood, yeah. Taxes aren't fair. Because sometimes dad just decides what the tax is.
Hey, Dad, while you're up. Can you get me a bowl of ice cream from the fridge? Sure will.
I put it all in a bowl. Is this how much you want?
Yeah. Okay. I eat about hmm. A scoop and a half of it. By the time I deliver it to the couch. What are you doing?
Well, I mean, I pay for the fridge. I went and got it for you.
Son, it's called a tax. That's not fair. I know.
Remember that for all time. And that is the capitalist joy of Halloween.