The far-left seems to become more crazy each day, and therefore, current news stories often reflect that outrageousness that's spreading throughout the U.S. So, Glenn reads recent, leftist news story headlines that seem too insane to be real. Can you guess which is true and which is actually from the Babylon Bee?
Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors
GLENN: Hello, America. Hey, I've got good news. It's Tuesday. Right? Right? Who is not for that four-day workweek? Yeah, we'll become Italy where you mail something off, and long after your death, some guy comes and says, this was just delivered to you, and written back in 2022. You're like, wow. On paper. They haven't had paper for 40 years. It will be like that. But for four-day workweek, I'm into.
Anyway, I would like to play Bee or not the Bee. And you tell me. Because I can't tell me anymore, what a real story is, and what a Bee story from the Babylon Bee is. Okay?
So, Stu, I'll give you the headlines. FDA official in charge of evaluating new drugs, hospitalized for mental disorder. The Bee or not the Bee.
Headline number two. San Francisco schools to drop the word "chief" from job titles, to avoid offending Native Americans. That seems so obvious.
STU: It has to be a real one. That one has to be not the Bee.
GLENN: Southwest passenger who asked for permission and got it, to masturbate on a flight, gets 48 days in prison.
STU: That seems too high a punishment for --
GLENN: I was just going to say, 48 days, no way.
STU: In this society?
GLENN: Yeah. Democrats propose replacing Memorial Day with day honoring those who have been mis-gendered.
STU: How can that possibly be a real story?
GLENN: IRS squanders nearly one billion dollars in erroneous pandemic credits, even though they have a 100 million-dollar bonus to hire more people, say they are too short-staffed to track down that billion dollars stolen from us.
GLENN: Be or not to be?
STU: To be honest with you, I'm not sure any of them are Babylon Bee stories. You can make the argument to me, that all of them are real. Which I guess is why the Babylon Bee is good.
GLENN: Or all of them are Babylon Bee.
STU: Yeah, they should all be Babylon Bee stories.
GLENN: Right. Okay. So let me give you -- top federal official in charge of evaluating the safety of drugs. Think covid. Has been hospitalized, against his will. This month.
For an unspecified mental disorder. Prompting concern over his fitness. Prompting concern over fitness for his roles. Which includes, making major decisions that impact public health.
That's a real story. Just happened this weekend. While there are many options on the story, next story. Our leaders. And leadership team, have agreed that given the number of Native Americans in our community, we have -- that have expressed concerns over the use of the title, chief. We're no longer going to use it.
Real story. Southwest Airlines, passenger 34 years old Antonio Mageraghty (phonetic) was sentenced to one year of probation, after pleading guilty last week, to self-gratifying himself during a Southwest flight from Seattle, making more sense, to Phoenix.
GLENN: Apparently, he was sitting next to a woman on the flight, when he exposed himself shortly after takeoff. He then said, you know, to the woman, do you mind?
And according to another witness, she put her hands in the air and says, it doesn't matter, does it?
I think that's just surrender. That's just --
STU: Yeah. That's not permission. If you've pulled it out already, you don't get to ask for permission, at that point.
GLENN: Well, he thought her answer was kind of, kinky, end quote.
STU: I think this is just her not wanting to get murdered.
GLENN: Yeah. And her saying, really? Just common sense. If you're asking that with your wiener in your hand, does it really matter? Does it matter in?
STU: Like we say, learn, then vote. The order is important. The same thing hear. You know, you have to get the permission in advance, before the beginning the procedure.
GLENN: Okay. That was a real story.
STU: Of course it was.
GLENN: The IRS, despite getting a 6 percent budget increase, and an addition of 10,000 new IRS agents, the IRS claims, it just can't spare the resources to recover almost a billion dollars in forgery and forged payments. Just can't -- where did I put that billion dollars?
STU: They'll be harassing tons of people in this audience for audits this year.
GLENN: Yeah. By the way, real story.
And then there's this: Democrats have unveiled an official proposal to replace mother-in-law day, which they are calling a problematic holiday, honoring white supremacist soldiers who died for a racist country.
With a more inclusive day, mis-gendered -- misgender -- Misgenderial Day.
STU: Wait. What was that?
GLENN: Misgenderial Day.
STU: Wait. Who is proposing this?
STU: No way. Really?
GLENN: This important day will allow us to honor the true heroes. Those brave, nonbinary individuals, who have been called he instead of xi.
STU: All right. You've got me, this is a Babylon Bee story.
GLENN: This is it. Final the true heroes are getting their day of recognition, said Nancy Pelosi. Presidential medal of heroism will be awarded to one brave mis-gendered person, each year. The first one is to be given to Justin Trudeau who is often mistakenly been referred to as a he.
STU: That one is actually Babylon Bee though. Thank God. At least one of them. Because the rest of them --
GLENN: Absolutely could be.
STU: What is going on?
I -- I honestly -- if you want to convince me it was a Democrat, not Nancy Pelosi, who was super aware of --
GLENN: Like AOC.
STU: If you said AOC. Or Ilhan Omar. Or Iliana Presley.
I would have believed it. You know, the only thing is Pelosi just is too -- too public-facing, to be the face of that particular movement. Now, of course, she'll advocate for kids being aborted seconds before birth.
And have no qualms about that whatsoever, but I don't think she'll go that far today. Absolutely. But today.
GLENN: One other thing, just to bring you back to reality. Let me give you a couple of good stories.
Florida's sheriff, the law and order sheriff, Carmine Marcino (phonetic), which I love a sheriff -- Carmine.
You know, I've got some friends. I'm just saying, we'll take care of business, you know what I mean?
Sheriff Carmine March seen zero, responded to the Texas school shooting.
Saying, you don't get to shoot our children. You bring deadly force into this county, and we are going to kill you.
I'll take that from you, Carmine, you know what I'm saying? Hey, I love it. I love it. Then Tommy -- Thomas Massie. Had --
STU: I think we should start calling him Thomas Massie. I like that.
GLENN: Little Tommy Massie. He's so cute.
By the way, he's a little mini Tesla. He's got so many patents to his name. Do you know this?
STU: Yeah. He went to MIT. He's like, we did one right. Somehow or another, a smart guy got in there.
Don't worry. He'll be in a straitjacket in a week. He said, what's the number of murderers, who have been deterred by the federal gun-free school zone act?
Number of people that have been --
STU: I can guarantee this number. Zero.
GLENN: Yeah. Zero. Zero.
The federal Gun-free Zone Act, he says, was a knee-jerk reaction in 1990, that has cost more lives than it's saved. Repeal it now. Let the bad guys know, that unceremonious death awaits them if they target your kids.
I am all for that. You know, I've seen these stories this weekends, about, you know, dads who were soldiers. Who are now there -- you know, with the AR. Standing in front of the school. I'm all for that. I'm all for that, even in my house, with my kids. Like, no. Your dad is serious. You are going to clean your room. I'm for that. I'm for a show of force. I think it's good.
STU: Look, it sense to harden these schools. You go through the evidence. And you see that over the years, violence has generally gone down. Even violence in schools have gone down. We went over those numbers last week. But there is a thing that is going on, with these sort of spectacle shootings. This, you know, I want attention for myself. I want to be famous or infamous. And I want to do these things. And it happens in school. You should remember, most things in mass shootings, don't occur in schools. It occurs in other areas. But hardening schools, seems to be a basic step to deter that particular crime. That doesn't mean that it doesn't happen two hours later at baseball practice, sadly. We don't know. But hardening schools seems to be a pretty basic step you can take to push back, on this a little bit. The left jumped to, well, security doesn't do anything. When we got these initial reports, that security officers were on site, right when it happened. Then we found out they weren't. That wasn't true.
And at the very least. We all know that every mass shooting ends. Every one of them. All of them end with armed security. It's just a matter of whether they're on site or not. Whether they show up 20 minutes after they started or not. You can do get them there, at the beginning. And that seems to be the best approach.
GLENN: Shouldn't we all remember that it was Jimmy Carter that gave us the phrase first responders?
It was Jimmy freaking Carter. Now, maybe the peanut thing worked out well.
But other than that, I can't think of one thing that Jimmy Carter did that we should hold on to.
Not one. Not one.
STU: Habitat for Humanity.
GLENN: Yeah. That wasn't.
STU: He was involved in that, right?
GLENN: Yeah. Went and built houses.
STU: Okay. That was it?
STU: I thought he had some sort of foundational role. Well, maybe he made a foundation of a house. He helped pour a foundation.
GLENN: I think he was just swinging a hammer, which I don't want to tear those houses down.
STU: You got that.
GLENN: But, yeah.
Other than that, no, he was the guy who said, hey. America, wear a sweater. Which is what they're telling us now. They're blaming the gas prices. We'll play the audio for you. Blaming the gas prices now, on you.
Because Americans just won't stop driving.
STU: No, We won't. You're right. We won't.
GLENN: That's weird.
We were the ones that kind of put the assembly line together, so we can all have cars. And I don't know if you've noticed this. This isn't like, you know, France. Where you can walk across the whole country in a day, you know.
It's not Germany. It's not Switzerland. And even Switzerland has mountains. Well, so do we. I don't know if you know this. I mean, the people who are really hurting. Are the people who live in the rural parts of the country. Which is the majorities of our country, by the way, that have to drive.
Their farmers, or whatever. They have a truck. They drive 30 miles in to go to the factory or wherever they go to work. That's not unusual in America, to drive 30 miles. How are you -- at some point, you can't afford to drive in. And that's what they would say at the White House, is the point.