RADIOJanuary 25, 2023

How Vatican City’s DARK SECRETS are relevant to YOU

The true reason why Pope Benedict retired from his position in 2013 — the first time it had been done in nearly 600 years — remains a mystery (though, the fact that Vatican City’s ATM transactions began working again right after his announcement leaves many to believe he was pressured into the decision). But now, an Archbishop who worked closely with Benedict is publishing a tell-all book that may expose several of Vatican City’s scandals, ones the Pope was investigating. Dr. Taylor Marshall, author of ‘Infiltration,’ joins Glenn to detail not only these dark secrets, but also how they represent a type of evil that is NOT exclusive to the Catholic Church. Rather, Dr. Marshall explains how this story relates to us ALL: ‘Ultimately, evil wants to take ownership and brand your mind and control your thoughts. And that's where all the tentacles are reaching.’

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: Dr. Taylor Marshall is with us now.
The author of Infiltration.

The infiltration of the Catholic Church. The plot to destroy the church from within.

This is a universal story now. Doctor, welcome to the program. How are you?

TAYLOR: I'm great. Thanks for having me on, Glenn.

GLENN: You bet. So we follow your work a great deal because you talk about other things, other than Catholic things.

But I want to make sure people understand, right from the beginning.

We are not taking on the Catholic Church, and this is not a Catholic bash session.

TAYLOR: No. Not at all. And I consider myself a Catholic. I attend mass every day, sometimes more. I have a beautiful Catholic family. We have eight children.

GLENN: Jeez.

TAYLOR: And I love Christ. I love -- I love the church.

And that -- that bothers me, that there's these wolves in sheep's clothing. In shepherd's clothing even, doing horrible things to children, to bank finances, to all kinds of scandals.

GLENN: Right.

TAYLOR: And I think the answer is to just shine light on it, and expose it. So we can have true change. And get things back on track, the way we want them.

GLENN: And there will be a lot of Catholics that listen and will hear you, like Nancy Pelosi, who consider themselves Catholic. That will disagree, strongly with with some of the things that you're saying. But I think that's the point.

Because there is this kind of feeling among Catholics about Pope Francis. Is he a good guy? Is he a bad guy?

I don't know if we'll ever get to that question. But I want to talk about Pope Benedict. Because this was very bizarre, when Pope Benedict resigned.

I think it was the first time, right?
Where he resigned.

TAYLOR: Well, it's the first time in 597 years. So it's been a while. It's pretty rare.

GLENN: Yeah. Right.

And when he resigned, it seemed very odd. It was preceded by European banks, pulling the plug on the Vatican bank. Right?

TAYLOR: Yeah. That's correct. Well, actually if we go back a little bit more. A few months before the Vatican bank having a -- kind of a meltdown.

There was the butler of Pope Benedict. His name was Paulo HEP Gabrielli, and he was leaking documents to the press and to journalists. And no one knew how this was happening. And finally, he was caught.

He pled guilty. And he was sentenced to prison, in the Vatican. And Pope Benedict oddly pardoned him. And that led to the whole investigation, that was headed up by Benedict. A secret investigation. Three cardinals did it. They presented to him. The sources say one or two red binders, of all kinds of filth in it.

Bank scandals. There's rumored to be pictures of cardinals in drag, in those binders. All kinds of nasty things.

GLENN: Oh, my gosh.

TAYLOR: And that all happened in December of 2012.

And then January 1st of '13, the -- the Vatican museums cannot process money.

The ATM machines in Vatican City stopped working.

And shortly thereafter, we have the announcement of Pope Benedict, that he's going to resign. The very next day, all those banking problems were fixed. They were resolved. By the way, the night that Pope Benedict announced he was going to resign. That was the night that (?) which was a sign for a lot of people.

GLENN: So -- so this is right along the lines of what we're seeing in the Deep State in the United States.

We are seeing with World Economic Forum, which I know you are very well aware of.

Are you -- are you -- is there any evidence, that this banking thing was to put pressure on the pope, get out?

TAYLOR: I think so. And the reason for this. And you say Deep State. And I think we really need to. Everyone needs to put in their vote. (?) deep church. The same thing that is happening in state, is happening in the church. We can refer to Deep State and deep church.

GLENN: And it's not just the Catholic Church. These people have been working behind the scenes for years.

TAYLOR: Yes. And you have to remember that the Vatican is unique, in that the Vatican is its own nation. It's called a city state. It has its own sovereignty. Technical, Vatican (?) it's it's own micro country. And as its own micro country, it has its own bank. Now, I want (?) a mob boss. Your biggest problem, is what do you do with all this money?

GLENN: Is the bank.

TAYLOR: You have to launder. You have to get it into legit means and move it around, right?

And what if there were a bank on earth, that belonged to a micro nation, that was not regulated by the EU. That was not regulated or audited by anyone on the outside.

Well, there is that bank in the world. And that bank is called the Vatican bank. So err crony on earth wants a piece of that bank.

Because you can legitimatize legitimate money. That's why the Vatican (?) almost every five to ten years. Since the 1960s.

The temptation to use that Vatican bank is high. And the temptation for corrupt cardinals in the church, that led people to get their fingers in the pie. Is also very high. That's only one piece of this puzzle. But I think that helps people to understand why the Vatican bank is constantly plagued with scandals.

GLENN: Okay. So let me make sure I understand the good guy here. Benedict. Is it your thesis that Benedict was working to end all that corruption and expose it. And possibly his (?) was being used by Pope Benedict. To out all of this stuff.

And -- go ahead.

TAYLOR: Yeah. Those are questions that we're still trying to figure out. I want to be very careful not to say, Pope Benedict was the super saint mastermind playing (?) this is an old man, who is in his 80s. I mean, it's -- very few of us have had the experience of being old and tired and surrounded.

And so I don't think we could make it just as easy as the good guys and the bad guys here. But definitely Pope Benedict was doing investigations.

And he appointed a man who was becoming very famous in the last couple of years. Archbishop (?)

GLENN: I love him.

ADAM: Yeah, he's great. He's a good guy.

He appointed him, back in -- I think it was 2009. He appointed him, secretary general of the Vatican City.

And this is sort of a ruling body. And he wanted him to look into the financial accountability of the Vatican bank.

And as soon as he was hired by Benedict for this job, he found a -- a negative deficit of the equivalent of 10.5 million. And then found a surplus of random money that was in various bank accounts of 44 million. He did that in just 12 months. Viganò did. (?) which shows you that the people who were already in there, were playing fast and loose with accounting.

Viganò (?) some cardinals. I won't go into all the names. But if you want them, I can give them to you.

GLENN: No, no. That's all right.

TAYLOR: And he got in big trouble. So what did Benedict did? He took Viganò. (?) the apostolic, (?) the ambassador to America. Washington, DC. Now I want you toggle and do an audit on the American bishops (?) and the American Catholic Church. That's what Viganò did. (?) and guess, what he undercovered (?) archbishop of DC. Who was molesting children. Embezzling money. Just a wicked Judas of a man. Viganò (?) five years, pointing the finger at Francis for corruption.

So all these characters are woven together. It's a pretty small world, in the Vatican.

GLENN: So let me switch topics here and kind of go to what happened, what? Yesterday or the day before. Unprecedented. The pope writes a book. And it's held until after his death. And he just exposes some really nasty things. And I want to get into your thoughts on that. What did he say?

Why did he wait in and what is going to be the fallout (?) for everybody else in all of our churches that aren't Catholic?

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(music)
So it was a tell-all memorandum with our. And it was -- (?) it was a book of really unexpected Revelations. And it came from the Vatican. It came from the archbishop. Who was the right-hand man of Pope Benedict.

And it was supposedly written by the two of them. I think?

Or Pope Benedict. And it exposes all of the things pope been ticket wanted to expose.

And it's some nasty exposé.

Never really done before.

Am I right?

TAYLOR: Yeah. As far as I know, it's never been done.

There was a rumor, that Pope Benedict was going to release his final spiritual testimony after he died. And after he died, it came out. Everybody said, it was a nothing burger. Kind of reminisced about his childhood and family. Then (?) I actually have an advanced English copy.

I don't know if he's official or not. I'll read you a section of it. This is Pope Benedict.

Quote, in several (?) were formed. Which acted more or less openly. And which clearly changed the atmosphere in seminaries. In a seminary in southern Germany, candidates for the priesthood, and candidates fort (?) lived together.

And it goes on. He talks about also the American bishops. And how they sort of lost their vision for the gospel. For assisting the poor. For preaching the truth. Drawing people to Jesus Christ.

And instead, kind of just became -- not in his words. But sort of the chaplains to the Democratic Party. You know, the woke agenda. The Great Reset.

And this kind of makes sense. I mean, if you're Satan, you want to be in the highest corridors of power.

And that has to do with both religion and politics.

And there was a woman aliened bella Dodd. Who in the '50s said (?) she was a communist operator. She had a big conversion. And she said, she had placed over a thousand communist men in the seminaries. That was back then.

So this kind of thing was happening. And it's -- it's just like we have a Deep State. This is the Deep Church.

STU: Right.

GLENN: So Pope Francis recently came out and said, the devil is among us.

And he has talked about a great evil.

It sounds like this is what Benedict was also warning against.

But I don't think they see things the same way.

Or do they?

TAYLOR: Well, I liked your comment (?) evil. But they seem to be pointing at one another.

GLENN: Right.

TAYLOR: I think that's -- I think your observation there was a good one. I think there's definitely a war in the Vatican. And this kind of goes back to the '60s. There was this countless. You mentioned in the video, there B (?) third secret of Fatima. In the 1960s, or the second (?) from 1962, to 1965, it was super optimistic. You know, this is the era of color TV. And moon landings and all this.

GLENN: Yeah.

TAYLOR: And there's this idea, we need to make Christianity. We need to make Catholicism groovy.
(laughter)

GLENN: And that's exactly the right word too.

Because those kinds of churches are just as hip as groovy is. They work just as well.

TAYLOR: Yep. And so there's this idea, we can update and make things cool. So we'll change the liturgy. We'll change the hymns. We'll make things modern. And what we'll do is just give a face-lift to Catholicism, so it's not medieval.

And bells and ropes. And we'll just be really cool.

Well, there's been this battle for the past 60 years on whether that is an actual improvement. Or it's been detrimental.

And it goes hand in hand with the global political agenda.

Should wen on board. Should we be downplaying abortion? Downplaying gay marriage?

You know, and this has been the battle. And the lines are kind of drawn along that fault line.

And I think Benedict, the 16th, as a young man. Was a little bit liberal and more modern. As he aged, as he was a pope. He turned the wheel right. Francis has always been a South American liberation theology, radical, Jesuit. Modernist. And that's just who he is.

And he has -- if anything, he's only gotten more and more leftist, the longer he lives, and the longer he's pope.

GLENN: Go ahead. Go ahead. No, no, no. Go ahead.

TAYLOR: So by having these two catches. You see Pope Francis, for example, he's trying to ban the traditional Latin (?) the Gregorian chant. He doesn't likable the old stuff.

And he's very much (?) on board with like, the vaccine and the theology.

And the great reset.

And he sends representatives to Davos. I mean, this is his worldview. And so when he talks about the devil. I'm not so reason he's talking about the same person that Benedict is talking about.

GLENN: Right. So when I was at the Vatican, this is under Benedict. I had no idea why they did this. It was a surprise to me.

But I was allowed to go to the secret archives with the chief archivist. And the head of the university. Both of them were the -- you know, counselors to the pope, at the time.

And they talked about a war, in the Vatican. And it -- it was described to me, later by a cardinal, as really, truly a Civil War. And they were saying, it's the soul of the church. And we kind of hope Benedict wins. And it's not clear at all. It was shortly after that, that Benedict retired.

And it seemed like almost in retrospect, almost as if the cardinals knew, this could be a possibility. That he would either be killed. Or he would have to retire.

I would like to have you talk about the actual -- it's almost did a vast majority of codish. I hate to say that. But it's almost Da Vinci Code. There is a group inside. (?) how real is this. And does this play at all, into prophecies. Catholic prophecies about these days.

Back in just a second. If you want to hear more from Dr. Tailor marshal. Go to you get.com. (?) Dr. Tailor marshal. He has all kinds of videos up there. And he doesn't just talk about the Catholic Church.

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(music)

STU: Head over to BlazeTV.com/Glenn. Use the promo code Glenn. You'll save ten bucks. More with Taylor marshal, coming up.
(OUT AT 9:28AM)

GLENN: Welcome to the Glenn Beck Program. Today, we're talking to tailor marshal, author of infiltration. Also, host of the Dr. Tailor marshal podcast you can find on YouTube. He talks about (?) a lot of things.

But he is -- he is a very strong Catholic, and this week, we are talking to him about what Pope Benedict did after his death, just a book -- a book just came out. No one in America is talking about it.

And I don't know if anybody in Europe is really talking about it. But it is earth-shattering. And it's all about evil. And evil is becoming more and more clear. At least to me, it is. And before we go on to the war that is going on in the deep church, archbishop Viganò, (?) at one point here recently called out, George Soros, Klaus Schwab, and Bill Gates. And this is the guy who was calling out all the pedophiles, and the banking scandals. Why did he call those three out?

TAYLOR: Well, as time goes on, we see that the deep church and the Deep State, the puppet strings all lead back to the same fingers. So, of course, Bill Gates, Klaus Schwab. The usual suspects. Because you have to realize that the most powerful people in the Deep State, the most -- the billionaires, and the -- the technology giants. They have a strategy, not just for politics. But also for economics. They have a policy -- and they have a policy for religion.

I mean, all the great tyrants also have to control religion.

I mean, that has to be done. This is thought control. And the most powerful thoughts that people have. The powerful feelings they have, is almost always associated to their religion. To their faith. To their convictions.

And so this has to be controlled.

GLENN: Correct.

ADAM: And the biggest united religion on earth is Catholicism, with a very centralized nervous system in Vatican City. So, of course, they will go after that. And archbishop Viganò (?) who exposed corruption in the Vatican vein. Who worked in Washington, DC. He knows the Clintons. He knows the Obama's. He knows all these people. And he's met every single Catholic bishop in America. And all the cardinals in America.

He has the receipts. And so he's a in a very unique position, perhaps more than anyone alive. To have worked in the Vatican, in DC, and to see all these things at the time.

GLENN: He's very clear on good and evil. And he -- didn't he say this is a one world government, that is being built by those people in the WEF. And it's one world religion and everything else.

That's what he's really warning about, isn't he?

ADAM: Exactly (?) during the campaign. In fact, he even sent a message during one of the major rallies, that I read from the Supreme Court steps, on behalf of archbishop Viganò. (?)

GLENN: Would you please put a good word for me? I've tried to have him on a billion times. We don't get a response. I would love to do a podcast with him.

TAYLOR: Well, he's in hiding.

GLENN: Well,ening --

TAYLOR: For obvious reasons. But, yes.

GLENN: Okay.

TAYLOR: We can work something out. But he is really one of the most dynamic voices on earth, in particular within for -- for Catholics. Or you could say Christians, who have just had enough. You know, who have just had enough of basically politicizing our faith, so that the likes of Bill Gates can grab up more land. And push more experimental medical procedures on the world.

GLENN: So day before so let me -- let me ask you the -- the third secret of Fatima. And if people don't know what Fatima is, it's -- it's a miracle that happened, what?

Right before the --

TAYLOR: 1970s.

GLENN: Right before the war. And the Virgin Mary came. And appeared to the children. And said, look, there's going to be a war. It's Russia that's behind a lot of this error.

And Russia needs to be turned over to the Lord.

And their hearts changed. And gave, I think three secrets.

And the last one was kept secret

And it's confusing now, because it supposedly has been revealed.

But then I think Benedict hinted that it really hadn't been revealed.

But it talks about the last black pope, if you will. And I don't mean it as color of your race. I mean as a dark figure, that he's on the wrong side.

Is that true? And do you and others, does very good no believe this is those times? (?) or we're approaching them?

TAYLOR: Yes. I think that the Fatima mystery, and the three secrets of Fatima. In my book, infiltration, it's the very first part of the book. I won't get into all the details. People can look into it, themselves. There's tons of literature on it. (?) maybe since Moses crossing the Red Sea. I know that sounds sensational (?) that was witnessed in a place, a little tiny place.

Fatima, Portugal. And, yes, there were three secrets that were revealed. Just quickly, (?) and people were going there.

Don't listen to people who tell you, there's no hell. Number two, Russia needs to be consecrated.

Russia, the errors of Russia, are about to spill into the entire world. Over the -- this was documented in 1917.

GLENN: Right.

TAYLOR: And what did we see? We saw the rise of communism, (?)

GLENN: National socialism. All of it.

TAYLOR: Cuba. Latin America. What happened in 1917? Either these little kids were just drilling it, you know -- politicians who can see the next hundred years. Or this was really a message from heaven. Then the third secret was written down.

And was supposed to be opened and read to the world, in 1960. Sixty. It's a special message to the world.

And everyone. Even the New York Times was publishing, orientation my goodness, we're go B to have the secret of Fatima. (?) it was a really big deal.

A lot of people forgot it. It was a really big deal.

GLENN: Nobody (?) seemed to release. And you're like, why?

Why hasn't it been released?

TAYLOR: And the secret, talking about a world war, and a worst one after that. Everything that was revealed. Did come after it. So everybody wanted to come in the envelope, what in the envelope (?) John the 23rd opens it. Reads it. Puts it back in. And says, this is not for our time. I'm not releasing it to the world.

And everyone was ticked. Everyone was upset. Exo. This is perhaps the greatest prophetic thing that happened in the last 700 years. And you won't reveal it.

So that was 1959. 1960.

Then something was released in the (?) allegedly the third secret.

As soon as it came out, people questioned it. Because it describes a vision of what seems ton some kind of post-war dystopia. But it doesn't explain what it is, or what should happen. Or what we should do. Like, there's the explanation part that we had in the first and second secret. Is missing in the third secret. This has led to a unanimous agreement by scholars, even people who weren't Catholic. What they gave us in the year 2000, was maybe part of it. But it wasn't the full secret. And why don't we have the full secret. There's people who have speculated. There are people who read it, (?) it has to do with the bad counsel.

With a bad mass.

GLENN: And with -- and with a meeting in Russia, that the pope will go to Russia.

And not to consecrate Russia.

TAYLOR: Yeah. It's hard to know. Because we don't have it. We just (?) kind of get drippings of what it could be. But we do know that Russia is at the center of this whole thing. And we're still living in 2023.

It would be great to get the full secret. To know what it actually says. But my worry is that they put it into a filing cabinet, called trash can. And we may never see it.

That's my concern.

GLENN: I -- I -- Dr. Marshall, we could talk for a long time. I have so many questions for you. But we're almost out of time.

Tell me how this relates.

What's going on in the Catholic Church. Which is a real, true Civil War for the soul.

Just like we're battling for the soul of America in the country. And the West. Everything is being split.

How does this relate? What's going on in being exposed in the Vatican to all of our other churches?

TAYLOR: Well, I think at his it goes back to thought control. They want to control our actions. They want to control our words. You know, if you say certain things, you will be canceled. Just look at what Elon Musk was exposed to in the last several months. And then they ultimately want to control your thoughts.

People want to (?) 666 on the forehead. All of that. Think of the significance of the forehad he. I mean, that is branding. The sign of the devil, upon your mind.

You know, the -- yes. There very much could be a physical manifestation of a sign on your forehead. But ultimately, evil wants to take ownership, and brand your mind. And control your thoughts. And that's where all the tentacles are reaching. This complete thought control.

You will own nothing. You will have nothing of your own. You won't even have your thoughts. And allegedly, we will be happy. Is what they tell us, at the great reset.

GLENN: It's actually -- it's actually in one of their videos. That even your thoughts. Your dreams will be known. So you really will not control your thoughts or be in charge of your thoughts. You will not know which are your thoughts or their thoughts.

It's really spooky.

TAYLOR: That's ultimately, the mark of the beast there. You have 666 on your forehead, literally. Whether it's a contraption. Whether it's a tattoo. We debate that all day. But the significance of that, is that your mind belongs to evil.

GLENN: And is there any doubt in your mind, that this is actual evil. Like we probably haven't seen since maybe the 1930s and '40s? Any doubt in your mind?

TAYLOR: There's no doubt in my mind. No doubt.

The powers. Back then, they have machine guns and planes. Now we have technology.

Now we -- people can spy on you through your phone.

They can control so much. And that hasn't yet been tested by tyrants. And so now we're starting to experience it.

GLENN: Thank you so much, doctor. I hope we get a chance to meet soon. I would love to get you on (?) and things you know about that, that I might have missed. You spread a lot of good, in the world, with your -- with your podcast. So thank you so much. At which time likewise.

GLENN: YouTube (?) really, really reasonable.

Well thought out man. His name is Dr. Tailor marshal. He is the author of the book (?) Taylor marshal podcast. You can find his podcast at YouTube.com/Dr. Taylor marshal.

The Dark Truth Behind Queer Theory & Gender ‘Affirmation’ For Children | Liz Wheeler & Glenn Beck

In this explosive conversation, Glenn Beck and Liz Wheeler expose the disturbing roots of gender ideology and queer theory — and how these radical ideas are directly targeting children. From the shocking origins of queer theory, where pedophilia and child pornography were openly defended, to Planned Parenthood’s new role as one of the largest distributors of transgender hormone therapy, the truth is undeniable: this movement is not about freedom or equality, but about dismantling families, corrupting innocence, and profiting off of our children’s pain. What we are witnessing is nothing less than a satanic ideology dressed up as compassion — and it’s spreading like wildfire through schools, culture, and medicine. Parents, you need to hear this. The time to protect your children and fight back is NOW.

Watch the full episode HERE

Glenn's "secret" to conquering the JFK fitness test

President Trump recently signed an executive order to reinstate the Presidential Fitness Test and the media is in a frenzy. But Glenn and Stu look back at the history of these tests, including JFK’s version of the Test that seems IMPOSSIBLE for modern Americans. But Glenn has a secret reason for why he’s confident in his pull-up abilities…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: What is the -- what is the new physical -- the president's physical fitness, you know, plan?

STU: Well, the thing that RFK Jr and Hegseth were rolling out the other day. I don't know if it was the full test or anything, but they were issuing a challenge to America, to be able to do 100 pushups and 50 pullups within five minutes.

GLENN: That's crazy.

STU: Thank you! That struck you as also crazy.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life, that I could do that. Let alone now with shoulder problems. And much too much weight.

GLENN: All right. But that was before I needed this walker.

STU: I don't think there was a time in my 20s or my teens, that I could do that. But that -- in five minutes? Fifty pullups?
GLENN: Both of them in 5 minutes.
STU: Yeah, both of them. So it's not like 100 pushups in five minutes. It's both tasks within five minutes.

GLENN: No. No. That's not true.

STU: RFK Jr. is just doing it in jeans.

GLENN: Yeah, well, RFK, he's -- he's a weirdo. I mean, he is. Come on. When it comes to fitness, he's a weirdo.
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I mean, he's done this his whole life. He's like 800 years old. He can still do it.

STU: Yes. Depressive, I will say.

GLENN: I don't know. He's a sex machine.

STU: Oh. That's been a problem for him. Yes, that's been an issue in his life. Yes.

GLENN: Okay. All right. Go ahead.

STU: Separate from the president's physical fitness test.

GLENN: Right.

STU: But, I mean, they don't, they don't really think we're going to do that, right?
Like, I mean, how long would that take you to do?

STU: I think for me, it would take a good month. I think a month, I could probably get two pullups a day. That would get me around, a little over 50. So I could do that. Plus, the pushups. A solid month, I could get that done.

GLENN: You could do more than two a day. You could do more than two a day.

STU: You know, Glenn, I've got to say. I think -- I will throw a number out there. No science behind this, so just as a guestimate.

I would say 40 percent of the population can't do any pullups. Maybe 30 percent. Thirty percent of the population can do exactly zero pullups. Precisely zero, so an infinite amount of time would be a correct answer for a third of the population.

GLENN: I think you're -- I think you're being -- I think you're being a little too optimistic. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. Maybe 60 percent.

STU: Right! Pushups are one thing. I mean, I think almost anyone can do a pushup. One --

GLENN: You can do a pushup. Yes. Yes.

STU: Singular pushup. And if you can do one, you can wait long enough, to do a second one.
And at some point, the hundred gets done. That's not the case with pullups. Pullups, you can sit there and think about how much you want to do a pullup for a really long time. But that doesn't make a pullup happen. If you've got a certain amount of weight on you. You're not doing a pullup. It's not occurring.

GLENN: I have no idea, how many pullups I can do.

STU: I have an exact number of pullups, you can do.

GLENN: Do you? You think so?

STU: Yeah. Yeah. I have the exact number. I have to calculate -- AI has been running a report on me. It came up with zero.

GLENN: Right. Right. Really?
I can do. I mean, this is so pathetic. Listen to this. I bet I could do three. You know, you could do three.

STU: In a row? Proper form.

GLENN: What do you mean in a row?

STU: I mean, holding on to the bar, without letting go, you're doing three. There's no way. I don't think so.

GLENN: I think I could do. Well, with proper form, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

STU: I'm not saying it has to look pretty. You have to get your chin up above the bar. It can't be one of those things, where you're a quarter of the way up there.

GLENN: So I can do one and rest for ten minutes. I could do another one.

I think I can do that.

STU: If you -- I'm not saying, you jump up, and you pull yourself up as you're pulling up. Full hang --

GLENN: See, you may not know this.

But you know what, I've done the DNA test. Have you ever done the DNA test that tells you all about your genes and everything else? Mine came back with something remarkable, and I have to share. You might feel bad, next.
(laughter)

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STU: Coming up next, Glenn attempts live pullups on the air. Stay tuned!
(OUT AT 8:29 AM)

GLENN: You know no idea what who you're dealing with. No. You don't have any idea who you're dealing with here.

I got my DNA test back like 10 years ago. And we all -- we all took it, because we were looking for things. And so we all took it. My DNA test came back, and everybody in the family, their test made total sense. Like, oh, yeah. That makes...

Then we read mine. We have to find -- I have to find. See if Tania has it still. We should have had it framed. I swear to you, they -- they mixed me up with somebody else.

Somebody else is like, wait a minute. I'm this pathetic? Mine came out and said, you have the muscular structure of a -- of a -- something like a -- an elite athlete. You have the abilities and agility and everything else of an elite athlete. And I'm like, there's not a chance. I don't have any of that!

I don't even know if I have muscles. I have to check once in a while, and go, do I have muscles still?

Doctor is like, I don't know. Can I? Ask just press against my hand on the leg. I don't know.

You know, I don't know how to do that exactly. So --

STU: You sure it said elite athlete and not elephant? I mean, if they misspelled it.

GLENN: It was.

I was having eye problems at the time.

STU: No!

GLENN: I mean, we read it. And I was like Tania, I believe that for Tania.

Maybe they switched me and Tania. Because Tania is really strong. She'll kick your butt.

She works out every day. All of that. Me? Never. Never.

And it kind of makes me wonder, when I get to the other side, and the Lord went, okay.

So what did you do with your life again?

Because I gave this incredible body, and you wasted it the whole time.

And I'm like, you should have been more clear, okay?

You should have been more clear. I -- maybe I could have played basketball. But I tried once. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was like sixth grade. And I'll never live -- I don't even want to think about my time on a basketball court. Okay? So don't -- don't start with me. You should have made it a little clearer. When I first started to do stuff. And I think that's fair. I think that's a fair argument. In my defense. In my defense, Your Honor, God, you should have made it a little more clear.

STU: Yeah. I mean, if they really wanted us to do this, then the 11th Commandment is 50 pushups, and -- or, 50 pullups and 100 pushups, right?

Like, put it in a commandment if you really want us to do it. You have to be more specific, we're Americans.

GLENN: Okay. So let me give you the top of the list for the JFK Presidential Fitness Test. Okay? This is what you had to do in high school. In high school.

Thirty-four pullups. Bar dips: Fifty-two. What's -- because I believe I did that. A long time. And I don't recommend it.

STU: It's not a barhop.

GLENN: Oh, it's -- oh, bar dips. Okay. Okay. All right.

Bar dips: 52. Handstand pushups: Fifty. What are handstands?

STU: Oh, my God. Handstands.

GLENN: I can't even stand on my hands. Is that I'm doing a handstand and a push up? Because that's not happening. You're not human.

STU: Yeah. You're balancing yourself on your hands. Your feet are above your hands on the wall. Like a wall. And you're doing --

GLENN: Oh, so you're balancing yourself. That makes it a little easier. Still impossible.

But a little easier.

GLENN: Impossible. You could do precisely zero of those.

Aright. So you had to do 50 handstand pushups.

Or one arm -- 30 -- no, sir.

Twenty-six one-arm burpees in 30 seconds. Is that a one-armed push up?

STU: No. Well, you're bracing your yourself like you're about to begin a pushup in a burpee with only one arm, which that's not that difficult.

But then you're doing. Then you're like, you move your feet towards your hands. And then you jump up in the air basically. And then you do it repeatedly.

GLENN: No, no, no. That's ridiculous. No.

STU: There's a law of gravity. You're not supposed to violate it. If it was a recommendation of gravity, then maybe jumping would be appropriate. But it's not. Follow the law.

GLENN: In 48 seconds, you had to do a 3300-yard shuttle. Now, I've been to the airport. I think I've done a 3300-yard shuttle, but it depends on who is driving. You know.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Rope climb. Try this. Rope climb. Twenty feet, hands only! Sit start.

STU: That's what I remember from the president's physical fitness test. And I remember looking at that rope, like, no chance I could get up that thing.

GLENN: I remember looking up at that thing. Humiliation. Humiliation is coming my way. I'll never kiss a girl, because that ain't happening. I'll get maybe 10 feet up. Maybe. Maybe.

STU: And you were right for 24 years from that time, approximately.

GLENN: Agility run, 17 seconds. Extension pressups, what? What?

I'm sorry. Why am I so tired reading this?

Extension pressups. What's an extension pressup, 8-inch? You had to do 100 of them.

STU: Let's see. Exercise. An exercise for low-back pain involving lying on your stomach and pressing your upper body up with your arms while keeping your hips relaxed and down on the mat.

GLENN: Oh, I could do that know. 8 inches.

STU: The last part of it, relaxing down on the mat.
GLENN: That's what my doctor says I should be doing. What?

STU: I can do relaxed and down on the mat. That part of it --

GLENN: Yeah. I could do that -- I'm the only guy. I took yoga for a while, like three weeks. My wife is like, yoga. You could do yoga. Let's just do yoga together.

I did. And the yoga instructor said to me. Because we were doing a plank.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And she came and all I remember her waking me up. And saying, I think you're the only person I've ever -- ever taught that fell asleep in yoga. And I'm like, it's just so relaxing. Just let me sleep. Let me sleep.

STU: That's interesting, that you did yoga. Is there any footage of that? Any video that we could post? That would be good for --

GLENN: No. There's not. You had to do pegboard. Five trips of pegboard. And I think that's when you have the two pegs.

STU: Yes, it was a board.

GLENN: You have to take it out, and put it up, right?

STU: This is American Ninja Warrior. No way.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

STU: This is amazing.

GLENN: Try this one: You had to do a 45-second handstand. I've never been able to do a handstand. Never!

STU: Never.

GLENN: And I'm an elite athlete. I'm an elite athlete. Try this one: A man carry, 5 miles.

STU: What? What do you mean a --

GLENN: Five-mile man carry.

STU: Is a man carry as obvious as it --

GLENN: I think it is.

STU: You're carrying --

GLENN: If I'm going to carry that man, you have to carry me that man for five miles.

I'm not sure, I can't carry any man for any miles. I mean, if I am -- if I am a firefighter, count on burning in the house. You're going to burn in the house. Because I can't carry you out. I can get in there and go, yeah, I will have to leave you.
I will have to leave you here. I can't help you, sorry.

It's also getting really hot in here. I have to go. You had to do a five-mile jog. An obstacle course.

You had to swim prone for a mile. You had to swim underwater for 50 yards, any strokes, two minutes. Deep waterfront, hang float, with arms. What? What is a deep water hang float with arms. Wait. Wait.

It's a deep waterfront hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes.

What kind of al-Qaeda PE class was this?

STU: Who has access to -- who has access -- like, you're in the middle of the country, you may not have a deep water body nearby. This is -- are you sure this is an actual test?

GLENN: This is the actual test. This is the actual -- what is a deep water front hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes? Can you look that up?

STU: A deep water hang float is an aquatic hang float done in the deep end of a pool with the aid of flotation device, such as a noodle or belt.

In this position, the flotation twice supports your upper body, while your legs and torso hang freely beneath you.

That can't be what it is.

GLENN: You can do that.

Deep-end of the pool.

STU: Can you bring a margarita?

GLENN: Man, this test is no big deal.

What! No way. No way!

Here's the last thing on the test.

A vertical tread in an 8-foot circle for two hours!

No way.

STU: Vertical tread in an 8-foot circle?

GLENN: So you're in the water and you're treading water in a circle for two hours. Two!

STU: This is not -- what?

This is not the test.

GLENN: It is. Now, I told you, this is the top of the test.

This is the top of the test.

So this is for the ones who could do all the other tests.

This was the top of the test. The bottom of the test is not that much better. Here's the entry, okay? Let's see. Pullups, 2/6/10. I don't know what that means. Pushups, 16, 24, 32. Bar dips, four, eight, and 12. Situps, 30, 45, and 60. Broad jump, 6-foot, 6, 6, 6. And 6, 9.

To jump 6 feet? I don't even know if --

STU: That one is possible, yes. Glenn, I know it sounds incredible. But, yes. That one is possible.

GLENN: Sounds incredible. You know, I think we should have the average person Olympics. I really do. I really do.

STU: Oh, I would watch that.

GLENN: I would watch that every time.

You see them coming. And you're like, hmm. That one -- three feet. I'm giving him 3 feet. 200-yard shuttle. Agility run. Rope climb, 18 feet, hands only. 880 yards in three minutes. A mile in seven minutes. Pegboard, six holes. A 50-yard swim. Forty -- 40, 50-yard swim in 36 seconds. Man carry, 880 yards. No, thank you! No, thank you!

Look at -- look at what we've gone down. That's the bottom of it. And I don't think most Americans could do that.

I couldn't. Well, I could. Because I'm an elite -- I have the body of an elite athlete.

STU: No. You could not. Now, of course -- let's just say, this is supposed to be for a high school kid. Right?

So this is the prime of your athletic life. Could you do some of these things? Probably.
GLENN: Go into high school.
Go into any high school, and ask them to do this. There's no way. And all of the kids would be.

STU: Well, that's kind of what the reaction would be.

GLENN: Don't get me wrong. I would have been there too. And my parents would have said, suck it up. Just do it.

So nothing has really changed.

STU: That's been the reaction to this proposal too, of bringing this back. Right? The media is covering this. Like, it's going to embarrass children.

You know, I mean, I do remember it being like, I can't do that. I'm not going to the top of that rope. That's not happening.

That's sort of life. Right? Sometimes you can do things. Sometimes you can't do other things.

GLENN: That's why you have to learn how to injure yourself.

You know, how many stairs can I throw myself down, to not do serious damage, but enough to get me out of PE.

STU: Yeah, you have to fake an why are. You have to learn from LeBron James. Act like you got hit in the eye. And fall down like you were just stabbed over and over again, like you were in an athletic competition.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

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