After the HUGE Bud Light controversy concerning Dylan Mulvaney, you’d think every other beer company in America would do EVERYTHING possible to avoid a similar catastrophe. Yet, a months-old ad from Miller Lite has now gone viral too. And this particular commercial makes Glenn ‘SICK AND TIRED!’ Why? Because it goes against nature, of course. He explains the ‘scientific, biological’ truth in this clip…
Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors
GLENN: Miller Lite, you would think has -- has been awake, or let me say it.
Have not been in a coma, for the last month or so.
STU: I would think. I don't know how much of their product they've consumed. Likely, they have been sober at times.
GLENN: I think it would take a medical coma, to not know what happened to Bud Light.
STU: It's been an incredible gift to them.
GLENN: Yes. Theirs skyrockets. And Bud loses its number one status.
Big news. If you're in the beer industry.
GLENN: Well, they have put together a new -- a new ad.
And can -- can we -- can we play the ad please?
VOICE: Here's a little known fact: Women were among the very first to brew beer ever, from Mesopotamia, to the Middle Ages, to colonial America, women were the ones doing the brewing. Centuries later, how did the industry pay homage to the founding mothers of beer? They put us in bikinis. Wow.
GLENN: Yes. Wait. Just a bikini lady.
VOICE: Look at it. It's wild! It's time beer made it up to women.
So today, Miller Lite is on a mission to clean up, not just their (bleep), the whole beer industry's (bleep).
Miller Lite has been scouring internet for all this (bleep) and buying it back so that we can turn it into good (bleep) for women brewers! Literally --
GLENN: Wait. Okay. Stop.
STU: So stupid. It's so stupid. I can't.
GLENN: I can't -- I can't take it.
First of all, that was a very nice poster that she took down and shredded. And I don't appreciate that.
STU: Yeah, and just to give you some science behind it. There's absolutely no way you're getting more benefit out of shredding a document than I guess turning it into some sort of fertilizer for beer, than the electricity used to just shred the document. There's no way that's a worthwhile transaction.
GLENN: I was just going to say that. No, it's good for everything.
STU: No. No.
GLENN: I would also like to point out.
Now, this came out before Bud Light. And then it kind of went away.
And here's my thing. What were you doing for the last month, if not trying to make sure that never saw the light of day again?
STU: Right. They've been deleted off -- it should have been deleted off the YouTube page. Right.
GLENN: Oh, if I'm Miller. I go and see if we can buy an EMP to shut down and erase and fry all the chips.
So, you know, they say the internet is forever.
Hmm. Not with an EMP.
STU: You want to be like a future draftee of the NFL deleting your old tweets.
That's what you want to be. Hiding your history, because you're right.
This has been a huge boon to Miller Lite and Coors Light, and all these other brands that are not Bud Light. As they cut their sales by 25 percent. The current number is. It was as high as 25.
So they come out with this. Which is just again, it goes on to tell you, they will take the -- they literally claim. I can't imagine this is true.
But they claim, at Miller Lite. They're going on I guess e Bay.
And buying up old cardboard cutouts of bikini models for beer ads. And then having them sent to them.
Which, again, all of the emissions and all the other stuff associated with this, is just a side hustle here.
But it goes all the way to them. Then they're taking it, and they're composting it. Shredding it and composting it. And then using it -- transporting it to somewhere else again. Where they will make beer that will be transported somewhere else.
GLENN: Oh. There's nothing better than cardboard beer. I will tell you that right now. If you can take that and mix it with some crap, and you just let it steam in a pile for a while.
STU: That's the original formula for Miller Lite.
GLENN: And you mix it into -- may I just say. So what you're saying is that men said horrible things and took horrible pictures of women to sell beer.
GLENN: So you're now making that up, by saying horrible things about men to sell women beer?
STU: Uh-huh. And also, I will say, horrible things about women. You're saying horrible things about women too.
Because what you're doing is denying their agency to live their lives.
You see, men didn't put women in bikinis. What happened is individual women sent in their head shots and body shots to try out to attempt to get the jobs, this woman in a sweater is now criticizing. By the way, I don't know if you've noticed this, Glenn.
They treat these women as so much -- they take in their agency, so much, in this ad. They have actually blurred out their faces in the ad.
I don't know if you noticed that. The bikini picture, because you weren't looking at her face in the bikini picture.
GLENN: Kudos. Did you find that out through Lisa?
STU: No, I had to watch it like 46 times. And eventually, oh, my God. Their faces were gone!
But these are individual women, who made individual decisions based on what they wanted to do.
Now, we can be critical of that as a career goal. But if you're in a model, getting into a national ad campaign, probably a big deal. Probably something you're proud of.
But this woman in a sweater, says, you shouldn't be proud of it.
In fact, it wasn't even you doing it. Men put you in the bikinis.
GLENN: Well, I have to tell you, I like the fact that she looks like mom.
Because I've wanted my mother to make all of the choices in my life.
GLENN: And that could just keep going on. You know, I just -- I think every guy loves that. I think every woman loves that. When mom comes in and tells them exactly what to do.
But I have a bigger problem with this. And we'll get to that in 60 seconds.
GLENN: So let me ask you something. Do men actually exist anymore? I mean, have we phased them out entirely?
STU: We phased out women entirely. You think we've phased out men entirely?
GLENN: Well, I think so.
If you're not crying and you're not thinking, maybe I too can get pregnant. I don't think you exit in today's world. Okay?
If you are a woman, who is a strong woman, but is a woman who is like, I don't want your corporate job. I don't want this. Or that. I'm not going and playing by those rules.
You're not really a woman either. Now, here's the good news.
If those men and those women, that don't play by those rules, get together. They'll have children, the other ones won't.
And we win. But -- but why wait that long? Why wait that long?
I am so sick and tired of having to deny the natural state of things.
GLENN: The natural state of things is men, like women.
Women like men noticing them. Not being creepy about it, but noticing them.
STU: That's part of the human attraction situation, that set up all of procreation and civilization, sure.
GLENN: Now, there's a reason sex feels good. Because that's God saying, right? You like that, you should do that more.
STU: Do this, dummy.
GLENN: Because you're trying to have children. Okay.
STU: This is science, by the way.
GLENN: Totally science. This is a science driven show.
Now, I gave up on Sports Illustrated, the swimsuit edition, a long time ago.
And it was the only edition of Sports Illustrated, I was ever interested in. Okay?
But I gave up on it, when they started putting fat people on the cover. Now, nothing against fat people. We're part of the fat community.
GLENN: No, I'm the king of the fat people. But I'm the kind of fat people that I don't think exist anymore.
The kind of fat people that you're kind of embarrassed that you're fat. I mean, it's not enough to get you to stop eating.
STU: No. Of course not.
GLENN: Right. But you're not happy when it's beach time.
You know, you're like, I'm not going to the beach. Nobody wants to see me in a swimsuit. And good heavens, man, I can see my reflection in the ocean, I'm not going.
GLENN: Okay? I'm that kind of fat person.
But we've graduated now to a more enlightened fat person like Lizzo.
Or -- right? Lizzo is the fat -- very good flautist, I might say.
STU: She's quite a good flautist. She is quite the flautist.
GLENN: But she is a fat flautist.
STU: A flautist.
GLENN: And I don't want to see her in all of her fatness.
STU: Even if she's flouting?
GLENN: I don't -- well, if she has clothes on, yes.
STU: You want to see her flouting in clothes?
GLENN: Well, no. I don't want to see it. But I'll look at it. Okay? I'll look at it.
GLENN: I don't know what happened to the people who are like, I'm not in a bikini. I -- I look good in a bikini. I should wear a bikini.
Because I don't see those people anymore. I just see people like men, wearing a bikini. And they shouldn't be in a bikini. Because they're men. Let alone, fat men.
GLENN: I would like to break this down here, with Miller Lite. As this is unnatural.
Everything that is happening goes against nature. Just want to throw that in. Just, you know -- just some scientific biological truth. Just mic drop there. I'm just saying.