Stu tells Glenn he has the perfect code to interpret every single Joe Biden gaffe: The ‘triangle of emotions’ that helps decide if a Biden misstep was either scary, sad, or funny. Plus, the guys discuss how President Trump was able to SUCCESSFULLY say crazy things — especially to foreign dictators — while in the White House…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: There was a lot going on yesterday. I mean, not a lot going on, with Joe Biden. Could we play Joe Biden's stumble yesterday, during his speech on Ukraine.

BIDEN: That will enhance our underlying effort, to accommodate, the Russian oligarchs. And make sure we take their ill-begotten gains. We're going to accommodate them.

STU: Accommodate twice.

BIDEN: We'll seize their yachts, their luxury homes, and other ill-begotten gains.

STU: Ill-begotten gains twice.

BIDEN: Yeah.

GLENN: Uh-huh.

BIDEN: Kleptocracy. The guys who are the kleptocracy.

GLENN: They're not kleptocracy.

BIDEN: But these are bad guys.

GLENN: They're not kleptocracies. They are kleptocrats.

STU: No. He's talking about the guys that are the kleptocracies.

GLENN: No. That's a different thing. Okay. All right.

But he also said, ill-begotten. It's ill-begotten. It's ill-gotten goods. Ill-begotten.

STU: It's so funny. There are so many of these things.

GLENN: And my only ill-begotten son. No, it's not it. It's not it. And then accommodation. We're going to accommodate them.

STU: Why are we accommodating the oligarchs? We thought they were bad. Are they saying, America, please take my yacht?

Okay. We'll accommodate.

STU: We'll accommodate. Yes.

GLENN: I mean, that is just -- it's sad. It is really sad. And remember, this is in a speech, that supposedly is directed to Americans. But it's directed right to Putin!

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: He's asking for $33 billion, in additional funding. And we're going to get tough on these kleptocracy people. This is so sad. Do you think anyone in Russia is like, oh, yeah. He's on the ball. Don't underestimate this guy.

STU: No. I don't think anyone in Russia is -- I think this emboldens Russia. Right?

They look at this, and they say, well, this guy. We're really going to be scared of this guy. I really do think that is a major problem we're dealing with right now.

And I -- watching all these gaffes every day. I had to come up with a way to mentally categorize them. So we came up with the Joe Biden triangle of -- of gaffe -- the gaffe triangle of emotions. I can't remember.

GLENN: All right. It's a triangle. It's a triangle.

STU: So you have at the top, you have a scary.

GLENN: Scary, okay.

STU: Because sometimes you watch -- this is scary. You could be in World War III tomorrow. Sometimes, the bottom -- the bottom right is -- is sad.

GLENN: Sad?

STU: Right. Because sometimes you watch Joe Biden. God, this is so bad. Look at this poor guy. Then the bottom left of the poor triangle is funny.

Sometimes you watch Joe Biden's gaffe. And you're like, this is hilarious.

GLENN: Occasionally, you'll get all three.

STU: Yeah. Right in the center of the triangle would be all three. You'll both think it's funny, scary, and sad, all at the same time. In equal portions.

GLENN: Yeah.

STU: But most of them, I've noticed, usually lean one way or another.

Like, that one is not funny at all. I don't find that to be funny at all. I find it to be sad and scary.

GLENN: Yeah. And I think equal parts. I think that line becomes -- between sad and scary. It becomes the scales of justice.

STU: Right.

GLENN: It is equally as sad. Because you look at it, and you say, oh, my gosh. I feel so bad. Why is his family doing this?

This is so bad. And then you're like be, yeah. But the Russians are watching this. This could get us all killed. This is terrifying.

STU: Right. It really is.

Just absolutely bizarre circumstance. Because look, we've had presidents, that have given us funny material before. Right?

Saturday Night Live. Back in the day with Gerald Ford, who didn't fall a lot.

GLENN: George W. Bush. Let me just look at -- that was great stuff.

STU: Bill Clinton. Who would come on all the time, and do creepy things. And was funny. And Donald Trump had plenty of funny moments in the presidency.

GLENN: He was hysterical.

STU: This is totally in a different world.

GLENN: And, you know what. You know what, Donald Trump was both hysterical. There's only a straight line. Hysterical.

STU: Yeah. Right.

GLENN: You know what I mean?

Those are the polar opposites. There were times -- and you would -- like when it was with North Korea. You were like, that's funny. He's calling him, you know -- you know, the fat short guy. That's kind of funny.

Although, that could lead to us being vaporized. You know what I mean?

But on that scale, he knew where he was. I think.

STU: That's the biggest difference, I think, between Trump. Because Trump said things that were at times --

GLENN: Scary as hell.

STU: Scary as hell. Going after -- I mean, he says, himself, he says, when he had the situation with Russia. And there were problems with Ukraine. He told them, he was going to bomb Moscow. This is what Donald Trump says he told Vladimir Putin.

GLENN: Yeah, now, I think he told me about Mao. Or not Mao. Or Xi.

Yeah. He said, you know, if you take Taiwan, I take Beijing.

STU: Right. And, again, like, you could look at that and say, holy crap. That could enter us into a conflict, we do not want a part of.

On the other hand, Donald Trump had a way about him, which he was doing these things intentionally. And he thought he had a way. And it seemed to be true. To deal with these foreign dictators. That had a bizarre mindset that the average American doesn't understand.

GLENN: And it's because I think, he did business in New York.

STU: And around the world.

GLENN: Yeah. Do you remember watching the Trump buildings go up in New York in and they would be done before you finished a sandwich. And you were like, how did that happen? Everybody else, it will be done in seven and a half of years.

Literally, in five years, built I think it was five massive skyscrapers. Changed the highway. And had it run under his skyscrapers. And built a park there as well. He got all of that done. Okay?

And you're going, this guy has got to be the shadiest. How does he get that done? Who does he have to pay off? Who is at the bottom of the river with concrete shoes? How do you get that done?

Now we know. It's because people believe, he's just crazy enough to do it. And he's not doing anything illegal. This guy has been investigated by every global intelligence agency.

And you haven't found anything on this guy?

STU: Oh, there's such a sad story in the New York Times about this.

GLENN: Is it in the triangle? Is it scary sad? Funny.

STU: This would be in the sad part. But also sort of funny.

This is the headline. Likelihood of Trump indictment in Manhattan fades as grand jury wraps up. The investigation continues, but new science have emerged that charges against former President Trump are unlikely to occur in the foreseeable future, if ever.

It sounds like they're going to cry. Like, what if this guy just didn't do anything? Is that something that you would maybe, I don't know, consider. Maybe he wouldn't commit a crime. Which is why he's not going to be indicted.

I have to tell you -- and I told him this, to his face. There's no way, Don. No way you build those buildings fast, and get that done. Without at least a payoff to the mob. It's New York for the love of Pete. You can't have a slice of pizza, without, hey, I think a little bit needs to go to Vito, you know what I'm saying?

And there's nothing. There's nothing.

STU: Right. Well, it's funny, he has a bizarre combination, which I think is jarring to people at times. Of real aggressiveness and sometimes anger, and I'm going to do whatever I want, and you're not going to stop me, and the opposite.

Like, remember, part of the Kim Jong-un story is him calling him his friend. And saying, like, and taking this guy, who was an absolute, you know, hermit, and embracing it. Right?

It wasn't just, it started with, I'm going to make you explode. And then turn into, this guy is a great guy. We hang out all the time. And like, neither one of those is the right thing for the average person to say.

GLENN: Correct. For I think Donald Trump too.

STU: Yeah. But I think he knows. He is -- he is intentionally playing these fringes as a negotiating tactic. And has been doing it since his real estate days. He utilized it often through great effect through his presidency. So while at times, he says things that makes people feel uncomfortable. We all know, he's doing it on purpose.

GLENN: But see, here's the thing. Here's the honest to about to do truth.

He is the prime example of something that I have tried to live my life by.

Because somebody, when I was young, gave me this axiom in business. And I absolutely believe it to be true.

And it's easy for me to do now. And, you know, since -- since I stopped drinking. It's very easy. Don't make threats. Make promises.

So when you're negotiating for something, yeah. It's going to be this. Or I'm not going to do it.

Well, okay. Well, let's do this and this. Well, it's that, or I'm not going to do it.

STU: And be okay with walking away. If they say no, you walk away.

GLENN: And you just make people promises. Look, you do this, and I'll do that. And that's just the way it is. And no hard feelings. And people don't know how to react to that. Because you get this reputation. I believe I have the same kind of reputation in business. Where they're like, that son of a bitch. Might be crazy enough just to do that. Right?

STU: Yeah. Oh, yeah. We play that all the time.

GLENN: He's just -- and that's such an advantage. Donald Trump is the prime example of that.

Where he will just say to people. And this is why he built the Trump Tower. And I've told the story. But it's one of my stories of all the time. Let alone the best Donald Trump story.

Donald Trump goes in. You have to buy the air rights. Not just the land in Manhattan. You have to buy up, as well. And if you own a building and you have a lot of money, you can not only buy up above your building. But you can buy across.

So you can buy the air rights over other buildings, as well.

STU: Uh-huh.

GLENN: So Tiffany's, been there forever, has lots of money. They wanted to make sure that fifth avenue, did not have these big skyscrapers. So they bought all of the air rights. Donald Trump buys this space. This whole decrepit building.

On the next block. And he doesn't have the air rights. And he tells his architect. Build the most beautiful, wonderful, spacious, golden building, you can possibly.

Okay? So he's working on that. And he says, oh, I've got a meeting next week.

I want you to draw a four-story monstrosity.

I mean, the ugliest thing you can possibly imagine.

STU: Is this Donald Trump with a cold? What is this --

GLENN: Don't you always notice that? His nose is a little plugged up sometimes. But anyway, so he's -- he goes to Tiffany's. Presents, this is a beautiful building. It's great.

You'll love it. And Tiffany's says, yeah. It's beautiful. But we own the air rights. And we don't want big buildings here. I knew you would say that. Rolls the other one out. I just will make him profits.

If you don't, I will build this monstrosity.

And he had the deal. He left them. He had the deal by the time he got back to the office.

STU: So he told them he was going to make an ugly building, which ruin their beautiful neighborhood. And instead, they were like, okay. Build the tall skyscraper.

GLENN: Build the tall one. And the reason why they did it, is because they thought, he just might do it.

STU: He might do it.

GLENN: And the same thing with Beijing.

You tell President Xi that, he laughs.

Okay? At first, Xi laughed at that. And Donald Trump just looked at him. No. I'm serious.

Now, where weather he was or not, I don't know.

But neither did the president of China. The -- I can guarantee you, at that moment, the president of China went, son of a bitch just might do that.

You know what I mean?

STU: Let's not screw around.

GLENN: Right. But how are we treating Putin?

STU: He looks at this, and says, well, look what just happened in Afghanistan.

This guy, just the wild swings of energy, with Joe Biden. Where sometimes he's out there, and he looks kind of normal. And he's speaking normally. And other times, it's a kleptocracy clip. Where it looks like, he might in the middle of the word, fall asleep. He looks like seriously, he may just keel over and take a nap during a word.

GLENN: You know, they were jacking John F. Kennedy during the missile crisis. They were screwing with his balance.

STU: You're saying medically?

GLENN: Medically. Because they were in so much pain. He needed so much steroids. They needed painkillers. They were injecting them during the Cuban Missile Crisis. And Jackie O had to actually come out and say, no. It's nothing. It's allergies. It's allergies, that's really causing this. No, it was the steroids. And he was flying off the handle. You know, you get very aggressive.

Is this a steroid thing, or is this the president talking?

You know. Because they've done this to so many presidents. You know they've got to be jacked -- B12. Yeah. Right. They're just giving him B12. I can guarantee you, give him something. Or give me something. To get me going. Charge my system. Go. Inject me with whatever is legal, to get me -- to get me going. Because that's the only thing that can understand. How does he go from -- he seems to be functioning, to this is a frail, old man that could break a hip, just standing there.

GLENN: And we know it's legal. Because where would he have access to illegal drugs. It's not like he has one in the family --

GLENN: Amen.