Walt Disney was a true visionary, a man ahead of his time. According to the Daily Mail, climate scientists say it is, after all, going to be a small world. Heat will cause mammals to shrink in size, making animals like the horse as small as a cat. Glenn excitedly pondered the possibilities.
“If we can stay our size — we have to figure out how to stay our size — because we could get monkeys and sell them as a barrel of monkeys as the actually monkeys. Wouldn’t that be cool if you could sell for kids, the actual barrel of monkeys?”
Enjoy the complimentary clip above or read the transcript below for details.
Patrick Lux/Getty Images
This is a rush transcript and may contain errors.
GLENN: This comes from the Daily Mail or telegraph. Scientists are now saying, because of — I’m not making this up — scientists are now saying, because of global warming, mammals will shrink, and in this article they speak about horses the size of cats. I’m not making this up. Look it up yourself. Mammals, the size — horses the size of cats.
PAT: There are some benefits to that. It would end all rodeos. Are a thing of the past.
GLENN: Whoa. That why you’re a science denier? Because you want to end all rodeos?
PAT: I’m working on it.
GLENN: I worry about about the rodeos. I like the rodeos.
STU: What about the rodeos —
PAT: The horses would be too small.
STU: You can’t ride it anymore at your current size. But wouldn’t we also shrink? I mean why wouldn’t we shrink too? I think at the same pace.
GLENN: Now, this is — why did you bring this up, because you’re such a pessimist? If you look at this, if we and the animals shrink, we now have plenty of space for the people that are going to be born on the — for space for them to live. Think of the farm size that people the size of horses need.
STU: That’s true.
GLENN: People the size of cats, or we would be the size of pugs — no, we would have to be smaller than the pug. If the horses were the size of cats —
PAT: We’d be about the size of mice. Maybe? That opens up a lot of room on the planet.
GLENN: Are you kidding me? That may be God’s plan. There is, like, God wouldn’t have made us if — we’re going to run out of space. There it is. We shrink.
PAT: We shrink.
JEFFY: I don’t know about you, but even if we don’t shrink, I’m not walking. I’m going to find something else to ride. I’m going to find some other species to ride.
STU: I’m surprised you would be so antiwalking. It’s so against your character.
GLENN: I think it would be great. I hope I can stay big. I’m going to put myself — Walt Disney may be the only person who doesn’t shrink in size.
STU: Because he’s frozen.
GLENN: He’s frozen.
PAT: He would melt.
GLENN: It would be like land of the giants or the small — whatever. Gulliver’s Travels, except it would be Walt Disney. The freezer would open up, and be — everybody would be small. That would be cool, because it’s a small world after all.
STU: He was telling us in advance!
GLENN: He knew in advance.
STU: And people will mock this and say it’s silly that horses will be the size of cats and it’s a scare tactic, but the science is solid on this. Think about it. Shrinky-dinks. What happens? You put them in the oven, and they shrink. It’s about as good evidence as you’re going to have on this, and I think it proves the point.
PAT: When you cook meat, doesn’t it shrink?
STU: Weight before cooking —
GLENN: I think horses the size of cats would be cool.
JEFFY: I think so too.
GLENN: Oh, my gosh. If we can stay our size, we have to figure out how to stay our size. Because we could get monkeys and sell them as a barrel of monkeys as the actually monkeys. Wouldn’t that be cool if you could sell for kids, the actual barrel of monkeys?
PAT: That they’re real, they’re actually monkeys.
GLENN: Plastic monkeys. What?
JEFFY: Wasn’t that one of the original Toy Story plans?
GLENN: Right. They were real monkeys. And who made that? Disney! Oh, my gosh. He was telling us.
STU: They were telling us in advance. That’s incredible.
This might be fun for children but not as much fun for the monkeys. However, would it be fun for children if children were that small? That’s the issue. You got to solve that. And —
GLENN: — children, small monkeys. Small monkeys would be fun.
STU: You know how we do this? We have air conditioning. We stay, nice 72 degrees, and at the same time.
GLENN: We’re heating the planet up.
STU: And making it worse with global warming.
GLENN: To they would be smaller monkeys. We do not want monkeys the size of ants.
STU: No. They’ll be all over the place.
GLENN: And would not be able to get them. They would in your hair and crawling out over everything. You need monkeys the size of mice.
STU: I’m worried about bugs becoming nanotechnology.
PAT: It’s mammals, not bugs. The bugs are fine.
GLENN: Imagine a praying mantis/monkey fight.
STU: Wait a minute. This is horrible. They’re going to stay the same size.
GLENN: Wait. Think of the movies we could make, all of those movies that need, like, the little claymation things. If we had actual monkeys and spires remain the same size. A spider/monkey fight would be unbelievable.
STU: Think this out. If the spiders are a giant size to humans, that in real life, not just in the movies, they’re giant size to humans, they rule the earth. If they don’t shrink and we do, we’re screwed. They’re already all over the place.
GLENN: That is the case too.
STU: We’re dead.
GLENN: Only mammals shrink.
STU: It’s the shrinky-dink principle. Well nope in science.
GLENN: And fish would rule the world.
STU: Fish would rule the world?
GLENN: Fish, and they would rule the under — the water —
STU: They already rule the seas. They’re already there.
GLENN: Come on. You can take on a fish.
STU: A fish. One monkey, or one horse trampled a person. However, horses aren’t taking over the planet.
JEFFY: But the whales are becoming supergroups.
GLENN: Maybe the whales know. We’ll learn that this week too that scientists are saying that supergroups of whales are starting to gather. Maybe they know. That we are going to be the size of monkeys, which will be the size of mice.
GLENN: And we ride to our death in the sees.
PAT: I think we’ve explored just about every possibility now.
GLENN: How — seriously. How did they write that story? In the Daily Mail?
PAT: So ridiculous.
GLENN: How do scientists actually come out and say, horses the size of cats? With a straight face. Come on.
PAT: Even if you go at 4 degrees as they’re predicting in the next hundred years. It’s not going to happen. That is not going to happen. You’re not going to have horses the size of cats.
GLENN: Really? Are you — are you a scientist?
PAT: Yes. On this —
JEFFY: Not tomorrow.
GLENN: Listen about a 0.7 degree temperature change for a thousand or maybe 5,000 years.
JEFFY: Now what?
GLENN: Who will be laughing then?