RADIOJanuary 16, 2023

Why did Team Biden ‘discover’ the classified documents NOW?

More classified documents were discovered over the weekend at another home of President Joe Biden (…how many homes does he HAVE?!). Attorneys for the president discovered the files when sent to the house to pack things up. But why were lawyers sent to pack up items? Why does it seem like the Biden Administration was aware of these documents the entire time? And if that is true, why did they decide to ‘discover’ them NOW? Is there more to this mysterious timeline? In this clip, Glenn answers all of these questions plus more. And, he’ll dive even more into this topic during his upcoming Glenn TV special this Wednesday at 9pm ET on BlazeTV.com.

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: So Kevin McCarthy, he's come out and said, the discovery of more classified documents in President Joe Biden's possession, oh, that highlights the hypocrisy inside the federal government. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it does do that. It does. But is this new?

Haven't we always said this is this

Think of Donald Trump.

I mean, I could go back in time. Think of Ronald Reagan would have done that. Think of Eisenhower. If he would have done that.

I mean, you could go all the way -- think of Lincoln, if he would have done that. This is the same story. It's the same story.

We got it.

Now, why is this story happening? Well, let me give you -- they found more documents over the weekend. Now, remember, the White House said, we're absolutely done with documents.

They found every -- they found more over the weekend. At another house.

How many houses -- this guy is like Ronald McDonald. Ronald McDonald is constantly building another Ronald McDonald House.

How many houses does that clown need? How many houses does the president need?

He's got to have more houses. So they went to another house. And they went, oops. Okay. It's not exactly over, but these documents really don't matter.

Okay. All right. Well, they're classified documents. So I'm pretty sure that would matter.

Now, they went to Wilmington, and -- and when I say they, they went to Wilmington and Rohobeth HEP Beach. That's where his other house is.

And when I say they, I mean the same people that went to, you know, his foundation with the university.

So who are they? His attorneys. Now, this started back in -- what was it? November, or October?

Where the president's attorneys went to his office to pack up stuff and -- and close that office.

His attorneys. Now, that is the world's most expensive moving company. Okay?

Why would you have your attorneys do that?

Well, I could provide a thesis. Let's say, you know, you have something you shouldn't have. And maybe eudone something you shouldn't have done.

You go to your attorneys, first. Because to them, you don't have to say, I know this guy. What you say to them is, you guys can't talk, right?

I mean, legally, everything I say to you, you can't repeat it, right?

Right. Good.

I've got all these top secret documents, okay? There's a bunch of them over there. There might be a bunch of them -- I mean, I think I might have some of them in Sandy Berger's socks. I don't know. So if you guys go in there, and you find them, just do what you have to do, I don't want to know about it.

Okay. The president has said last week, the attorneys told me, you know, do not even ask about. Oh.

Hmm. Did you guys talk about it before they said that to you?

So the attorneys go in. They find it. And they immediately call and cooperate.

You know, that is big of Joe Biden.

Well, that's why he had the attorneys there. Now, go to his house. But I have it with my Corvette. Ah, yeah. We'll come back to them.

See, that is like the safest place on earth. You have an old Corvette?

I'm telling you, you can't break into -- the garage door opener. Nobody has one of those. Nobody has one of those.

You can't just -- and get in. Because the garage door opens.

It's locked.

You need some sort of like, I don't -- this is even beyond quantum computing, to be able to get past one of those Sears garage door openers.

So we're going to come back to that one. So then his other house, this weekend. After it's all out in the open, his attorneys are there at the other house.

Now, I don't know why they haven't done all of the places they could look. You know, at once. Maybe in November.

Hey, we found him in the basement. You have any, you know, next to your Corvette.

Well, there is that big box that says classified and has big red tape all over it. You know, we should probably go there. Do you have any other houses that -- I don't know why. I don't know why. But they're fully cooperating.

Okay. Now, let's ask two questions. Let's ask two questions.

When something says top secret, to get a top secret classification, what do they do, before you get that little card?

Stu.

STU: They usually do a background check.

GLENN: Background check. Okay. Good. Good. What are they looking for?

STU: Criminal activity. Some way you could be compromised.

GLENN: Compromised, sure.

Or, you know, I just toured the Soviet Union.

You know, they're looking for anything that you've done, that shows that you are on, let's say not America's side.

Or you have any friends that might be let's say, not on American side.

Or you have any business dealings, with some people, that let's just say, are not America's side. And then you also look -- final thing is, is he compromised with money? With drugs?

Is there a sex scandal? Is he -- is he prone to a honey pot thing? Okay. All right. That's what they're looking for.

Because you can so easily need money. And then somebody can come out and go, listen, I'm Boris, but I'm absolutely love America. And I just want to see the -- I want to see top secret document, pause I want to show you how American I am.

I'll never say anything to Soviet Union.

Okay. All right. That guy could approach you and go, so you need a little money, maybe. A little heroin. Okay. I can help.

But I want to see top secret document.

That's what they're worried about. Okay.

Now, wait a minute. This isn't the president or vice president's house at the time, he was the vice president. And he had them there, while he was vice president. And then he kept them there, while he was president. Okay. So they've been in there for a while. Who else has been in his house?

Oh, my gosh! A guy who is constantly asking for money for drugs and hookers. A guy who is doing shady business deals with China and with Russia. And Ukraine. Wait a minute. That's exactly the kind of guy we don't want to have access to top secret documents! Yeah. But he was almost never there.

Well, let's go back to that ultra secure garage. That's the house that Hunter Biden was renting from his dad. Not now with his art money. He was renting it from his dad, when he had no money. Remember?

I've got no money. That's why she's pregnant. I couldn't afford a condom. Oh, poor guy.

So his dad said, just stay at my house. I'm not living there. You just stay at my house.

Oh, my gosh. What a great dad. And he wanted to make sure, that his son grew up a little bit. And you'll have to work for it, a little bit. You know, this house. The most expensive rent in this area, is $6,000 a month.

So I'm going to cut you a deal, because you're my son. You just pay $50,000 a month.

But, Dad, remember, I couldn't afford the condom.

Right. Well, this is a condominium. With more letters. Going to be a little more expensive.

$50,000 to his desperate son.

Now, where does his desperate, I don't have any money son get that money?

Oh, don't worry. He's got a job with like Burisma. He's doing deals over in China. Completely his deal. No big deal.

No big deal.

Joe Biden does not know a thing about it. Nothing. He's not getting any money from it. He's just trying to help out his poor wayward son. Giving him access to his house. So he has a place to rest his angelic head. While dad charges him $50,000 a month.

And what's in that house?

The boxes of top secret documents, right there, next to the garage.

So you don't need MacGyver. You don't need some genius to go, how do we break in, past that Sears robotic arm?

How do we do it?

Because you already have a drug addict inside. Who is writing his family going, yeah. At least dad doesn't take half your money. Remember? He's really bitter and angry with his dad, at that time. He wants his dad to suffer.

Hmm. So what Boris has to do? Hey. I hear you're unhappy about Dad, huh? Hey. Are those little top secret documents. You know, what would be fun, I give you more money. We say, you work in gas industry.

So why is this all coming out now?

Why did -- why did the attorneys go in to look for all of these documents? Why are they turning them in?

And it's good news, right? That we have a special counsel. Of course, it is. It's a very good thing. I'll tell you right now, you say the Justice Department is corrupt. I've employed a special counsel on it.

Oh, good. Let me tie this all up in a nice little bow for you, in 60 seconds.

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Promo code Beck. Ten seconds. Station ID.
(music)

GLENN: Okay. So let's tie this up in a bow. You have the lawyers, special counsel, the House, Hunter Biden. And innocent. Looking like a little puppy dog with big sad eyes, Joe Biden. Okay. Here's what's going on: Back in November, I remember reading a lil story. Lil, as Tom Broadkaw used to say. A lil story about how Joe Biden's White House was now preparing for the onslaught of the Republicans who were going to possibly win Congress, and they needed to have all these attorneys ready to go.

So they were already working up things. Okay.

Sidebar, put that off to the side for a second.

Why would you have your attorneys do this, when you know you're going to look like a hypocrite?

Well, you might want to do that with your attorneys, so you could tell the attorneys everything that, you know, what's going on, and they can't say anything.

And they could clean up this mess, and make it old news, by the time it's used in a case against Hunter Biden. We know this.

They already brought those out. And they were cooperating every step of the way.

We already know that Hunter Biden was paying his father $50,000 a month. And he rented a house where all those documents were. But it was crazy. His dad was, you know, vice president. He has a wayward son.

He was just trying to help him out. That's why we appointed a special counsel. Oh, no. Wait a minute. What was it that I heard from the worst spokesman at the White House ever, on this question?

Play it again, Sam. Play it again, Sam. Play it -- play it again, Sam. Okay.

VOICE: Does this episode undercut that argument? That he would restore confidence? Because here we have in the headlines that he is now under investigation.

VOICE: He's restored independence in the Department of Justice. That's what we're doing here. When we're saying we're going to refer you to the Department of Justice, that is restoring independence as it relates to --

GLENN: Oh, stop for a second.

So the only reason why a special counsel was appointed, was to restore America's confidence in the system.

And it has nothing to do with now Joe Biden, his attorneys, his spokespeople, saying, I cannot comment on this anymore.

I refer you to the Department of Justice. Well, normally, when they would say that, imagine if it was Abraham Lincoln and they did this. There would be leaks. Abraham Lincoln.

He's under investigation. But here's the stuff our inside sources tell us.

This time, there won't be those leaks.

So you've effectively now shut down the story. Well, they they got somebody super special on the case. Yeah. Inspector gadget.

We needed inspector gadget, because he's the only guy to figure out whether you could have a Corvette and a serious car opener and get into the place. Uh-huh. That's what's going on. This is all just pretrial maneuvering. Preinvestigative maneuvering. By the White House. To make this, we've heard this before.

That's just old news.

Yet all of these things cleared up, so they can say, I'm not talking about old news.

I'm talking about what's happening today. This president needs to concentrate on what's going on for the American people.

That's exactly what's happening. And if you would like more evidence of it, join me on Wednesday.

Because Wednesday, on my Wednesday night special on Blaze TV, I line all of this out.

It's pretty clear, when you look at it. Hmm.

Too bad nobody in the media is looking at it. It's weird. Neither is Kevin McCarthy. I can't believe the double standard of the media. You go get them, Kevin.

Exposing the dangerous roots of queer theory

In this explosive conversation, Glenn Beck and Liz Wheeler expose the disturbing roots of gender ideology and queer theory — and how these radical ideas are directly targeting children. From the shocking origins of queer theory, where pedophilia and child pornography were openly defended, to Planned Parenthood’s new role as one of the largest distributors of transgender hormone therapy, the truth is undeniable: this movement is not about freedom or equality, but about dismantling families, corrupting innocence, and profiting off of our children’s pain. What we are witnessing is nothing less than a satanic ideology dressed up as compassion — and it’s spreading like wildfire through schools, culture, and medicine. Parents, you need to hear this. The time to protect your children and fight back is NOW.

Watch the full episode HERE

Glenn's "secret" to conquering the JFK fitness test

President Trump recently signed an executive order to reinstate the Presidential Fitness Test and the media is in a frenzy. But Glenn and Stu look back at the history of these tests, including JFK’s version of the Test that seems IMPOSSIBLE for modern Americans. But Glenn has a secret reason for why he’s confident in his pull-up abilities…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: What is the -- what is the new physical -- the president's physical fitness, you know, plan?

STU: Well, the thing that RFK Jr and Hegseth were rolling out the other day. I don't know if it was the full test or anything, but they were issuing a challenge to America, to be able to do 100 pushups and 50 pullups within five minutes.

GLENN: That's crazy.

STU: Thank you! That struck you as also crazy.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life, that I could do that. Let alone now with shoulder problems. And much too much weight.

GLENN: All right. But that was before I needed this walker.

STU: I don't think there was a time in my 20s or my teens, that I could do that. But that -- in five minutes? Fifty pullups?
GLENN: Both of them in 5 minutes.
STU: Yeah, both of them. So it's not like 100 pushups in five minutes. It's both tasks within five minutes.

GLENN: No. No. That's not true.

STU: RFK Jr. is just doing it in jeans.

GLENN: Yeah, well, RFK, he's -- he's a weirdo. I mean, he is. Come on. When it comes to fitness, he's a weirdo.
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I mean, he's done this his whole life. He's like 800 years old. He can still do it.

STU: Yes. Depressive, I will say.

GLENN: I don't know. He's a sex machine.

STU: Oh. That's been a problem for him. Yes, that's been an issue in his life. Yes.

GLENN: Okay. All right. Go ahead.

STU: Separate from the president's physical fitness test.

GLENN: Right.

STU: But, I mean, they don't, they don't really think we're going to do that, right?
Like, I mean, how long would that take you to do?

STU: I think for me, it would take a good month. I think a month, I could probably get two pullups a day. That would get me around, a little over 50. So I could do that. Plus, the pushups. A solid month, I could get that done.

GLENN: You could do more than two a day. You could do more than two a day.

STU: You know, Glenn, I've got to say. I think -- I will throw a number out there. No science behind this, so just as a guestimate.

I would say 40 percent of the population can't do any pullups. Maybe 30 percent. Thirty percent of the population can do exactly zero pullups. Precisely zero, so an infinite amount of time would be a correct answer for a third of the population.

GLENN: I think you're -- I think you're being -- I think you're being a little too optimistic. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. Maybe 60 percent.

STU: Right! Pushups are one thing. I mean, I think almost anyone can do a pushup. One --

GLENN: You can do a pushup. Yes. Yes.

STU: Singular pushup. And if you can do one, you can wait long enough, to do a second one.
And at some point, the hundred gets done. That's not the case with pullups. Pullups, you can sit there and think about how much you want to do a pullup for a really long time. But that doesn't make a pullup happen. If you've got a certain amount of weight on you. You're not doing a pullup. It's not occurring.

GLENN: I have no idea, how many pullups I can do.

STU: I have an exact number of pullups, you can do.

GLENN: Do you? You think so?

STU: Yeah. Yeah. I have the exact number. I have to calculate -- AI has been running a report on me. It came up with zero.

GLENN: Right. Right. Really?
I can do. I mean, this is so pathetic. Listen to this. I bet I could do three. You know, you could do three.

STU: In a row? Proper form.

GLENN: What do you mean in a row?

STU: I mean, holding on to the bar, without letting go, you're doing three. There's no way. I don't think so.

GLENN: I think I could do. Well, with proper form, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

STU: I'm not saying it has to look pretty. You have to get your chin up above the bar. It can't be one of those things, where you're a quarter of the way up there.

GLENN: So I can do one and rest for ten minutes. I could do another one.

I think I can do that.

STU: If you -- I'm not saying, you jump up, and you pull yourself up as you're pulling up. Full hang --

GLENN: See, you may not know this.

But you know what, I've done the DNA test. Have you ever done the DNA test that tells you all about your genes and everything else? Mine came back with something remarkable, and I have to share. You might feel bad, next.
(laughter)

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STU: Coming up next, Glenn attempts live pullups on the air. Stay tuned!
(OUT AT 8:29 AM)

GLENN: You know no idea what who you're dealing with. No. You don't have any idea who you're dealing with here.

I got my DNA test back like 10 years ago. And we all -- we all took it, because we were looking for things. And so we all took it. My DNA test came back, and everybody in the family, their test made total sense. Like, oh, yeah. That makes...

Then we read mine. We have to find -- I have to find. See if Tania has it still. We should have had it framed. I swear to you, they -- they mixed me up with somebody else.

Somebody else is like, wait a minute. I'm this pathetic? Mine came out and said, you have the muscular structure of a -- of a -- something like a -- an elite athlete. You have the abilities and agility and everything else of an elite athlete. And I'm like, there's not a chance. I don't have any of that!

I don't even know if I have muscles. I have to check once in a while, and go, do I have muscles still?

Doctor is like, I don't know. Can I? Ask just press against my hand on the leg. I don't know.

You know, I don't know how to do that exactly. So --

STU: You sure it said elite athlete and not elephant? I mean, if they misspelled it.

GLENN: It was.

I was having eye problems at the time.

STU: No!

GLENN: I mean, we read it. And I was like Tania, I believe that for Tania.

Maybe they switched me and Tania. Because Tania is really strong. She'll kick your butt.

She works out every day. All of that. Me? Never. Never.

And it kind of makes me wonder, when I get to the other side, and the Lord went, okay.

So what did you do with your life again?

Because I gave this incredible body, and you wasted it the whole time.

And I'm like, you should have been more clear, okay?

You should have been more clear. I -- maybe I could have played basketball. But I tried once. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was like sixth grade. And I'll never live -- I don't even want to think about my time on a basketball court. Okay? So don't -- don't start with me. You should have made it a little clearer. When I first started to do stuff. And I think that's fair. I think that's a fair argument. In my defense. In my defense, Your Honor, God, you should have made it a little more clear.

STU: Yeah. I mean, if they really wanted us to do this, then the 11th Commandment is 50 pushups, and -- or, 50 pullups and 100 pushups, right?

Like, put it in a commandment if you really want us to do it. You have to be more specific, we're Americans.

GLENN: Okay. So let me give you the top of the list for the JFK Presidential Fitness Test. Okay? This is what you had to do in high school. In high school.

Thirty-four pullups. Bar dips: Fifty-two. What's -- because I believe I did that. A long time. And I don't recommend it.

STU: It's not a barhop.

GLENN: Oh, it's -- oh, bar dips. Okay. Okay. All right.

Bar dips: 52. Handstand pushups: Fifty. What are handstands?

STU: Oh, my God. Handstands.

GLENN: I can't even stand on my hands. Is that I'm doing a handstand and a push up? Because that's not happening. You're not human.

STU: Yeah. You're balancing yourself on your hands. Your feet are above your hands on the wall. Like a wall. And you're doing --

GLENN: Oh, so you're balancing yourself. That makes it a little easier. Still impossible.

But a little easier.

GLENN: Impossible. You could do precisely zero of those.

Aright. So you had to do 50 handstand pushups.

Or one arm -- 30 -- no, sir.

Twenty-six one-arm burpees in 30 seconds. Is that a one-armed push up?

STU: No. Well, you're bracing your yourself like you're about to begin a pushup in a burpee with only one arm, which that's not that difficult.

But then you're doing. Then you're like, you move your feet towards your hands. And then you jump up in the air basically. And then you do it repeatedly.

GLENN: No, no, no. That's ridiculous. No.

STU: There's a law of gravity. You're not supposed to violate it. If it was a recommendation of gravity, then maybe jumping would be appropriate. But it's not. Follow the law.

GLENN: In 48 seconds, you had to do a 3300-yard shuttle. Now, I've been to the airport. I think I've done a 3300-yard shuttle, but it depends on who is driving. You know.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Rope climb. Try this. Rope climb. Twenty feet, hands only! Sit start.

STU: That's what I remember from the president's physical fitness test. And I remember looking at that rope, like, no chance I could get up that thing.

GLENN: I remember looking up at that thing. Humiliation. Humiliation is coming my way. I'll never kiss a girl, because that ain't happening. I'll get maybe 10 feet up. Maybe. Maybe.

STU: And you were right for 24 years from that time, approximately.

GLENN: Agility run, 17 seconds. Extension pressups, what? What?

I'm sorry. Why am I so tired reading this?

Extension pressups. What's an extension pressup, 8-inch? You had to do 100 of them.

STU: Let's see. Exercise. An exercise for low-back pain involving lying on your stomach and pressing your upper body up with your arms while keeping your hips relaxed and down on the mat.

GLENN: Oh, I could do that know. 8 inches.

STU: The last part of it, relaxing down on the mat.
GLENN: That's what my doctor says I should be doing. What?

STU: I can do relaxed and down on the mat. That part of it --

GLENN: Yeah. I could do that -- I'm the only guy. I took yoga for a while, like three weeks. My wife is like, yoga. You could do yoga. Let's just do yoga together.

I did. And the yoga instructor said to me. Because we were doing a plank.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And she came and all I remember her waking me up. And saying, I think you're the only person I've ever -- ever taught that fell asleep in yoga. And I'm like, it's just so relaxing. Just let me sleep. Let me sleep.

STU: That's interesting, that you did yoga. Is there any footage of that? Any video that we could post? That would be good for --

GLENN: No. There's not. You had to do pegboard. Five trips of pegboard. And I think that's when you have the two pegs.

STU: Yes, it was a board.

GLENN: You have to take it out, and put it up, right?

STU: This is American Ninja Warrior. No way.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

STU: This is amazing.

GLENN: Try this one: You had to do a 45-second handstand. I've never been able to do a handstand. Never!

STU: Never.

GLENN: And I'm an elite athlete. I'm an elite athlete. Try this one: A man carry, 5 miles.

STU: What? What do you mean a --

GLENN: Five-mile man carry.

STU: Is a man carry as obvious as it --

GLENN: I think it is.

STU: You're carrying --

GLENN: If I'm going to carry that man, you have to carry me that man for five miles.

I'm not sure, I can't carry any man for any miles. I mean, if I am -- if I am a firefighter, count on burning in the house. You're going to burn in the house. Because I can't carry you out. I can get in there and go, yeah, I will have to leave you.
I will have to leave you here. I can't help you, sorry.

It's also getting really hot in here. I have to go. You had to do a five-mile jog. An obstacle course.

You had to swim prone for a mile. You had to swim underwater for 50 yards, any strokes, two minutes. Deep waterfront, hang float, with arms. What? What is a deep water hang float with arms. Wait. Wait.

It's a deep waterfront hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes.

What kind of al-Qaeda PE class was this?

STU: Who has access to -- who has access -- like, you're in the middle of the country, you may not have a deep water body nearby. This is -- are you sure this is an actual test?

GLENN: This is the actual test. This is the actual -- what is a deep water front hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes? Can you look that up?

STU: A deep water hang float is an aquatic hang float done in the deep end of a pool with the aid of flotation device, such as a noodle or belt.

In this position, the flotation twice supports your upper body, while your legs and torso hang freely beneath you.

That can't be what it is.

GLENN: You can do that.

Deep-end of the pool.

STU: Can you bring a margarita?

GLENN: Man, this test is no big deal.

What! No way. No way!

Here's the last thing on the test.

A vertical tread in an 8-foot circle for two hours!

No way.

STU: Vertical tread in an 8-foot circle?

GLENN: So you're in the water and you're treading water in a circle for two hours. Two!

STU: This is not -- what?

This is not the test.

GLENN: It is. Now, I told you, this is the top of the test.

This is the top of the test.

So this is for the ones who could do all the other tests.

This was the top of the test. The bottom of the test is not that much better. Here's the entry, okay? Let's see. Pullups, 2/6/10. I don't know what that means. Pushups, 16, 24, 32. Bar dips, four, eight, and 12. Situps, 30, 45, and 60. Broad jump, 6-foot, 6, 6, 6. And 6, 9.

To jump 6 feet? I don't even know if --

STU: That one is possible, yes. Glenn, I know it sounds incredible. But, yes. That one is possible.

GLENN: Sounds incredible. You know, I think we should have the average person Olympics. I really do. I really do.

STU: Oh, I would watch that.

GLENN: I would watch that every time.

You see them coming. And you're like, hmm. That one -- three feet. I'm giving him 3 feet. 200-yard shuttle. Agility run. Rope climb, 18 feet, hands only. 880 yards in three minutes. A mile in seven minutes. Pegboard, six holes. A 50-yard swim. Forty -- 40, 50-yard swim in 36 seconds. Man carry, 880 yards. No, thank you! No, thank you!

Look at -- look at what we've gone down. That's the bottom of it. And I don't think most Americans could do that.

I couldn't. Well, I could. Because I'm an elite -- I have the body of an elite athlete.

STU: No. You could not. Now, of course -- let's just say, this is supposed to be for a high school kid. Right?

So this is the prime of your athletic life. Could you do some of these things? Probably.
GLENN: Go into high school.
Go into any high school, and ask them to do this. There's no way. And all of the kids would be.

STU: Well, that's kind of what the reaction would be.

GLENN: Don't get me wrong. I would have been there too. And my parents would have said, suck it up. Just do it.

So nothing has really changed.

STU: That's been the reaction to this proposal too, of bringing this back. Right? The media is covering this. Like, it's going to embarrass children.

You know, I mean, I do remember it being like, I can't do that. I'm not going to the top of that rope. That's not happening.

That's sort of life. Right? Sometimes you can do things. Sometimes you can't do other things.

GLENN: That's why you have to learn how to injure yourself.

You know, how many stairs can I throw myself down, to not do serious damage, but enough to get me out of PE.

STU: Yeah, you have to fake an why are. You have to learn from LeBron James. Act like you got hit in the eye. And fall down like you were just stabbed over and over again, like you were in an athletic competition.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

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