Mercury One held their annual gala in November and it was a smashing success. Enough money was raised to keep the ship running and ensure that the nonprofit can continue to be a service to victims of natural disasters, persecuted Christians in the Middle East, survivors of global human trafficking and other causes.
There were several ways to donate, including the now infamous armadillo race, as well as a raffle for a GMC Canyon. Cynthia and David Bray of Battle Ground, Washington turned their one raffle ticket into the trip of a lifetime to visit the studios and drive their prize home.
Jeffy may have cheated his way to a win in the armadillo race, but despite his best efforts, he couldn’t find a way to rig the raffle to come away with a new truck.
Take a listen to their interview above and hear Jeffy try to bribe them with cash in his last ditch effort to snag the prize.
This is a rush transcript and may contain errors.
PAT: With Pat and Stu. 888-727-BECK.
We welcome to the studio — I mean, I use welcome loosely. Jeffy Fisher.
JEFFY: Thank you.
PAT: You’re welcome.
STU: People just boo when Jeffy walks in.
JEFFY: People do, or you?
STU: Well, I’m a person. So I think it qualifies. Jeffy is joining us. We have a — Jeffy, if you don’t remember this, we had the Mercury One gala, what was it? Back in December. November.
STU: And Jeffy was there, unfortunately. They let him in the doors.
PAT: Well, he cheated during the entire lead-up to the armadillo race. And then he cheated at the actual armadillo race.
STU: Right. If you don’t remember, we were raising money for the great causes that Mercury One does, including freeing people all around the world and saving them. And we were talking about the armadillo race. For some reason, this got worked into the conversation, which made no sense. But we had to raise money for our armadillo to win the armadillo race. And Jeffy cheated to raise the most money, first of all.
PAT: Oh, yes. Yes, he did. He was working with the people who ran the thing.
PAT: And I believe like every other donation, no matter who it was given to, went to him.
PAT: He set it up in advance.
JEFFY: If you sleep better at night believe that, you go right ahead.
PAT: I know for a fact that you did that. I know for a fact that’s what you did.
JEFFY: Oh, you did?
PAT: Yes, I do. Yes, I do. You’ll see it.
STU: And shockingly, Jeffy found a loophole in the rules to abuse them.
PAT: The problem with the armadillos was, they were stupid.
STU: Very stupid armadillos.
PAT: And they didn’t know where they were supposed to go. So they’d start heading one way, and then they decided, oh, got to go back there. So Jeffy picked up the track behind them and pushed them along, making them go only forward.
JEFFY: By the way, that rule has been changed. I’ve been alerted that that rule has now been changed in armadillo racing rules.
PAT: That’s what I heard.
JEFFY: I found that out as soon as I also got my plaque, for being inducted into the jockey armadillo Hall of Fame.
STU: Jeffy is basically the Belicheck of armadillo racing. Like he’s always finding the little loophole in the rule to exploit it. And then they change the rule the next year.
JEFFY: I mean, all you have to do is say, hey, congratulations, then we’ll move on.
STU: Congratulations. Not to you, but Cynthia and David Bray who are joining us. From — you guys are from Washington?
VOICE: Battle Ground, yeah.
STU: Very cool.
PAT: Where is that? That’s near Vancouver, right?
VOICE: Right. Northeast. About 15 miles.
JEFFY: Yeah. Way up there.
PAT: It’s like suburban Vancouver? Okay.
And you guys are the raffle winners of the beautiful truck that was raffled off.
VOICE: That’s what they tell me.
STU: Kind of a big deal. So what car do you have now? What are you replacing?
VOICE: Another little truck. Maybe.
STU: He’s got another little truck?
VOICE: He has a ’93 Ford.
PAT: A ’93?
VOICE: I’ll have to get used to the power windows because —
JEFFY: That’s right.
STU: That’s great. You guys — you say this all the time, but you don’t have to show up to win the raffle. You guys were not actually at the Mercury One gala.
STU: You, what? Heard us talking about it on the air?
STU: And just took a flier. How many tickets did you buy? Did you buy 100 —
VOICE: I bought one.
STU: One. One ticket, that’s it? That’s amazing!
PAT: That’s pretty awesome. That’s pretty awesome.
STU: Because I buy one ticket all the time, and I never win.
PAT: I’ve never won these things. Have you guys ever won anything before?
VOICE: Not like this.
VOICE: Well, he has. But only when I sign him up. I signed up myself this time.
STU: Wait a minute. If you sign him up, I think it’s your prize. You should at least deserve 50 percent of the prize.
VOICE: This one is mine.
STU: This one is yours. You’re going to be driving it yourself. This is awesome. You have listened to Glenn for how long?
VOICE: Oh, since way back on Fox.
STU: Really? So long-time listeners. This is really cool.
JEFFY: I know. It’s great.
STU: Because we would have hated it if you were, actually, I’m a big Piers Morgan fan.
JEFFY: Just give me the truck.
STU: I’m going to take this. I’m going to sell it and donate it all to some left-wing charity. That would be very disappointing.
PAT: All the proceeds goes G to Planned Parenthood. That would have been bad.
STU: Rough turn to the story.
STU: Well, Jeffy is our congenial host here, and he’s going to walk you guys out around the corner. Can we — can you move here?
JEFFY: Yeah, yeah.
STU: I will say that Jeffy moves really slow, but follow him.
JEFFY: Walk you out so you can see the truck. Drive this back to Washington.
STU: Go ahead.
STU: And you guys are going to drive it back, huh? You can keep your headphones on while you walk out, so we can talk to you. Very cool.
STU: Cynthia and David Bray, all the way from Washington. They’re going to drive this thing back.
JEFFY: Now, as we’re walking back here, before we get to the truck, I’ve got an envelope with some cash in it, and I’ll make you a deal. I’ll make you a deal. You take the envelope with the cash, and I keep the truck.
VOICE: Oh, I don’t think so.
PAT: I don’t think so. Yeah, smart move.
JEFFY: I know the envelope looks big, but they’re big bills.
STU: I don’t know — it would have to be the Woodrow Wilson $100,000 bill to make that worthwhile, and it probably isn’t.
JEFFY: Shh. Shh.
STU: Oh. Coming around the corner here.
PAT: So you’ve seen the truck now?
JEFFY: It’s a beautiful Dodge Canyon.
VOICE: No. GMC.
PAT: GMC Canyon.
STU: Stupid Jeffy.
Very cool that they donated this through Mercury One. You guys should get in and start it. Let’s see if Jeffy took the engine yet.
STU: My impression is that Jeffy probably stole something out of this truck, considering he was in charge of this project.
PAT: It’s got no radio. No air-conditioning system. It’s all in the back of Jeffy’s car right now. Oh. They just fired it up.
STU: I could hear it. It started. That’s a good sign.
PAT: Yep. Yep very exciting.
STU: Cynthia and David Bray, a truck from Mercury One. And not only did they get a free truck, they also helped all sorts of people around the world. People involved in all sorts of terrible things. You know, multiple millions of dollars saved, donated to help save Christians in the Middle East.
You don’t have to keep the car — we’re all going to die of fumes if you keep the thing running. We’re inside. You do realize that. You can turn it off now, unless you want to utilize it to run Jeffy over. That is okay.
JEFFY: I think that’s what they were going to do.
STU: All right.
Thank you, Cynthia and David. And thank you on a much smaller level to Jeffy. And thank you to everyone who donated to Mercury One.
You know, a lot of times, you donate money. You kind of forget that you even did it. It’s going to really, really good things. Glenn is going to be back next week to announce kind of a cool new initiative that they’re doing. Which is a big deal. Glenn is not known for understating the things he wants to accomplish. This next one is going to be ridiculous. It’s a really cool announcement. He’s going to be coming out with next week. To help an incredibly devastating problem around the world. And that’s going to be all next week. On the TV show, you’ll get a taste of that as well next week. We’ll be talking about it here on radio as well. I don’t know if you’ll get a free car out of it. But you’ll probably get something even better.