GLENN: All right. So I am -- I don't want to be certain on this, but I -- I would like to express some deep skepticism. For instance, I am not certain that Bigfoot doesn't exist. But I'm pretty close. I don't want to go on the record and say there's absolutely no way that Bigfoot doesn't exist, but I would be shocked as if in the end I die, I go to heaven, and God is a space octopus.
Sure. Could it happen? Yes. Do I think it's going to? No.
So I don't want to be certain on the FBI failing to preserve five months of cell phone text. But it is a bridge pretty far.
The latest FBI explanation for the missing text is that it was failing to preserve, something they have to do by law.
And more of, oh, crap, we had a glitch. The glitch apparently affected 10 percent of all of the FBI phones, out of 35,000 employees. That's 3,000 phones. Okay.
So let's live in the world where Bigfoot could exist. The glitch would have to be the most picky, selective, and fortuitous glitch in modern history. 10 percent of a large organization, such as the FBI is pretty small. Somehow or another, it decided to choose the two people, Strzok and Page, that are at the center of potentially the biggest political scandal since Watergate.
So how did the glitch happen? How did the glitch pick those two?
That's pretty fortuitous. Also, what some might say it was a sentient glitch, then decided to turn off the phones as we are looking for things to show that maybe these guys are setting things up or excusing Hillary Clinton.
And as soon as the Russia investigation was ramping up, it turns back on. Wow. Wow.
I don't know. Maybe it was -- maybe the glitch was scared. I mean, I think Bigfoot is scared. He seems to always hide or just walk slowly behind campgrounds. Never -- never really doing anything except throwing a glance quickly to the camera. Whatever the reason it was, it kept up the mischief as the Steele HEP dossier was released and as James Comey was fired. Glitching. The select group of personnel, during one of the most turbulent times the bureau has seen in years. Wow.
Now, as it happens to everyone, maybe it was just having a good time. You know, the glitch eventually got tired. And it was like, okay. I'm going to turn myself back on. And it decided to end its rampage on the exact same day that Mueller was appointed special counsel. Now, I know this is strange. But glitches are strange cats.
Are we seriously supposed to take the government at its word? Maybe this glitch is real. But are we actually -- do we have journalists in America that feel comfortable taking the government at its word?
Now, technicians failing to notice this glitch for five months, they're government workers, of course.
Also, I would like to point out that, Imran HEP Awan -- I can't even say that guy's name. Aman HEP Awan, you know, maybe he was doing the FBI's IT in addition to Debbie Wasserman Schultz. I don't know.
The point is, I don't know if the FBI is covering something up. I don't know if the FBI is dirty. I don't know if the Justice Department is dirty. I don't know -- I can't really say this with a straight face. I don't know if the Clintons are dirty. I don't know if the -- the Trump campaign was dirty. I don't know.
I know this. Russia was playing all sides. Are there people in the FBI and Justice that are also playing their side? The American public deserves and should be demanding the full and detailed explanation for what is going on.
If not, you might as well announce, you know, the formal opening of the investigations into Bigfoot and the New York City sewer alligators. But at least we would be consistent in our absurdity.